Newly single and VERY worried.

Well, the ex is back from his holiday, and now everything is worse than ever. Idk when the hell he is leaving :( Hes waiting to find a job before he does, because he has no money to leave. Idk what im meant to do, where im meant to go. Im just at a loss. I know I should go into WINZ and talk to them and all that, but im just not strong enough....Im so overloaded with emotion I dont feel like I can fix this.

Sometimes, I dont want my little boy. That makes me cry just typing that, but its true. I have had it drilled into me that im going to be a bad mother, that im a bad person. I dont want that life for my son. I dont want my ex to have anything to do with him :( I feel like he is going to corrupt him, and hes going to grow up to be such a different little kid than what I have planned for him.

Im just at a loss. I feel so alone :(

MissShell wrote: Hugs Stephi, I feel the pain. Maybe you should go to your mother's for a bit. I would be completely lost without my parents' help right now. Can you take someone with you to WINZ for support? Do you think you may have PND? It does sound a bit like it and it's certainly not helped by your situation. Perhaps you should talk to someone about it. You're not a bad person either. It might be worth talking to a lawyer about parenting agreements and the like for when the baby is born. I know this is such a big thing to do though - you need to get someone to go with you.

I want to go stay with my mum for a bit, but dont even want her to know about this situation. I feel embarrased.

Well I actually do have depression and anxiety stuff (have had it since before I was pregnant). Im on meds for it atm (so I dont get PND), but they arent doing much :( Wish they would though!

Im so scared to talk to lawyers. Ex keeps talking about going for custody but says hes only kidding but I dont know if I believe him. The thought of losing my little boy makes me so scared and upset. Its a horrible thing to think about! I think I do need to do it though! Because otherwise its going to get worse, especially when bubs is born

I was embaressed to tell my mom too - i put it off for nearly 2 weeks and it was so tricky trying to put on a brave (lie) face for her when i was feeling so rough. When it came out was the biggest relief - i didnt even ask to move home, she offered straight away and drove a couple of hours to bring me a care package and a hug.
Its going to have to come out sooner or later, my advice would be to tell her instead of doing it all alone.

Also, start looking into a lawyer. Some will do legal aid if you can't afford one. I was told they can't set any agreements into place until after the baby is born - but its best you get individual advice regarding your situation.

I suffer from depression as well, so i really understand your feelings of hopelessness - hang in there, it will get better.

Shell - you weren't silly to suggest PND - you can get it ante-natally and very common for people with relationship problems and separated etc.

I just have a couple of suggestions. It seems to me that the very first thing you need to do is deal with your anxiety and depression as best you can (counselling, doctors - whatever you need to do) because until that's under better control, you're not going to have the strength and resources to do what you need to do to make this step - and it IS a big step, even if you know it's the right one and is the best one. Speaking from experience - I am being treated for PND and managing well now.

The second thing I'd like to say is that I first separated from my husband when I was pregnant for about 4mths and I was much more anxious about it then than I was this time when we separated when DS was about 9mths old. I think it's because you seriously don't know what you are in for and are very anxious anyway about having a baby and what to expect and whether you'll cope etc. Can I just assure you that with the right support, you definitely will - you'll be fine. But just make sure that you get your mental health treated so that it's stable, and make decisions when you're feeling strong enough to - don't put too much pressure on yourself in the meantime. And arrange for support ahead of time when you have baby. The first three months is the hardest, and then things will get easier. I suggest having family members to stay with you at that time or organizing Parent Aid, talking to Maternal Mental Health about what support they can offer you.