The tears have arrived
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33229
Printed Date: 03 March 2025 at 4:24pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: The tears have arrived
Posted By: Bobsta
Subject: The tears have arrived
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:18am
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The tears have finally arrived this morning so am just letting it all out now.
Well those of you know me know yesterday I had my 12 week scan and had it confirmed, after a very tough start to my first pregnancy, my gorgeous little baby had died. If this was a letter it would be very tear stained. Yesterday I think I must have been holding it in to be strong for DH. He's had to go to work today so am getting it all out of the way now. We did talk last night and both admitted we knew something was wrong but neither wanted to say that to each other as we didn't want to scare each other. He felt it after we left hospital which was at 6 1/2 weeks when I had been admitted for hyperemesis. I first felt it just before that but knew it when my first scan in hospital showed me to be a week behind what I should. Then it was the size of 51/2 weeks when it should have been 61/2. From then on I just hoped I was wrong, hoped that the wee thing would catch up, and put it to the back of my mind. The last few weeks I guess it started coming back up as the scan got closer and I knew I would have to face it. It gave up the battle when it was the size of 7 weeks, but I know that it was 4 weeks ago, when I was almost 8 weeks along as it was always a week behind schedule. It was just a little slow to get going from the beginning and then eventually gave up the battle of trying to fight for life. I'm scared to have the D&C. I don't want it. I'm scared that I will feel the loss too much once they take it out. Life can be cruel sometimes but not much I can do about that. Everything else my body did was right. There was no bleeding, no cramps. There was no reason for anyone to think there was a problem. It just wasn't the right time for me. I know I will be okay, and I know we will be pregnant again soon. We will start our family one day soon. It's just so sad that it won't be a beautiful November born baby this year as we wanted it so badly. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:22am
I really don't know what to say that can make it better. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you if you need it. xxx ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way! 
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:24am
Thanks Susi, the tears just won't stop today.  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Oxy
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:25am
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Big big hugs bobsta
------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/250ed1" rel="nofollow">  TTC#1 Jan 2009 |
Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:25am
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Oh bobsta
I don't have any words of wisdom or magic that can make it all better, I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. I am glad that you haven't given up your family deam and give you loads of hugs and sticky vibes for when you feel able to try again. You deserve more. I was also given no warning until the morning of the 13 wk scan where I had a light bleed, everything had been perfect until then. Such a shock. Good luck with your D&C, I felt a real wrenching loss to be not pregnant so quickly BUT I am very very glad I opted for the D&C rather than m/c naturally, I think the stress would have been a lot worse. At least it was over quickly. I am crying for you again I don't want anyone to got hrough this pain
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Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:25am
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They don't have to. Not today and not tomorrow. ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way!
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Posted By: chelles
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:38am
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Bobsta - I am so sorry you are going through this, life is just so unfair sometimes... I've only 'known' you for a short while on the Nov thread and know you are such a kind, caring, couragous person. You will get through this and you and DH will get the beautiful family you deserve.
Take care ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:41am
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Thanks Oxy for coming in to say hi. I really wanted to text you but just couldn't quite manage it.
Merlinfluff I am glad I have time to myself to try to comes to term with it before the D&C. I am just scared at what I might feel afterwards. DH just rang me and he is coming home. I think for him as much as for me. I think today we might both let it out together as last night we were both being strong for each other. I am sad as he so wants to be a dad. I am lucky we can both see this time just wasn't meant to be and both agree we will try again as soon as we can. He is my strength and I am the luckiest person in the world to have him to myself for the rest of my life. Together we will get through it, it may be raining now but the sun always comes out again at some point. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:42am
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Let them all out Bobsta A big bear hug from me ------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Oxy
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:51am
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Everytime I read your posts bobsta it makes me cry I know how hard it is I just want to hug you and tell you. You can get though this with dh's support cry as much as you want ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/250ed1" rel="nofollow"> TTC#1 Jan 2009 |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:52am
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oh my lovely bobsta, its so unfair you have to go through this! huge hugs hun. you are such an awesome person and your bubba was so lucky to have you as its mummy even for a short while. you will have your own special guardian angel watching over you now and im sure he/she will take care of you.
im so glad you have a great DH that will support you and be there for you. and we are all here for you too both during the tears and after. i dont know what else to say, im a bit lost for words right now. and i know nothing we say is going to take away the pain but i hope it will help you to know you have your friends behind you. sending big warm fuzzy hugs to you!! xxxx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:29am
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Aww hun it sucks doesn't it?
I know this sounds insane but I felt better after my D&C. I was like you terrified didn't want to do it and was so scared to have a general and was adament I wanted a local right up to the point where I was about to have the procdure. But you know what, the general anesthetic was mentally exactly what I needed... it just took the pain away for awhile and I'm sure that's the point where I started healing. One thing I wish I had asked for is the remains to plant somewhere. If you are off to the Auckland surgical centre for your D&C the ladies there are really, really nice. I hate sounding like a cliche but things will get better...
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:30am
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The tears keep coming, I can't stop, I hope this helps.
To my angel baby, You will never know how much I loved you, I wish I could have known you for longer and watch you grow up, You will always be with me and your dad, I know your heart will beat up in heaven, May your soul fly free wherever it is, We will love you forever. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: tarns
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 12:38pm
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Much love my friend...and fly free little angel ------------- 
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Posted By: Tinkerbelle83
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 1:04pm
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So sorry again Bobsta. Just wanted to say that I too think I felt better after the D&C.
My first mc was natural and I found all the bleeding so hard and it just wouldn't stop. The second one was a missed mc at 12 weeks and I decided to do the D&C asap as I just wanted to start over again. They are really lovely at Wellington as well and it only took a few hours and I was home by lunchtime. It wasn't painful at all. The only thing was that I had retained product when I went for a follow up scan 2 weeks later and had misoprostal for that and I had to have BT each week for about 6 weeks to get the HCG down to 0. Let it all out today and it will be nice for you to have DH at home with you. Will be thinking of you tomorrow ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
3 precious Angel babies - Oct 09, Feb 10, June 10 |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 1:15pm
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Sorry for your loss huh MC is such an awful thing to go through. Cry as much as you need and give yourself time
I know the D&C isnt what you want but, just wanted to say that for me, after 10 days of bleeding and knowing my body wasnt passing it I wanted it out and gone so choose to have the D&C done. I really wanted my body to try naturally but it just wasnt happening. Once the D&C was done the pain of MCing eased and I was able to move on and finish grieving if that makes sense. Hang in there hun. I hope you have lots of support ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 1:59pm
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awww my lil Bobby!!!! I had no idea hunny! i just found out through the charting girls!!
I know I cant do anything realistically to help, no one can but all i can say is how SORRY i am, I was sooo over joyed when you got UTD and the fact we were both going to be preggers together. Your post made me cry so much, im still biting back the tears while I type, even DH has one in his eye as he remembers me talking about you when we were TTCing together!! Life truely isnt fair, your lil angel was too beautiful for this earth and will wait for all eternity to be with you again in heaven darl!! I know your probably wanting to hide away for a bit but im only a text away, or I can call you if you like (national calling package on my phone) Ill let you do ALL the talking, take time out and just be with your DH and truely say goodbye and grieve hunny!! Best of luck hun... -------------    CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: TwinnyBump
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 2:35pm
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Bobsta Im soooooooo sorry to hear about your wee one. Since reading your news last night Bobsta I haven't stopped thinking of you! Hearing your pain just brings back all those memories for me again and I know exactly how your feeling as do too many of us ladies in here! Take the next few days with DH to talk, cry let it all out. It’s so fantastic you have such a wonderful supportive DH, he will be your rock in the coming weeks so let him look after you.
I didn't really have a choice with my mc, I had a natural mc the day after my 12 week scan. Looking back now I kinda wish I'd had a D&C just because it did take a while for my body to get back to some sort of normality and to help me grieve and move on, as it did end up taking months. Sorry Im not very good with words, but hun take care of yourself and let yourself grieve for your little one. We are all here for you… Will be thinking of you lots over the next few days, take care…. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 3:18pm
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Thank you everyone. I am doing better right now. I can't express how thankful I am to have all your support.
I have an appt with a specialist tomorrow at 11am and they will go through everything. I think they plan to do the D&C on Thursday. Nic I love the name charlotte, a very beautiful name.  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 3:29pm
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Bobsta, I posted this in charting, but I'll post it here too if thats ok, it a poem i found helped with the grieving when I went through mine a while back...
God didnt choose to finish you we will never watch you grow we had such hopes and dreams for you but now we will never know We didnt even think of this it wasnt in our minds we only thought the best would come we left all doubts behind But God in all his wisdom said "This wasnt meant to be just trust in me and one day you will know what now is hard to see" Little baby we loved you though no one understands We know he'll finish you in heaven Well place you in his hands All the best for your appointment, and I hope they get it all done as quick as possible so you can grieve and move forward with whatever you want to do... Dont know if this is something you would do or not, but I hear a lot of people let a balloon off in memory of their lost ones... and dont be afraid to cry, its natures best way of allowing you to release all that grief, not just for your baby, but all the hopes and dreams that come with new life... we are all here whenever you want to talk about it ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 4:07pm
That is beautiful BK, thank you so much, it was perfect.  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 4:41pm
| Oh that poem got me blubbing again! So beautiful, I've saved it to my computer. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 4:43pm
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Merlinfluff there is another beautiful one in charting from TheKelly, page 286 that helped me too. Have a read. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Smiles
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 4:51pm
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Hi Bobsta,
I am a good friend of Susyl's and wanted to express my deepest sadness for your news. I went through what you have on 12th Feb this year (found out at 12 wk scan) and all I can say is please hang onto the knowlesge that you will, as each day passes, feel better and you will slowly start to heal. I feel teary thinking about what you're going through and thinking about how I'm nearly 3 months on. The pain is still there and I still grieve every now and then but I am so much stronger and positive and I know you will be too. I was a blubbering mess for the first couple of days and wondered how I'd ever get through this devastaing part of my life, but I did...and you will too. You have a great attitude and I know too, when the time is right, you'll have a beautiful little baby. Do not fear the D&C - I was so scared and cried right up until the point they put me to sleep. But the nurses will look after you well and I'm sure you won't take long at all to recover - one piece of advice though is just relax for a couple of weeks afterwards to let your body have the best chance of healing well. There's not much more to say except you have so much support in these forums...life will get easier, you will smile and laugh again. xoxox |
Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 4:52pm
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Oh!! Now I'm REALLY crying again. That was really really beautiful. Amazing how poems can move you so much
I love this one too, really describes how it feels to love the little one lost too early Just Those First Few Weeks By Susan Erling For those few weeks - I had you to myself And that seems too short a time To be changed so profoundly In those few weeks - I came to know you... and to love you. You came to trust me with your life. Oh, what a life I had planned for you! Just those few weeks - When I lost you I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations... A slice of my future simply vanished overnight. Just those few weeks - It wasn't enough time to convince others how important and special you were. How odd, a truly unique person has recently died And no-one is mourning the passing. Just a few more weeks - And no 'normal' person would cry all night over a tiny unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day. No-one would, so why am I? You were just those first few weeks my little one you darted in and out of my life too quickly. But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life so much richer and give me a small glimpse of eternity. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 5:01pm
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Thanks Smiles. Hearing everyone say the D&C helped makes me feel better about it. I would just rather have it done now than have to wait. Can I ask how many days it took your body to recover from the D&C? I don't know what to expect. Naturally I will not be at work for the rest of the week but is it unrealistic to expect myself to be okay physically to go back on Monday next week if I have it done on Thursday?
Merlinfluff that is a really nice poem. I'm glad you are finding things to help your pain. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Smiles
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 5:14pm
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My baby died at 11.5 weeks and to be honest I fel totally fine straight away after D&C - I felt I could've been back at work that day...but of course I wouldn't. General didn't make me feelsick..although I did sleep for 3 hours that afternoon so you do feel exhausted. But yes, I'd say you would definitely be "physically" ready for work on Monday if you have it done Thursday - but don't put pressure on yourself...just see how you feel.
I made the big mistake (it was really really dumb of me I know) of going to the gym 3 days post D&C ...I wanted to feel "normal" again and I am the most impatient person I know. Anyway BIG mistake and that's when the pain etc started....I was fine up until that point. So yes, please don't do what I did - just let your body rest...you deserve it after the ordeal you've been through. All up, it took my body about a week and a half to get back to normal . |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 5:20pm
That did make my laugh! No risk of me going to the gym  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 5:29pm
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I had the D&C 5 days ago, came through the general really easy, was physically back on my feet later that day (had op at 8am). I'd say you'd be fine going back to work the monday after, just take it very easy on yourself.
Only reason it seems I am feeling as terrible now as I am is picking up blardy norovirus from an outbreak at the hospital . Sheesh. 
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Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 5:51pm
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to you Bobby Im here if you need... ------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 6:30pm
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s Bosta. i really wish i knew what to say as you have always been so lovely and know just what to say but i honestly dont have the words
as you can see from all the posts we are all here for you no matter what you need ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 6:50pm
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Just wanted to add my support, I'm so sorry hon. Its such a horrible feeling, isn't it. Beyond words.
Be good to yourself, both you and your man, and if you need to cry, don't feel that you shouldn't. I didn't have d+c so can't comment on that (Miso-Miss) |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 6:57pm
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Oh my lovely Bobby... I dont think I have cried so much for someone in a long time!
As others have said, I found the D&C actually helped me, once the baby was out I could move on and think about starting again. I too cried the entire time, I was crying until I went to sleep and I was crying when I woke up and tbh I still cry now.... The physical recovery is quite quick really, just like a really bad AF but you do have to look after yourself. I had mine done a Monday & my intial dr's certificate from the hospital was for 2 days (including the monday) so obviously you are physically capable quickly but I took a week off (well from the previous thursday when we found out and the whole next week) as I couldnt stand the thought of my colleagues pity gazing at me. I dont remember how long the cramps lasted but I do remember that the pads I got were scented and if I forget and get the same scented ones I vomit when i smell them.. funny nearly 2 years on and it still has that effect on me. Hugs and hugs and hugs. -------------   
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 8:19pm
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Thanks everyone, I am truly blessed to have you guys. I can't imagine someone having to deal with this alone and am thankful you guys have been there for me today.
This may be a really silly question but do I get a period right after the D&C? ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:03pm
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I was told my period would come between 4 and 6 weeks after my D&C. Most people seem to cycle pretty much as usual taking the D&C as the last day of your previous cycle, from what I've read. Hope that makes sense.
*hugs to you again* |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 9:40pm
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You will bleed, infact when you first stand up after the op you will be warned you may gush.. I did hear what she said and was quite shocked!
I had med to light flow for the first couple of days and then spotting on and off with a couple of days of light flow for 6 days. My first cycle was 40 days but many people just go right back to normal. HTH, its not so much scary as just very heart wrenching but hopefully you get nurses and surgeon like I had who were so very caring and gentle with me. They even snuck DH into recovery as I was so distraught afterwards. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, there are other options other than a D&C that they will discuss with you tomorrow. -------------
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 8:48am
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Last night I was doing so well but then this morning the ms decided to come back. I've still been taking my pills for the nausea but this morning I had more vomiting again and just feel so sick. Isn't life mean sometimes, you'd think it would give me a break after everything. Not long to go now though before it's all gone though. I think I will be relieved as I've had time now to accept it. This morning when I woke up for a moment I didn't remember everything, then I did and it was like "ah, that's right" and I just lay in bed feeling the burden of sadness. Mornings must be my sad time and when I feel it the most. Writing helps though as it gives me a way to release things I feel rather than bottling it up. I don't expect you to reply to this, I'm just writing for me. Maybe I should start a blog instead of writing here, but I do like this place. I could treat this like a blog.
The appt is at 11am today. That's when they'll go through everything, and like Mel said give me all the options. Is there an option to have a healthy living baby? I don't think so. That's a shame. I would like that option. My SIL is coming with me today though. She's great, I'm lucky to have her. I need to wash my hair but can't be bothered. I'm sure once the morning blues pass I'll be back to my normal self so don't worry too much that I'm getting too sad. It'll pass. oops, I have a few tears now. I don't even know why they're here. I've accepted everything but I just have lots of sadness. It's not a sadness for loss, or death, it's just overall sadness. I don't know, maybe letting all these feelings loose like this isn't good. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 10:16am
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------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 10:25am
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Thinking of you today hun and its one of lifes cruelest thing that you keep having symptoms....
Hugs, hugs, hugs. -------------
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 11:28am
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Your in your lil meeting with them right now id say so just know im thinking of you and praying that the lord receives your little one safely into his arms to wait for you.
Much love hun!! ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 11:35am
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Im thinking of you too Bobs, sending you much love and warmth -------------
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 11:44am
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im thinking of you too and sending lots of big squishy hugs hope its all going well. please let us know how you get on when you can xxxxxxxxx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 12:40pm
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My heart goes out to you and I'm sending all the love in the world, I am so so sorry you're going through this
I had a d and c 7 weeks ago, The physical recovery was easy, just like a light AF with some mild cramping. I went back to work 2 days later for me, which in hindsight was far too soon for my emotional recovery. Take as much time as you need. Some of the best advice I received was just "Be Still". Do what you need to for you, and feel what you need too, let it all out , Don't try to hold it in. We're all thinking of you, Let out your feelings here as much as you need too, as there's alot of us who understand. It's a sad club to be a part of, but there is alot of us here xx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: kellyd
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 1:04pm
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Hi Bobsta,
am thinking of you right now. It's weird because I haven't cried over my missed M/C for a while now, and your post and all the lovely replies has got me started again. I'm not sure if I'm crying for you or for me. I was in a very similar situation as you...knew something was wrong, but tried to convince myself everything was OK. Then found out at the 3 month scan that my baby had died at about 8 weeks. That day was my day of mourning. I cried all day. I was just so so sad. I miscarried the next day. It was horrendous - waters breaking, severe labour pains, blood, tissue...so bad. I personally didn't want a D&C - I did want my body to M/C naturally. But I can see why a D&C may be preferential, particularly so late in pregnancy. I've had a few friends who have had D&C's and they said the recovery was really good. I'm sure all will go well for you. Just rest and sleep and rest some more. Let us know how you are when you feel up to it. Am thinking of you. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:05pm
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Thanks everyone, again I thinking how lucky I am to have the supportive you have given.
The appt was, well interesting. First I met the nurse and she was a bit of a loopy de loop sort of person. Then I met the "junior doctor" who was training someone else from med school. The doctor looked about 12 years old. She may as well have read everything she said straight from the text book. I could she her brain mentally ticking all the boxes of things she has to tell me. She even asked me how having a miscarriage makes me feel. Seriously? Then she asked if I was in a stable relationship after me telling her yes it was a planned pregnancy. Firstly why would I plan to get pregnant if I wasn't, and what business is it of hers?! They did some internal swabs and she couldn't even find my bloody cervix! She used many choice term like "sucking it out", how very sensitive of her, not. When I asked her about have the baby tested to find out the reason why she said they don't bother with first ones as there's no reason to and secondly they would only do that if I was past 20 weeks. Oh, thanks for telling me my first m/c is no big thing and it's even less important because it wasn't far enough along to matter. Good stuff doc, top marks for sensitivity. Of course she said this all in her well practised hushed tone to show she does care. Maybe she should go back to med school and take the "how to show empathy" course again. As you can see the anger part of the process has reached me. Well after that great experience me and my SIL went back and waited to see the nurse again. While sitting there I went very quickly from angry Robyn to sarcastic to Robyn and we just had a good laugh about how useless the doctor was. I got to see the loop de loop nurse again but it was good to talk to her and she really did go through things properly, showed genuine empathy for whats happened and answered all my questions about TTC again, my cycle etc. I had a BT done after that and everything is ready now so will have the D&C done tomorrow at 2.30pm. I feel pretty good and in a way I'm glad I had a stupid 12 year old doctor as it gave me a good reason to feel something other than sadness. I only hope that tomorrow the people doing things are a bit more sensitive. I'm sure they will be. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:11pm
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i will be thinking of you tomorrow bobby!!!
Im glad your appointment went as well as it could given these circumstances!! HUGS AND LOVE! ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:15pm
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Thanks Nic and than you for all your kind posts. You are a special person! ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:17pm
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Oh dear lord, what an idiot!
If you want baby tested you can have baby tested so when you go in tomorrow and you see the nurse for pre-op tell them that you want the testing done. Confirm it with the surgeon when they come to see you. That is YOUR choice, not theirs!!!! Will light a candle for you tomorrow hun. -------------
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:22pm
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also just a thought hun, if you want to they can tell you the sex as one thing i heard was a nice gesture was planting a tree or rosebush in your garden for wee bean, some people find it healing to do that and naming the bub can help some people to...all personal choice though....LOTS OF LOVE, im only a text away! ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:27pm
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oh for petes sake, cant believe you have to deal with crappy people at a time like this. i seriously cant believe some people become doctors....
huge hugs, hope the people tomorrow are a lot better!! will be thinking of you!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:27pm
| I wonder if the 12 year old came from the same batch of idiots when I had my ectopic. I had a 12 year old med student come in and tell me that it was ok for me to have an ectopic and go home and see how things went. Then she went to check with the "real doctor" who came in and said the exact opposite. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:32pm
Yeah it is amazing what we have to deal with sometimes. I was looking through quotes, blinkies etc as it makes me feel better and I saw this one. I never liked it before but now I think it's quite appropriate...
 ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:34pm
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haha thats the spirit bobby!!!
------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:38pm
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:43pm
| Are you going through greenlane? Because I had a 12-year old med student (sure sign I'm getting old) but she was pretty on to it. |
Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:44pm
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my blinky apprentice is back people!!!
Miss our lil chats hun!! infact miss all the old gals from charts  ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:45pm
| Oh and good luck for procedure... it's not as bad as it sounds and you get some great drugs. I was high as a kite afterwards.. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:54pm
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Today the appt was at Greenlane opposite to ASB showgrounds so maybe we did get the same 12 year old! Tomorrow it will be done at Auckland City Surgical in Remuera. I opted to gave a general as there's no way I want to be aware of what they're doing when they're doing it so hopefully I will feel pretty good tomorrow evening.
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 3:05pm
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Same place then!
The surgical centre people are really, really lovely. I think they do a lot of D&Cs (everyone I know in Auckland city seemed to get referred there) so they are well used to dealing with highly emotional women. Oh and the drugs were fab. I remember saying to DP on the way home 'I totally know how you could hooked on these drugs because I feel so great.' He looked at me sideways because I had been crying for 3 days. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 3:13pm
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lol
I am actually feeling pretty good about things overall now knowing that I will be looked after by good people and that I should be feeling good afterwards. Thanks for sharing lemongirl, you've really helped me feel better about the D&C
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 3:32pm
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Bobsta, I am sorry you got people who dont understand how we feel after a loss, clearly they have never had the misfortune of knowing first-hand how turbulent the emotions will be!
All the best for tomorrow, and I agree... as the patient you should have the right to have baby tested to find out if anything was wrong with the baby... it could save a lot of time and heartache further down the TTC road depending on the results... You should be looked after tomorrow a lot better as they will have seen this exact same scenario a thousand times over... and will have had a LOT more practise at how to handle it all tactfully! ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 3:41pm
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lol bobby, i found these on one of my fave sites today, kinda ironic as there are quite a few....
take ya pick hun! 
and my favourite 
hope you find something you like?! ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 4:58pm
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Thanks BK
Thanks nic, they are just perfect, I love the last one too so think I will use that one.
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Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 10:47pm
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Im sorry you ended up with a moron Bobby, unfortunately you will come across a few of those after having a MC. Glad you ended up being able to see the funny side of it though, kudos to you!
I will be thinking of you tomorrow, Im glad your SIL went with you today, is she going with you tomorrow as well? And agree with what others have said re testing, if its what you want, then you make them do it, it is your baby. That was the one thing I was gutted about my MC was that because I didnt have a DnC I didnt get tests done... I did however plant him under a Kowhai tree which I am pleased about (totally personal choice) more and to you hun-------------
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 8:50am
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Thanks Emmi, it was nice to wake up to read your post and feel your hug.
Once again feeling very ill this morning, don't know if it's becuase today is D'day or if it's the ms still hanging around. I started feeling quite ill last night too so think it must be nerves. Ended up asleep in bed by 8.30pm but I had a very restful sleep. Don't quite know how to feel today. In some ways I just want to accidentally forget to go today but in same ways I want it done so it's finally all over. I don't have the incredible sadness I've had the past few days, it's a more gentle sadness now. DH will be coming home at lunchtime and he will be there with me the whole time. I spoke with my family last night which was really good. I was a bit worried about my sister as she had her 20 week scan yesterday and knew she was a bit anxious. Everything went well so that's good. I feel nothing but complete happiness for her. It's funny as when I was TTC I would be envious of anyone that was pregnant or had a baby. But I don't feel that at all now. I thought I would a bit having lost my baby and knowing I have to start all over again. But I feel happy knowing I was pregnant and did have a baby and it was all mine and I know that will be me again one day soon. I send all pregnant ladies out there warm fuzzy vibes and pray that you all have healthy happy pregnancies, each and everyone one of us deserves to be mum and experience that joy. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 9:31am
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Thinking of you today
You have a beautiful attitude to life, Your last post has me in tears. I'm happy you got to experience the beauty and wonder of pregnancy and one day it will be all yours again. All the best for today, I was at ASC 7 weeks ago and the nurses there are so divine, They will look after you well and the Anathetic was a wonderful way to escape for a few moments. (The Tea and Scone when you wake up is a nice touch too, as everything will feel a little surreal) Lots of Love ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 10:22am
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LOts of love, hugs and cuddles today hun....*squeezes her hand tight*
All of OB will be thinking and praying for you today and for your little ones journey, may it be a safe one. Ill light a candle for you this afternoon hunny!! best of luck!! ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 11:04am
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Well I've managed to distract myself this morning by watching a really lovely movie. The reality of what's about to come is sinking in. I know my ill feelings this morning are definitely not ms as the ms pills aren't working. I am feeling more ill as it gets closer. I've always been someone that reacts physically to things that scare me.
I feel like crying now but I need to be strong. I can cry afterwards. I don't know what else to say.......how sad it is that so many of us haven been through this, are going through it, and will go through it. It just breaks my heart thinking about it ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Oxy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 11:22am
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Bobsta I found you this poem
When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not here to see... If the sun should rise and find your eyes filled with tears for me, I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today... While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, as much as I love you... And each time you think of me, I know you'll miss me, too. But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand That Jesus came and called my name and took me by the hand, He said my place was ready in heaven far above... And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love. So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart... For every time you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.  ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/250ed1" rel="nofollow"> TTC#1 Jan 2009 |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 12:30pm
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Oxy that gave me a tear or two so took me awhile to reply so the waterworks didn't start up. Thanks for posting that
I'm now feeling very restless as DH will be here to take me soon. I better get dressed. Guess it's not the done thing to turn up in PJ's and a dressing gown. I'm sure I could get away with it though given the circumstances
Is it crazy of me to worry about how frizzy my hair is right now? Probably. I even shaved my legs especially. I must be going a bit crazy to think about things like that. Everything seems a bit ridiculous right now. I keep thinking I should make myself useful and do some washing or sweep up the leaves outside. It's just as well I'm not out around the general public as right now I would probably say something inappropriate to people like "Guess what! They're gonna take out my dead baby today!" Oh dear, someone shake me please, or reach through their computers and slap me. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 12:37pm
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your ALLOWED to feel like this hun and dont bother with the hair unless it makes you feel BETTER!
You dont have to do ANYTHING useful and not for a few days even hun, this is a time to be taken to grieve and be with your DH and truely BE together, morn together, love together and be sad together, dont let anyone stop you doing that hun Have you tried some rescue remedy? Im a physical reaction person too, i get the scoots or throw up when im nervous or scared, its totally natural and you shouldnt worry, though getting a lil fluids in before the op would be good as you do feel dry after any general anesthetic. make sure you sleep if you wanna sleep after too, its when your body does most of the best healing, physically and mentally *squeezes her hand again* ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 12:53pm
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thanks nic for the hand squeezing.
*deep slow breaths* I have some rescue remedy somewhere but not sure if it's a good idea to take it before something like this where I get knocked out. I wish I was allowed to drink as I really feel like sitting in the sun and having a cup of tea. That always relaxes me when I'm anxious. I just wish the sick feeling in my stomach would go away. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:10pm
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Okay, I'm dressed. I actually feel relaxed and ready to go now. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:16pm
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maybe doing "normal" things makes you feel better and keeps your mind off things...maybe you should go do your hair all nice and maybe give the place a vaccum,...might be something you need to do??
or watch tv2 jeremy kyle like me and try and laugh at some of the dumb idiots on there and their stupid issues. ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: kellyd
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:32pm
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Thinking of you Bobsta. I'm sure everything will go fine and you will be feeling like a different person tomorrow.
"It's funny as when I was TTC I would be envious of anyone that was pregnant or had a baby. But I don't feel that at all now. I thought I would a bit having lost my baby and knowing I have to start all over again. But I feel happy knowing I was pregnant and did have a baby and it was all mine and I know that will be me again one day soon. " I just wanted to say something about your quote in one of the previous posts. You may start to feel envious of preggie people again. I certainly do. Particularly those that are due the same month as I was (October). The week after my miscarriage I went and saw a friend who was due a week before me, and seeing her beautiful baby bump really hurt. I got really upset because I was so jealous and I knew I should have one to match. We should've been sharing pregnancy together. So expect those sort of feelings to pop up unexpectedly, and know it's normal to feel that way. Another of my coffee group girls also got pregnant unexpectedly (first born was IVF) and she is also due a week out from when I was. So hearing she was pregnant was a shock (slap in the face) and seeing her beautiful 12 week scan photos was hard too. But time to move foward and think pregnant thoughts for me. It's my husbands lucky month!!! Let us know how you get on. Thinking of you. |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:33pm
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I think doing things does help as I have done the washing and tidied the bedroom too and am feeling good. DH has just arrived so the time has come.
Thank you to everyone for all you kind words, support and caring you have shown me. Much love ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 1:39pm
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BIG HUGS!
Im with you in spirit hun, GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES!! *trots off to find that candle* ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 2:24pm
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For You bobby! youll be under in a few minutes....GOOD LUCK! **SQUEEZE**
heres a pic of my Lit candle of love (what i call it) and said the little prayer for you at 2:30pm (candle was lit for the last hour and a half
------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: KiwiAtHeart
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 3:44pm
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Nic thats awesome
Hope your doin ok bobsta, 's for you-------------  
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 4:03pm
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Nic thats so nice
Sending all my (((((healing powers))))) your way Bobsta, Rest up and take it easy for the next few days. ------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 4:54pm
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hey hun hope it all went well, was thinking of you all day (probably why ive been so damn emotional today!)
hope the anaesthetic didnt knock you around too much. take real good care of yourself ok xxxxxxx and please take as much time as you need to talk about it or not talk about it or whatever you need to do to feel better. nic thats lovely
awww you guys are so awesome and everyone is giving bobsta heaps of support and love, its so awesome to see!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 7:04pm
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I am now at peace as I know she has now been set free and she is in good hands. Thank you nic for the candle and the prayer. I think I could feel it as as soon as I woke I said a prayer out loud which I have never done before. I know I was well looked after this afternoon and I had someone watching over me. My wee angel has taught me strength and given me the courage to allow myself to be proud to believe in things I have kept well hidden my whole life and have been scared to to question and learn more about.
Words cannot express how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by such supportive and loving people. I will forever be grateful for the kindness you have all shown me. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 7:15pm
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Your always welcome hun!!
I think my baby is bringing me closer to god and watching my cousin lose her lil one at 9 weeks (was due same month as me) sort of opened my eyes also...makes me very grateful for my gift from above. I hope you find what your searching for... Good luck for TTCing again, but for now rest and heal Love nic ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 06 May 2010 at 9:52pm
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xoxoxox -------------
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 5:15am
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Last night I felt good, now not so much. I guess the anesthetic has well and truly worn off. I have woken up to some quite bad pain. Don't have the heart to wake DH but it feels so sore and I want his cuddles. I have taken the pills they gave me and hope they start working soon. Just want to sleep it all away. Why can't I go back to feeling so happy. I guess I shouldn't expect to fine so quickly but I thought I was through the worst. Doesn't help that at this time of night/morning its all dark and quiet so too easy to think about things. I must keep myself busy. I am going to try to write just a few times a day as when I write I let all my emotions flow. It's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. My mum tells me it's my healing process. I like to write here knowing at least it might be read by people who understand the pain. Oh no, now the tears are here again. I knew they would eventually come. I didn't cry at all yesterday. I was very good when I was there, I was calm and relaxed and didn't get upset. The people were so nice to me. They said it all went well and had no complications, I like to think that will be no scarring that will make it hard to get pregnant again. That is one of the risks of a D&C. Mostly though it makes it easier to get pregnant again. Why did this baby have to hurt me so much in so many different ways. Why couldn't I keep her. We've been through so much in our lives already, why couldn't this one thing have been easy. I know these things happen to teach us lessons in life, but it's still no fair. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 6:53am
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I hope the painkillers have kicked in now and your in a deep sleep, rest up today it will give you the best chance for your body to heal. I hope you have a stack of movies to watch.
Today will be hard theirs no denying it, but you know what - Tomorrow will be better
Were all here to help you through it, keep writing and let it all out. ------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Rubyrock
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 6:58am
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Oh bobsta I am so sorry for your loss,
Just reading your words is making me tear up and think of my mc end March. I would like to say that life does go on but sh#t its hard sometimes and trying to put on a brave face just doesnt work when you are hurting so much inside. Have you thought about counselling to help you through this? We are contemplating it and I know Princess-Bubs found it quite helpful. I am thinking of you and if you need someone to talk to PM me xxxxx Kristy ------------- TTC#1 Jan 07 Me 39 DP 41 MFI DI#1&2 Sep & Oct 09 BFN DI#3 Feb 10 BFP - mc @ 9wks DI#4 Jul 10 - BFN DI#5 Aug 10 - BFP - chem pg IVF #1 Aug/Sept 11 - BFP - chem pg |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 8:39am
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Oh hun, sending you a big warm fuzzy hug!
You are grieving and that is healthy and you NEED to do it. Your a mum and the worst possible thing that can happen to a mum is to loose a child. Allow yourself to feel what ever it is you are feeling and though you may not see it now, it WILL get easier and there will come a day when you realise you hadnt thought about it at all the day before. I wish I could come and make you tea and give you a big cuddle and let you cry it all out on my shoulder. We are all here for you lovely girl, you just let me know when you are ready and I will be there to do whatever it is you want to do. -------------
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Posted By: NZ-rules
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 9:25am
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Big hugs Bobsta. You are being very brave and strong, but please don't feel that you have to be all the time. After my D&C a year ago I was initially fine and then the feelings of grief and finally anger (for quite awhile) kicked in - it helped me that I'd be warned I'd feel like that, and the only way I got through it was to talk talk talk to anyone that would listen, and even now I like to mention my angel baby to DH and friends to make sure he isn't forgotten. Writing a poem and planting it under a tree which is in a pot on our deck was very healing too.
Be very gentle with yourself and don't expect to feel ok for awhile, that way your won't feel disapointed, but please know that one day you will be able to look back and realise that your angel was a precious gift just that was just taken too soon. Take care x ------------- 
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Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 9:48am
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Bobsta, It's really natural to have good days and bad days. Just take them as they come.
After my D&C I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to feel fine and not wallow in my sadness when I wasn't feeling fine at all. Which in retrospect made things a whole lot worse over the long run. I know this sounds corny but you have to give yourself time to just feel these emotions. I also found having small things (other than getting pregnant again) to look forward to every week a real helper to getting through bad days. |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 10:53am
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Bobsta i just had a go at writing a couple of poems for you too, i hope you dont mind. sorry if they are crap or make you feel sad again. but i just felt like i needed to write something.
first one: I cant believe you’re gone, its like you never left But I’m sitting here alone, feeling so bereft People say they are sorry but they don’t really know, For the little time we spent together how I love you so It comforts me although you’re gone I know you’re still around Near to me, surrounding me though you don’t make a sound. There will always be a place for you deep inside my heart I will always be your mummy even though we’re far apart I just can’t understand how could you leave me so? I love you, I miss you I’ll never let you go You’re up in heaven now watching over me, Goodbye my little baby Go now, be free. and the other one: I’m not quite ready yet mummy Please let me go away Once I am perfect I will come back to stay I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was gone But you already knew I had to go, He was calling me And so my spirit flew I know it hurts you deeply And I’m very sorry But I will be back one day soon So please try not to worry God hasn’t finished me yet He’s busy working away, Making me all ready So we can meet some day I’ll come back to you When the time is right For now I’ll be here when you sleep Hugging you all night I know I’m not with you Down there on the ground I might be up in heaven now But I will always be around You say that I taught you something Well you taught me something too How you love me so very much And I cant wait to be with you sending more love hun xxxx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 11:06am
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Wow heaf those poems are so beautiful ------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Oxy
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 11:06am
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Heaf
That was so thoughtful of you to write such a nice poem for Bobsta im sure she will like it ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/250ed1" rel="nofollow"> TTC#1 Jan 2009 |
Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 11:19am
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wow heaf!! you should write a poetry book!! they are great! ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 11:26am
aww thanks you guys  i hope bobsta likes them too!
i feel bad though to get praise for them, kelly's poems are way better than mine! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 11:51am
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hugs Bobsta, some days will be harder than others but i promise you'll get through it...meanwhile we're hear listening and being with you...
aww heaf those poems brought a tear to my eye and made me remember my own mc....beautiful, you have a gift ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 12:17pm
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those were beautiful Heaf, I really felt the love in them , pfft they are just as good, if not better than mine , I hope Bobsta feels loved when she reads them
I didn't love you very long but I loved you from the start the moment I saw the line I knew you could break my heart I could not dwell too much on what that line would do my life would be forever changed that much I thought I knew Life went on as life always does and though deep down I had my fears I prayed to God that things be ok and in 9 months you would be here When they told me you were gone I felt like perhaps Id always known but it didn't stop me wishing for what the screen hadn't shown And it didn't stop my heart from breaking that black day my hopes and dreams all dashed for you It wasn't meant to be this way And so without my wanting it you went to a castle in the sky where babies play with baby toys that money can not buy And I am left here wanting you and trying to trust and understand that the lord has a plan for me and to have faith in his loving hand But at times it is so hard when all I want is YOU and everything you represented all the things we'll never do Its times like this I must believe although it feels like it will never be ok that I WILL have a baby here , and i'll hold them close one day My angel baby knows whats best and I know he will help God find the perfect little soul for me in body heart and mind And when its time for the baby to come and join us here My angel will say goodbye for now and kiss them with a tear he will love his precious sibling briefly but with all that he is worth ... and then he'll send him down with a loving whisper for my mum to love ....on earth Thats the one I wrote for Bobsta, but im putting it in here for everyone who has suffered the loss of an angel that touched their womb breifly but flew home too soon ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 1:25pm
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oh bobby if you get a chance maybe this will help you get some emotions out...i know hes singing to his girl but it works for your lil one too, i couldnt help but think of you when listening and singing to my baby girl!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqjfvD-qbmw&feature=related ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 2:01pm
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I don't know what to say anymore, the words are just not coming anymore, I just feel blank. I am here reading all your words of support so thank you. Thank you doesn't do how I feel justice, but I want you all to know everything you write is helping me get through each day. I slept all morning and at least the pain is dulled by the drugs. Today is a bed day for me. Hopefully tomorrow I will be better and be able to start doing things again and get back into the routine of life. I know I will find every day hard for awhile but life needs to go on.
Thanks for putting your poem in here kelly, I was going to pm you to ask if I could copy it in here. This place is where I come to feel my sadness, think about things, and release my emotions. I don't know how long I'll keep writing, but for now it's the only thing that helps. I can't watch tv or read as my mind won't focus, and I don't want to sit around and mope, so I write. Afterwards I can function okay till I get sad again, so then I write some more. Look at that, the words just came. I already feel better having gotten this out and letting a few more tears fall. Heaf, I am at a loss for words. I am touched by your beautiful poems and it makes me happy to know that my angel was known by others too. She was very special. This part of your poem was just perfect and brought me to happy tears so I wanted you to know that. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was gone But you already knew I had to go, He was calling me And so my spirit flew " ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ALittleLoopy
Date Posted: 07 May 2010 at 2:11pm
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I sing this to my one and just did for your bubba too...i think it suits any lil bubba! its my lullaby :)
janelle - Amazing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-xmLD85M8o when you feel up to t\it, have a listen i think itll speak to you like it does me ------------- CHEM 6/12+ |