Winters coming.....
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Stillbirth and Baby Loss
Forum Description: A place to support each other and share thoughts and memories after a stillbirt or the loss of a baby.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16670
Printed Date: 21 November 2024 at 11:12pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Winters coming.....
Posted By: BabyKiwi
Subject: Winters coming.....
Date Posted: 25 April 2008 at 11:08pm
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My darling Emily,
The winter is coming and I think of you more and more with each day that heads to winter. Although you died during the winter back in Scotland. I still think about my beautiful Ava and how I am coping. I am starting to get scared that I will lose her the same way I lost you! I know deep in my heart that she is fine but it doesn't stop me worrying. I don't want cot death to take another daughter from me! When I found out that I was pregnant again, I wasn't sure how I felt but after Ava was born I realised that I was very happy but also very sad. I know that where ever you are, you are watching over us protecting your half sister. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and imagine what you would be like if you were still with me. My biggest regret was not cuddling you every moment that I wanted to! I cuddle and kiss Ava every chance I get. I want to thank you also for allowing me to see what is important in life! I love you my darling daughter Love Mum 
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Replies:
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 7:58am
awww big hugs. how long has it been? We have just had my friends babies 1yr anniversary and it was really hard. He died of SIDS last year at 5months. Its such a horrible horrible thing to have to go through, my heart goes out to you. You are very brave to have had another baby, I know my friend is still not ready but one day she will.
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Posted By: floss
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 8:18am
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Super big hugs, I agree your angel will be watching and protecting her little sister.
Take care ------------- My beautiful big girl Sienna 15.04.06 Double the trouble double the fun Noah & Lola 10/11/07 |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 8:56am
Oh donna! I didnt know!!!! Big hugs....you are a brave woman and strong. Your little girl must be looking down on you giving you that strength.
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Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 10:16am
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your wee angel is giving you strength from above and watching over her family constantly 
take care ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BabyKiwi
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 11:05am
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My2angels, it's been 10 years, although I had Emily with a different partner. Ava was at the roughly the same age in January this year as Emily was when she died.
You deal with it and then all the feelings come flooding back when you are pregnant. I remember hoping and praying that it was a girl I had. Strange it may seem but I wanted to deal with the emotions. The best thing you can do for your friends is be there for them, let them talk about their little one. Don't tell them they should move on as I have realised that you deal with it but you never move on! I look at Ava and try to imagine what Emily would have been like, it's quite hard as Ava has a completely different personality. It's funny as I remember back not long after it happened and the Doc saying to us (my ex and I) that if we survive this we could survive anything. At the time I thought he was talking about our marriage but no he was talking about us as individuals. The hardest part is surviving. You are caught between a rock and a hard place. You want to tell people what happened but you don't want the pity. It's a tough one dealing with peoples reactions. I told my closet friends about what happened and they have been very supportive. The family not so but thats a whole different story!! Nikki, it's not that I didn't want you to know but you don't know how people will react, I have had friends back in Scotland that wouldn't let me near their kids incase I gave them something. Sad, but true! In a way by doing this, I am putting myself out there, hopefully it help other people to realise that there is life after death! I am using the support of this website to help deal with some of the issues I have and remind myself that I am not alone, that everyone has their problems. Thanks everyone for your support and words of comfort! |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 12:27pm
Hey, all I can say is GOOD ON YOU!!!!! I hope I never have to go through something as big as this but if I do I hope I handle it as well as you!
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Posted By: BabyKiwi
Date Posted: 26 April 2008 at 2:46pm
| Thanks Nikki!! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 27 April 2008 at 12:37pm
Big hugs to you and Ava and baby Emily 
A friend of mine lost her wee boy to SIDS Feb 12 06, a few weeks before I got preg with the gremlins and she found out a few weeks later again that she was pregnant too. Funny the things our bodies do, she had been fully breastfeeding K and I guess the contraceptive effect of it stopped pretty suddenly when he passed. She had a wee girl about 4 weeks after the gremlins were born and man oh man it was hard seeing her those first few months, she was so anxious and stressed, she wouldn't let baby sleep almost coz she was too afraid even with an Angelcare and an apnoea monitor. I remember the day that her girl hit the age that K was when he passed away, it was like a huge weight lifted off her. We have a special photo of Maya and K in her room and we talk about him often, even tho my friend's older children are closer to Maya in age and she never really played with K coz he was just a baby, she knows all about T and J's angel baby brother. Anyway, sorry for the threadjack, just wanted to share that you are totally not alone and that I admire the strength and courage it takes for you to be able to have another child after experiencing such a devastating loss. Big hugs! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: BabyKiwi
Date Posted: 27 April 2008 at 12:42pm
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Thanks Emma!
It is comforting to know that I'm not alone! Don't mind anyone thread-jacking. |
Posted By: Snickerdoodle
Date Posted: 27 April 2008 at 2:56pm
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Big hugs to you, hun
I totally agree with the doctor. To lose anyone that is so dear to you is hard, but it does make you a stronger person for it. Big ups to you for being such a strong woman and a great Mummy! Ava is gorgeous and a blessing. I couldn't imagine going through it myself, but I only hope I can handle any tough situations that come my way with as much grace as you have
Thinking of you ------------- 
http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: babyg
Date Posted: 27 April 2008 at 10:08pm
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May the winter bring you ...
warm nights cuddled by the fire; hot chocolates overflowing with marshmellows; puddle-jumping in gummies; clouds of breath on frosty mornings; rainbows after rain and ... many beautiful and wonderful memories of Emily and to you and your family------------- Ev, Mum to: Carys Ruby - 4 October 2007 Spencer James - 2 July 2010 |
Posted By: popcorn
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 7:17pm
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Babykiwi you are amazing, that was a really touching letter to Emily
I cant begin to imagine what that would have been like and how ridiculous about the people in scotland, my cousin died of sids, there was nothing they could have done it was just one of those things that are completely unexplainable lots of hugs coming your way ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BabyKiwi
Date Posted: 08 May 2008 at 9:08pm
| Thanks Simone. |
Posted By: Tricia
Date Posted: 09 May 2008 at 7:51pm
| Big hugs mate - you are amazing. x x |
Posted By: FallenAngel
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 7:21pm
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Mummies Angel
A Poem Dedicated To My Daughter Chaelo Ava For all the smiles I’ll never see For all the places you will not be For all the ‘boo boos’ I can not kiss For all the birthdays I will miss For all the booties you’ll never wear For all the giggles I’ll never hear For all the words you’ll never say For all the games you’ll never play For all the steps you’ll never take For all the nights you’re not awake For all the balls you’ll never throw For all the years you’ll never know For all the cuddles never shared For you, my angel, I have cared. Love Always Mummy |
Posted By: FallenAngel
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 7:30pm
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Big Hugs Babykiwi And Your Family You have Such Courage to share your story i see you also have a quiet strength that many may not see and i know sometimes you probably dont feel very strong but i say good on you you are doing well
i also understand the pain that loosing a child brings my story is a little different as i never actually saw my daughter as was still pregnant when she died but i understand the loss and pain that a loss like this brings Keep Your chin Up 
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