I just read an email from a friend in the US who has a 15-month-old and a newborn. The newborn is exclusively breastfed, and she managed to keep breastfeeding her older child right through this pregnancy and for the first few weeks of the baby's life. But now she thinks that her older child wants to wean. The trouble is, she doesn't want him to. She's really upset about it, and is trying to "force" him to breastfeed (her words, not mine). Meaning, she offers it all the time, including several times a night (he co-sleeps with her and the newborn). She has heaps of milk, so supply doesn't seem to be a problem -- he's just not terribly interested in breastfeeding anymore.

I tried to encourage her by saying that going for 15 months is excellent, especially with a newborn, and that weaning has to happen sometime and is better when it's led by the baby. But it sounds like that is not at all what she wants to hear. What she wants are ways to get her older son interested in the breast again so that she can keep on going. And she definitely doesn't want to express milk for his sippy cup instead.

I'm a bit caught off-guard and don't really know what to say. She's been attending La Leche Meetings to get support and has been told there that she should keep on for as long as she can, but I'm not sure how you can force a baby to breastfeed if he doesn't want to. She's also hired a private lactation consultant for help (she's going to see them next week).

Has anyone else had experience with this? I'm not going to give her any more advice as clearly she doesn't want to hear anything that remotely suggests she allows him to wean, but I just wondered what the rest of you think.

Hmmm well Josh weaned himself from me at 7 months, I kept trying him for a few weeks but he just didn't want it.

I really don't think she can force her 15 month old to BF and I hope thats what the private lactation person tells her.

Good luck with it thou.

Love it Annie

Wow, I'm glad I'm not alone here. I was fully expecting to be flamed! LOL

The thing is, I don't know her very well -- she's a friend from high school and we only recently got back into touch, and when she found out I work for a parenting website, I think she figured she'd hit the jackpot as far as advice is concerned. She's been emailing me heaps of queries and I feel a bit put on the spot because I'm no expert -- I'm a journalist. When I want to know something, I research it and read about it and interview people and learn. So when I tell her things that I've read, she tends to come back and say "That didn't work! Why did you tell me to do that?" when I wasn't trying to tell her what to do, I was just trying to answer a question using the stuff I've learned through research. I always try to give her both sides of the story but now I feel like I shouldn't say ANYTHING when she asks. 

So I guess that's another issue... She only wants to hear what she wants to hear, and I'm a glutton for punishment as I won't give in.

I haven't met her children, so I don't know anything abou ttheir personalities. I don't even really know much about her personality save what I remember from high school. So I have no idea if there are other things going on here -- if she's feeling isolated in her marriage, if she has codependence issues, or what. There seems to be something more going on than her being afraid that he's not getting the right nourishment if he's not breastfeeding heaps. Or at all.

Sigh... it's too late to think about these things!

Mind you, I was apparently breastfed til I was two, and my mother had to force me to *stop* as she was pregnant with my brother... ha ha. My kid, however, weaned at 11 months after I went away for a weekend without her. I felt guilty for about five minutes, then I rejoiced at being able to wear a real bra again. I personally wasn't that attached to breastfeeding, but I know that many women are. However, I've been trying very hard to keep my own experience out of it and just give her the medical/developmental research-based stuff.

Yeah, Bombshell, I think I need to avoid this topic like the plague! At least she doesn't live next door...

I don't have a problem with extended breastfeeding if it's mutually desired (although psychologically I'm probably conditioned by society to think it's a bit strange to go as far as feeding a kindergartener). I think the "mutual" part is what's missing here. If he wanted to feed and she didn't want him to, I'm sure she'd be doing everything she could to wean him. But he doesn't want to feed and she's trying to force him to -- that's what I think is inappropriate. It's all about her imposing her will on him, which I think is different from teaching or guiding a child to learn something or display a certain behaviour. This is different from forcing him to wear a coat when it's cold outside, or a seatbelt in the car. But I think that she is seeing it on the same level as that kind of situation.

I did send her an email today crying ignorance as I know nothing about breastfeeding beyond 11 months (thanks, Bizzy) and wished her luck with the lactation consultant. Hopefully she'll realise I'm not the person to ask...

Im all for extented  breastfeeding too. But I dont agree with trying to force your 15mth old to keep feeding. I was all prepared to Bfeed Alize till he self weaned but alas I weaned him at 16mths as he was just so addicted to the damn thing it was all he wanted to do when we were together lol. I just didnt have the time to sit and feed him for hours on end when getting home from work and he would scream and hang off my leg for it. He still now tries to get at it but no more screaming and carrying on.

As for co sleeping as long as they are practicing safe co sleeping techniqes and it is working for them I dont see anything wrong with that, sounds like a close family unit.