Friends and Support
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17604
Printed Date: 21 December 2024 at 5:01pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Friends and Support
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: Friends and Support
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 9:00pm
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Out of interest...
I've always believed that friendships go through cycles...sometimes you support others, sometimes they support you. However, recently I've noticed that if someone is down and really in need of support, they are often isolated. Maybe it is because they are no fun when they are down or just because people get sick of hearing them voice their worries but whatever the reason, it seems like sometimes when people really need support they are suddenly left out. What is your experience? Do you think it is up to the person who is feeling down to continue to try to keep the friendships alive? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Replies:
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 9:06pm
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No I think it is the other people that help out. Times like that you know who your realy friends are. When I went through some troubles last year I found out who my real friend were. My friend down in Welly dropped everything and came up to see me. She was here 3 hours after I had spoken to her on the phone. That to me shows great friendship. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 9:07pm
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Totally agree. See my post about needing motivation- now that I am coming out the otherside from pnd, I now have to start re-building the friendships I have let slide,...I hadnt really thought about it from the point of veiw of them not supposrting me,..more just how I have let them down by not keeping up contact. I thought it was up to me,..until I read this!
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Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 10:15pm
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Yep defintely when your going thru a rough patch you know who your friends are. I have a friend who I dont see often but if ever I need her she is there without question. I cant be as "drop everything and run" to her when she isn in need b'cos of being a single mum and having 3 kids who are my top priority but if and when I can I am always there for anyone whether they are my close close friends or aquintances. I know first hand the feelings of isolation and living in a deep dark pitt and if I can ever help anyone not to feel alone or isolated I will. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 25 May 2008 at 10:17pm
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friendship is a two way street and if they dont know how you are feeling you cant really expect them to support you. but i agree with becks too, times of trouble let you know who your real real friends are as opposed to acquaintances... but then sometimes if even people want to help they cant, either because they dont know how or they simply cant due to other commitments, etc.
also isnt part of being depressed feeling alone and isolated - even when sometimes you arent... (i know, i'm rambling!) ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 1:08pm
Definitely true for me! My friends tell me off coz I don't tell them when I'm feeling down and need help, but it's more coz I tend to isolate myself from people coz I feel like misery guts bringing them down too. I agree that friendship is definitely a two way street, but I also think sometimes you (gnomic) need to be explicit about what it is that you need/want coz sometimes people are either a) too busy to notice or b) realise that you need support but aren't sure how to go about it. I struggle with that myself, I find it really hard to give people directions, even people like my nanny who I am *paying* to make my life easier, but I've found if you give someone a practical way in which they can help you, they're usually happy to do it. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Bizzy wrote:Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 1:40pm
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My feeling on this is: How can you expect your friends to be there for you or help you out if you don't tell them what's going on in your life. I think that you can't expect them to know that things aren't going to well. I don't tell any of my friends whats going on, because I don't want to burden them, I keep it to myself, and when I see them I put on an oscar award performance so they don't pick up that things aren't honky dory in my life. On the flip side though if they tell me whats going on and its' something that they aren't coping with very well, I'll be there for them in a second. So I guess if you want help and you want your friends to be there for you, you have to ask for help.
------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 3:43pm
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I really believe friendship is a 2 way street, at times it can be hard work to keep up the communication especailly when kids are involved.
I have experienced this lately, if you want help or support you have to reach out for it...it wont come knocking on your door. I have told serveral friends that I will be there for them all they have to do it ask..... |
Posted By: Bobbie
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 10:30pm
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Absolutely agree - I think you definitely have to ask for support. People will offer in a general way but will wait for you to ask specifically.
I used to think that it was an imposition to ask since those people were probably only offering to be nice, but having been on the other side now I can see that most friends would actually be only too happy to help but do need guidance. Hmm sorry that isn't very succinct - I've rewritten it 3 times but my brain is too cloudy  -------------  
 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 27 May 2008 at 2:43pm
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I think it's definantly a 2-way street but the traffic doesn't have to be even all the time, IYKWIM. When the chips are down, then yeah, I think it's up to the person's friends to put in the extra effort in the friendship. That said, I've had a friend for over a decade for whom the chips have always been down (really down), and because I can imagine that they always will be (because everyone she turns to supports her in staying miserable), and because that person won't lend me a shoulder to cry on when I need it, even after more than 10 years of doing so for her, I've stopped putting in the effort to maintain that friendship, and that's worked out pretty well. ------------- Andie |