Moving on after miscarriage

I had a miscarriage. I was 7 weeks along, which is still very early. I had textbook miscarriage; spotting the week before, loss of pregnancy symptoms, bleeding with minor cramping that finished 9 days after the miscarriage began. An ultrasound two days later revealed I had expelled all of the “products of conception”. My HCG was back at a “non-pregnant” level as of this past Wednesday. I will have my follow-up pelvic exam a week from tomorrow. I had no medical intervention for this event. It happened as it’s supposed to, like I said, textbook.

I just can’t tell if I’m okay. And I feel guilty about that. I have a healthy 2 year old, a supportive husband, a supportive family and several women in my immediate surroundings who have been through this and are there to support me. My first daughter was a miraculous accident and her journey into this world had zero complications; this newest pregnancy occurred the first month we began actively trying to conceive. From a medical stand point, my miscarriage was probably one of the least traumatic ways that it could occur. I am lucky in so many arenas and in so many different ways. But I still feel lost.

I have had a hugely mixed bag of emotions. I am fine for a few days, then I break down. I try to determine if it’s okay to feel fine, or if I should be more upset. When I’m upset I think that so many others have so much more to grieve for and I don’t deserve these moments. I remind myself that my body did its job, but I know it betrayed me. I want to try again as soon as I can just to feel that joy and excitement again, but I know I will be paralyzed knowing I could lose the next one too.

I find comfort when other women share their losses with me, then feel monstrous for finding comfort in another woman’s misery. I just really can’t tell if I’m okay, and if I am, what kind of person does that make me?https://100001.onl/https://1921681254.mx/

Edited by Garrison267104 - 26 April 2021 at 9:59am