Help - I think my husband is giving up

I guess I’m just wanting some advice and to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation to me and how you got through it.

Just a little bit of background for you……………. My husband and I have been TTC #1 for close on 4 years now and whilst it has been a rocky road, I have always felt that we have been on the same page. A year ago we seeked fertility advice, went through an array of test and was diagnosed with unexplained infertility with some compromise to my ovarian reserve (I am 37yrs so I guess that comes with age). We have tried 3 rounds of clomid, 3 rounds of IUI resulting in one pregnancy but sadly miscarried at 6 weeks and now we are on the waiting list for public funded IVF which is scheduled for January 2014.

Now, as anyone who has been through fertility treatment knows, it can be a hard road with many disappointments and can put tremendous strain on your relationship. For us it was hard and whilst we were always there for each other and made all decisions together, the constant appointments and baby making to a schedule really did put a strain on our relationship. We haven’t had any treatment since Christmas and we have become a lot closer and really got back on track as we have just been getting on with our life.

Here is where my concerns lie though………… we were talking about the impending IVF treatment the other day and my husband has concerns that it could break us. He didn’t say that he didn’t want to do it; he just doesn’t want to go back down that track if it could mean the demise of our relationship. I believe we will be ok and I know it will be hard, but I feel that if we don’t do IVF and at least try for a baby, I could end up resenting him as it would be his decision not to go ahead, not mine…………. But at the end of the day, I can’t force him – we have to make this decision together.

Sorry for the novel. I hope someone has got some wise words for me.

Did not want to read and run. We were 3 years in March and DH has said things over the time but as babycrazy said once said we moved on. We are also unexplained -PCOS and maybe endro. Just got clomid and planning IUIs and then if needed IVF next year.
I think we are lucky and so far our relationship has been over all strong - lots of humps and bumps but I think DH knows what it means to me and him too.
Good luck working it out

Thanks Ladies. You have been a great help.

Your right, I am lucky that my husband is willing to talk about his feelings on this, when so many men just don't want to go there. He hates seeing me having to go through all the treatment when all he has to do is make his deposit, but for me, I would do anything to realise our dream so I'm not bothered. Obviously I would rather not have to put my body through this, but that's what I have to do for us to have a family. I guess that's where men and women are different, we would go to the ends of the earth to have a baby, whereas, some men are just content with their life how it is and don't want to rock the boat.

This has been our journey for so long, that he probably thinks there will be no end to it, but the treatment is only temporary and I should probably be emphasising that a bit more so he doesn't think that it is going to consume us again.

This year we had decided to take some time out from treatment while we wait for IVF and I have to say it has been nice to finally be intimate with eachother for FUN now and enjoy our life again, so I too, am a little worried as to what it could do to our marriage. We obviously have a lot more to talk about and we will certainly be considering counseling to help us through this.

Thanks again