On the Downhill

Oh boy have I been avoiding posting this.

Right, so I need to vent - I've pretty much come to the end of my rope here with stuff, and not being able to find a free councellor is just adding insult to injury. I dont qualify for anything from WINZ - hubby earns too much, not that we have any money LOL.

So anyway, yea as the title says, things are on the downhill for me at the moment. I've been getting less and less affectionate/feeling like a good mum for a while now and I almost walked out on everyone on wednesday. I've had enough, I dont want to be a mum/wife anymore and I want to go back to the way it was BEFORE Thomas came along.
I'm sick to death of people telling me how horrid and selfish I am - I CANT HELP IT ffs.. I hate how people judge. I have a mental problem - i'm not being an asshole on purpose.

Everyones 'fix-it' solution to the problem is to take pills and it will all go away. Rubbish it will - the pills will mask it, make me feel like sh*t and i'll go mental from that instead! What the hell am I supposed to do? I cant afford $48 an hour for some suit behind a desk to click his pen and mumble incoherantly while I babble on about how it's the same crap everyday and i'm sick of it. TBH theres other things I'd rather spend $48 on anyway.

So ladies of OB - What do I do? Do I grow a pair and take pills or do I pay money for a councellor which I dont think will work at all? Note: Prozac is a placebo, as is it's counterpart Loxamine, I know it wont work, so theres no point taking it. Aropax are far too addictive and amitriptaline put me to sleep! I hate medication. I'd be better off smoking a joint to calm me down I think! Not that I can afford that either lol.
This really sucks. If only it was an actual visible problem so people could see you werent faking it.

I'm on citalopram after a year and a half of being refused meds, being counselled & psychologised, and eventually going nuts.
3 days after being on the meds I was a different person. I'm totally sympathetic to how you're feeling but I think it gets to a point where you have to try everything you possibly can before your life completely falls in round your ears and you end up losing the relationships you have. Thats my opinion from my experience.
I really hope you find something that works for you hun xx

Similar to Babe, i tried for as long as i could to get better by myself. im now on meds and it has changed my outlook on everything. I had turned in to a total bitch to my DP and i didnt really appreciate my wee boy. The pills arent masking anything i dont belive in my case, Iv had problems with depression all my life and sometimes i just need a helping hand. Normally 3months or so then i can wean my self off them and im fine. It had been 4years since i last needed them and i guess giving birth etc just unbalanced my chemicals.

Now im back to my pre pregnancy happy self (well most of the time lol) for now anyway. Im no longer pushing DP away and im enjoying being a mum more and more and not wishing he would sleep etc...

what a ramble, just wanted to say not all pills are bad. And re talking to someone, do you have a close friend? A cup of coffees a bit cheaper than a counciller. Or post away in here, we all need to vent now and again!

I think a bit of a break is a great idea - i hope you feel better with some space.