Supporting friends with fert issues
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Coping with infertility
Forum Description: Have you been trying to conceive unsuccessfully? Dealing with primary or secondary infertility? Get support, advice, and help coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19428
Printed Date: 20 May 2024 at 1:48am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Supporting friends with fert issues
Posted By: emz
Subject: Supporting friends with fert issues
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:32pm
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Hi all, me again!
DH just told me tonight that friends of ours are going through the testing process (both of them) to figure out their fertility issues. I kind of knew they would be trying but didn't realise it had come to this point. She has the same issues as me (PCOS etc etc) but seeing as I conceived so easily we just light-heartedly said she would too. Now we are trying for #2 and it looks like having Jack may have made me ovulate a couple of times already (yay  ) but I really hate the fact that we could get pg with #2 before they even get pg with #1. They are the nicest couple from huge families and they would be the best parents. The guy even said to DH 'if you have an extra kid at any stage, we'll be happy to take one cos it's just not working for us' 
I've never had to think of how to be supportive IRL to a friend going through fertility issues, but their yearning for a child makes me so sad I've been bawling my eyes out (hormonal methinks!) Anyway, if you're still reading this  , how can we support them while still going about our dream? If you have been in this situation either in my shoes or our friends' shoes, what is the best advice you can give me?
Seriously, if I could help them in any way I could. I really struggle when I can't help people, in fact this is the first time in my life I haven't been able to help friends or family with a problem they have. |
Replies:
Posted By: mylilmosaic
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 9:49pm
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Hi Emz, my best friend has endo and is waiting for surgery to remove it before ttc'in.
Mainly I am just there for her to rant at if she wants or to talk and to throw ideas around together. Sometimes just being able to talk together about it all is the main way I can help her as I am always there for her to sound off to, iykwim 
I think just having you for a friends and knowing they can always talk to you probably means alot to them. I know it is hard when we can't just fix things lol  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: VFebery
Date Posted: 30 July 2008 at 8:40pm
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I think this is something a lot of people struggle with...and many simply say nothing as a result.
We've been struggling to have baby number 2 and I am always delighted for others when they fall pregnant...yes, I wish it were me, but it doesn't detract from my happiness for them...so keep that in mind. I'm sure your friends will be happy for you if it happens to you before it happens to them. I have found that some friends seem to be a bit 'guilty' when announcing their pregnancies to us...and I wish it weren't the case...it's a time to enjoy. I think your friends will appreciate you being prepared to listen and support them, so just let them know you're thinking of them and are there to listen to them if they feel like chatting to someone about what they're going through. I shed a few tears reading the JayJay and Dom story in the latest issue of OHbaby magazine...their comments about how people offer advice like 'Just relax' or 'it'll happen when you stop trying', yadda, yadda, yadda...and that it's the last thing they want to hear are probably very pertinent. I think that the best thing you could do is say "how are you doing? I'm thinking of you and would do anything for you if it meant I could help". Good luck to both you and your friends! |
Posted By: topcat
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 11:16am
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Yeah all you can do is be there for them and support them, lend an ear if and when its wanted and get on with your lives too - My DH and I tried all through 3 of my sister in laws having baby number 2, and in one case babies 3 and 4!! Its not easy for them to watch if you do get pregnant but sure as anything they will still be delighted for you..
Now all my friends are having babies too and its had knowing that we wont be able to but you do learn to brave it out... |