Whos got PND or PTSD?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22323
Printed Date: 30 November 2024 at 11:57am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Whos got PND or PTSD?
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Subject: Whos got PND or PTSD?
Date Posted: 08 November 2008 at 9:57pm
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Cuz I do!!!! and find it weird that theres not really a topic on it...like for people suffering from it to chat to each other and feel not alone. Im hoping some others are out there and will join me in here so Im not a nigel no friends lol. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:12pm
just wanted to say - even tho i dont have PND - you wont be nigel no mates...you'll find a few ladies on here who have either been thru or are going thru it.
 ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:18pm
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Definately not a nigel-no-mates.
I always knew I was going to be high risk for PND having 2 previous bouts of depression, and I hoped so much that I wasn't going to get it. Unfortunately it raised it's ugly head when Blair was 4 months old, and I finally faced up to it about a month or so later. I rung MMH and after my initial appointment she confirmed that yup it was there, and off to the doc I went for the 'happy drugs'. My wee lad is nearly 13 months old, and I still have my crud days, but they are fewer and far-er between than they were, and I know that I will come thru this. I find it worse when I am running on little sleep, so I make sure that if I'm tired I get extra sleep - even if the dishes, and the vaccuuming..... and the washing have to wait, while I go back to bed when Blair goes down for his morning sleep. I'm here if you want to chat... ------------- 
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:33pm
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So Im Amelia and I had my baby Charli-Rose on 25th September.
I had a wonderful pregnancy and loved every mintue of it. I was really looking forward to giving birth and the only thing I was worried about was post-partum hemorrhage (PPH) as my mum had it with all her births. I had a strong believe in the ability of my own body and was hoping for a home birth or out at a lil country maternity hospital (Lincoln). However things didn't quite go to plan. My baby and I were so very happy with the arragngement that she didn;t want to come out! At 11 days over I started developing pre-celampsia toxaemia (PET) so I was booked in for an induction the next day. Things went bad pretty much from the start. I had trouble with the internals (TMI: turns out I was a lil...ah...tighter than norm) so even with sucking on the gas they were excruciating. I kept crying "I wanna go home" but they wouldnt let me! So I hd some sedation stuff and the first lot of prosteglandin gel put in. It didnt do much except for a show and a lot of teeny contractions which meant I couldn't have more gel, so I was in for the night. About midnight I started getting contractions- so exciting!!! They hurt like hell but I was happy things were finally happening. They stopped at 5.30am though but hey at least I got two hours sleep after that. The next morning I had more gel put in and the internal hurt just as much. This time I just had the gas and for some reason it didn't work so I yelled and screamed through the whole thing (my poor MW lol!) I kept having sore contractions but they were only a reaction to the gel- they weren't actually doing anything. So again, another 6 hour wait then another internal. My test results came back my PET was developing alarmingly quickly so MW said I had to have an epidural and get started with the drip. The epidural (which I was really scared of) was to lowe my BP and (which I found out later) because my MW was pretty sure Id be heading to a caesar. So in the epi went and the waters were popped. There was old mecconium in them so my MW explained that there would be a pediatrician at the birth and they would take the baby away straight away to check if she had any in her mouth and airways. The anaethetist came to check my epi and was very surprised when I yelled "hey!" when he pinched my thigh. It only worked on one side of my body and they wanted to take it out but I was like "nah itll be fine, Im fine..." At 9pm the Syntocin drip was set up and I settled in to labour quietly til the morning. I only felt half the contractions which I must admit was great. After an hour I started getting hotter and hotter and shaking. The MW also noticed baby's heart rate dipping. At this stage I was thinking oh sh*t I really should have had that epidural fixed! as I knew featal distress might mean a caesar. We were both pleasantly surprised to find that the reason the heart rate was dropping was because I was fully dilated! MW said shed give things an hour and then I should start pushing. I said "hell no its only 11pm you said I wouldn't have to push til morning!!!" And then spent the next hour going "I'm not gonna push...its way too soon!" Needless to say when the time came I was rather excited so did try to push. But I couldn't feel anything due to the epidural so sat there coughing as apparently it worked better when I coughed or laughed! I was developing an infection though so I had an IV line put in with antibiotocs. After 90mins MW noticed how hot I was (and getting a bit delirious) and realised that the IV line hadn't been working (it had tissued whatever that means). It would take another two hours for the next lo to work and we didn't have that. It was time to get baby out. MW called for a doc to come do a ventouse delivery. Around here I really started to loose it. I couldn't talk or focus on things. The doc decided high forceps would be better. I remember lifting my head up at one stage and seeing the doc pick up some scissors and move them towards me...and then heard an awful *snip*...and then he put them down. I kept asking DH "why did he have scissors? seriously I saw him with scissors!" (they did an episiotomy to put the forceps in). Once they had the forceps set up we got the head out. Then, with another push, I felt a really funny "flop" type feeling as my babys body slithered out. I was feeling really overwhelmed for some reason and didnt look straight away...I closed my eyes for one second...and when I looked back she had gone and I blacked out. Turn out that that last push I acutally did a good one and teh doc pulled a bit fast. Plus, as I was a bit...smaller than normal as I said earlier, and baby had a 36cm head, I tore, Bad luck, it went through two blood vessels. DH turned aroudna t this point and said it aws like something out of a SAW movie. I was lying on the bed with my legs up, squirting blood that was quickly filling a bucket underneath me and covering the floor and the staff, staff who were running around and screaming at each other. No-one even stopped to tell DH or me that we had a beautiful healthy girl. After an hour and a bit of stitching me up the "terrible terrible tear" as the doc called it was fixed as best they could. (for the record- a I really didn't need to be told that a doctor who sees tears every day as his job thinks mine is that terrible!!!) Later a nurse told me that they did a good job and things were almost symmetrical (almost???!!! oh dear  )
I lost over 2L of blood, which is a hell of a lot (most people have 5-6 in their whole body!) I was very weak and had machines hooked up to both arms so couldn't hold my baby. All I could do was stroke her hair with my skin when someone thought to plonk her on me hours after she was born. Not exactly the best start. I stayed at CHCH womens for the next week having a very tought time. I had a blood transfusion which took 14 hours. I had machines and things hooked up to my arms and wasn't allowed out of bed for days. I couldn't even pick up my baby til she was 4 days old and I missed her first bath, first nappies, dressing her the first time, her first cuddles with all my family...it was awful. Also, as a result of the transfusion I had major swelling everywhere including the breasts and nipples so it was too painful for me to put Charli-Rose on the breast. I really really wanted to breast feed though so kept stimulating them to keep up my supply. After 7 nights in hospital I had had enough and after consulting my own MW, discharged myself home. I was still very sick and weak and couldn't stand up for more than a few minutes at a time. It felt like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong. I was a useless mother who couldn't even change her won babies nappy. To make it worse I never even got a cuddle as every time she woke up to feed my well meaning (and much appreciated) DH and mum would take her and feed her while I hopped on the breast pump for an hour. By the time I was done she was all tucked up in bed again! I was suffering from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and couldn't sleep or relax. I went to the GP and got anti depressants, just to see if it would help and to prevent any PND from happening (as I had a history of depression). 6 weeks on things are better a bit. Talking about the birth and going over it time and time again has really helped with the PTSD although I still get freaked out at nights and think I'm back at the hospital. I did develop PND however and am having a tough time with it especially since DH has gone back to work. I am proud of myself however for not giving up BFing. Due to the really crappy start my supply is a bit funky and Charli-Rose wasn't doing well being fully BFed as I probably won't even have enough milk, so Im partially BFing and taking each feed at a time. BFing was/is really important to me as sometimes I feel like I should ahve never had a baby and being able to BFeed makes me feel like at lest something has gone right and I'm capable of something natural. I don't feel guilty about giving her bottles as well though. I have found the net amazing for finding people to talk too and loved it when I was pregnant. Its always been a bit hard though, as I feel everyone else is doing so much better than me, like everyone else dotes on their babies all the time and Im the only one who sometimes wishes she would go away. I feel like I cant say that as they would think Im a horrible mum, which is quite possibly true. So I'm hoping there's some other people out there who are having a tough time and willing to talk about it. I think it really helps to talk and realise that you're not alone. So yea that's me, sorry it was a really long post but hey there's my story, would love to hear yours  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:36pm
wow thats a long post! 
by the way here's a website I found today that had some ideas I hadn't thought of http://www.mothersmatter.co.nz Its also got a quiz thinge about PND. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 09 November 2008 at 11:01am
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Amelia I'm sorry I didn't read your post fully - I will once I have a screaming child in bed. But you are not alone there are a few of us here that have been through it or still battling it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 09 November 2008 at 4:01pm
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Big hugs Amelia! You and wee Charli-Rose sure have had quite the journey so far!
Please know that you are definitely not alone! I developed PND after the gremlins were born but refused to acknowlege it until I started having major anxiety issues when they were 8 mths old, and not long after that I found out I was pregnant again. I have been really lucky this time tho that my GP did a referral to MMH while I was still pregnant and so I have had lots more support. I also have some elements of PTSD associated with things that happened when the gremlins were tiny, they were quite sick and in and out of Starship, so when lil miss was admitted at 5 weeks with pneumonia and 11 weeks with bronchiolitis I found it really hard, it triggered a lot of flashbacks and anxiety. Well done for keeping up the breastfeeding. That's something I have been really insistent about this time too, and I have managed to get her 4 months exclusively breastfed which I am hugely proud of as I had a lot of feeding difficulties with the gremlins. When I look back on the time when they were babies I feel like I was almost an observer in my own life, like I was there but not really there if that makes sense? I never bonded with them, I think I was subconsciously afraid that if I loved them I would lose them, and when they screamed all day and night I actually started to resent them and resent the way they were affecting Maya's life instead of feeling sorry for them coz they were sick. It's still a day by day process for me, the gremlins and I have weekly play therapy sessions with a child psychologist at the Kari Centre to help with bonding and attachment, and I have weekly therapy sessions with my psychologist at MMH. On the bright side, I've had no trouble bonding with lil miss, she is the most precious wee thing and I am so in love with her. Altho it does make me feel guilty about not having that with the gremlins... -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 09 November 2008 at 8:15pm
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Maya thanks for sharing your story. It must have been so hard feeling that way. You must have been soooo busy too, with 3 under 4! Mind you I bet youre extra busy now lol. Thats interesting that you bonded alright with Maya and Chiara aye...keeps me holding out hope that it won't necessarily happen 'next time'. So have you found the psychologist at MMH helpful? Do you chat about how youre feeling and stuff? The play sessions are a good idea too, I hope they're helping.
Thanks to you other ladies too for sharing your stories! Its good to know Im not the only one. It certainly feels like it a lot of the time though! I know Im so dam lucky to have such a healthy baby. Ive never been worried about her health or needed to take her temp or anything! I feel guilty when I hear about other mums and the probs their babies are having...cuz to be honest Id quite gladly swap to be able to feel ok and love my baby fully. So it seems that PND is likely to come back after each pregnancy...do you think it did/would effect your decision about another child? DH and I have been talking about whether we'd do it again (the whole almost dying thing is rather off putting!). If it was like this again I can honestly say I would not risk having another child...but MW assures me that the likelihood of it happening is small (after all, no one expected me to start bleeding out even that time! It was just bad luck from a combination of things). I think poor DH was a bit traumatised too...after all he SAW everything...saw me bleeding out and the doctors panicking and just handed the baby and shoved to the side. Well we had a good and bad day today. Good in that we actually got out of the house!!! And I felt ok about being alone with her. I was also surprisingly on top of things; had the washing done, bottles sterilized etc. And Charli didn't have any breakdowns (or me for that matter!). Its been a bad day for feeding though. Shes in a "I just want it in a bottle!!! mood. its a very hard cycle to break! am hoping tonight she'll be too sleepy to care and will just have ther breast and remember that actually its rather nice ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 09 November 2008 at 9:01pm
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Wow! Your birth story is amazing, I don't think I would have managed to go thru that and not come out with some reservations and feeling the way you do.
I'll link my birth story when I hunt it down - probably tomorrow by the time I have dinner, and spend some time with DH when he finished work. I have found talking to others is valuable. I hadn't told anyone about the way I was feeling except for DH for a while and then I bailed out of a friends son b'day party, she asked if I was ok, I said yeah fine, paused and said um actually I'm not. She told a 2nd friend who turned up on my doorstep on the monday for breakfast, and one of the first things she said was how long, and we had a big chat. This was great as I hadn't really clicked with any of my AN group, but having another mum to talk about this too was great. I'm so pleased you had a good day, celebrate the milestones, even if it is only walking to the letterbox! Being left alone with your baby for the first time can be daunting if you don't feel ok about it, but you should be really proud of yourself and everything you have achieved today! -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 09 November 2008 at 9:56pm
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Well done on the good day! I still get anxious about being alone with the gremlins, mainly coz they are so chaotic now and into everything that I feel like I can't keep up!
I do find the therapy helpful, we're doing a bit of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as I also suffer from OCD but a lot of the time we just talk about stuff that is happening and my responses to it and how I can change my thought processes to respond in a more positive way. The other thing I've found helpful with MMH is that their Mothercraft nurse comes out every couple of weeks to see us, strictly speaking her job is to give me advice, support and ideas on parenting, breastfeeding etc. But being baby #4 I pretty much know all that stuff already so we just talk about how things are going which I find really helpful. She also just did a referral for me to Family Centre as I'm still having a few feeding issues. I'm not sure about PND in subsequent pregnancies, I hadn't really resolved mine before I got pregnant again so it's been a bit of an atypical extended episode. However despite the fact that I have a previous history of depression I *didn't* get PND after I had Maya so anything is possible! And if the circumstances surrounding your birth etc. were less traumatic you might not have developed PND this time so if things go more smoothly next time you might not get PND. Don't ever worry that you don't love your baby fully tho, you do, it's just sometimes the bonding thing doesn't happen quite the way it does in the movies. For me the hardest part was that I *did* bond instantly with Maya and was besotted with her from the moment she was born so I was acutely aware that it was different with the gremlins. My entire pregnancy I was convinced they were going to die, and I can remember in the delivery room after I had this brilliant, uncomplicated normal delivery feeling completely shell shocked that I now had these two little creatures coz up until that point I hadn't for one minute considered the possibility that they would be born alive. That feeling of shock persisted for months, especially with their health problems - Mercedes had a habit of stopping breathing quite randomly (apnoeas) and that only validated my fear that I would lose them. But I always loved them, even when I didn't know I did. The most important thing I think when planning another pregnancy (aside from planning it so you're not smack bang in the middle of PND like I did!) is to make sure you have lots of support in place *before* you get pregnant and during the pregnancy. Pregnancy/birth will be a particularly stressful time for you with the PTSD associations so setting up some coping strategies beforehand can help address that. That's what has made this time round much more positive for me - even tho I am "sicker" than I was after I had the gremlins in terms of the depression etc, I have so much more professional support that I don't feel like I am in it all on my own. I am also blessed to have an amazing group of friends who go out of their way to make my life easier, and like Monicamouse said, that means so much. Even tho a lot of them don't understand what it's like, they try and it makes me feel so valued even when I don't like myself very much. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 10 November 2008 at 9:18am
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Hi! Im Kelly. I belong in here too.
I had PTSD after having Isla in Oct 2006, although I struggled along thinking I was just stressed with sleep deprivation and a unsettled baby who no-one knew what was wrong with. When things settled down a bit, and Isla was finally diagnosed with silent reflux and put on meds, and started sleeping for longer than 2 hrs at a time, all these thoughtsof the birth started taking over my life. Isla was 8 months old when I went to my GP who didnt think I was depresed but that I had PTSD. He put me on meds which I finally started taking 2 weeks later when I could see that things werent getting better on there own. A while later I started seeing a nurse at MMH weekly who really helped, plus I had 3 hrs homehelp a week too which was fantastic. I was diagnosed as having PND too. Just after Isla's 1st birthday we moved towns. The supports I had in place were suddenly gone, I knew no-one here, and was now 6 hrs drive from my parents who had been a great help to us over the first year. I was put on my third diff anti-depressant after reacting to the first 2. Started having couselling but that was useless, and I was starting to struggle more and more. In Jan this year I ended up on the phych ward at the hospital after attempting to end my life. 2 weeks later I had a massive allergic reaction when my meds were increased again. I then had to come off my meds (which were now up to triple the usual dose) cold turkey. It was the most horrific thing ever to withdraw like a drug addict when I was already at the blackest point of my life. It took 2 weeks to finally be able to care for myself and my baby again. Opps Ive already written a book! He he! If you are still awake, well done! Lol I then had lots of supports put into place. I was seeing my GP 2-3 times a week from the time of the allergic reaction for about 2 months, as we decided we would see how I would do without going back on any meds but with other help. I was seeing an excellent phycologist weekly through MMH, and getting accupuncture and taking natural supplements from a natural health practioner, as well as Isla started daycare 8 hrs a week. We also sort further help to get Islas reflux and food intollerances sorted, as lack of sleep was a major issue for me. I am now doing well. Isla is now doing great and sleeping and behaving like any other 2 year old. I still have anxiety issues which Im still trying to work on, and lack motivation and self esteem although these are long standing issues. I have issues of lack of trust for medical staff from my experince with the OB during Isla's birth, plus the multitude of drs/midwives/plunket nurses/mothercraft nurses who we saw before Isla was finally diagnosed correctly, and treated. I can now stay in the room if people start takling about briths, without freaking out and having to leave and then having a black day like I used to. I sort of glaze over a bit, and dont join in, but am sooo much better. I had tears in my eyes just thinking about u haveing a bad time too (mummytobesept08). I didnt read your birth story, but I did read what u wrote before and after that. Im glad that you have got help so early on, and have great support. I really hope things improve for you soon. I have learnt that I need to tell people how the can help me, or they dont know! We want to have anothe baby but DH and I are both freaked about how the birth will go, and then how I will cope afterwards. Our lives are finally now going relatively smoothly, and we are scared to rock the boat again. Its now likely that we will have a 3 1/2-4 year age gap between kids,..double what we originally intended. The littlest thing can still set me off into anxiety then curled up into an un-functioning ball (although it doesnt last like this long anymore). We want me to be compeltely right before we ttc. |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 11 November 2008 at 5:08pm
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kellz, thanks for sharing your story! sounds like you had a very hard time too. Gawd how awful having to come off anti-depressants cold turkey! And having allergic reactions to them!
Sounds like everyone seemed to find help with MMH and stuff. I had plunkets post-natal adjustment team come out for a visit and she is gonna recommend I go to a mothers and babies unit and maternal mental health. It sounds pretty intense...though it didn't help when she said they send the top 3% of people there (cool so Im 97% more psycho than the rest of the world...thanks, good to know!!!) It's strange cuz I don't think I'm that bad. I don't drink/do drugs to make things feel better, Ive never thought about physically hurting myself or my baby...when the feeding goes bad sometimes I cant handle her and I sit there and cry with her and once I thought about leaving her on the lift...so maybe I'm a little nuts but surely not seriously so? I live with my mum at the moment, and DH and brother who has issues of his own. We moved here to help care for my brother as my mum goes away often and cant look after him. Mums been 'through the system' with Harley (my bro) so hasn't got much faith in them. Shes relly anti me getting help, to the point where she came downstairs while i was talking with the plunket lady and told her there was nothing wrong with me and she was wasting her time. (while Im sitting there in tears...hmmm...) Thanks Emma (oops I think I called you Maya in a previous post!). I do like to think if it wasnt for the birth that Id be ok. I always feared Id get PND. Geez it seems everything I was scared of has come true with this pregnancy and baby! Righto a certain lil miss requires some boobie...will be back later... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 November 2008 at 7:26pm
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My mum says the same thing! She has no experience with depression so she doesn't understand why I can't just "get over it". According to her if I stop telling myself I can't cope I'll be fine *rolls eyes* - yeah, coz it's that easy!
Yay for Plunket coming to visit and offering some support, hope it can help. I was like you, I never thought of harming myself or the kids, not once, not ever, but there were times I could have walked out and left them! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 November 2008 at 7:32pm
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Thats like me- I had a fear of things going wrong and me getting pnd cos of family history of depression,..and yeah,..here I am!
I wasnt using drugs/alcohol or putting myself or my baby at risk either. I was very stressed, very anxious, very sleep deprived, extremely tearful, and thinking the worst of everything, but was still able to care for Isla. I dont think anyone ever feared for her safety at all. They are just offering u the help to support u now so things dont end up worse. Take all the help you are offered I say! Better to have all the supports happening, rather than waiting til things to get worse before u get help. If u live in Chch, the Mothers and babies unit there is really good, so Ive heard from people who have been there who I chat with on a pnd forum. I just started to write about the OD to explain that I wasnt feeling suicidial until the point where I actual took the OD, which was after an incident with a family memeber. This was the last straw, and I felt like the world would be so much better for all my loved ones, if the burdeon of having me in their lives was gone. I wont go into any more details- Its a bit graphic so will delete. I was very sick. My thinking was completely warped. I can see that now. I so glad I made it through. My baby needs me, and now she has me back 
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 11 November 2008 at 8:34pm
I was lucky enough to be refered to the mothercraft unit here in Hamilton, which helped me get Blair into some good sleep patterns, which in turn allowed me to get some decent sleep, which allowed me more time, and a decent head space to 'sort' myself out'. I know it sounds bad, but I kept reminding myself that I'm not the worst mother in the world, otherwise you would all be hearing about me in the news
Its tough that your Mum doesn't seem supportive, I know that it can be hard to stand up to our Mums at times, but if you feel that getting all the help you can is the best thing for you - and as a result Charli-Rose - then IMO you've gotta go for it -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 11 November 2008 at 8:46pm
| We went to the Waikato mothecraft unit too! |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 12 November 2008 at 9:49pm
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had our 6 week jabs today and Charli-Rose might call for me any second but hopefully I get a chance to write on here!
I know I keep saying this but thanks heaps for posting in here. I know its really tough stuff to talk about but its really helping me to know other people are or have gone through similar things and its great to hear what helped. Today was alright except I made the mistake of going through my hospital notes again. My heart was beating so fast when i got to the 'good bits'. And I found more stuff that I didnt know happened, like toady I found in the notes that they manually removed the placenta. Its still really hard not remembering those things properly. Then had a nap. It was awful! I woke up totally freaking out, I think I was having nightmares about it. Then felt weird and sorta on edge for the rest of the day. I'm still sorta like that now. My chest is a bit tight and I keep chewing my nails. So Im feeling a bit crazy right now!!! Oh ooh someone wants feeding...hopefully my milk lets down ok now. It didnt before as I was still freaking, so she had to have it in a bottle. The poor thing! Shes feeling so miserable from her shots that all she wants is boobie lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 12 November 2008 at 10:54pm
Snap! Lil miss had her 12 week jabs today. Yes, yes I know, only 6 weeks late lol but it's taken me this long to be brave enough coz every time I made the appt she got sick so I got too scared to make another appt  . Still, they're done now, and she spiked a nasty temp of 38.6 degrees but some pamol and a bath brought it down and she's asleep.
The respite nurse from MMH is here tonight so if baby is too unsettled she will rock her in the hammock. Well done for looking at your notes! It must have taken a lot of nerve. I have similar issues with baby pics of the gremlins, I can't look at them without getting anxious coz it triggers flashbacks of all the bad stuff that happened then, but I'm getting braver with time. I've started doing scrapbooking and working thru their baby photos one by one which I'm finding quite therapeutic. Hope Charli-Rose has a settled night for you! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 14 November 2008 at 1:58pm
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I had absolutely no experience with depression before having Isabella and thought people who did should "pull themselves together".
During the pregnancy I had my heart set on a natural birth but Isabella was breech and nothing the homeopath, accupuncturist, midwife or obstetrician did would budge her so I ended up in a very unwanted caesarian... and feeling as though I could have done something to avoid it. Isabella fed every 40 minutes and DH somehow managed to sleep straight through any amount of noise she made. And my family descended on our home (from another country) the night before I had her and spent the next few weeks criticising everything from my DH to my home, saying they were bored and expecting me to cook, clean and wait on them hand and foot. I tore my stitches while hanging laundry! So looking back it isnt a huge surprise I ended up with PND. All I can say is thank god my doctor picked it up and prescribed medication because I was suicidal. I was on medication for a year before weaning myself off and am now managing without any issues. I have so mych more empathy for people who suffer from depression now! I am absolutely terrified of getting PND again and although I want another baby very, very badly I'm too scared to TTC just yet. |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 14 November 2008 at 3:13pm
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AzzaNZ, I'm sorry, I just can't get over the fact that your family expected you to keep them entertained and 'kept' for not only a)just after you had had a baby, but b) whilst you were recovering from surgery! Your poor thing. I completely understand the fear of another bout with a second child. I always knew I was high risk, and thought I knew the signs, but put a lot of it down to just being tired. If there is a next time, I'm making sure that DH knows what to look out for too. -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 14 November 2008 at 3:31pm
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Thanks for sharing your story. How old is Isabella now? Totally understand how scary it is contemplating #2 after such as awful time, thats exactly how we feel.
We would love to have another baby, but everything is finally pretty ok now, and we are so scared of things getting bad again. We have decided to think about ttc in Jan, but as that date approaches we are both still now sure if we will be ready then or not. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 14 November 2008 at 8:20pm
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It's such a horrible scarey thing.
I had it after having paris but never sought help out of being so darn scared that they'd take her away and that mike would think i was nuts (i think i wrote up a big speil about it in some part of this thread a while back) . we had a heap of probs after having ayja but i seemed ok, mike on the other hand got pretty depressed instead. then of course along came surprise baby#3 pregnancy, only to find out at routine scan that it had died. i kept going for nearlya year - just jollying along with so many other things to keep going for, it wasn't until nearly the 1st anniversary that it all fell down around my ears. My doctor diagnosed that i was still probably actually suffering from PND brought back to life by the miscarriage, rolled up with anxiety issues and OCD as well. So have been on meds since March. I found it so so hard to accept at first that i needed these and was so scared that i would be like this forever. Mostly now am ok, just some certain times of the month tied up with hormones it's very easy for me to have the anxiety issues flare up and in those times i still have the thoughts of "oh my god, this is it for the rest of my life" hanging around. I wish i had done something about it after having Paris, then maybe it wouldnt have snowballed to this point now, although i am glad now that i found it in myself to go and get help, that and my sister helped me hugely too by telling me i HAD to go to the doctor the very next day and do something about it, and she talked to Mike to make sure he knew and took me. There's plenty of us around, and yeah sometimes really i spose we should talk about it a bit more often, cos there's definately help in talking things through, but i think alot of us just try and get on with things and try to be as "normal" as we can too, I know for me, OB is kinda like my haven away from the reality of every-day life as well. I know though that when i do need it, I can come here and have people to talk to to help me get through. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 14 November 2008 at 8:40pm
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azza and Janine thanks for sharing your stories!
Azza: what a shame your family was a hindrance rather than a help! And yay for weaning off the anti-depressants. It took me two goes to wean myself off them (though the first time it was straight after my M/C so probably not the best timing!) Thats why I was a bit reluctant to go on them this time but considering how bad I was I figured anything that might help was worth it! So Im on them now (much to my mums displeasure!) How old is Isabella now? Janine- first of all so sorry to hear about your baby that died! *phew* for your sister telling you to go to docs. with me it was my mw- she said got to the doc and go TODAY! have you ever done counseling or anything? I'm actually the oppostie witht he TTC thing. I want to start now and have a baby again so I can give birth again and do it "right" this time- hidden away from nasty hospitals and doctors that took everything away from me...though I know this is very irrational as a) thats no reason to have a child and b) if I wasnt at the hospital I would have lost too much blood before getting to a doctor and would have died...but no need to worry cuz things aren't...ah...healed enough to have to worry! (warning- a bit TMI) Had my last visit with MW today. Had to check my stitches which was scary. Things healed a bit, ah, tightly. Im so guttered cuz things being too tight was the root of all my problems during the birth...and pre-birth I had actually been looking forward to being well a loose goose lol. So the fact that that didn't go to plan either has left me a bit  hopefully I dont have the same probs though else Charli-Rose will most def be an only child!
Kellz- January is still a wee while away...I so understand why you wouldn't wanna risk everything turning to sh** again though! I think its something you'd definitely need to think a lot about BEFORE getting pregnant again. I dont know how much you could help- but definitely having a LOT of support systems in place! And it may not come back. Reading Emma's story it didnt happen with her youngest baby so there is hope! Well we've got a lady from plunket's post-natal adjustment programme coming again this week. Im a bit nervous but...I suppose it'll be alright. she just asks some pretty tough questions! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 14 November 2008 at 9:13pm
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Good luck for your next appointment. I found my 2nd appt with MMH a lot better, I knew what to expect, I wasn't so nervous about meeting her, I knew that she really wanted to help me, and the fact that I had taken some positive steps probably helped.
Speaking up, and sharing with others can be tough, but knowing that there are others out there 'just like you' can be reassuring. -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 8:42pm
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Hi guys, how is everyone doing lately?
I'm loosing it I don't know what to do! I'm already ON anti-depressants. But it's getting worse each day. I cry ALL the time and when I run out of tears I still feel like crying. I have no energy and have started avoiding people. I'm forcing myself to come on here. I figure its a bit easier than seeing 'real' people at least. I've started dreaming about the days I used to drink my sorrows away...not that I'm saying Im gonna go grab a vodka, but Ive been getting so desperate at nights I wonder if it'd be better to- at least so I can get some sleep.
I had someone from PNAP come out today but I couldn't even talk to her. I just wanted her to take Charli-Rose and go away. I don't understand though cuz I do love my baby, I'm sure I do. And sometimes I think she's so darn cute! But it's so hard. I really wanted to talk to the aldy but I just couldn't. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 9:22pm
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Aw hugs. Firstly how long have you been on the ADs?
The fact that you are willing to sit down and 'chat' to us, and you have put your hand up for help shows that you aren't loosing it. Speaking to someone in real life can be daunting, expecially if you don't know where to start. Have you got a follow up appointment? I use to write things down about how I was feeling often before a visit to try and a) get my head around it, and b) to make sure I covered the things I really wanted to discuss. Is there someone you trust who can give you a time-out - even if it's an hour to yourself to sleep, - either by taking Charli-Rose for a nice long walk, or looking after her for a bit? I know leaving bubs with someone else can be scary. I know I was lucky one afternoon DH just said ok you sleep, bubs and I are going for a walk. I know I've asked a lot of questions, ok only 3, and I hope it doesn't seem like I'm being a nosey wench, just trying to help where I can, and hopefully offer some insight -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 8:33pm
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Monica thanks so much for teh idea about writing things down.Last time J came round (the PNAP lady) I was so tired and had no idea what I was gonna talk about so this time I've been writing things down.
Ive been on ADs for...hmm...7 weeks now. I think in some ways I am feeling better. Like I started doing a few things I used to enjoy. Nothing major, just a crossword at night before bed, but its a good sign. The other night I was looking at Charli-Rose while she was asleep and I thought "my god shes so cute I just wanna pick her up and snuggle her!" Ive NEVER had feeling like that about her before so thats a good sign too
theres things that are getting worse though. Maybe because it feels like this PND will never end. I got a bit drunk the other night. Ok yes it only happened once but Ive been thinking about it ever since...like how my head felt so fuzzy for a few hours and I could relax and had the best sleep... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 9:19pm
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I can't remember how long I took the AD's for before I started feeling 'really human'. Congrats for some great news - doing stuff you enjoy again - no matter how little it is is always a positive step, and as for your lovely comment re just wanting to pick up Charli-Rose and snuggle her.... AWWWW!
I know it can be scary thinking that you will feel like this forever, but if it's like the 'standard version of depression (unlike the supersize I ordered this time around lol) then I know that there is an end to this and I just have to give it time. -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 10:33am
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Aww hugs mummytobe!! I second the stuff that Monica said. And if you still feel like you aren't coping then maybe you should go back to your GP and let them know, and they may be able to increase your AD dose or something.
I've been meaning to come into this thread for a while and join the "I've got PND" group  but every time I think about trying to write my story down I just feel exhausted, so I've been avoiding it. I will get around to it one day, I'm sure...
In short, I had a hard pregnancy and then an awful birth experience, trouble with breastfeeding and didn't bond with Chloe for the first 4-5 months... I cried all the time and I'm sure I had PND but just kept trying to cope on my own. I found out I was pregnant again when Chloe was about 6 months old (ish) and that's when I really fell apart and went to see the Dr, who put me on AD's and got me some support. I'm feeling a whole lot better now... still have off days of course, but coping in general
I hope you are feeling better today, mummytobe! ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 3:02pm
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Thanks Monica. My mother had vaginal births and I dont think she quite got the seriousness of the operation. She was also so focussed on her dislike of my partner that I dont think she could think reasonably about anything.
Hindsight really is 20/20. Looking back now there are so many things I would have done differently. |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 3:08pm
Isabella is 21 months now
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Kellz wrote:Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 3:11pm
You need some support! Is there anyone who can come and just look after her for an hour so you can have some quiet time? Your doc might also want to look at your meds and consider a different type? The ones I was on first were useless, they only got it right second time round. |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 9:46pm
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big hugs mummytobesep08!!!
Hi Ladies, don't really have the concentration span to read all the stories so far but i'm Chonny & i hvae just been diagnosed with PND. i have been struggling a lot lately & talked to GP today who has given me script for Anti D's & is referring me to the South Auckland Maternal Mental Health place. So, i really not sure what happening i guess. i had depression as a teen ager & again about 6mth after getting married, Both times ended up on pills. Got REALLY depresse dduring my preggy due to marriage probs but not on pills. Never got PND with my DS1 & was ready for it. Not sure what to do i guess at this stage. i hvae a 2yo who drives me nutty most the time at the moment & a 6week old who is great. I really love my boys & wouldn't exchange them for anything, but right now i would deffinately change my 2yo.... Sorry for long post, just wanted to introduce myself & find others in a similar position. I have been worried for a whil ei was getting like this & try to call my mum everyday to check in with her but every time i tell her how i feel she always says it's just tiredness.... it's nice to know now i'm not just tired, altho that wont help, it's not all thats happening. anyways, it's nice to know there something that may help, or that i have at least sought some extra help -------------   
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 11:48am
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chonny, azza, littlebug, monica, kellz...thanks heaps for posting!
Chonny sorry to hear about your tough time. Good on ya for seeing your GP! Hopefully the ADs will help soon. What one are you on? (if you dont mind me asking!) littlebug sorry to hear about your story too! how long did it take til you were feeling better? Well Ive figured some stuff out. Like why Im all confused about whether I have PND or not (yes I keep changing my mind!). See when Ive had depression before (once treated with ADs, once not), its been really bad...the "I wish someone would just kill me, Id do it myself but I have no energy" type. So that fact Im not actually suicidal makes me think im not depressed...if that makes sense. I told this to DH last night. I said I cant be depressed cuz i dotn want to die, Ive just lost my passion for life and am miserable and angry and so dam tired all the time and just not me. SO I dunno, maybe its PND but not as bad as my depression before? It sounds a bit silly though...considering Ive had my MW, the PNAP lady, plunket, a social worker AND my GP all say Ive got a lovely mix of PTSD and PND...and I still cant decide... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 12:04pm
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mummytobesep08, i'm the same, every other time i have had depression i've just wanted to die etc. even when i had PTSD i was the same, altho that time i over worked myself so majorly it wasn't funny. like.... 6 jobs working 100+ hours a week type thing
Dr has given me a script for Aropax.... haven't filled it yet & not sure if i wanna.... kinda weary bout taking the pills also i feel heaps better today.... but thats how it goes aye? one day can be bad then the next be ok but keeps going in that cycle type thing. I don't know! anyone on AD's & breastfeeding? -------------
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 1:11pm
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im breastfeeding with ADs...not the same one as you though. Mine, Fluox, does go into the breastmilk a fair bit but 'they' think its not a prob. I found lots of useful infor on this website, Ill get the link for you:
http://www.mothersmatter.co.nz/Medications/Antidepressants/ And heres some on your meds...looks like the best one to be on! * Paroxetine is considered the safest SSRI in breastfeeding. * Infant blood levels are undetectable or less than 3% of maternal level and no adverse events have been reported in the about 100 infants studied (11) (12). * One study found greater Paroxetine concentration in later portions of breast milk (hind milk) than in early portions (fore milk) (13). I think you gotta remember too that it takes awhile to kick in...maybe try it and see? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 1:31pm
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I think maybe having depression when u have a baby makes u somehow keep going,...like u cant literally do nothing cos u have a baby to care for.
I didnt think I was depressed either,..I put it down to Isla being sick and me being so tired and stressed- it was ages before I finally agreed with everyone else that I was deprssed,...after it got REALLY bad. |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 1:37pm
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thanks, yes i think i will fill the script & take it at least till after chrsitmas, you never know, it may help to get thru all that. I was on fluox previously. GP rung the south auckland mental health place & they recommended Aropax as being the best for breastfeeding. my gp did say it was only liek 3% that goes through to him anyways....
Kellz, my mum keeps putting it down to tired & stressed due to being tired. even today after telling her yesterday bout what gp said, she still tried to tell me it was just being tired. I agree with you totally, with kids you HAVE to keep going. i tried to explain to mum that today is a good day, but then there are bad days which are REALLY bad. oh but everyone gets them too she says, i said yes, but my bad days now are worse than they used to be. she has never had depression or at least never diagnosed it & because i'm not nearly as bad as a friend of hers who had the REALLY bad PND then she doesn't think i have it. quite funny how different people react huh. Kellz, Isabella is 3 days short of a year older than David i just noticed her birth date :)-------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 1:42pm
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Just thought of something else- you guys were saying that the way u feel now was diff to when u had depression before having baby - well I havent had depression before, but maybe its like with everything in your life,..nothing feels the same after having a kid as i did before. I used to love to do adventure type stuff, like scary rides, rock climbing etc,...but now wouldnt consider it,..I want to,..but there is something in me that stops me,....I hope this makes any sense,...but I guess there is somethjing tha makes u strive on and keeps u in survival mode when your a mother.
But depression is a scary disease,..it can totally warp your thinking,....I managed to totally believe that Isla would be so much better off without me,..in the end I beleived I was punishing her by being her mother, and making her suffer and I needed to let her be free of me and she could be happy,...when people told me this wasnt tru I really could not see how it wasnt tru. Of course I can see that now,..but it took a long time and a lot of therapy and meds etc to come right. I guess my point is- if professionals are telling you that u are not right and u need help and meds etc,..LISTEN,..for your sake and the sake of your children. That probably sounds relaly harsh,...but I didnt listen,..I let things go too far,......it was very very close to being too late,....and nowe Im just so lucky and forever grateful that I got given a second chance. |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 1:58pm
| You mean 2 yrs older!! |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 2:01pm
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Isla was 8 months old before I was diagnosed with ptsd and pnd- things got worse and worse when she was a year old- we moved towns just after her first birthday (oct 07),. at the end of Jan 08 I was at my lowest point, and ended up on the Pysch ward at the hospital after attemping to kill myself.
Have spent this whole year recovering,..and Im now doing GREAT!! Hoping to start work soon- have an interview next Thurs, yay! There is hope guys,..you WILL get better! |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 2:14pm
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oops, my bad. you are very right tho kellz! you gotta listen to people. my thing is i have been down that road too many times & knew i didn't wanna harm my babies. i almost got to the point with V where i was almost harming him. no one ever really knew & wouldn't surprise me if i had a bit of PND then but i got over it. at that point i didn't think i could be depressed or anything. Kellz, i'm so pleased to hear you are feeling way better now. Yay for the job interview too hun. that's so exciting. normality... -------------
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 3:42pm
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I'm still BF and on the ADs. I'm taking Citalopram and it seems to be doing the trick for me. Reminds me I need to see my GP next month for some more)
I've said it before, but I find being tired inflates everything and makes it harder to deal with everything else going on (and who isn't tired with a little littley?) I think that some people who haven't been exposed to drepression in any form often have misconceptions about how people are/act when they are living with drepression. Personally I've never had the inclination to harm myself (i'm too much of a wuss) or Blair, but I found myself checking too many boxes of the 'check list' of signs that may indicate PND. Pregnancy, Childbirth, and becoming a Parent are huge changes in our lives, that impact on us emotionally, mentally and physically, and I think sometimes we (read I) don't recognise that enough and give ourselves (myself) enough recognition for what we have been thru. You are all amazing woman, doing a wonderful job and don't you forget it!!!!! -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 3:45pm
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Yeah I agree about recognising the impact that becoming parents has on us.
Totally sleep deprivation is a major trigger for me,...I didnt realise til I actually got some sleep, then I could see the difference when Isla had a worse night and how it effected me and my mood. |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 9:17pm
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definately agree lack of sleep doesnt help but sometimes its hard to catch up u no. had a call from the netal health lady & she wants me ti take ad's, thinks i'm just in that 6 week transitional stage.... have to stay under my gp for now, so no support coming apart from the pills. hope they work! -------------
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 29 November 2008 at 10:25pm
Hey thats exactly what I ws saying to my Dh last night! Its not like Im special to Charli. Well other than the breastfeeding. I think thats why its so dam important to me (BFing that is). Cuz I was shown from day one that I wasn't needed to look after Charli, that she could get everything form everyone else. But breastfeeding? That's just my thing. Much as my mum tries she cant do that! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 29 November 2008 at 10:30pm
Kellz you must be so excited about your interview! What did you end up saying about your PND? Obviously it didnt effect anything as you got an interview well done! you deserve a: 
Ive been writing a blog (if anyone wants a read : http://heavenandhell-myjourney.blogspot.com/) and looking back its no wonder my MW thought I was nuts. I remember this one time Charli was asleep in her bassinet next to me, not making a noise, but I could hear her screaming and crying and screaming and crying, getting louder and louder and it wouldnt stop...I thought the only way to stop it was to throw her down the stairs. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking back now Im like OMFG I cant believe I thought that! (I didnt throw her by the way, I just moved her bassinet way away from my bedroom an went back to sleep). Today was good though. We went out last night and I acutally missed her! This was definitely a first! So something must be going right ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 29 November 2008 at 10:36pm
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you guys are so right about the tiredness too. Since starting our new BFIng plan (doing top ups so I'm not constantly feeding and waking 5 times a night) Ive had more sleep and even managed to look after bubs while I had a cold and didn't feel too bad while doing it! Ive had a few good days actually ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 30 November 2008 at 5:37pm
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wel done hun! that is so good that you managed a good sleep.
Started my ad's yesterday, didnt notice a difference yesterday but this am i felt lik emy head was so heavy it was going to fall off! i was struggling to hold it up! tiredness.... Felt like that last night as we were out, but not yesterday am. will have to keep an eye on it. Apparently a side effect can be drowsiness.... Had a sleep this avo as i was so tired, not feeling too much better. Had a good day yesterday, but in saying htat i was out when V went to bed at night. Did almost loose it this avo when D woke after half an hour sleep. Luckily he went back off as i needed more sleep. Usually takes a few weeks to kick in aye? i hope it's sooner rather than later as we go to welly in 2 weeks! -------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 30 November 2008 at 7:00pm
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Usually takes 2-4 weeks. Some drugs are different- Venalfaxine/Efexor takes 2 months
Are you taking them at night? When I swtiched to taking them at night it made a heap of difference to how tired, low energy and yuk I felt in the day. Amelia-good on you for sorting out a fedding plan thats gonna help u get more rest. Yay for going out too, its really god to have some 'you' time. Hope u did something nice! I havent told my future employer about the pnd yet, cos it didnt really fit into the questions that were asked on the application, and I think I will be able to explain better in person at the interview how Im doing now, that what I could write in a line or 2 on the application form,..Im much better at talking than writting too! Lol! Having my hair done on Wed so at least that will look decent for the interview. So dont have anything to wear tho, which is a bit of a bother. So cant afford anything either. Cant wear jandles
ETa- had to fix some shocking spelling! |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:25am
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having your hair done will be so nice kellz! you will feel so good! I am taking my tablets in the am coz that's what it says to do? will see how i go over next few days
-------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:30am
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Hopefully you improve soon, but if not youc couls ring and check with your dr if it ok to take them at night. I had the worst problem with Venalfaxine, and I know with that it is advised to take at night. In the end I was on triple dose and it had to be spilt into 2 sperate doses,..but even then I had to take one at dinner time and one before bed or I was so drowsy and yuk.
Yeah cant wait to get my hair done- getting whole new style- with a fringe,..eek! Bit scary,..hope it looks good,...Im waiting to have a skin cancer removed from my forehead in the next 2 weeks, so getting the fringe to hide the scar I will soon have. |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 11:18am
 skin cancer kellz???!!! woah! yay about the hair itll make you feel heaps better Im sure. And all professional and ready for your interview!
chonny I talked to my doc about swapping to the AD that youre on but decided against it cuz yea it can make ya really drowsy. Im thinking about swapping ADs to night time as well cuz Im sooo drowsy during the day but cant sleep at night! Argh todays gonna be a bad day I can tell...I woke up really angry at CHarli-Rose for some reason...like "argh why do you always need my boobies!!!" Thankgod she takes a bottle. I made DH feed her. But now my supply will be down and Ill feel guilty about it later...oh well hopefully the day gets better! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 11:29am
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Try and do somehting nice that will turn it into a good day instead,...think about somehting taht will make u happy and make the effort to do it. Even if its egtting dressed and walking tot he letterbox, or around the block or whatever. It doesnt have to be a bad day.
I am so good at letting one little thing ruin the whole day/whole weekend/ week etc, when I really just need to sit, breathe and realise it doesnt have to ruin anything
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Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 12:06pm
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big hugs mummytobesep08. Hope you manage to make it a better day.
My Dr said that if i was getting side effects to drop from half a tab to quarter for a week, then half for a week then three quarters for a week the full. She said it will take longer, but at least it won't be giving up. I think i am going to have to as i am REALLY tired again. Was a rough night last night but this is not just general tiredness, it's i yawn & struggle BIG time to keep my eyes open! -------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 12:23pm
| Did you ask about talking them at night? I know what u mean about it not being just normal tiredness,..its like your brain is foggy and u body cant move right. |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 12:38pm
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that's exactly how i would describe it kellz. :) no, i haven't spoken to gp. this is just what she said to me before i got them. will try taking a quarter pill next couple of days & see if it makes a difference. if no difference will ask bout taking them at night -------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 12:46pm
I hope something helps soon, its horrible feeling like that 
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Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 1:03pm
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it's scary! espesh carrying little ones -------------
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 10:00pm
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hows the drowsiness today chonny?
well I did my best today and thats all I could do I think. Charli is sick so its been pretty intense. Im quite worried about tonight though. I miiiiiiiight ring this councellor lady tomorrow...Ive been meaning to for ages but haven't 'found the time' (which really means haven't had the guts to lol). Now ive said it on here it means Ive got to haha!!! whens the interview Kellz? Hey what do you guys think about making this a sticky topic? we seem quite chatty i dont know how to go about it though------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 12:13am
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The very first time I was on the AD's all I wanted to do was sleep, I would wake up in the morning, have breaky, have a tablet, do a couple of things think what do I want to do - oh have a sleep, and go have a couple more hours, wake up at lunch time and do it all over again. This went on for a couple of days - luckily I didn't have DS and DH was on holiday at the time. This time around I did get sleepy the first day, but just slept when DS slept - even these days if I'm tired I'll go back for a couple more hours in the morning (doesn't help if I'm up late like tonight :P)
I found growth-spurts and heatwaves bad for BFing - I always seemed to do it, I reminded myself why he akways seemed to be on (those 2 reasons and the fat content) and it made it a *little* easier to cope with. I'm lucky now that he has a feeding plan too (only 3 milk feeds a day) and has a sipper cup with water available to him throughout the rest of the day. Let us know how you get on with your phone call Amelia Best of luck for your interview Kellz Chonny - you've always got us here for support -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 3:28pm
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hope your call went well Amelia...
Well, dropped back to quarter tablet today & drowsiness didnt hit till midday. i'd taken it bout 8ish this am. hoping that tomorow will be longer. was still feeling drowsy at 4.30am this morning! must be the large dose. will keep taking quarter for a couple of days to see if it settles down. felt really low last night coz i was so tired & drowsy & V got some energy back & D was too hot & wouldn't settle in his bed. how is everone else today? -------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 3:41pm
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Glad u were a tad less drowsy, hopefully cutting back on the meds for s few days will help.
Im good ,just a bit sorta overwhelmed I guess,.. I get like this when there so many things I need to be doing I find it hard to know where to start! Got so many things on form now til Mon - next wed too,...busy busy! A bit nervous about the job interview- also about how my new haircut will look- and mostly about what the haircut is to cover- the surgery for cancer coming up in next week or so, wish I had a date. |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 3:46pm
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we all thinking of you kellz, big hugs! i know the feelign botu not knowing where to start, i think that's why i tend to spend so much time on the computer. it's easier than looking at my cluttered table that needs clearing away -------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 4:05pm
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Oh yes totally! I never fully finish any jobs around the house. The breakfast dishes arent even done I did do food shopping and I have done 3 loads of washing tho!
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Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 4:13pm
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my washing is in the machine form saturday.... been raining pretty much since, i did empty & re-load the dishwasher before turning the computer on tho. -------------
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 11:39pm
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oops I got too busy and didnt call...maybe tomorrow??!!
Guess what I did today...went for a walk! yay! It was such a nice sunny day and I had a few friends over so we went for a wee walk to the park. It was so nice! And im really exhausted so hopefully I should fall alseep without too much "ahhhh im back at the hospital", heart racing, panicky type moments... chonny hopefully the drop in meds will help! WIll it mean itll take more time to work? Kellz...so hang on is it a scar already or are you getting something removed that will leave a scar? Sorry- confused! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 02 December 2008 at 11:40pm
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monica do you still get drowsy now? (cant remember if youre on ADs at the mo?) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 12:01am
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Yup still on the ADs, my doc wanted at least 9 months out of me, I'm guessing cos of my history. I find I don't get drowsy after taking them, but if I've had a lot of late nights, and no catch up sleeps then I do get tired - and probably more tired than I used to.
I did mention some time back that I would share http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=146&KW=Stories&PN=0&TPN=18 - my birth story so here it is, finally, it's about the 9th post down the page. I think that writing it all down helped me cos I was still blaming myself for a things that didn't go to plan, that and finally getting a copy of my notes (not that long ago) helped put some perspective on some of that. Right I'm off to bed, DH and I have had 'quality time' gaming together lol -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 7:09am
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9 months isnt long to be on ad's. Its meant to be not weaning off til 6 months of being perfectly well.
Amelia- Im waiting to have a skin cancer cut out of my forehead in the next 2 weeks, so Im getting the haircut done today in preparation! |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 3:00pm
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Hope the haircut comes out well Kellz... when is your interview again?
Housework is another thing that goes on the backburner here. Every time Chloe naps I come on OhBaby
Yay for a lovely walk, mummytobe. It's nice to get out of the house. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 3:06pm
Just read your story MonicaMouse... sounds like you had a lot of uncertainty in your labour! I think you did really well  especially to be labouring in a room with other people.------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 10:40pm
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kellz- woah!!! cancer! how scary! is it bad? (i feel stupid asking that considering its cancer, but you know what i mean!)
thanks for giving the link MonicaMouse. I had a wee tear reading your story. (hugs). Arent hospitals awful? You must have been so dam sick of it! And it sounded very scary at the end too. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 7:40am
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Its basal cell carcinoma, the most common type of cancer, and can usually just be cut out and doesnt often spread, so its not that bad. Its not usual for someone in there 20's to get it tho,..more usual to get it in your 50's, so is likely I will get more.
Had my haircut yesterday. I like it, but is gonna take a bit to get used to, since Ive never had a frige before. And now my hair has to part on the otherside, so I had more highlights so it looks good, but weird having part in a diff place! Its sooo hot here at the mo,..was 30 yesterday! Interview is now next week and not today, as she had to cancel. Another whole week to stress,... I mean prepare! Lol! |
Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 9:29am
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Your haircut sounds nice, Kellz! I know what you mean about it being weird to have a part in a different place, it just feels so strange doesn't it.
Oh man, another week until the interview... hope it all goes well and you don't stress too much ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 10:37am
| Im already stressing too much! Mostly anxious about having my head surgery, cos dont have an exact date, so hard to make plans. No doubt it will be the day my interview is ment to be! |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 9:02pm
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hey guys!
so i skipped my ADs for a few days....and after a rather horrific morning am back on them. oh well. not much happening here except its too hot! we have our PNAP lady coming tomorrow and I can proudly tell her that I looked after Charli Rose all by myself for the whole day without going nuts AND she was sick too! so yay
hope youre not freaking out too much kellz! lilbug...i just noticed your ticker things. so youre pregnant? woah! are you nervous about having two really young kiddies? I hope you have heaps of support! chonny how are you finding the meds? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 9:38pm
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yay for being able to look after charli-rose today mummytobesep08. That's awesome!
Well, apart from a headache today, i have had no side effects. Yesterday i got blurry vision (apparently a migraine i've never ever had one like that before) then that went & i got the painful migraine then i felt quezy. aparently all side effects. but yea, nothign today. Slept solid last night so hoping the meds aren't making me sleep too solid. i still heard V when he woke during the night tho so not toooo worried. Kellz, hugs hun, hope you don't stress too much -------------
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Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 2:21pm
| So surgery is definalty Wed, just wont find out til Mon if its am or pm,...and my interview was postponed yesterday and is either wed or thurs next week, have to irng the boss on Mon cos she away til then. Hopefully I can have interview wed am before the surgery. So dont want interview on thurs, I wont sleep wed night cos of the pain Im sure. Yuk! At least I have dates now, yay! |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 2:37pm
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thinking of you kellz! -------------
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 5:41pm
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kellz thats so exciting! i hope youre not worrying too much with all the time you have til the interview.
well guess what? we are officially off the PNAP home visit list! yay! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 10:30pm
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well done, sorry to be naive, but what is the pnap? -------------
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Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 10:40pm
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oh sure: its a thing from plunket:
Post Natal Adjustment Programme They see women who are really struggling and do referals to the mother and babies mental healthy unit and stuff ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 10:52pm
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oh ok, so they just check up on you etc? -------------
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 11:16am
Well done! They must think that you are doing well to discharge you from that! -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 1:19pm
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so its kind of dawned on me this morning that no matter how much time goes by and how many times i replay things in my head, my birth will still have happened the way it did. even if i have another 15kids and i get to be their mum straight away, i will never have had that with Charli-Rose. and theres nothing i can do about it.
gawd i want so bad to hit rewind and redo but i cant and things are never gonna change ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 3:11pm
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Awww Amelia. sounds like you've had a tough morning.
For a long time I blamed myself for the way that Blair's delivery went (it paled in comparrison to yours) but I still feel that I didn't do enough, and what I did do, and chose to do may have caused him problems (ie ventouse and forceps). Writing out my birth story and reading my notes helped a little, but I still felt bad. It's taken me a long (long) time to realise that the decision I made to go ahead with assistance was made with the information I had at the time, and how I was feeling at the time - therefore at the end of the day, it was the best decision for all of us. Hindsights a strange thing, it offers us the chance to re-evaulate - but also to second guess ourselves. Sure if I knew then what I know now things may be a little different, but there's no guarantees that this would be the case. -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 7:18pm
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i didnt get a choice with anything- being induced, epidural, forceps...even with the blood transfusion it was that or staying in hospital on bedrest for 2 months (but at least they didnt make me i suppose). its just not right. what was so wrong with me that i 'needed' all that stuff? why didnt anyone ask me? why weren't they listening when i said no? and then they just took her away fro me and no-one thought to bring her back. seriously, would it have been that bad if they had just let me be? i would have eventually gone into labour and it would have been fine.
whats so wrong with me that i wish it never happened? i dont want it to be like this! sorry just having a really really tough time lately... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 7:37pm
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big huge hugs amelia!!!!! -------------
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 09 December 2008 at 12:36pm
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Hugs Amelia. You have done amazingly well to get through the whole experience, don't ever forget how strong you are, whether you feel like it or not. ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 11 December 2008 at 10:07pm
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Just wondering how everyone is doing lately?
I saw my GP last week re questions relating to continuing my meds - and then getting a new prescripton as there have been a few 'changes' to our circumstances ............ and I needed to know the risks of taking the drugs. Hope things are treating everyone ok, and if they're not that you're talking to someone Kellz - hope everything went well with surgery and your interview -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 12 December 2008 at 9:24am
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Congrats on your pregnancy!
Sugery went well thanks. Have had almost no pain at all which is so great. Havent had interview yet cos the boss is off work, not sure why, so will hopefully get hold of her next week, or whenevr shes back. We off to Auck tomorrow, flying up with Isla, ad DH is driving up next week. Billy Joel on Sun night! Yay! Hope everyone is having a good week. |
Posted By: mummytobesep08
Date Posted: 13 December 2008 at 12:51pm
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congrats monica! thats so fantastic!
so i was admitted to the mums and bubs unit at pmh after having a major breakdown and being taken to hospital. so if im not around thats why! Im ok though...getting some sleep and some help for when I get all anxious and stuff. The unit is shared with the eating disorder one. freaky stuff seeing all these skinny almost dead looking girls! Some have nasal tubes in so they are force fed and one is so weak she has to use a wheel-chair. Its really rather depressing. The other weird thing is there are bars on the windows and no lock on the toilets. !!!!!!!!! But at least Im not one of the 'bad' ones. Its not like what youd think though. I'm there voluntarily so can leave for wee outings. theres no counseling or anything. I pretty much just do my thing with CHarli-Rose and they help me when I stress out,,,just helping me relax. And I get sleepy meds at night. Funny reading my old posts on here...ya can tell I was breaking down aye... anyway must have a nice shower while im here at home and enjoy being able to use a razor!!! im so hairy lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3 |
Posted By: chonny
Date Posted: 13 December 2008 at 3:41pm
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Monica, congrats on your preggy.
Kellz, hopefully you made it up here safely. Hope you enjoy your concert tomorrow night. pity we couldn't catch up. maybe next time. Yay for not much pain at all. Amelia, big huge hugs hun! Good on you for getting help babe. thinking of you heaps. yay that the people are able to help you sleep etc & help you when you need it but are allowing you to do your own thing at the same time. We off to welly on wednesday so busy busy cleaning house & tidying up this weekend. Espesh as we got 8 other adults & 5 kids coming tomorrow. My side affects seem to have calmed down which is good. i'm up to half a pill now & will move to 3/4 tablets in bout 2-4 days. hoping the side affects keep staying away as don't really wanna be getting them whilst in welly. or travelling. -------------
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 13 December 2008 at 9:26pm
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Congrats on the pregnancy, Monica!! Was it planned or a surprise?
Hugs Amelia Glad to hear that you managed to get some help for yourself, it's a huge step to take. Make the most of all the help you can get, and take it easy. I hope things improve for you and you start feeling heaps better soon! Thinking of you.
Hope you have a good trip to Welly, Chonny. Glad your surgery went well Kellz. Yay for Billy Joel tomorrow night! Hope you have a fab time away with the family.------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: razzmatazz
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 11:25pm
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Hi everyone :)
My name is angelique, Ive got 3 kiddies,DD1 (9), DS (6) and DD2 (14 months) I dont have PND but was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety in aug 08, ive been on AD snce then on citalopram. going to counselling weekly to help work through my anxiety and PTSD. generally im pretty good now but still do have my crap days where i just hide at home and sometimes dont leave the bed. I am lucky because we have been able to go on sickness bene so my DP can stay home to look after me and help with kids etc. Ive felt the same way as most of you. the will i be like this forever thought are also ones that get me. scray sometimes but I have to try and ignore those thoughts and just go one day at a time. anyway thats me, hope everyones xmas and new years went well, seems to have been pretty quiet in here for last few weeks. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 12 January 2009 at 9:28pm
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Hey Razzmatazz, welcome to our support thread! It can be quiet in here some weeks, but it's always nice to know there are others out there in the same boat
Thanks for the congrats guys. Bubs was a bit of both, we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying. In fact we had just had a discussion about whether it should be something we were going to postpone - TTC, and then - Viola - maybe meant to be:) I've had a number of down days lately - but most of that is tied in with the morning sickness. I'm lucky 2 days in hospital (on a drip over new years) helped, and gave me a 5 day reprieve from throwing up, but now I'm back but at least it's only 1 -2 times a day at the moment. Once a day I can handle, the meds can make me sleepy so I am often sleeping when Blair does - often twice a day. Hope everyone else is doing ok -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |
Posted By: Neeks
Date Posted: 13 January 2009 at 10:11pm
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Hi All,
I'm Anikka and I'm 28 and I've got PND, PTSD AND Anxiety Issues I was diagnosed today after having it since my parents split up when I was 21 but the last year has been the worst... I've been lashing out at people just because I'm not happy with who I am and it's just not fair..
Feel better after just talking about it with my GP and next week I have my first councilling appointment and tomorrow I start a course of Citalphram for the depression and another pill for the anxiety. -------------  
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Posted By: razzmatazz
Date Posted: 14 January 2009 at 11:40am
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Hi Anikka, (oh im 28 too)
it gets better, ive been on citalopram since aug. i was pretty freaked out to start with, didnt really ike the idea of needing meds to get through the days but hey i started taking them after i had been trapped in the house for 3 weeks because i couldnt leave house because of the anxierty. Now life is almost back to normal. I go to counselling once a week and work through all my "issues" haha go back to childhood. and its really helping. still have bad days etc but on the whole its pretty good. at first i thought i was going crazy and that was one of my biggest fears was that i was mad or weird and going to feel like this forever, but the funny thing is I have since found out that about 5 other mums that i am friends with at my daughter school are all on same meds etc. pretty funny really. i used to think it was not tha common, man was i wrong! There are so many of us. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MonicaMouse
Date Posted: 14 January 2009 at 12:15pm
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Neeks it sounds like you have taken some really positive steps, I know they aren't always easy steps to take. You've done well and should be proud of what you have achieved already - it may not seem like much, but every journey starts with one little step. -------------
Blair 15/10/2007 Daniel 30/07/2009 |