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Mellany233941 
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Joined: 01 October 2018
Points: 14
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 Topic: really need to vent
Posted: 01 October 2018 at 12:17pm |
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I’m so glad I joined this board! I receive so much support. I didn’t even expect to get so many kind words. I feel so much better now! I wish I signed up a couple of years ago. It could definitely make going through ttc failures mentally much easier.
My DH is telling me that all the stress from looking online for every lil' info I can find on TTC is too much. He thinks it might be a reason why we didn't get our BFP. He’s telling I’m stressed because of my 24/7 research. And stress influence my fertility… Sounds weird to me… But maybe he’s right? What do you think? The thing is when I’m not googling ttc it feels like I’m going crazy! I feel even more stressed. I start overthinking, I get nervous, angry. Sometime I feel like I have anxiety attack (because of my overthinking). My mind plays with me. I imagine how I’ll never be able to have a child. How I couldn’t find treatment/option or anything which would help us to conceive… So quitting googling ttc will definitely make the situation worse!
I went to a BBQ party yesterday. Two of the women there had just had given birth recently… And they ALL agreed with my DH that I should stop all that researching, temping, etc. So, I was sooo sick of hearing everybody lecturing me that I said I'd give it a try. But I know I tried and it didn’t work for me! It made me so angry and upset my DH discussed our ttc with those people. It’s not their business! They will never understand how I feel! Those women didn’t go through long and exhausting ttc before conceiving! I don’t want to sound rude but how dare they teach me what to do and what not! They have no right to do that! Ahh I’m so pissed. I’m sorry for this vent… But I have no one around to discuss this situation. Only you understand.
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Alicia219545
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Joined: 31 January 2017
Points: 43
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Posted: 01 October 2018 at 12:22pm |
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No amount of wanting to get pregnant will ever keep you from getting pregnant. I think the most damage it does is our time is spent googling instead of more productive things. But we are being reproductive instead of productive) I think they just don't understand how important and difficult this all is for you. And they never will. Try not to involve other people that aren't going through the same thing as little as possible.
Before and during my de IVF I spent almost all my free time on this site. I think it helped me A LOT. I found useful information here. Also it helped me so many times to cope with tough days. But like with everything else, I think too much of anything can become an obsession. My DH also said I was on here too much. I work at night. I couldn't sleep during the day. I wanted to see if anybody responded or if anybody posted. It didn't seem like I could get my mind off of it. As for research, if I wasn't reading this forum, I was trying to find info. It was driving me crazy I think. But we are all different! If no googling makes you feel bad, then google! Just make sure you’re not turning it into obsession.
People that don't have problems having children usually don't seem to understand. I have seen stressed out people have child after child. You should not depend on these people for advice. I don't even mention my problems to most people. I usually feel like I don't want to hear their opinion so why ask them or leave them an opening to tell me their opinion. I try to change the subject if they insist. Don’t be mad at your DH. I think he just worry about you. And he wanted to help.
Anyway something that has helped me is limiting my time researching infertility. I hope this helps. Good luck!!!
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Dina221343
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Joined: 03 April 2017
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Posted: 01 October 2018 at 12:24pm |
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Listen, all the people that say: Ohhhh stop trying and stressing and it WILL happen!!! ....can go to hell as far as I’m concerned…lol!!! No, seriously tho?? No amount of stress will make you infertile. How many women do get pregnant in very poor countries or countries in war... Or conditions when they are just going through very hard times... THEY STILL MANAGE TO GET PREGNANT! So, don't listen to what they say! People are ignorant MANY times! And them 'lecturing' you was not the smartest thing to do with a person that is hopeful for something so beautiful and yet so difficult to achieve...
Don't put yourself in that situation again and do not share with everyone or in a public place what you are going thru. They'll, most likely, give you their 'opinion'... And most of them are just not tactful... Don't worry girl! Wanting and fighting for becoming a mother doesn't cause infertility!
Edited by Dina221343 - 22 May 2019 at 8:56am
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Dina221343
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Joined: 03 April 2017
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Posted: 01 October 2018 at 12:24pm |
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That's why I have learned to shut the heck up and keep fighting for what I want......dearly! Even my beloved dad could make comments like: 'Well you need to really stop being bratty about this whole ordeal! It'll happen when it happens! Not just because you want a kid you have to have one now!'. Ah it’s hard… They just don’t understand. And we should just accept it and don’t take everything they say too personally.
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Mellany233941
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Joined: 01 October 2018
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Posted: 01 October 2018 at 12:25pm |
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I agree with all of you. I keep telling my DH that it's better to do research and maybe learn something that will help rather than to just try in vain month after month after month and many years later you wonder why it hasn't happened yet! Maybe the whole time you could have done something that would've made it happen… Maybe not, but at least you know you were trying. He says he understands but he really doesn't. As for these women I barely know, you're right. I shouldn't have said anything… As well as my DH. I told him not to discuss our ttc with people. If he wants to say something he should just talk to me. I feel like I can't talk to anybody about it except all of you! Thanks for that. I appreciate your support. You are the best! I also agree with you... People have got to stop telling us to stop trying and it will happen… That's a bunch of sh*t!! I HATE hearing that!!
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tori236713
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Joined: 07 February 2019
Points: 24
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Posted: 07 February 2019 at 5:11am |
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It seems to me that you need to communicate more with those people who share your position and your fears. I think that communication with people who also went through similar trials and were able to conceive a child with the help of reproductive medicine would be useful for you. After all, every person needs support and understanding, especially in matters of conceiving a child. You should not share your innermost problems with unfamiliar people or even with those friends in whose eyes you see condemnation and insincerity. You know, my friends are looking for a surrogacy clinic. And most of their friends discourage them. However, my friends are steadfast at the moment. They set a goal for themselves and go to it without a doubt. I wish you confidence in yourself and in your goal. You shouldn't mess up and stop looking for new information. Unfortunately, time is transient and having missed it at a young age you will regret later. And those people who condemned you and gave you advice, most likely will no longer be important to you. It seems to me that in this forum you can find like-minded people and communicate with them. Perhaps in this place you will find the necessary information for yourself. And maybe someone can help you with practical advice. I hope that you will listen exclusively to your heart and truly sincere people.
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pagerlvy33237502
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Joined: 30 March 2019
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Posted: 30 March 2019 at 3:26am |
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I know how it feels. I have been through 5 m/c and it was a hell to see other women with their kids.
i had to go to therapy sessions. And I am still visiting my counsellor once in a while. But it has been a lot easier to look at other families since we have moved on to surrogacy.
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really need to vent