Young, Single Mums!!
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19768
Printed Date: 18 December 2024 at 6:50am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Young, Single Mums!!
Posted By: mamazozo
Subject: Young, Single Mums!!
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 2:35pm
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Hey ladies!! Im 19 y.o (20 in November) and im due to have my first lil baby on December the 21st. I am not with the babies father, we were in a relationshiop but no longer are and he lives 2 hours away from where i live. He is supportive but i will still be doing it by myself. Are there any other girls out there who are young and/or single and in a similar position to me?? I am excited and nervous about being a single mum i think it does have its advantages but definatly its disadvantages too! If anyone has any thoughts at all please post away!! Take care, Zoe xx -------------    |
Replies:
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 4:26pm
Sorry I only have this  to offer ... as Im old and married (which also has its advantages and disadvantages)  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 4:29pm
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haha thank you ------------- |
Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 4:44pm
One of the Mummies in my month (a Jan 08) Mummy is about your age ... maybe you can pop into our thread and say hello  ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 5:06pm
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Hey Zoe
First off CONGRATS, very exciting and wonderful experience you are embarking upon & you're almost half way through your pregnancy 
Secondly you don't need a man around to be a fantastic mother 
I'm a single mother, 20years old, 21 in Oct (was the same age as yourself when I fell preg). Bubs father is not involved whatsoever, he hijacked it to Aus when I was a couple months along in my pregnancy & we haven't heard from him since. His loss, I'm the happiest I've ever been & have a wonderful family that have supported me along the way. My lil guy is 16.5 months old now, cheeky wee thing. Best thing I've ever done, no regrets whatsoever. Lucas is my life now! I'm always here to chat, feel free to PM me, I'm in auckland too, although out in Papakura so kinda the other end lol. WELCOME TO OHBABY! ps. BTW my names Steph
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Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 5:11pm
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Hey Steph, Thats so great to hear such encouraging words! My family are hugely supportive so im sure it will work out fine for me aswell! Sounds like were better off without men anyway, the bastards go and do things like running away lol, who needs em!! Thanks for the support it makes it a lil less scary hearing from other women my age who have already been there done that! hehe Zoe ------------- |
Posted By: Alianasmummy
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 6:13pm
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Hi Zoe,
Im 22 now but was in your position when i was 19. My ex and i broke up a week before i found out i was pregnant, which was great, i dont think i would have the guts to leave otherwise. Thank god i had my mum, we wernt close before Xavier came but she helped me so much and gave me me the confidence to do it alone. I moved out when he was 16 months to the south island, a bit crazy as i was in Auckland surrounded by family, but I felt i had to prove something... I was convinced i would be alone for a long time, why would a guy want a girl with a toddler? but i found it just weeds out the jerks. mention you have a kid to a guy looking to use you and hel run a mile! I found the most amazing guy who cares for my boy like his own, and now we have a beautiful little girl together. Theres down sides to single parenting, no doubt about it, and its hard, but there are so many good things too. You can raise them how you want, no arguments. Xaviers dad is part of his life but that has down sides too. Xavier is disrupted every 3 months to go to Aucks to see him and i have to put up with a horrible X trying his hardest to get him moved back to Aucks. He cant but now its in court i may aswell get a proper parenting order. Sort out custody arangments asap and get it signed and witnessed by a JP! Thats my biggest advice, Single mums get free lawyers through WINZ. PM me if you want, i visit Auck lots. Good luck, its so much fun, and amazing how much you can love that lil person inside you ------------- http://lilypie.com">  tickers" /></a>
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 7:03pm
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Hii! First off, Congrats! and welcome to OhBaby! Im 22 and a single mum to my daughter Briahna who is 11 months old. I was with B's dad for a year then i fell pregant and he ended it when i was 8 weeks pregnant. He has yet to meet his daughter! But probably isnt going to happen any time soon mind you!
No regrets here. My beautiful girl was a blessing! I was totally freaked out at first aye, its not easy. But sooo worth it! Who needs men eh
Hope everything has gone and goes smoothly with the pregnancy!! Halfway, so do you know the sex? Or shall i assume from the colour of your ticker its a girl? lol.. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 7:43pm
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Alianasmummy thanks for the advice, im lucky enough to still be friends with my ex and there will be no need for custody arrangements as that situation wont arise with me but i feel for you being in that position, wot a stress and a hassle that must be terrible for you!! Awesome that you found urself a good guy and now have another gorgeous lil baby things sound like they r great for you!!
and melanie thank you and thank you lol i am really excited even though she wasnt planned i am stoked im going to be a mummy!! Thats terrible bout her daddy and he hasnt even met her? god im starting to think maybe im quite a bit better off then alot of other single mums out there! Yea half way its going so fast i cnt believe it and yes we think shes a girl, shes a lil squirmer though nd we couldnt quite see on the ultrasound so were confirming on the 22nd of august i am sooooo excited!! ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 10:35pm
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Hey Zoe, hope you dont mind me posting in here, im not a single mum ...now
My daughter Caitlyn is six and i had her at 20 , her father and I broke up , er , five minutes before i told him I was pregnant (not my smartest move as he was driving alt the time) Anyway , hes always been supportive, but ive been her main parent , and while it hasnt always been easy, i wouldnt trade any of it for the world
Her dad lives in Australia so she doesnt see him much ,but TBH my DF is more of her dad now anyway , hes the one that comforts her when i cant, and loves her like she was his own , in Oct we are going to start trying for bub number 2, so will be interesting the difference between having the father involved in everything , and in a relationship with me , compared to what it was like with Caitlyn Best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy chick
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 10:52pm
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I am also a been there done that mother... I was pregnant at 19 and had josh at 20. I got pregnant in the Uk (on my OE ) and came back over here (with father) when I was 5 months pregnant.. things didn't work out with Josh's father and he went back to the Uk.
I have/had huge support from my parents. i really had lost touch with school friends so they were really my only support till I found new friends. it was hard though and nothing came easy but that made me more determind. Me and Josh have been through alot and come out the other end so much better for it (although could of done with out the absive relationship i found myself in) I live for him (and the other 2) and he has taught me so much. Just like I am his mother he has been my rock and he is such a cool kid i am very lucky. Hes now 15. If i could turn back time YEAH I would of done alot of things differently but I can't, although having said that I am in the best relationship, married to the best man and 3 gorgeous kids - life couldn't be better so things do turn out right in the end, just have to jump over those stepping stones (or big hurdles) that life throws at you. Good luck with your life ahead it will be one of damn hard work but with such special always to remember rewards ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 11:15am
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I'm not a single mum, but I'm probably one of the youngest on OB compared to my bub's age, I was 17 when I had Seb (2 this month) and though it's hard, I reckon being a single mum at any age would've been alot harder. I'm lucky in that though Seb wasn't planned, it was to the right guy if not the right time!
I'm now 19, and TTC bubs #2, as we would love a sibling for Seb, and in the early planning stages of finally getting round to marrying DF (21) You have to work harder as a young or single parent, but it is sooo worth it! -------------  
 
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 12:40pm
No problem! I know what you mean, about the not being planned thing but still being excited. You are very lucky to still be on good terms with your ex and that he is still going to be involved! My ex and his family all tried to tell me i should get an abortion. Dickheads lol.
Anyways, have you decided on any names?? I was so stoked when i found out i was having a girl, exactly what i wanted! Not that i would have minded if i had a boy hehe but i had a million girls names picked out and 1 boys name lol. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
pnkbtz wrote:Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 1:36pm
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Haha unplanned but not unwanted thats what i say!! and yeah i really am lucky, and hes very supportive and he already has 2 kids so i know hes a gr8 dad...he just lives so far away but it will be ok. Im sure im gonna be ok doing it by myself im a tough cookie lol. God they sound horrible, you dont need that kinda crap that must of been horrible to deal with! Um names,...im so not sure, i have a couple i like I really like Lily, Storm and Taryn..im sure ill change my mind though lol!! i like unusual names...ne 1 with any suggestions feel free to fire away i need sum inspiration! ------------- |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 1:42pm
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caitlynsmygirl - thats so gr8 to hear u have a really gr8 DF i hope i can meet someone like that too oneday lol even though im sure its harder to meet gr8 guys when you have a baby!! AnnC - its so gr8 to hear from some1 who has been there done that and has added more to the family and lived a gr8 (but tough) life by the sounds of it, thanks for the advice im going to try really hard to treasure the rewarding parts so that the tough parts dont seem so bad! AliaDawn - thanks for the reply, i agree im sure im going to have to work alot harder but its gonna be so worth it! and you lucky girl atleast u have a gr8 man behind you. GL with TTC and gettin married etc thats wonderful, and your boy is just gorgeous!! ------------- |
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 1:47pm
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Haha yeah, well im not the toughest cookie around but i still managed so you will be fine :) Im just lucky that i had a completely chilled out child. Everyone seems to comment on how good she is. Shes laid back as.
Yeah they were dickheads. At the time i was devastated really, especially with his parents havinga go at me and he didnt even step in and tell them to stop it. Ha ha i got over it though! My family wanted to kill them! Although the exs mum has Briahna every saturday now. Once we broke up she changed her tune lol. She apologised for the things she said, but it was mainly her asshole of a husband anyways (exs stepdad).
Those are lovely names!! Im not so good with names. When i was like 15 i wanted to name my daughter Brianna. Then once i was actually having a girl, i still wanted to anme her brianna but it changed to Briahna lol. The other names i had were really girly ones and not so "different" like Chloe, charlotte etc. But then i dont know a hell of a lot of Briahnas anyway so im happy with that ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 1:53pm
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good on ya, and you must be pretty tough, dealing with all that and raising a beautiful baby, give urself sum credit lol. Good that she has a relationship wit her nan now thou, i think family is really important ay. I love the name Briahna its a beautiful name, and i havnt met any1 called that before good choosing!! i hope i choose a good name lol ------------- |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 1:55pm
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I got preggo at the same age as you are now and had the father nowhere in sight! (long story... drunken times at uni)
Anyway, now I have a live in boyfriend who is fab with Han (though not entirely sure if it's a forever thing now  ) but have had a great 3 years and it is totally do-able!
I'm now working after finishing my degree while Han was younger and loving being able to provide for myself and the kiddo
And as Alianasmummy said, it weeds out the ass holes! I won't lie and say that the step parent relationship is sometimes a difficult one, but it's awesome once you get it going well. |
Posted By: MumsyMoo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 2:00pm
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Heya...
My name's Serenity and I have a (now) six month old wee girl, Eden. She was born 5 days before my birthday. Her Daddy and I are still together, but at the moment things are quite rough, so it's looking as though single motherhood is only round the corner... Maybe not for good, but we need a break from one another. I come from a single parent home, and I will forever be indebited to my Mum for all the hard work she put in to raising us all. Single mothers deserve a medal, I can't imagine the trials and tribulations that would come with it, but it must be so so rewarding as well. I wish you all the best for the remaining months! And congratulations
Taryn's a wicked name btw. I wanted to call number too Ivy if it's a girl... We'll have to see -------------  My wee girl is the love and light of my life!
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Posted By: MumsyMoo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 2:02pm
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Oh... Haha, should've been more specific.
I'm the one LilFatty was talking about... I got pregnant at 19 and had Eden 5 days before my 20th. I blame nappy brain! ------------- My wee girl is the love and light of my life!
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Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 2:09pm
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nikkiwhyte - awesome about your degree, my parents are going to help me so i can go and study to be a nurse which is what i really wanna do and for the same reason, i wanna be able to provide for me and bubbi. and i totally understand the step parent thing but from the otherside as i have been the step parent and so thats kind of why im a bit worried lol....very tru bout the assholes though at least ill evntually be able to hook myself a goodie!! Serenity - its sooo odd that your daughters name is Eden as i also have that on my name list along with Ivy (after Poison Ivy frm batman lol) and a few others haha obviously they are good names!! Im sorry to hear about you and your man but if worst comes to worst and you do end up doing it alone im sure you will be fine you sound like youve got your head screwed on. Its gr8 to hear that life isnt over when you have a baby young!! ------------- |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 2:29pm
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Very cool about the nursing. There is another lady on here (who isn't a single mama) but who did nursing training while her two kiddos were quite young.
It's the best thing you can do for your kiddo I believe, have a plan for the future 
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 2:34pm
Thanks I grew up very close with my family, although we've lost touch with my dads side and see them mainly at christmas. I still want Briahna to know both sides, even if her dad doesnt want anything to do with her. She can still know her nana and her aunty (whos like 8! lol) We will find a good guy one day wont we? i sure hope i do cause im sick of bastards Hopefully with having a kid it weeds out the assholes! I also want to provide for Briahna myself. And am starting study next year to work with horses or be a vet nurse. Im really excited but its scary cause i havnt been to any kind of learning place for about 6 years! Man i keep rambling! Sorry. Im having a lazy day today and making the flattie do the dishes etc ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 2:37pm
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Well I'm not a single teenage mum, I'm 22 and have been happily married for 2yrs in Dec, with our first child, a daughter, due in November. stay strong, your all awesome :) -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 9:53pm
Haha if i can ,you guys will definetly be able to DF is so good with C that he doesnt even get grossed out if she has accidents in her knickers , considering its not his own child , thats pretty good My parents were awesome when i was pregnant, my grandmother and uncle tried to get me to have an abortion, my gran didnt talk to me for the 9months i was pregnant,then came in to hospital the day after Caitlyn was born , i could have told her where to go, but what would be the point? then id have been no better, besides, she comes from a different era, where it was very frowned upon But i still wonder what shes gonna be like when we concieve number 2 And Zoe, yay for a girl , they are lovely , apparently boys are too, so im told
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Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 04 August 2008 at 10:07pm
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Love Storm and Lily for names.
My favourite slightly unusual ones are: Amaranth (girls - means everlasting flower) Griffin (Gryphon - boys) Avery (Either - means Elf Ruler) Scarlett (obvious! Girls) I also love more traditional names, Alexander is my fav for boys for the moment, Amaranth for girls. I would loove to use Scarlett, but I dislike having two kids names starting with the same letter -------------
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Posted By: Alianasmummy
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:04am
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Lilly was a fav of mine but my last name is White, it would have been a target on her back!!
Storm is gorgeous! We had Kalea (hawiian for beautiful) and kalee but went with Aliana. I have my Xavier but i also had Brodie and Cruz on the list for boys. Can you tell i didnt want a normal name!! Having a kid definitely weeds out the assholes MelanieAndBree! usually only a truely commited and loving guy would involve himself in a ready made family. And there are a lot of them out there dont worry. I used to have a laugh when a guy was talking to me, ask what i did for a living (i hate that question), id tell him i was a single mum, and he would panic and run. Id just be thankful i dodged a bullet with that one and not take it personally.
Its awsome to read all of your experiences and how you all over come it with the love of you children. I know how tough it can get, but its pretty amazing too. keep up the good work girls! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> tickers" /></a>
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Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 10:30am
Well he must be a rare breed and i hope one day ill find one like that! Aw my whole family were really really supportive. My dad was like "its gonna be really hard" all the time, but was still really good about it! I was scared to tell him lol. ------------- Melanie. Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 05 August 2008 at 7:53pm
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My parents were awesome , when i told my dad i was pregnant he said "what are you going to do " and when i said I was going to keep it he said "good, then me and your mum are behind you one hundred percent , you have our full support," and i did,from day one
And when Cs dad was still trying to get me to have an abortion he said "an abortion isnt the end of the world " my dad said to him "well , its the end of the world for the baby , isnt it ?' go daddy ! haha yeah , DF is awesome, loves caitlyn so much , and me, he knows C comes first and hes always so understanding about that, im v lucky, i hope you find someone just as great
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Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 1:19pm
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caitlynsmygirl that is so cool my family are like that too my mum and dad are being really supportive and were really close so i just thank god for that lol! I dont know how i would be able to do it without them! Im sure we will all find great guys, as were all super fantastic girls OBVIOUSLY lol. Gosh im starting to get SOOO excited, im feelin the baby kick more regularly and im counting down the weeks now im past half way lol ive been told the 'best' is still yet to come haha. ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 06 August 2008 at 7:05pm
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awww i remember being where you are, its so exciting, have you got a diary ? i kept a diary when i was pregnant , is really cool to look back on it now
another thing i did, was got my family and friends to write messages to Caitlyn while i was still pregnant , and put them all in a book |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 07 August 2008 at 11:48am
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Nah i havnt got a diary, thats a good idea though. i might go and get a nice book or something today and start one!!
and thats such a cool idea, its one of the things i wanted to do for the baby shower, ive made this book and it has her scan pictures and stuff in it and i was going to get people to write in it for her when shes older! ------------- |
Posted By: MelanieAndBree
Date Posted: 07 August 2008 at 1:43pm
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Thats what im doing for Briahnas first birthday! Then Im going to get everyone to write in it each year |
Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 07 August 2008 at 3:09pm
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My friend brought me a pregnancy book where I keep pics and notes of everything through out my pregnancy. It is really neat. I will get one for bubs first year aswell. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 07 August 2008 at 4:42pm
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I did a diary for my eldest 2 (and some of my own diary for Josh) I love looking at Brookes at Rhyley's age now - especially when hes doing 'naughty' things and normaly she has done the same thing. But i can't wait to give it to Brooke when she is pregnant and have kids so she can read all about herself...
ETA: I am sure rhylz will love reading about his too but I think us girls feel its more special to read about those things. ------------- Ann
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 07 August 2008 at 8:11pm
| another thing i do is every year, the night before Caitlyns birthday , i write her a letter, and put them in a box for her to open when shes 21, it has what she did that year, friends she made etc, her favourtie things of that year,a special personal message from me, and a photo of her from that year as well |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 07 August 2008 at 8:43pm
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oooooo so man really cool ideas...does anyone mind if i steal them?? ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 10:59am
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Course not ! :-)
do you have a name picked out Pnkbtz (haha your username cracks me up ) ? with Caitlyn i had no clue what to call her, i opened the name book and closed my eyes and just pointed to the first name , which was Caitlyn and then i decided to pretty it up more by adding Rhianna , so her name is Caitlyn Rhianna Marie (cos her dad wanted to ad a name ) |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 11:07am
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lol funny ive changed it now as this is my proper nickname thing...i was just so excited bout having a girl haha.
Ive got lotsa names on my list they are Anabelle, Andie, Devon, Drew, Eden, Harley, Harlow (we used to live in a city called Harlow in England and ever since i was lyk 12 i always wanted to call my kid it im so bummed Nicole Ritchie beat me to it lol.) Lily, Shea, Storm and Taryn.... lol those are all the names i like at the moment but im sure they will change and ill cut a few off haha. Even though the dad and i arnt together im still involving him with the naming so weve been talking bout it and thats cool :) ------------- |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 11:41am
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same as me Zoe (thats ur name right ? feel free to call me Kelly btw )
I involved C's dad with her name as well Ooh , there are some pretty names there , and some that would go nice together eg Eden Harlow , or Anabelle Shea or Lily Devon or Devon Lily or Lily Anabelle ....hehe have fun choosing ! |
Posted By: mamazozo
Date Posted: 08 August 2008 at 11:55am
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yup thats my name :) awesome, even though im alone it kinda feels like im not completely alone coz hes still supportive lol....he just wont be there to help me out everyday but thats ok at least my baby will have a daddy i guess.
haha i know ive got pages of name combinations ive had to make myself stop coz ive still got 19 weeks left and ill make myself crazy wit baby names lol. but im rather happy with my name collection, i want something that isnt TOO common ------------- |