Is this normal?

yep tottaly normal i still have thoses feelings now. J ames was born via emerg-c-section as my hips dont move so he never would of come out that way.
i have had a good talk with my mum and my bestie to get a overview of what it was relly like (morpin at the end has made my memori blurey)i would say talk to someone and big hugs

oh and I would thoroughly recommend going to see your midwife and talking through it, help you get some closure

Oh so so normal!!

and have to say even though 2nd time was a VBAC I still feel that way because I had to have a forceps delivery and couldn't "do it" by myself then either.

Leah is nearly 3 and Joel nearly 1 and I always say to others that the birth is just 1 day and you have every other day to be a great mum but i don't listen to myself and still beat myself up about it, and some days i think about it all the time and other days not at all.

 

Livvy was a c-sect due to her heartrate suddenly shooting up and also had an apgar of 3 when delivered. She wasn't breathing and was taken directly to scbu for the night. I believe that the c-sect had probably saved her life but the more time that passed after her birth, the more I could think about it all and think of what I missed out on.

It's hard to describe, I don't feel like a failure, just really feel let down (and kind of cheated) that I didn't deliver naturally. To this day, I keep going over everything in my head ... should I have done this, why did they choose that, ... and I also worry that I've now limited my ability to have children. So yep, I think it's perfectly normal.

I know I am defnitely going to push for a VBAC for the next one. Even if we end up in another c-sect, I just really feel like I need to experience labour and pushing better than I did.

My first was vaginally with ventouse (he was distressed) and then he was rushed off to NICU...oh and I had epidural early on as I couldnt cope with the gas.

Second was emergency c-section as his head was in the wrong place...I also had an epi but it wore off prior to transition (nice).

However.....I now think I "know" how to do it and kind of want a 3rd so I can "get it right"....so I think what you are feeling is totally normal.

and I have a cousin who had 3 by CS....and she is still a bit gutted by the fact.

Thanks heaps guys, I'm really glad i'm not the only one with these feelings...not that i want you all to have them but YKWIM lol
I have been talking to DH about it alot and he is super supportive and encouraging telling me what a fine job i did and i managed to get R here saftely in the end regardless of what way he came out, and he was and still is proud of me, he is a good DH and i'll keep him on for another week hehe I was also talkin gto my BF about it too and she pretty much said the same thingas DH said so its nice to have that support around me and to know that no-one else really cares or holds it against me for the way he arrived and that it's just my issues that i've started having.

weegee you definatly put it into perspective...a csection is definatly better than the what the outcome would of been in the óld days' and your mum having 4 csections is definatly reassuring

sallybelly hehe i know what ya mean about thinking of opting for an elective to avoid dissapointment.....i hope everything goes well for you this time and you get your VBAC if not just as long as baby arrives saftly is the main thing! (lol listen to me haha) i will look foward to hear about your new arrival

Leahandjoel I love the way you put this....... I always say to others that the birth is just 1 day and you have every other day to be a great mum .....its so true and i so understand how easy it is to say one thing but be hard on yourself for the same thing but i bet you are the fab mum

foureyes i can definatly see why you have made the choice to have an elective this time that must of been super scary for you, good luck for your pregnancy chick!

Amber funny you should say you feel cheated, thats exactly how i was explaining it to my BF today and that is how it feels for me, i am greatful that i did get to do pretty much the whole labour and pushing thing but yea just cheated i guess about missing out on the other part of the experiance, but at the same time SUPER greatful that my boy arrived safe and sound and that i wouldn't change for the world.

cuppatea that is definatly something to consider whether there is a perfect birth or whether every woman would of liked to do something differently.......ya never know

good luck for getting number 3 right nzpiper ' i can see how your cousin will be a bit gutted by her experiances.... i do wonder that if after number 2 if i have to have another cset if i will feel worse but i wont worry about that now lol i'll cross that bridge if it comes to it

peachy i'm glad that each time ya talk about it you feel a bit better, and i understand that feeling of 'failure' as such even tho i tell myself that i didn't fail he arrived happy and healthy in the end....it is a tricky one!

well after another novel lol i'm glad that i'm not the only one.....i do know that all that really matters is that he got here safe and sound in the end and a stranger in the street isn't gona look at me and know i have had a cset adn frown on me about it.....

Thanks heaps guys and sending you all big big *hugs* coz i know how you all feel hehe

its almost 3yrs since charli's birth and i still get upset about it...mostly when i see women 'giving birth' on tv or on youtube (i go on there occasionally to see what i missed ) i really don't know why i do it though as i get so upset and cry about what could've been. DH thinks i need to talk to a 'professional' about it

jack was elective c/s as he was breech, so i felt cheated then as i didn't even get to experience labour! i was told there was no reason why i couldn't have a vbac next time so i was sure i would. when i FINALLY went into labour with charli, it was all really easy. the pains were bearable and i was coping really well. after 5hrs in labour i started pushing. i was scared to at the start so i didn't put much effort into it and i now beat myself up about that. 2hrs of pushing, vonteuse and forceps and i was off to theatre for emergency c/s   charli was posterior and her head was flexed, her heartrate was all over the place so the best decision for her was made. i ended up with a large uterine tear and lost 3ltrs of blood, so because of that, i'm not allowed to birth vaginally if we have anymore babies.

i feel i failed myself again. i was so close and doing so well with it all. i didn't have any pain relief, no gas nothing. so i could've gone all the way, but charli had other ideas. sometimes i do feel it was her fault and wonder why she just couldn't put her head down or face the right way   but then i look at her and those feelings all disappear.

my mw was so awesome though! she was still trying to get charli out vaginally while i was in theatre lol 'push vanessa, push!' haha
she also called me a few times after i'd been discharged from her care just to see how i was dealing with the c/s because she knew how much i wanted the vbac

i know it's important that babies are born healthy and it's not about how they get here.....but it's still really hard to get these feelings out of your head.

i'm sure you'll be fine to have more kids. i had a relatively bad c/s and i'm still allowed to have more

hehe Lisa i like your thinking!

thanks for the hope of being able to have more (even if by cset) jack & charli sorry you didn't get your VBAC with Charli! are there actual birthing videos on youtube?? i must crawl out of that rock i've been under lol i so didn't know that!! man i dont think i would want to be videoed giving birth let alone put it on there!!! lol