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YvetteandElla 
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Joined: 06 April 2007
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 Topic: I hate feeling this way
Posted: 03 July 2008 at 1:43pm |
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Hey all,
Well I have not been on for a while but really need to talk, I have suffered depression and anxiety for around 5 years now and am on medication so usually am ok, however lately I am starting to feel down again.
I am fine when I am by myself of with my lil girl but when I am with groups of people I start to worry about what they think of me as a mum and what they think of ella (ie is she naughty) and when things are said I seem to think that they are directed to me - major paranoia huh so I end up leaving these things quite upset - had one today hence why I am feeling like this now.
Hate feeling like this as I love catching up with people and so does ella but this feeling makes it seem not worth it
Please help !!!
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YvetteandElla
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Joined: 06 April 2007
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 2:12pm |
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sorry I should have said that I am worried that my depression is lurknig its head again - hence why I have written this in here as you are prob the ones to talk to and who would understand
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sparkle
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Auckland
Points: 1267
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 2:13pm |
Oh Yvette hugs to you!!!
I've seen first hand what a wonderful mum you are with Ella, so try not to doubt yourself. I think as first time mums we do it to ourselves enough anyway, and I'm sure others peoples comments aren't directed at you.
Not only are you a wonderful mum, but a wonderful person too!!!!
We will have to have a catch up soon (can't wait to see your new place!!!!) and on a day I'm not at stinky work!
Edited by sparkle
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Glow
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Joined: 19 February 2007
Location: Waikato
Points: 2259
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:10pm |
Dont worry what others may think or say, if they have problems with whatever, let them keep their problems
Chin up hun, you do the best you can with what you know
You are a great MUM 
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Mummy of Two Boys
B: 2004
K: 2007
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Kim
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Ellerslie
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:34pm |
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Oh Yvette sorry you feel that way.
You are a great Mum and Ella is a gorgy, happy little girl.
We're free next week (with step-kids in tow) if you want to catch up (I hope we don't make you feel like in your post). We love catching up with you guys and Zac always talks about it for days afterwards.
Julie - the new house is beautiful!! We've already invited ourselves around for swims in the summer!!
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Zac Mark - 30.11.05
Samara Ailsa - 13.08.07
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YvetteandElla
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 3:50pm |
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Hey yeah we would love to catch up - no it is def not you guys that make me feel that way, talking to maria to organise one next fri
thanks for your lovely posts it makes me feel so much better to hear peoples nice words, man I just wish I never felt like this, my freind depression tends to rear its ugly head sometmes and I start feeling like this
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kezplanet
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Southbridge, Canterbury
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 4:56pm |
Hi Yvette, is there something else going on in your life at the moment that is putting a bit of extra strain on you? Or maybe there have been some changes that might just be tipping the moods/emotions to make you feel more sensitive around people, especially if you have been feeling well before this. I know when I have a lot going on I usually don't click that the 'extra/abnormal' things going on have triggered an extra imblance. Maybe you could have a chat with your doctor, if you have a good relationship with him/her, there maybe some adjustsments that could be made with your medication to help balance things out so you don't get too far down.
Just remember there is always someone out there ready to judge others on their parenting skills etc and they usually do that because they feel insecure and need to put someone else down to make themselves feel better. 
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Kerryn, Mum to
Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09)
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YvetteandElla
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 6:50pm |
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Hey Kezplanet, I think you hit the nail on the head, I have had a lot going on in my life lately with moving house and all sorts - this has now slowed down so I think all the stress from that may have been hiding how I have been really feeling.
I ave always worried alot and now that ella is getting older I worry that I am doing the right things by her so I take in alot of what people may say as advise or just a passing comment as criticism - I have alway been like this but now just on another level with a child as you tend to worry more.
I hate going back to my doctor as she just wants to up my meds - I am already on 2 citalopram a day stuff having to take 3
I tend to bottle stuff up alot and then it brews and brews until I just wanna cry all the time - you would think after dealing with it for 5 years I would learn hahah
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kezplanet
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Location: Southbridge, Canterbury
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 8:03pm |
hahaha its not a lesson that is eaisly learnt!!! no matter who you are, just try to take things a bit slower and although its hard not to take things to heart, just remember those that are making the comments only see whats on the surface and know nothing about what a great mum you are when they are not there to judge you!! 
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Kerryn, Mum to
Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09)
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Ofelia
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Joined: 05 July 2008
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Posted: 20 July 2008 at 9:25pm |
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I was too scared to come into this part of the forum in case it really stuffed up my chances of meeting up with other parents...what would people think if they knew I have been depressed for ages. Even now I think that posting this will definitely mean that I can't be normal enough to meet anyone.
I would like to help....I mean I am awesome Mum, mostly but worry a lot about whether I'm doing the right things and recently got quite down because I have just moved to a new area and don't know anyone.
I also hate feeling this way...great title by the way, really nails it down...depression feels horrible!
This week I am going to work really hard on trying to find a couple of little friends for my daughter; where we used to live before, she had a little baby group that we went to every week and I really started to socialise well with the other mums but now we feel isolated.
I might try Mainly Music or even a plunket coffee morning or something :)
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peanut butter
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Posted: 21 July 2008 at 9:32am |
Hi Yvette! I dont have anything helpful except "big hugs". I am sure you are a great Mum. you must be, you're and August mummy and we are all fantastic! We miss you....come and help protest the move to toddlerdom. How is wee Ella these days?
Ofelia, people dont judge much on this forum so you'll be fine.
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YvetteandElla
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Posted: 23 July 2008 at 10:10am |
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I know what you mean ofelia - but years ago I decided that I would not hide my depression and kinda be proud of it if that makes sense
I have found talking about it has opened up alot of other peoples thinking about this big bad topic, alot of my family members suffer with it and I dont think any one should be ashamed of it
I take medication and have been for 5 years - they are my lil friend, I had therapy for a year and it was the best thing - but I do worry sometimes that people think I am nuts
Ofelia where do you live?
NZ piper must say congrats on the new bub, we are all doing well here I never get online much as ella never gives me a chance - she is obsessed with the laptop
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I hate feeling this way
