3year old boy who smacks!!! what do I do
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Topic: 3year old boy who smacks!!! what do I do
Posted By: yvettefair
Subject: 3year old boy who smacks!!! what do I do
Date Posted: 04 April 2006 at 1:45pm
Hi there all you mums,
I'm in a bind as I don't know what to do. I have a gorgous 3 year old son but when he gets angry with any of his little cousins, his hand is so fast to smack or push/shove them after his annoying screams.
I know when he's about to smack someone because he screams 'NO' at them and then you hear the other child crying.
I am a pretty strict mum because I don't stand for nonsense but I realise that some of my disciplining may have rubbed off on my child and now I have to undo it.
I've tried being patient with him, talked to him (no yelling, tried yelling at him too but this doesn't work, send him to his room, I feel like I've tried everything but to no avail. I know it's my fault and I know my partner feels that it's my fault also because I am harder on my son that he is but I feel that I'm trying to teach my son right from wrong but maybe I am going about it the wrong way...
If anyone has any suggestions for me I would be greatful, sorry about the novel...
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Replies:
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 04 April 2006 at 4:24pm
have u tried this when your son hits someone go to him ans say its not nice to hit ect ect take him away from child like the coner of the room and have a nother person comfett the child that has been hit after telling him that hitting is naughty walkaway and leave him there for upto 3 mins once u have done that go to your boy and ask for a appolgy get him to appolgise to the child keep doing this and he should get the message
------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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Posted By: kasbee
Date Posted: 04 April 2006 at 4:50pm
I have the same problem with my 3 yr old. I talked to the plunket nurse about it and these are the suggestions she gave me:
* When he hits a child don't give him any attention and give all the attention to the child that he hit, i know it sounds hard and believe me it is. She said for them it's attention and even if they get a smack they don't care because its attention.
* The other thing she said was, if you have a kid that like cuddles and is really touchey, there way of being touchey with other kids is by pushing or hitting them as they don't know how to be nice about it with young kids.
Hope you can understand what i have written and hope it helps abit for you. Good Luck
------------- Kelly, mother to
4 wonderful children.
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: bub
Date Posted: 04 April 2006 at 4:53pm
hi there
just wondering if your son is the oldest out of the cousins? coz my nefew does the same to Brianna my daughter. Hits her pushs her everything he gets sent to his room and evrything but nothing ever works they can play really nice together but he does get mad at her we asked the plunket nurse and she said when he does hit her or somthing we should ignore him and give all the attenion to brianna which is really hard to ignore the bad behaviour or maybe in my case it might be coz he is the oldest and wants her to no it im not sure. Blair is 3 to so maybe its the age they are at . another thing is to tho with doing the old ignoring him and giving atteion to brianna is that she noes it now she she will play on it somtimes .
Don't no if any of this helps but good luck.
Rachel & Brianna
------------- mother to Brianna, Amelia & Mathew.
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 04 April 2006 at 8:24pm
As an aside, try to teach him other ways to communicate what he wants.
I don't know if it is relevant, but my child at 17 months has started biting as she doesn't know how to communicate properly and the fastest way to get someone to move is to give them a chomp. My new strategy is to try and give her some tools to communicate with. Don't exactly know how... but I'm working on it!!
At 3 I'd assume he's a bit easier to talk to than a 17 month old. But encourage him to express himself with words and hopefully over time that'll lead to less hitting
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Posted By: Jennz
Date Posted: 05 April 2006 at 9:01pm
Charlotte went through a bit of a phase of hitting when she was a little younger- we immediately grabbed her as soon as it happened and said loudly and firmly "If you can't play nicely then you can't play at all" or something along those lines like- people who hit don't get to play etc, then would put her in her room. We would go back in after a couple of minutes and say- are you ready to come out and say sorry and play nicely? She would sometimes squeal and jump about so we would leave her for an extra couple of minutes and then pop our head in and ask the same question. Once she was ok about it we would take her out and make her apologise.
I think the most important thing is that you do it every single time - immediately. Even if its a soft hit or you've just done it 1 minute ago- they need to know that if they are going to hit then they miss out and they don't get to play.
I know how awful it is to be the mother of the kid that has hit another kid- it may seem a bit harsh but it works!
------------- Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Posted By: yvettefair
Date Posted: 07 April 2006 at 12:27am
Hey there all you wonderful, mums. Thank you so much for the replies, much appreciated.
James, I have told him that you cannot hit people and that's it's not nice, it's automatic for most mum's to do that isn't it, but unfortunately, he keeps doing it. Like I said I've tried pretty much everything but I admit I haven't tried the giving the attention to the poor child that has been hit yet. I will definitely try that one next.
I have banned him from the computer too for hitting this evening.
Yes he is the oldest of most of the little cousins and I am pretty consistent with sending him to his room when he has hit someone.
I know with persistence and trying not to lose my head we should see improvement. My boy is a loving boy, he's great with all his cousins but as soon as someone crosses him or does something that he doesn't want them to do he is so quick to lose the plot.
Thanks again for all your suggestions, if anyone else has any other suggestions, always willing to learn and try. Cheers.
PS. Hey Kasbee, my son is 3 yrs old and I have 6mth old twin girls... just like you!!! How cool.
Yvette
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