Young Mums To Be
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29921
Printed Date: 18 December 2024 at 10:32am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Young Mums To Be
Posted By: BayGirl
Subject: Young Mums To Be
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 10:01pm
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Hey All,
I really enjoy being part of the Due in July 2010 thread. However i also would like to talk to other young mothers and mothers to be. I am 20 yrs old and will be 21 once bubs arrives. I feel very young to be having a baby Because everyone in my family and family friend group is at least 30 when they start having bubs. These 30 yr old mum's to be have(in general) studied, had careers, travelled, married and bought houses. Then they have settled down to have babies. I however, am half way through a bachelor's degree and was planning postgraduate study. I am in a serious relationship and have been living with DP for 2 yrs now. We are both very happy about our unexpected baby to be. However, we are quite poor at the moment. So i really feel that it would be good to talk to other young mothers to be in similar situations. I just feel being so young opens up other issues to talk about that the Due in thread cannot really cover. Anyones imput in this new topic would be greatly appreciated. BayGirl.  -------------   
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Replies:
Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 10:22pm
Hi there. Welcome to Ohbaby!
I got pregnant with my first at 19 and had him when i was 20. I'm 22 now and due in 2 weeks with my second. Both were planned. I'm happy to chat and answer any questions you might have. ------------- 
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 10:27pm
Gosh I am getting older I am 23 and mum to two. I had my first at 19 and second at 21. I am always happy to chat ------------- 
 
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Posted By: BayGirl
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:06pm
I suppose my first Q is how;d your folks take it. Mine have told me they will not support me having the baby. They've told me they don't want me to come home again!!  -------------
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Posted By: Jelly
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:16pm
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Wow, that's a bit harsh. My Mum was sick when I told her (therefore too weak to yell XD) but she was fine and apparently wouldn't have yelled anyway, and I'm a fair bit younger than you. Well, she wasn't fine, but supportive.
I'm sure your parents will come around, it's probably quite a shock when your "little girl" comes home and announces she's pregnant, no matter how old she may be. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:16pm
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Thats terrible ,im sorry to hear that, I also know from other friends that often parents say that kind of thing in shock and disappoinment , but once you get further along and start to show , it gets more exciting for them and its a very very heartless person who still looks at a newborn with disappointment.
You just concentrate on yourself and baby , those other things will work themselves out . Anyway , Hi! im Kelly , and im actually 27 (28 next month ) so bit older than what your wanting, tho I still feel 20 , (and look younger ) I got pregnant from a guy Id been going out with for a month when I was 19, my daughter Caitlyn was born when I was 20, I had a lot to prove to everyone, but 7 years later im now married to a great guy and have a beautiful 4 month old boy . I may not be in your situation now, but I've been there, so if you ever want to talk or vent, feel free to PM me
And congrats on the pregnancy ! ------------- 
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Posted By: Hunnybunny
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 11:25pm
I'm in your due in July thread 
But I'm 19, will be 20 when bubs is born... I'm in a serious relationship (getting married in Jan!) And no, its not a shot gun wedding the date has been set for about 8 months now... Invites were out before I knew I was pregnant!
I'm feeling you on the money thin, although DF and I have just bought our first home together.. Exciting! |
Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 8:21am
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My mum was happy for me as it's what i wanted. My dad didn't really say much but didn't seem to have a problem. He lives in another town. My parents have been separated for years. I wouldn't care what he thinks anyway. lol.
I'm sure your mum will come round eventually. It's your choice and your life so people should just accept it. It's not like you're 15 or something. lol. -------------
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Posted By: Andriea
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 8:29am
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Thats a shame about your mum, Im sure she will come round the further along you get and when baby gets here its prob just shock.
I was 19 when I had my first, part way through a degree and had only been with my bf for 6-8 weeks when we found out  . It was hard in the beiginning cause we didnt have a lot of money, none of our friends had children etc but she totally changed our lives for the better. Im now 30 DH and I have been married for 9 years and we have just had baby number 6. I finished my degree and DH built himself a decent career. If you wanna chat (even though Im pretty ancient now ) just flick me a message, all the best------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Dani01
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 10:07am
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Hey there,
I'm 22, just about 23 and had our first baby in August. Ours was and wasn't planned...lol and there were a couple of people who were shocked, but they soon warmed up to the idea and now everyone loves the latest little addition to the family. I'm sure your parents will start to warm to the idea once they reaslise you are serious about all of this. As someone else said it's not like your 15 and it's not like you are not trying to build a career and aren't in a serious relationship. We are married, we don't own our own place and we are also very poor due to silly decisions about wanting everything and not saving for it. 
And although we are struggling with money and stress about it and everything I have found since we have our daughter I have not worried about money as much as I used to as long as she is warm, fed and has a roof over her head that's all I care about. ------------- http://tickers.cafemom.com"> 
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Posted By: BayGirl
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 10:28am
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Hey all,
Thanks for you nice replies. I think you right mum and Dad will hopefully warm to the idea in the coming months. I am very happy about our little surprise!! I suppose my biggest worry is money (or the lack there of)! But as you say Dani as long as we have a home that's warm for bub and food on the table we will get by. Maybe i'll even care less about money once bub is here. ?? So i am planning to continue studying extramural while i'm preggers. I'm doing a couple of papers this summer semester. Then plan to do 2-3 papers first trimester 2010. Those papers will finish in the middle of June. So i'll be all ready for bub to come (hopefully on time) in the middle of July. I'l continue to study once bub is here, maybe take the first 6mnths off then in 2011 i'll work really hard to finish my degree!! Any Thoughts? Is it doable?? Or am i kidding myself? -------------
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Posted By: babybaby
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 11:48am
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Exactly like Dani said. Thinking about those babies were born in our grandparents' time or even back to a couple of hundreds years ago. Money is not the most important thing for a baby. I believe that the family he or she will grow up with matters most.
Your parents will change their minds when they see a lovely grandchild. I remember that in my Uni we can defer exams. If you feel ok with your study now, you can give a try on exams. If you can't handle exams and baby at the same time during your late pregnancy, you can talk to Uni to defer your exams. Good luck There is always a way to work it out.
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 12:23pm
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Im 21 got married at 19 to DH whos same age and well be 22 early on next year and we have been planning a bub all this year. When I told my mum (whom im very close with) I was going to be trying for a baby she wasnt very supportive of the idea and wanted me to travel and experience things just like she said when i wanted to get married lol
No we are actually trying (4th month) she is excited about being a nana, though she still thinks im a bit on the young side (had me the oldest at 32) she supports me now and is looking forward to spoiling her first grandchild. I think theyll get over it, iv had friends in the same position as you and their parents hated it too but as soon as they saw the little one (if not before) they immediately became the doting grandparents you know they will be! GL hun, have a happy and healthy 8 months -------------    CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:48pm
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Regarding the study , Monikah on here studied all the way through her pregnancy I believe, and I think shes studying still while pregnant with number 2.
She would be a good one to talk to . -------------
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 1:55pm
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I was married at 20 and had my first son 5 days after I turned 23 so little abit older than you are
I think your approach to the whole thing sounds sensible though. Check out this http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25762&PN=1&TPN=1&EN=TU - thread if you want some tips on saving money round the house. As for baby y'know it really doesn't have to be expensive. Lots of bargains out there if you keep your eyes peeled
Unless you end up really sick theres no reason you can't continue to study. Taking the first 6 months of is a really good idea though! Sorry to hear bout your parents reactions. FX they end up supporting you guys! GL chick -------------   
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 2:23pm
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I'm not as young - was 25 when the girls are born, but I studied full-time while pregnant and am still studying now. It's extramural as well. The best thing I found was communicating with my tutors - I had my girls in the 3rd week of semester 2, and we were in hospital for just over 4 weeks (they were born at 33w4d) and my tutors deferred the assignments that I had due until I was able to complete them. I just carried on when I got home, and am doing 2 papers in summer school, and 3 next semester.
It's very hard to study just after bubs is born - you're distracted trying to get to know bubs, and get into routines, that study tends to take a back seat. Oh, and my mum was pretty disappointed when I told her I was pg, DH and I had only been together about 15 months and we were due to get married in another 6 weeks (I was 11w when we got married), and she thought I was too young and needed to do other things first. Once she got used to the idea though (especially when she found out there were two of them), she was into it, and now she spoils them rotten and dotes on them. |
Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 2:46pm
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Hey Baygirl
Congrats!! I had Joel when I was 18 nearly 19. My parent's were a bit shocked when I told them, as it's not really the thing to have kids before marriage, but they came around and Joel was granddads boy big time!! The twins they weren't so shocked on, maybe tho cause i was in a new relation ship and we'd been together maybe 5 months, but it's what we wanted. I think it was just the shock of two. This time they just worked it out and they seem excited! I'll be 26 when this one comes But as for money, you can get family assistance etc, so you'll get through it. We always found that we got thru, and you just make do the thing i find hardest being a young mum, is picking up Joel from school, i feel so young compared to the other mums, but then I think how lucky i am that i AM young, cause i have more energy and am more easy going then those older mummies!! I'm sure it will all work out for the best. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: JD
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 3:35pm
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Hi BayGirl
Welcome to OB. I am 32 now, but got pregnant with my first at 17 and had her when I was 18. Anything you set your mind to is doable, so dont worry too much about that. Its great that you are planning on continuing your study, and Im sure you will do well. You have more invested in it now! Give you parents a chance to come around to the idea. Its a big thing for them to take in, and once they have got used to the idea and see that you are still planning on continuing your study they will come round :o) Babies don't have to be expensive...and you will become an expert in finding bargains in no time. You will be surprised how many things come available for you to borrow once people know you are having a baby. I didn't buy a single piece of furnature for my 1st baby. Everything was either loaned to us or given. If you start planning early enough, you will be able to stash away nappies and little outfits etc by purchasing one or two things a week. There will be lots of challenges to face in the coming years being a young mum, but nothing you cant handle. Actually I still feel like a young mum since I am only 32 (which prob sounds old to you) with a 13 year old starting high school next year. I felt like a student rather than a parent when looking around the school with her lol. I remember when I was pregnant with DD, my mw told me that actually young mums can potentially be better parents because they have a much more relaxed approach to parenting. they don't worry so much about their kids getting wet and muddy and they participate in more play time with their kids. Obviously this is a generalisation and there are older parents that also have a relaxed parenting style. I have to say though, since being older and married and having kids later down the track, I have certainly noticed how all the other mums in my coffee group (similar ages as me) are all so over protective and IMO over think everything to do with their kids. Even I do more than I did with my dd. Anyway, enough rambling. I am also in the bay so if you have any questions or anything, feel free to ask :o) Oh, and just because you are young, doesn't mean you don't have the ability to make your own decisions for your baby. People will push you on different topics like breast or bottle feed, immunise or not etc etc. You are just as capable as a young mum to make these decisions for your baby as any other mum. You will likely have to tell a few people to mind their own business... You'll be just fine :o) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 4:59pm
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Hi Baygirl, I was 19 (nearly 20) when we got married. I'm 21 now and due in a month. My DH and I bought our first house a couple weeks before finding out I was pregnant. It was half planned but we'd just decided to delay kids for a few years. The money situation has been a bit tough but we are lucky to have made it through the year alright and have more of the debts paid off. After my exam tomorrow I'll be 1/3 of the way through my study. I thought I could study full-time and finish the semester but I've had quite a few complications and was so stressed that I lost all motivation with the study so dropped 2/3 of the papers. I'm considering taking 1 paper first semester 2010 and seeing how that goes. I think the best anyone can do is take things as they come and re-evaluate as necessary. I'm the eldest in my family and the first to be having a kid. Our families are happy and getting all prepared for grandchildren. It did take my mum a while to warm to the idea but I think that was partially concerns for the complications and risks involved. Things would have gone very differently there if we had not been married first though. Good luck ------------- 
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Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 5:58pm
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I'm not as young as most who have replied but I've had a lot of people say to me 'you are far too young to have children, you are throwing your life away'. but I have only just turned 24. DP is 27 tho.
My parents were both really excited, as were DP's parents. My Mum was 24 when she had my eldest sister so theres no way she could ever judge me for being too young. And DP's sister was 16 when she had her first so his family were really supportive too. Makes me sad when families aren't supportive, they really should be there for you cause it's such a life changing experience. They can't block you out forever tho, just wait till bubs comes along and I bet they will want to visit ALL the time!! No one can resist a wee bubba! 
As for money, we are guna struggle a bit as well. We don't own our own home but are renting a nice place off my BIL which we will buy off him once my DP's residency comes through (hes from Ireland). I have taken 1yr off work which starts on Xmas Eve but if I have to go back to work earlier due to financial reasons, I can. Anyway, good luck to all you other 'young' mums out there. We will do good and we are all here to support each other anyway so always have someone to talk to which is awesome  -------------  
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 7:50pm
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I admire all those young mums that still get out there and study. Even though I have children I still feel so inferrior....?....cant think of the word (unedcuated ) I feel a lot of the friends that have studied and now have real jobs seem so much more grown up IYKWIM. I have never studied, I was still trying to decide exactly what I wanted to do, so was on my gap year(s) when I got pregnant. I still have no idea what I want to do.
As for the money thing, it is tight with only one of us working on almost minimum wage, but we survive. We have just brought our first house which was a real big step for us. Before then we were living in a teeny one bedroom flat out of the back of my parents place. That must be hard with your parents reaction (how long have they known?) I found telling my parents the hardest thing ever. Infact I never told my mum - I just bust into tears and she figured it out. DH (who was DP at the time) had only been together 4 months before I found out I was pregnant and both coming for christian families our parents were quite shocked. It took my mum a little while but was definitely excited to meet her first grandchild. I dont think they would have it any other way now. I had a friend who's parents were much like yours and threatened to kick her out and pushed her really hard to get an abortion. She kept the baby and even then it wasnt long for her parents to come around to the idea. I think being a young mum isn't the worst thing in the world, I understand it can be harder getting to know a lot of the older mums as they do tend to put all young mums in a box. I think as your kids get older and you get to know them age becomes insignificant. I am lucky enough to have made a lot of friends with mums my age and am now getting to an age where the rest of my friends are starting to have babies too. -------------
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Posted By: BayGirl
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 7:56pm
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Daizy you hit it on the nail! I hate the way society not just older mums puts young mums in a box! It's all doom and gloom. People are quick to tell you all the things you are missing out on, like travelling and studying and partying like a silly teen.
I think these people should take a step back and see what young mum's gain. A new life!!! -------------
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Posted By: Daizy
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 8:42pm
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There is no reason we still cant do the study and travel thing, we may just have to do it in a different order to everyone else. Hopefully we would have had time to save up for our trip around the world when the girls have left home and will still be young enough to really enjoy it -------------
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Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 8:58pm
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I have to say , I know plenty of "older mothers" and i've found them to always be helpful and a wealth of knowledge , just because someone might be looking at you , doesn't necessarily mean they are looking DOWN at you .
I've known a LOT of young mums, and unfortunatley i've seen plenty that give the rest of us a bad name , but if you do your best to be a good parent, eventually everyone sees you are and your age doesn't come into it at all . -------------
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Posted By: sweets
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 9:27pm
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Hey all - and Deb & Andriea
I'm 19 and will be in a couple of months. DP (22) & I have been together for 3 and a half years now and although we didn't plan to start our family quite this soon we are really happy about it. I was lucky enough to have really supportive parents and DP's parents are great as well. The only bad vibes I got were from an Aunt as the rest of my family all started having kids well into their 20's and 30's (they were also married) - I was made to feel like a little kid in trouble because I'd done something naughty. We also don't have much of an income now as it's just DP working and I've been studying since finishing school. I think someone has already posted about wanting everything now and not saving for it, well that's us to. Looking forward to that extra bit we'll get to help out when bub's born though. Also getting Student Allowance next year when I'm studying again will be a help as well! I totally believe you can still study though, I'm planning on going full time again next year extramurally so get the option to stay home with bub for 3 years which I love. I am however going to assess things as they go, if I can't handle full time then I won't hesitate to change my plans but fingers crossed it works out
Anyway, I think this thread will be interesting and I'm keen for a chat anytime! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: angel4
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 8:42am
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hi
im 19years old and am expecting my 2nd baby well pretty much any week now to be honest . My ds is 1year old and dh and i have been together since we were 15 (highschool sweethearts lol). We got married in January when Henry was 4months old (the wedding was planned before we got pregnant). We had the scary experience of telling our parents that we had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, I couldn't even tell my mum I was too scared of the reaction. But both families have been really supportive. They love their grandson so much. Another shock for them (and us) was when we got pregnant a second time (i was on the pill and breastfeeding) but luckily we all agree that every child is a huge blessing from God and something to be celebrated whether planned or not.
Most people don't realise how young i am so i havent really had problems with being judged. I am part of an antenatal coffee group and i am the youngest by over 10years and we all get along great, i have noticed what someone else was saying which is that i seem a lot more relaxed about things. One of the older (40yr old) mums in my group was actually asking me for advice on how to lighten up a little bit lol so they have noticed it too. At first i found being in a group with no one my own age really hard as i thought they didnt want me there etc but now i realise that we all have something to bring to the group. I tried to join a young mums group and didnt fit there at all - which i was a bit sad about. With the studying thing - i still hadn't worked out what i wanted to do with my life however my dh was just about to start his first year of uni when we found out we were expecting. He did his first year and has just completed his second year. It is hard financially but we don't know any different. And we look at this as a temporary situation. Once dh is qualified we will have more money and we will be able to save a lot of it since we are so used to living on such a tight budget. |
Posted By: RinTinTin
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 10:47am
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Hi Baysgirl Firstly congrats! Pregnancy is such an exciting time. I'm sorry to hear your parents aren't so supportive, the shock is probably quite huge to them. But I think if you just keep on trucking, keep a smile on your dial, they'll come around to the idea. I'm assuming it's their first Granchild? Yeah...they'll warm to it real quick!
As for the no money thing, I'm with you on that. I packed in my job when I was 14/15 weeks preggy. They were treating me like crud so I told them to shove it. Bad idea considering I was unable to get another job and consequently ended up declaring bankruptcy a few months later after not being able to pay my bills.
I'm 23, was 22 when I got pregnant and baby was planned for us. I think there is a big stigma behind a lot of it though. You daren't publically announce that a child might have been "unplanned" cause then people just seem to look at you like you're so irresponsible. As if accidents don't happen. Come on people! People did tell me I was missing out on travelling and stuff. Well my plan is to show my child the world anyway, so I won't miss out on travelling, I just have to save a little longer to take my kid with me.
There are pros and cons to any choice you make in your life. But in the end the choice you make is the one thats right fo you, not anyone else. So as long as you're happy, then what others think shouldn't even come into question.
ETA - I was studying up until July when I finished my Cert in Caring for Children. I am now tossing up between studying Earl Childhood Education or Business Studies. I intend to start on those from the 2nd Semester next year as bubba is due in Dec. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 11:44am
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Yeah the whole travelling thing isn't that much harder with kids IMO. We've taken Jake round the South Island about 3 times now and we're planning on heading over to Aussie at the end of next year. All it takes is abit of organisation.
I remember getting told when I was getting married that I was stupid for tying myself down to one guy - I was so young I should get as much experience with different guys in as possible  I reckon thats a really dumb attitude to have, same with partying and drinking. Being a mum is so fulfilling and you can still keep your own identity without doing stuff that actually gets you nowhere! As it turns out my marriage crashed and burned lol but that wasn't coz of my age.
Anyway rambling abit lol sorry... ETA Daizy yeah i'm the same on the study thing. I feel abit uneducated even compared to DP coz I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. I want to do Midwifery now but can't start that til I've finished having babies so am stuck with the inferiority thing for now I think. -------------
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 12:00pm
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Baygirl, I'm old and not a bio mum. But I have lots of respect for good mums whether they be young or old.
One of my friends got pregnant at 17. She then went on to not only get her law degree at Auckland Uni but then won a scholarship to do her Master's Degree at Cambridge University which is one of the best universities in the world. So yes, there is life after young motherhood. It's not the end of the world unless you choose it to be! |
Posted By: Bubie
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 12:15pm
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Hi BayGirl
Congrats on bein pregnant Hope everything turns out ok for you hun, I know what it feels like, im only 18 years old at the moment and im 18 weeks pregnant, I found it really hard telling my parents as i knew my mum would flip, but after a week she came around to the idea and all is good now , I know what it feels like to also get the 'look' from older people, i get that quite alot, im still with the bays dad and have been for nearly 3 years in March Anyway i hope everything turns out ok for you and if you needa talk you know where i am
Take Car Hun xx ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Aithne
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 6:15pm
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Hi BayGirl. I havent read all the posts but just wanted to say welcome to OB and congrats all the best for the next 8 or so months.
Im Aithne i was 17 when i had Rory, am now only 18 so quite a bit younger than you but just wanted to say im here for a chat too. I definately think you can keep studying when you have had baby. I was at tech while i was pregnant and luckily finished that course before he was born but am now doing study through distance learning. It is hard trying to find things to entertain Rory with as dont have anyone to watch him for me but its still definately do-able!! Anyway must go as Rory is trying to grab the computor off me but am here for a chat anytime
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Posted By: lisa85
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 6:23pm
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Hey chic,
I'm 24 and Mum to 18 month old twins. I was 22 when I got preggers. All 3 of my sisters were in the mid to late 30's when they started having their families so I know how that feels to be the odd one out lol. I was terrified about what my parents would say but when I told my Mum she was so excited. I forgot that she had her first when she was 21. So really it wasn't a big deal at all. Certainly kids come with a lot of lifestyle adjustments but my two haven't slowed me down at all really. Congrats on your pregnancy -------------  
TTC #3 since Jan 2010 - PCOS MC April 2010 |
Posted By: Chex001
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 7:02pm
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Hey Baygirl,
Im from your July 2010 thread too. Sorry to hear about your parents reaction but like the others said im sure they will come around. I havnt told my parents yet but have to do it soon. I will be the first grandchild in my family to have a child and dont think any of my family will take it too well. This year was my final year of study (FX if I passed) so have no money saved and I am renting. Im also probably going to be a single mum so that will not help on the financial side either. The babies father and I have only been together a few months, and my family has not meet him either so that wont help with how they take the news. Anyway feel free to PM me anytime :) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilyslim.com"> 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 3:17pm
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Hey I haven't read all the replies either but I had my kids at 19 and 21. Yeah it was hard financially but I had never really worked so I was used to no money. Telling my parents were horrible, I had only been with my ex for a few weeks. They hit the roof but did calm down and they are so fantastic.
I studied up until 34 weeks with Jack which was the end of the year and I actually found it okay. I didn't study with a newborn but am now studying with a 2 year old and a 3 year old and it's totally do-able. Its funny everyone said I was ruining my life when I got pregnant but all my friends are still doing the same thing (drinking and going out), some have travelled but I'm the first to be doing a degree and am getting pretty good marks too. So basically while having a kid changes your life so much it is so for the better and actually opens a lot of new doors. Good luck chick and enjoy it
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Posted By: emz
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 4:46pm
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Hi and congrats on your pregnancy!
I'm 23, was 20 when I got married, 21 when I had Jack and just had Ava in August (both planned, it took us a long time to conceive both kids). I don't see why being young would be a barrier to anything, I graduated from TCol at 38weeks (when I was 20), have been doing a bit of extra study, have been working part time, we own our own home, and we also travelled a wee bit before we had our kids too. Yeah the money side of things sucks (well I think its more that you don't have the fallback position that many older couples have) but I figure we're going to be in a much better position than any of our friends and family in a few years time. Plus, by the time we're in our late 40's, our kids will be out of home
My dad was shocked when I told him I was pg, because he didn't know we were seeing a fertility specialist. Mum knew we were, but was surprised it only took a year so hadn't grasped the concept. I never told them that we'd actually tried for a while when I was 19, when I was still studying and before we were married lol. They probably would have flipped 
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Posted By: Delli
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 5:14pm
This is a topic I am pretty passionate about as my mum was very young when she had us. By the time she was 24 she had five kids (she had me at 18)! People used to tell her that she was RUINING her life AND she was RUINING her kids lives. What ridiculous comments! Our lives were definitely not ruined - my oldest sister (four years older than me) is a lawyer, happily married with a new baby. I am a scientist, in an awesome long term relationship with our new baby. My next sister is a highly paid farmer. My brother is studying to be a Mechanical Engineer at Canterbury Uni. And our youngest sister has just been awarded (among a million other awards and scholarships) Dux of her High School and is going to Massey Uni next year to study Environmental Planning. We are all very close, successful, independent and had super happy childhoods. And when you question my Mum about it - she grins and laughs "Does my life LOOK ruined?!" My parents are farmers, worked really hard and were able to buy their own block of land and build a house by the time they were 30. Now they are in their early-mid 40's and next year when my youngest sister goes to uni - all of us will have left home.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all sunshine,lollipops and rainbows - there were some really tough times along the way. But I wouldn't have had it any other way, neither would mum. In fact, it was because I had such an awesome childhood that I decided to have kids young as I absolutely loved having young parents. My partner and I are both 23 (I was 22 when I got pregnant). I knew that there would be nothing but support from my parents regarding my pregnancy I don't understand parents who won't support their children in pregnancy as they need it now more than ever!
Sorry this is a bit rambling but the point of my novel is to say to all the young mums out there - PLEASE don't listen to anyone who says you are ruining your life or your kids lives because you are having them young. It's so not true ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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RachandJack wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 9:01pm
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soooo many people on here that I thought were older than me, Emz, Amstaff to name a couple , so you obviously don't ACT immature .
Angel, i've been wondering how you were getting on , nearly due huh ? cool ! -------------
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Posted By: BayGirl
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 9:05pm
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Thanks everyone for your great comments.
From what's been said i have reaffirmed my conviction that my gut feeling to have this baby is the 100% right thing to do. My life may have changed drastically from what i thought it would be 2mnths ago (I had a five year plan but it hasn't changed for the worse. I also hate the phrase "You are ruining your life" And i think it's a pakeha/western thing. This feminist movement has come allong in the last 50 years to liberate women; to allow them to have equal rights, to study, have carreers. But the real problem is i feel that western culture has taken it too far. Now it seems like western cultures want us to fit the mould of high school, uni, work, travel, work, marriage, buy home, work, have kids IN THAT ORDER. This silly culture of women can do anything has turned into woman can do anything BUT HAVE CHILDREN YOUNG!!! It's circular and it's gone to far. Just because i choose to live my life in a different order to that which most ppl do DOES NOT MEAN I WILL NOT HAVE A FULL LIFE!!! Our grandparent;'s where having babies in their late teens and early twenties. Have they not had good lives?? Oh well sorry about my rant. Any thoughts on western vs Maori views on young mums. I am stuck in the middle being pakeha with a Maori DP. His family are over the moon! -------------
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Posted By: dinolau
Date Posted: 18 November 2009 at 9:11am
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Wow I love all the stories on here. I'm 22 and expecting my first, so not super young, and to be honest have been married since 5 days after I turned 20 so over 2 and a half years now. This one wasn't planned, infact we are supposed to be on our "Big OE" so we are currently in London :) Infact we were actually pregnant before we left so that wasn't very well planned hahaha.
Luckily for us we have owned our own home for quite a while now, and done heaps of travelling, both been through uni for 4 years and worked full time for a while before we left home so are okay financially. Still when baby comes things will be a bit tough and I have already adapted to our new way of life I think!! My parents are ecstatic (first grandchild) and so are DH's (second grandchild) -------------  
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Posted By: rachndean
Date Posted: 18 November 2009 at 10:48am
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Hi all,
I have just turned 25, and am expecting number 3 in January. My DD was born when I was 19, and I was in an abusive relationship. Thankfully I pulled myself together and got out when she was 8 months old. I am now MORE than happily married to my best friend, and we own our own home. People look at me a bit funny when I say I am expecting number 3, and say things like "you arent old enough to have 3 children!!" but to be honest I wouldnt have it any other way. My kidlets have fantastic relationships with not only their grandparents (who are all in the their mid 40s early 50s) but also their great-grandparents. As far as the money thing goes Baygirl, you will be OK DH is an accountant, and he has made us a backward spreadsheet budget, which chagned our lives. Now we are used to having no money, but are so incredibly happy!! We know where our money needs to go, and where it needs to come from, so there isnt the stress anymore. Sometimes we do get a bit down about not having huge amounts of expendable income, so we take the kids to the beach and have hot chips for dinner on the beach!! $5 goes a long way on chips, and seeing how happy it makes the kids really picks everything up again!!!
As everyone else says, it sucks that your parents dont want to support you. But dont push it on them, let them come around to it. by the time you have your little bubba they will be so besotted that all will be forgotten. And if your DPs family are over the moon, go with it. Let their "happy vibes" rub off on you
WOW novel, sorry!!! Congratulations on your pregnancy, in my opinion having kids young is THE BEST!! (but im just biased!! hehe) rach xo ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
DD Savannah 18.01.04 DS Austin 04.09.08 |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 18 November 2009 at 1:47pm
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Um , im a pakeha , and my parents were nothing but supportive from day one .
Same goes for my friends with the exception of one , that were pregnant young . I don't think it necessarily matters on a persons ethnicity , but rather how far ahead they can see . Some people ,think of the baby and the happiness it will bring , or how much they will love it once its here, others focus more on the fact that you are pregnant and will have a small baby .(forgetting that the small baby will grow up and become more independant , allowing you to do things once they are grown) These people usually come around , it can depend a lot on their upbringing etc, my grandmother didn't talk to me for 9months, because she was taught that a baby before marriage and so young, was wrong . She came round eventually and we're a lot closer now , and the thought of telling her to bugger off and never speak to me again never crossed my mind either, to me, that sort of thing, holding a grudge, (except in situations where they may physically harm you )saying people that weren't happy cant see the baby , shows immaturity . -------------
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 2:47pm
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Hi, I've just turned 22 and unexpectedly pregnant with my first bubby, I'd only being going out with my partner for a month b4 it happened but we have a good solid relationship, we are both students who work parttime so money is our problem too.
I hope you're parents do have a bit of a turn around. I'm rather lucky my sister had an unexpected baby 2 years ago so my parents weren't TOO shocked. In fact my mum was over the moon, go figure. Anyway good luck to you, and I'm due in April 2010 :D |
Posted By: MyLilSquishy
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 2:49pm
| Hey im 23 weeks preggy with mine and DP's first. Turned 21 yesterday actually lol. DP and i have only been together 7 months. found out we were expecting at about 3 months together. We are both really excited and its first grandchild on both his and my sides of the family. His parents have bought a house for us that we are just going to pay rent on to them and they will use the spare room when they come to Dunedin on the weekends. everyone has been really supportive and at the risk of sounding cliched... if its meant to be its meant to be... was with my ex for a year and a half and we decided to try... we were tring for 5 months and i didnt get preggers... was on the pill with DP and we still got preg. so i see that as a very huge hint that it was going to happen anyway lol. but he couldnt be happier and is already playing the part of excited dad-to-be and tells all his mates and talks to bubs in my tummy. so gorgeous! hehe. |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 3:50pm
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In thw whole pakeha/maori thing I think generally Maori are very family focused and so support each other on everthing whereas pakeha as a race are more concerned with 'success' and so it can bit a bit of a shock. However that is a huge generalisation and pakeha families can definately be very supportive and maori not so much. I think also for the woman's family it can be more of a shock because really the father only has to be as involved as he wants but the mother has no choice.
That is great that you do have support from his family though, the more support the better
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 4:26pm
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I had my first boy at 22, he was planned and I was concerned that people were gonna think it was a silly decision (I was in my first year of teaching) --- but everyone was really supportive.
DH and I had been married since I was 21 and he was 28. So I finished my first year of teaching heavily pregnant, then amazingly got offered a part-time job when Harry was a few months old. It meant I've been able to do another year and half of teaching, and in the process get full registration (it's 2 years in total). I'm finishing up work at Christmas for maternity leave for our next bubs due in March.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, although it might not "make sense" to other people, and even when it's not planned - things really do work out. It's hard at times but you CAN fit in what you want/need to do, as well as have an awesome family life. You do what you gotta do to make it work. Don't listen to those people who put you down, they have no idea. It's WONDERFUL being a young mum, I love it.
Oh and this reminds me - my friend was nannying (she's my age) and was at the shops with the wee 2 year old girl. They walked past this old man so she smiled and said hello - he just looked at her and said "young mum" in this awful tone. I couldn't believe it! So yeah in situations like that, you just smile and say "yeah and it's great"
And the whole Maori/Pakeha thing - I'm Pakeha, DH is a small part Maori (looks Pakeha but Maori culture is part of his heritage IYKWIM). Both our families and all our friends were stoked. ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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