Am I being unreasonable?
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31180
Printed Date: 17 February 2025 at 4:50pm
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Topic: Am I being unreasonable?
Posted By: Brilee
Subject: Am I being unreasonable?
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:03pm
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I had a molar pregnancy last Feb and have only just been given the all clear. (I have been under some pretty heay instruction not to get pregnant till now have had blood tests every two weeks its been hard) My Husband and I have been married 2 years together 8 years,
Last year I introduced a new friend to my brother inlaw they hit it off and have just anounced thier engagement yay  She has just told me they are trying for a baby this is hard for me to take and now feel like its a race we have been working towards this for a long time, and she know what we have been through, I am trying not to let this affect me but it is what do you think? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:10pm
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short answer - Yes!
But you are allowed to, and sometimes no matter how hard we try, being the better person sux and is just too hard. (i hope you win the race tho!)  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: lilfatty
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:13pm
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Yeah unfortunately it is a little unreasonable to ask the world to stop their lives until you have sorted yours.
BUT you are human, so feeling that was is perfectly understandable. ------------- Mummy to Issy (3) and Elias (18 months) I did it .. 41 kgs gone! From flab to fab in under a year  http://www.femininefitness.co.nz/category/blog - LFs weight blog
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Posted By: BugTeeny
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:14pm
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I think it's only natural to feel that way
If the roles were reversed would you feel like it was a race? Getting engaged/married then trying for babies is a natural progression, so I don't feel she'll be doing it to "race" you, just doing what's "normal", IYKWIM?
I haven't been in your situation completely, but it took us 18 months to conceive Hannah and I had friends/family fall pregnant unexpectedly and it was a pretty sucky feeling, so I know where you're coming from. Keep heart
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Posted By: Brilee
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:19pm
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I know i know I just hate feeling now that its a race
I will be the bigger person I feel like I have only just been alowd to get over my miscarrage its a hard pill to swallow thinking your pregnant having all the morning sickness etc and thn having a d&c then all the blood tests doctors visits waiting to hear if i have cancer so If im abit raw about it all then so be it, ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Brilee
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:20pm
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ps shes the one that said Il race you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 3:24pm
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If she said that I think she is feeling uncomfortable about the situation and doesn't know how to deal with it without upsetting you. I have been guilty of saying jokey things like that in the past to avoid having an awkward discussion.
I hope TTC is kind to you! |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 4:02pm
Like everyone's said... yes, but oh, how I understand! It's OK and normal to feel that way - just do your best to try to bear in mind that it's not her fault if she gets pregnant before you, and that even if you're not over the moon, she has a right to be happy and excited about it.
I used to live in dread that one of my sisters/SIL's on my side of the family would get UTD before me, I would have really struggled with it too. -------------   
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Posted By: MaeBeeBaby
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 8:38pm
Then you need to go out for a coffee and have a laugh and say 'hey, remember how you said it was a race? Can I opt out, cause that's quite pressuring for me ATM as I am still recovering from my miscarriage'. If she is a friend she will understand. But in answer to your question - No, you are not being unreasonable, providing you keep that 'resentment' (for want of a better word) to yourself and be happy for her that she has found a Significant Other and is focusing on her future. Wanting to Conceive is only Part One Getting Pregnant is Part Two Carrying Full Term Without Complications is Part Three And there are no guarantees on any of those Parts. So be there for her - in every way - and I am sure she will be there for you right back. 
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Brilee wrote:Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 26 January 2010 at 8:44pm
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Hugs to you. I had a partial molar so not quite as bad but still had to do the waiting period, the tests etc etc. Only got the full all clear 6 weeks after my daughter was born.
Hang in there and be as unreasonable as you want. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Flipsta
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 1:33pm
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Don't worry Brilee it is perfectly natural. When one of my best mates was trying at the same time as us I was so hoping I would get preggers before her! it was crazy...I was thinking why on earth am I being like this, I felt quite terrible about it. I never showed it though, it was just the dark side of the force speaking things in my mind.
As it turns out she is now the mother of a 8 month old and I am still trying...you have to laugh hun or you will go insane  . You can't control what is going to happen so try to let it go sweet and just concentrate on your journey and if she does get preggers well no doubt you will feel envious and jealous but remember that your time will come. ------------- TTC since Oct 07 Clomid Oct 08-Feb09 - BFN's Lap done and endo excised April 09 3 x IUI's - BFN's IVF - Sept 10 |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 1:41pm
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No you aren't being unreasonable and its all perfectly normal. I've been TTC for a year and had the bosses wife come in on Thursday waving her 12 week scan picture at me, and I had to grit my teeth and wish her congratulations etc when I was incedibly jealous. I felt terrible but couldn't help myself. |
Posted By: mountaingirl
Date Posted: 27 January 2010 at 1:48pm
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As the others have said - it is completely understandable and natural to feel that way. #1 took us 4 years and every pregnancy announcement from friends/family in those four years stabbed me in the heart a little. But on the other hand - their lives must go on and their happiness is no more/less important than yours.
Not many people who haven't been there "get it" so don't take flippant comments to heart. All the best with your journey. |