I’m not sure if I have PND or I’m just

tired.

I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life, so Iknow my markers fairly well, but I'm a bit "confused" ATM.

Part of me is just thinking I'm just sooo tired, I haven't had a full nights sleep for almost 3 years now

Part of me thinks this is the post climax fallout from the wedding/christmas season

And part of me wonders if all this hate and rage at hubby/kids is PND that I haven't thought about cos I have been too busy until now.

I'm bored.

I hate my kids and Rodney. I almost went to income support this morning to see about getting out of here, then Charlotte started crying, so I never went in. Well, not hate, but dislike alot ATM. And I think I could just do it on my own, cos I'm more or less doing it on my own anyhow. But then, he earns the money and pays the bills, so its my "job" to do everything.

IM BORED. I'm sick of baby and kid this baby and kid that. I want to go back to work, I think, but I'm "not allowed" - the money I earn dosen't offset the cost of DC for 2 kids and the extra stress of getting 2 ready to be out the door by 8am. We are not entitled to any suppliments/subsidies because hubby is self employed, so according to WINZ, "rich" and over the earning limit.

I'm sick of 2 year old difficulties, and whinging clingy babies.

I'm sick of the heat.

IM BORED. Even my "me time" is boring. I'm on edge all the time I'm out of the house becasue hubby dosne't relly like looking after baby, cos she is B/Fed, so if she cries, it must be because she wants booby, and no other reason.

He wants me to stop BF and I don't want to.

I'm sick of doing everything myself and having to "ask" if he can watch the kids so I can shower or whatever.

IM TIRED

And I don't even know why I am moaning really. We are alot better off than alot. I live ina lovely home that we own on a small teeny tiny mortgage, we have a business that is sucessful, I have a nice car, I don't want for anything (except sleep).

Like I said, I;m not sure if its just some kind of psychosis form lack of sleep and the heat, or something more sinister. I don't even know if I would say I feel depressed or just tired and bloody bored.

Long boring rant. If you are still with me, thanks for listening.

xx

Edited by fattartsrock

Could I suggest that you show DH this post? Maybe now that you've written things down, and expressed how you feel, you may find that it will make him aware of what you're going thru right now?

I can so relate to you right now, especially with it being the holidays and being home with 3 kids, and not really being able to afford to go out much.

Anyway I'm not going to thread jack, but I just wanted to let you know that what your feeling isn't necessarily a bad thing, and yes perhaps you need to go and talk to your GP.

Do you have any other support? I'm just wondering if you could perhaps have someone come over and sit with the children while you go and sleep - sleep till you wake up.

We have an agreement that on Saturdays I can sleep as long as I want to, and DH takes over the kids.

Hugs I know how you feel, but like I said this is about you not me.

Take care and know that you vent anytime

perhaps a talk with your GP would be a good idea too and see what they think.......

BONJOVI IN 2 MORE SLEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I showed one of my friends this post (well copied and pasted it into an msn chat) as shes a psychologist..

She said (which I totally agree with), that men can seem like such twits at times. They genuinely don't have a clue sometimes that we are feeling down/sad/angry or whatever, so unless we tell them what we are feeling and what we want to happen (if we know) then don't ever expect they have a clue about it.

She also suggested going and talking to your GP and figure out if you need more help with meds and the like.

But from my point of view: can you guys put the kids in daycare/or get a babysitter/carer for like 1 day a week? That way it's not too expensive and also gives you some time out to do some things for yourself and make that day a no cleaning day as well, so it's about you rather than about the house/kids/family etc.

Also maybe find something new to get involved in, a hobby or something that does give you some you time and is fun to do. Something that has nothing to do with kids.

kebakat wrote: She said (which I totally agree with), that men can seem like such twits at times. They genuinely don't have a clue sometimes that we are feeling down/sad/angry or whatever, so unless we tell them what we are feeling and what we want to happen (if we know) then don't ever expect they have a clue about it.

Totally agree! I think we expect that they should know how we feel,...well I do anyway! The only way I have got DH to remotely understand is to tell him exactly what I need. I even borrowed a video on depression from plunket, and made him watch it. He didnt get it, but I think it sorta shocked him into realising that Im not just "being stupid".

Hugs hun, hope u get the understanding and support u need soon.

You're not alone in this Annie!
Please, please tell me if you would like me to come over anytime, my life is as boring as yours if not worse so free to come over and have a chat, look after the kids while you go out or sleep or whatever anytime.

Talk to Rod, even if your income is spent on childcare for the kids does it really matter if you feel like a human being again??

Love and hugs to you sweetheart

ETA: Only reason I don't ring everyday is I hate to be a pain!

Edited by newmum

What about some marriage/couples counselling? It might help for you guys to have a neutral space to talk some of this over. You can get free sessions thru the family court, super easy, just one form to fill in last time I checked.

Aw Annie... it's OK to be fecked off with everything every now and again.

Sounds like are going through a bit of the old mother identity crisis thing as well (happens to me frequently!)

I must say though... I am LOVING working at the moment. I'm just not cut out for this stay at home stuff.

Anyway, much love! xoxoxo

We are staying at meadow park, lol!! Rod looking after kids after dropping me off!

I hope you are having fun tongiht at the concert.