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rug_nz View Drop Down
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    Posted: 29 June 2007 at 11:16am
NZ Herald, SideSwipe. 28/06

A reader would like to thank the lady who intervened to see if his daughter was okay after she was "pounced" on by four older boys seeking her phone number at St Lukes Foodhall on Saturday. "And to the lurking desperate teen boys keen to get their freak on by preying on a pretty face - this was not flattering at all. She is 13 years old and this predatory type behaviour may next time be met with the wrath of a protective Dad."

My question, If it is not ok to leave under 14yo at home alone, how is it ok to let a under 14yo go to the mall alone.

My girl is going to hate me when she gets, no thinks she is old enough to go out without us.

Not old enough to stay home alone, not old enough to go out alone!!!!!
Look out! It's a man.
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11111 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 11111 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 11:21am
totally agree if they are not to be home alone the most deffintly not old enought to be roaming the street's or mall alone either my kid's are going to hatee me too I think.
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nuttymama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nuttymama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 11:22am
Amen to that Rug_nz!!!

It never ceases to amaze me at the age of some of these children (and they are still children) that are allowed to go where ever they want whenever unsupervised!

I'll join the "My kids are going to hate me club as well"!

You make a good point why can't you leave them at home alone, but are able to let them go out on their own???

Edited by nuttymama
Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden   21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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caliandjack View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caliandjack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 11:53am
Yep and with School Holidays starting, the Malls seem to be come baby sitters for bored school kids.

I went to school near St Lukes and used to hang out there all the time, mostly to get boys phone numbers.

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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 12:18pm
did it say she was in the mall alone? or are you assuming?

at what age do you give them some freedom? is 14 too young to be dropped off at the mall with friends and picked up in two hours, or left to wander while you look at "boring mum (oops sorry parent) shops"???

at what age do you let them walk or take a bus to school by themselves? when they would be alone also!

if a 14 yr old was attacked at home nobody would possibly hear or see anything...whereas obviously in the mall people are going to see and say something.   

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my2angels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote my2angels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 1:53pm
What scares me and I could be wrong about this but isnt it legal for a 12yr old to be at home along and babysitting at 14?
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busymum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 1:54pm
I think they should be the same age, but a child is usually more than ready to stay home alone by 14 yrs. It's more a matter of how long. I'd prefer to keep my girls in pairs but if they were 10 and 12 say, I would be sending them to the dairy for milk and back... to teach them how to be on their own but little by little. It's a tricky one!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caliandjack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 2:27pm
You make an interesting point gandt.

I was thinking about this, at what age do you give your kids freedom.
At what age are the old enough to catch the bus on their own, got to movies with their friends.
At what age did you do these things? Are you sticter on your children than your parents?
Is it any less safe than it was when we were young.

Why does it scare you? Are children less responsible than they used to be.


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nuttymama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nuttymama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 2:47pm
Good questions Fleury.

From my point of view I don't think life today is as safe as when I was a child (going back a wee way here). Or maybe it's just because I am the parent not the child so things feel different.

I am probably a smother mother, Micheal is 10 and his low vision aside I still wouldn't let him hang out at the mall with friends or walk down to the dairy on his own. The fact that we live in a not so safe area may have something to do with it, but it's all the what if's that bother me. (the child that was nearly abducted a few months ago goes to my childrens school)

I do however think that kids these days have a lot more grown up issues and problems to deal with then maybe we did.

I'm struggling with the idea of letting Micheal walk to his intermediate in 2009 from his brothers school on his own (It's only a 5 minute walk) but a lot can happen in two minutes.

Wow you really have me thinking now! I will be back

Edited by nuttymama
Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden   21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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caliandjack View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caliandjack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 3:02pm
I grew up in Auckland and was often sent on errands for my mother from as young as 10. I think the city has changed a lot since, more population brings more problems.

I now live in Feilding. It seems to be a different pace of life in the country.
I love it and can't wait to raise my children here.
I watch the boys on their bikes going down our street to intermediate school (our street is quite steep) and think this is how it should be. Kids all seem to walk to school here.

I remember there being flashers, and strange men hanging around our school (it was all girls) and being told not to go thru any of the back alleyways we used.

I don't remember anyone being abducted or attacked. Sadly kids at school usually feel victim to the trains or the creek.

I do think children are exposed to a lot more, they have access to the internet, tv is more liberal, and childrens movies can be quite dark (Harry Potter).

However my niece Paige lives in Chch and at 10yrs old is already interested in boys, and has started asking questions about her developing body.

I was re-reading the original story, I'm sure Paige would love to have teenage boys after her phone number. She likes to act 15, when she isn't its a tough balancing act for her Mum.

sorry for the long post

Edited by fleury

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nuttymama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 3:40pm
We used to be able to go to the dairy etc and now that I recall the mall when it first opened (omigod I'm older than our shopping centre!!), but there were five of us kids so safety in numbers. But we were always on strict time frames and never on our own.

I remember the shock of little Louisa Damodran being abducted and killed here in Christchurch unfortunately unlike today it was almost unheard of back then.

Little side note he is up for parole this year, her poor family!
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Jayden   21/11/2001
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 3:49pm
i remember being sent to the dairy to buy mums cigarettes...!!!!
oh and taking nanas basket on wheels to the shops down the road to get meat and milk and ciggies too.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote my2angels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 4:11pm
I grew up in one of the bad areas of chch and when I was little I thought nothing of playing at schools on the weekends, walking threw the park at all hours of the night and this would have been from when I was 10 if not younger. Used to hang out at the mall when we were around 7 but back then it just wasnt such a problem.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MummyFreckle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 4:27pm

We were only allowed to go to the mall in a group - from about 13 onwards. BUt to be honest (re-reading the original story) I would be more concerned about the 'pack / gang' mentality of the group of boys. Especially if they were harrassing the poor girl.

I think that kids are growing up far too quickly, with cellphones etc. We used to have a phone card that mum bought for us, and it was for emergencies!

I cant say what I will be like as a parent - who knows how things will change in the next few years, but sometimes even I am intimidated in the mall (we live near St Lukes) by the groups of teenagers hanging around, especially in the holidays.

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote miss Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 7:23pm
With being home alone, if you read the full policy on it it actually says something along the lines of depending how long and when they are alone that discretion can be used before 14.

i remember being allowed to go into town to meet friends for the movies from about 12 or 13, once you hit high school it is a whole different ball game in terms of how you see yourself and how you want to be seen by others.

it remains to be seen what we will do when ours gets there of course!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 8:14pm
I had a lot of freedom - at 8 I would bike down to the pools and swim there by myself (parents did know the lifeguards though) - we lived in a small town though where things were pretty tame. At 3 mum let me go to the dairy(next door) by ,yself to get 1c lollies.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 June 2007 at 8:26pm
Originally posted by fleury fleury wrote:

I now live in Feilding. It seems to be a different pace of life in the country.


Hahaha! Feilding is not 'in the country'!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote emz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 June 2007 at 1:43pm
Miss, from what I understand you're right. At teachers college one of our lecturers rang up the cops and asked them (during a safety programme we were running) and he said that although it is illegal to leave children in charge of other children until they're 14, there's actually no legal age to be left alone. BUT there is a moral judgement that parents must make - you can get done for leaving 6 or 7 year olds alone as its neglect because they can't look after themselves, but if you as the parent feel your child at 10 or 11 is mature enough to go out alone or be left alone, you can. You just get done if anything happens to them or anyone else (or property).

Please someone correct me if I'm wrong, I think anyone under 14 shouldn't be left alone at home, but I went to the malls etc when I was 11+ and see no problem with it. I was made to always go with at least 2 other girls and our parents always knew where we were. With cellphones etc these days too, kids can make contact with their parents easily if anything goes wrong. I don't want to be overprotective as kids don't learn that way, but I guess I'll see what I'm like when this little one actually makes its appearance!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 June 2007 at 10:56pm
Its such a hard one. My daughter has asked to go to the mall a few times with a bunch of friends but I have said no so far as I just dont feel safe with letting her do that just yet. Im quite strict with where she can and cant go. I just dont believe in letting them be out alone if they cant stay at home alone either. She doesnt walk to anywhere alone I know I have to pull myself together and give her some freedom but all in good time I tell her. She has thrown at me the "my friends are allow" and I just say "well Im your mum and I just think your too young". It really is sooo hard parenting pre teens/ teens. Im finding Alize alot easier than Lesieli lol

Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caliandjack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 July 2007 at 3:41pm
Originally posted by busymum busymum wrote:

Hahaha! Feilding is not 'in the country'!!


It is compared to Auckland.

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Angel June 2012
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