POSTNATAL DEPRESSION

I personally experienced antenatal depression with #1, which is depression while pregnant, brought on by pregnancy. PND with #2, which I suffered from for about 18 months. And I attended a few PND support groups during that time, which were good support.

With #3(my latest baby) I had antenatal depression, severe PND and possibly PTSD.

I though my PND with #2 was severe, but in comparison with #3, not where near as severe. As with #2, though I was depressed, I could still function. I just felt really low for ages, but yeah, this time round has been worse.

It pretty much started straight after having baby #3. I've only had 2 days in the last 5 wks where I have felt ok. I got so bad with my PND that I was in constant panic, could not sleep, had no appetite, was throwing up a lot, due to lack of sleep and stomach feeling disturbed, which came from lack of sleep and stress and anxiety. Then had issues breastfeeding due to all that and gradually just lost confidence as a Mum and didn't want to do anything for my baby.

As I was getting worse I was telling the appropriate mental health agencies, but they just weren't taking me seriously and giving me the help or support I needed. The day before I got to my worse, the lady from Community Mental Health and Maternal Mental Health came over for a chat an assessment and despite me telling them I felt fear for my safety and that I wasn't coping and I was feeling panicked all the time and starting to feel quite suicidal, they wouldn't offer me any immediate help. I told them I felt I needed to be hospitalized and they said no, that won't help, just keep on chipping at it(whatever that meant) and they weren't willing to take that action. I kept being told, I was as low as I'd get, so things would only improve. But that was wrong. I had been a mess for weeks and by the next day I had been unable to sleep properly and went to sleep feeling panicked and woke up panicked and was in a panicked state all day. I felt extremely suicidal all day and I only managed to hold on long enough for DF to get up and get older daughter from school and arrange for her granddad to come get her. I then called an ambulance and they came and said just go to the GP and I said "look, I just can't actually leave the house". I had been unable to leave the house for days and barely able to function.

So ambulance took me to A & E and later that night I was committed to the open ward of the psych unit. And I spent 7 days there and 2 days at respite while they got me on the right meds and organized a review with support agencies for when I got sent home.

All this totally took me by surprise. As I expected because I'd had PND before I might avoid it this time or because I'd had antenatal depression, I'd avoid PND. But I was wrong. And I also thought, I'd had severe PND with #2, so I couldn't have anything worse then that, but I do.

If you are suffering too, do seek help asap and get support and be persistent and here's hoping you don't end up as bad as I got. But if you do get that bad, that you feel you want to harm yourself or end it all and no-one is taking you seriously, do call an ambulance and get yourself in a safe place, if the appropriate agencies won't offer you that help. As being hospitalized isn't a bad thing. It's an opportunity to get yourself in a more stable place and get the medication right, so you can be the best Mum you can be.