Adoption in NZ
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Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
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Topic: Adoption in NZ
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Subject: Adoption in NZ
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 7:35am
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Sorry if I have put this in the wrong place, but I couldn't find anywhere else it would be appropriate, so I picked 'here' cause 'it's planning first baby'.
Does anyone know how to go about applying for adoption in New Zealand? Do I contact Cyfs? DH and I would like to get the ball rolling. We figure if we are lucky enough to be able to adopt a precious baby, and then eventually manage to have one of our own, then that's just the icing on the cake. 
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Replies:
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 9:53am
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Hiya, there have been a number of threads in OB about adoption which should be helpful if you do a search.
This one has some good info http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18395&KW=adoption - Adoption |
Posted By: lostAmber
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 1:19pm
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MB have you considered somebody being a surrogate for the two of you? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 4:50pm
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Thanks LittleSal. :)
No I haven't considered it LA, I have had a friend offer but it's not something we want to do. |
Posted By: Buttersmum
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 4:58pm
I think Adoption is great MB.............probably cause I'm adopted and I have had the best upbringing ever!
I have friends who are on the waiting list in NZ and from what I hear its pretty hard to adopt in NZ............probably cause these days they keep them cause the DPB is quite lucritive in some cases or unfortunately too easy to terminate 
Have you considered looking into oversea's adoption?? Anyhoo goodluck and I think its an awesome and selfless thing to do and I hope it all works out for you  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 my little blobby April 09 "gone but will never be forgotten xx"
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 5:04pm
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Thanks Buttersmum! Yes we would consider overseas adoption. There aren't many children up for adoption in NZ and I hear that when you get to the 'near 40' stage it's harder to get chosen cause all the parents now get to pick and they like the 30's range of parents. So I hope we can put a convincing case forward!
I am not sure why I won't consider surrogate - guess cause Mum's friend's daughter was a surrogate and she found it really hard to give the baby up and is quite depressed now. I would rather have a clean slate and not know the mother. I am uncertain how I feel about 'open adoption', I guess it depends on how much input the parent/s want in the upbringing of the child, I don't want to feel like we are bringing up our child one way and the birth parent/s are thinking other ideas. Our neighbour has two adopted children, one doesn't have any birth parent input, the other one's mother is there every weekend - I couldn't handle that. |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 9:43pm
| I don't think so Mrsg1, and I think that will limit us somewhat with NZ adoption. I would always feel like I am the one paying the bills to bring up someone else's child if the parents have input. I know there are many circumstances surrounding children being put up for adoption, and PLEASE no one flame me for this because this is my SOLE opinion - but I personally believe that if they are able to give up their child for adoption, then they have no right to input in the child's life and it should be left up to the adopted parents to raise the child, mainly to save confusion and to instill consistency in the upbringing. I have no problem with the parents and child being in touch in the later years though - in fact I would welcome that very much as I personally would like to be able to meet my birth parents if I was adopted. I think it's cause my neighbour's baby's birth mother is around there EVERY WEEKEND and even some evenings during the week that I can see Open Adoption not working for me cause that would do my head in! |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 9:46pm
| Have left a message on Cyfs answer phone today... and no one has phoned me back... I said I wanted to start the adoption process and could someone please call and tell me how to go about it. Perhaps they are all on holiday still? |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 19 January 2010 at 9:58pm
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Sadly the complications with Open adoption is the reason I have no contact with my birth mother, as her husband doesn't want to know. Its effected her more than me, as I don't miss what I've never had.
My friend isn't his parent - she sends him stuff for birthdays and Christmases. Maintaining contact with the bio parents is more for the child's benefit than the parents. Unless the kid is an orphan don't think you'll have much luck with it. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 9:06am
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I guess it all comes down to the 'conditions' of the open adoption. I wonder if it's a bit like having 'visiting rights' and the adopted parent gets a say in how often the birth parents visit? That wouldn't be so bad.
I am not sure whether to say I am sorry to read what you wrote mrsg1? It's sad to read about your birth mother and father, that must be so super hard for her, but for YOU it sounds like you have had a really good life with your adopted parents and I get the impression you are 'complete'? It's all so circumstantial huh. |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 9:40am
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I agree with you on the open adoption thing MB.
The only experience I have had with adoption is through our friends who were unable to conceive and spent years going through the process. They decided against adoption in NZ because they didn't want an open adoption, largely because of the reasons you mentioned. They ended up adopting a lovely little girl from Thailand however that in itself is a hugely complex process and they didn't end up "getting" her until she was about 18 months old. |
Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 11:23am
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MB friends of ours did an open adoption with their SIL, as the birth parents were moving to oz and unexpectedly fell pregnant, it just so happened that our friends had been trying unsuccessfully for years including IVF etc so they adopted their nephew basically...i think it works for them because the kid's bio parents aren't here.
Also going off Shorty Street here so dont know how accurate this info is, but i had the impression that surrogacy was not allowed in NZ? ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 12:02pm
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I thought surrogacy was allowed but the biological parents have to go through the adoption process as they're not the birth parents?? not 100% on that though... ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 12:08pm
Surrogacy is definately allowed in New Zealand, at least within families, unless it has been a very recent change  -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 1:20pm
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oh ok, well Morgan (off SS) wasn't technically allowed to be a surogate because she wasnt related to the parents so that may be it ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |
Posted By: RBsMama
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 2:21pm
| I think the storyline in SS was that Morgan wasn't "allowed" to be a surrogate as she hadn't had any children of her own. I don't know if that's the case in reality, but it sounds pausible. |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 2:53pm
lol good old shorters... I understood that there is very little legisation around surrogacy and that the ethics committee (at I assume the fertility clinics??) need to determine ethical issues in each individual case (e.g. previous pregnancies, relation to parents etc). A court still has to approve the adoption once the child is born as they are technically adopting the child from the surrogate... so I imagine it is a lengthy and stressful process  ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 3:07pm
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I couldn't handle that Freckle.
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 3:21pm
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No it's sounds like a very messy process... I imagine it would be terribly stressful and upsetting going through the adoption process for a child which is biologically yours!
and I agree I think open adoption would also be a tricky situation, however, in the right circumstances I guess it could work... Have you heard anything from CYFS yet? ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 3:24pm
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Not a sausage! I was going to make another call this afternoon but am too sad after having my old horse put to sleep this morning, so I might not be very, ummmm, patient...!?
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 5:44pm
awww that's so sad  yeah maybe give it a day or so... mind you I wouldn't be toooo patient with em ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 5:47pm
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awww that's so sad yeah maybe give it a day or so... mind you I wouldn't be toooo patient with em ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 6:33pm
| I have next Tues and Wed off work, so will contact them again then, with a vengeance! *stalker syndrome* LOL! |
Posted By: Suzbub
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 8:35pm
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I have very strong opinions on this, and I am sorry if I upset anyone.
I am adopted and it was closed, to me this is the best way to do it. I grew up knowing birth mothers first name and some details eg hobbies etc... same with the birth father. Once I turned 20 I could 'go looking for her' which I did but it wasn't an easy process... if she didn't want to know me then I would have hit a dead end. We are so close now, she isn't my 'mum' but I see so much of me in her.. but most important I have blood brothers and sisters, something that I didn't have when growing up (don't get me wrong I LOVE my family.. LOVE THEM) but there is something special about blood relatives. I have no problems having children, for me the issue is with my husband, we found out today that we have been accepted to do IVF, my husband is struggling with the concept of the treatment and the possibility of using donor sperm but I tell you...... a child is a child, and a parent is the one who goes to you in the middle of the night, who puts a bandaid on your knee and who is there through all the happy and sad moment. that to me is what my parents did for me through my whole life.. my birth mother who is so important to me now, isn't my definition of a parent. I always have said that if I come across someone that needs a surrogate then I would do it, but I would never for someone close to me.. not cos I don't want to help - I would love too, but I think being anonymus (sp?) is the most important, not just for the child (to save confusion) but for the parents, as others have said before I think it is important for the parents.. the pressure of raising a child is huge... I don't think it should be added to with someone watching over... If you go for adoption - WICKED If you think about looking for a surrogate - think about someone you don't know. Just my 2 cents worth.... |
Posted By: boys.boys.boys.boys
Date Posted: 20 January 2010 at 10:12pm
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Have a look at www.surrogacy.co.nz it is a excellant website with lots of lovely people doing and recieving surrogacy (traditional and embryo), egg donation, sperm donation, IVF etc etc...
Embryo Surrogacy (may have the wrong name!), is much more complex I think from memory, it is where they implant you and your husbands embryo into the surrogate etc. I think this one requires that it goes before the full ethics committee, you need to have that there is no way you yourself can carry a baby, a proven relationship with the couple/surrogate and then it goes through the whole adoption process so you can take home your own baby at birth. i think the traditional surrogacy is much simpler, (where they use a donor egg, usually the surrogacies) and the husbands sperm via IUI, but I cant remember why that is simpler, something about the adoption process?? Sorry I havent been much help, I know the surrogacy is quite a process, but there is alot of information about it on the website, and alot of the girls on there are on the 3rd, 4th surrogate baby!! Sorry for the essay, it is getting quite late and I am rather passionate about surrogacy, would absolutely love to be a surrogate mum one day for a couple.... one day...... ------------- 4 boys!! 7 years, 5 years, 2 years and 8 weeks... |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:24pm
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Thank you Suzbub for not making me feel like I was thinking selfishly, cause what you have said I couldn't agree with more!
Rosieh if we EVER decide to do a surrogate, we would be happy to talk to you - you sound like your head is well screwed on and you come across as a lovely person :) I also agree with you 100% about not knowing the surrogate mother (or in your case, the 'parents to be'). Actually, you both do :) |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:42pm
| I'm gonna have to make sure my friend sees that site rosieh. The only way she can have kids is through surrogacy. She physically can't carry a baby which is really sad. I personally couldn't be a surrogate but that site may help her |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 5:51pm
| Kebakat - Is your friend like me - gets pregnant easily but can't carry? And does she know why? Hope you don't mind me asking, but I am still hoping I will break the cycle I have had and manage to carry ... |
Posted By: Suzbub
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:33pm
| well just putting this out there. Once we have had our bubs I would surrogate. I know what it is like to be in the position of having to work out options and the fear of not having children. Lucky for me if IVF using my husbands sperm is not an option then he is 100% ok with us using donor. At the end ot the day I am blessed with being able to carry.. he isn't blessed with being able to provide. |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:53pm
| Best of luck Suzbub - we seem to be the opposite to you, it's not easy aye hun. Life can be cruel can't it. |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 21 January 2010 at 8:58pm
| No shes not, she had to have a hysterectomy last year. But she had eggies harvested sometime before that happened so surrogacy is her only option and she doesn't have family to help. |
Posted By: Suzbub
Date Posted: 22 January 2010 at 6:13am
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Sorry I didn't mean that I would get someone to carry my baby for me, I am lucky that I don't have any problems doing that. I mean that once we have our baby, if there was someone in need I would carry for them.
and yeah life is cruel, but it is all in how we deal with the sh*t that we are dealt. I live by the theory what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Yeah I wish that my husband was able to give me children naturally but he can't, no amount of complaining will change that. But he gives me other things in our relationship that I have never had in past ones,that treasure more :) |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 22 January 2010 at 7:06am
| Suzbub you have summed it up so well, can I sign my name to that too? I have the most WONDERFUL DH, I couldn't ever ask for anyone better. I kissed a fair few frogs before finding Prince Charming! |
Posted By: Suzbub
Date Posted: 22 January 2010 at 9:21am
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Isn't this a kick in the teeth after everything I have just said.
Found out today to go through IVF wait till Oct and there are no promises that my husbands swimmers are good enough (most likely not) to get a donor sperm from clinic wait list of 18 months - we can do it straight away if we had a donor of our own... but how the hell do you find one of them??? can't really post a bloody add in the paper Any ideas??? |
Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 22 January 2010 at 10:30pm
| OMG... that really IS a kick in the teeth. I will go and read the other thread you have started... but BIG HUGS... |
Posted By: cruzychic
Date Posted: 23 January 2010 at 9:20am
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Just wanted to add a quick opinion in
My Aunty my Mums eldest sister couldn't have any children and neither could her husband, my parents conceived a child for them and they adopted him when he was born so he is biologically my parents son and my brother. He has known since he was old enough to understand and in an instance like this I think open adoption could work. On the other hand my biological father was adopted and had never found his real parents not sure if it was open or not, BUT with not wanting to find his real parents there is always the dilemma I have thought that any children you have you don;t know the family medical history they may inherit etc this is what I am finding now with my Dad being adopted I don;t know his families medical history. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2af0d8" rel="nofollow">  TTC since October 2009 Diagnosed with PCOS June 2010 |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 23 January 2010 at 9:44am
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Wow CC what an amazing gift for your parents to give your aunty and uncle!!! ------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: Buttersmum
Date Posted: 23 January 2010 at 2:42pm
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My Adoption is closed and like Suzbub I found this to be better for me personally. I have information about my birth parents and my birth mother has made it clear that she's willing to meet me (she tried twice but it was never the right time for me) so I know I have that option in the future should I choose to go down that path.
My parents never hid the fact from me that I was adopted my mum and dad always talked about it from when I was old enough to talk so I always grew up knowing I was adopted. They always made sure that I knew that my birth mother made a difficult choice so that I would have a good life so I have never felt any resentment towards her what so ever. I think this was a brilliant way to handle the situation as I do know of a girl I went to school with found out she was adopted when she was older and it caused so many issues and now doesn't have anything to do with her adoptive parents because she feels they decieved her so badly. Being closed was much easier for my family as I had a lot of health issues as a child. I do know of open adoptions and some end up pretty much like a closed adoption as the birth parents go on to lead different lives where as others take on a role like an Aunty or Uncle. I guess at the end of the day if it is open like most adoptions these days you just have to set boundaries from the begining so everyone knows how they stand. Very easy to say though maybe not so easy to do. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
my little blobby April 09 "gone but will never be forgotten xx"
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Posted By: Buttersmum
Date Posted: 23 January 2010 at 2:43pm
P.S MB sorry to hear about your horse hun. Big hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com">
my little blobby April 09 "gone but will never be forgotten xx"
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 23 January 2010 at 3:06pm
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we looked into adoption before we had DS1. We had been TTC on and off for 4 or so years so thought adoption was a good option. We rang CYPS and got put through to the adoption section, gave our details and got sent a letter to attend an evening introduction night. It was about 6 months after we made contact. they only run them a few times a year ( this was in 2006 so things may have changed).
We fell pregnant before we could attend the intro evening. So can't tell you anymore than that. but we have friends who have gone through the process..... very long process. After the intro evening there is interviews, references you need to provide, police checks, medical checks, phyc checks the phyc visited their home, social worker interviews e.t.c they basically look into your life to see if you are ok to adopt. Then if all o.k you make a profile of you/husband/home e.t.c. they give you a critieria to follow. If all o.k you are released into the adoption pool for parents to look at your profile. Then you wait. Not many newborns are given up for adoption each year So sad as soooo many people are waiting to adopt. So many babies are killed each year.
Hope that helps. Are you wnating to adopt a newborn or any age ? What about fostering first. Good luck  -------------  
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 23 January 2010 at 4:18pm
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That's what I thought it all entailed, thanks for confirming. I know it's lengthy, and I know they check you out right down to your underwear size! But if I was a child, I wouldn't want it any other way if a family was to adopt me!
Would rather take a newborn, or young child. Fostering is too hard - we would find it hard having to give the child back. My parents did this as my brother was a bit 'anti-social' and they felt it was best for him to have a 'little brother' so they fostered various boys over the years, and always found it really really hard to give them back. It caused a lot of heart-ache and I reckon it was one of the nails in the coffin towards their eventual divorce. (Needless to say my brother didn't change - he was horrible to those kids!). I loved having them round - I always got on so much better with them than my own selfish self-centred brother (who is still just the same at the grand age of 33!) - so it always upset me that I never saw them again either - 'back then' continued contact wasn't encouraged once the child had been 're-homed'. |