Depression v. extreme tiredness
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34390
Printed Date: 21 December 2024 at 6:33pm
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Topic: Depression v. extreme tiredness
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: Depression v. extreme tiredness
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 1:43pm
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I typed a huge long post but my daughter accidentally hit something on the keyboard and I lost the whole thing.
This is probably not an easy question but how can to tell whether you are depressed or just stressed and tired?? Especially when you've had chronic sleep deprivation for 4 years? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:11pm
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if after a night in a hotel by yourself you still feel the same then it aint just tired..
i dont know really... but i imagine a good sleep would help you make a decision. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 3:38pm
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I wonder this myself sometimes. I had a good chat with the local post-natal support lady about it, and she said a key difference is that when you are just tired (as opposed to depressed) then usually when you have the chance to sleep you fall asleep pretty easily, whereas if you are depressed you often lie awake fretting when you could be sleeping.
What do your close friends think? And your DH? They are often better judges than yourself. Hugs, I've huge respect for how you are coping. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 7:14pm
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A couple of my close friends thought I had PND. They actually said outright that they needed people around them who were "easy" and hence no longer wanted to continue being friends. Thing is as far as I could tell the friendships were 90% light and happy. I certainly did vent about my struggles with sleep more than I would've liked but that is my reality and if I can't talk about it with my friends then I think it is a pretty sad state of affairs. I understand that friends have no obligation to be supportive but true friendships are naturally give and take through the good and the bad.
Anyway, I spoke with my doc about it a few times in the past and her conclusion was that I was simply extremely sleep deprived. She stated that sleep deprivation invades every facet of life and is equal to a form of torture. We really do try to get sleep and I'm sure it often sounds like we are making excuses for not getting it but it really is a tough thing to get in our house! Combine 1 kid with a sleep disorder with 1 kid who is 11 months and still not sleeping through or napping for more than 40 mins at a time + a mother who developed a sleep disorder of her own due to stress a few years ago etc etc and it just isn't easy to get good sleep, especially on subsequent nights and hence the "sleep debt" is never overcome. However now I'm not sure. Much of the time I'm very happy. I feel very blessed and feel that I have no right to struggle as in many ways we have it all. However, I'm finding that when things hit the fan (which they do a lot at the moment as my baby is being very tricky with her sleep). I feel absolutely overwhelmed with feelings of uselessness. In those moments I really feel that I'm a hopeless mother and that I should give my kids to their grandparents or something. I should clarify here that I don't WANT to give them away and I KNOW that I am a perfectly adequate mother. However, I've always been very hard on myself and it is really manifesting itself at the moment. Worst of all, I'm feeling angry a lot of the time. This isn't the sort of anger that would lead me to harm myself or anyone else but makes me so furious with myself. I feel that if I was doing things right my kids wouldn't have sleeping issues etc. It seems that no matter how much I try to focus on facts I drown in these emotions. I feel overwhelmed with stress and sadness quite often at the moment...emotions that I KNOW to be irrational as I am so very blessed in my life but nonetheless they keep popping back in. I'm so so tired and am well and truely over feeling drained and headachy all the time. I am constantly sick, getting one cold after another and that is aweful for me as health is a passion of mine and prior to kids I was super healthy in every way. So yeah...often everything is just perfect but a lot of the time I feel like I'm drowning. Not sure if I need a swift kick up the pants and an attitude adjustment or some kind of help or what. GAH! I honestly hate admitting to weakness. Feels like I've spent my whole life trying to prove that I'm good enough and living with a perfectionist streak so admitting this is really tough! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 7:27pm
| Have you done one of the online depression test things? Might give you an indication. My friend told me to answer the questions as quickly as possible so not to overthink them, just go with your initial answer that pops into your head. |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 30 June 2010 at 7:33pm
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Yeap I scored 18. However,all those things could be because of tiredness too. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 2:58pm
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Oh hun. Those friends sound awful. I really relate to the feelings of "must be getting it wrong" to have a kid that doesn't sleep, but it's not the case. I know I tend to have those feelings more at unfriendly hours of the morning (2 hours straight is a good sleep in our house atm, and back to bed within an hour is also good, so I see a lot of those early morning hours), so I'm sure it could be either exhaustion causing that.
One way to look at it is - what would you change if someone said it was depression? You can't fix the sleep deprivation at this point (but one day you will, really!), but how would you treat depression? I've implemented a raft of things to help so that I don't slip into depression. If you were comfortable with the idea, you could try taking meds and see if they help? Could you drop the kids to a grandparent for a few hours (or overnight) and go home to sleep? Or you go to their house and they mind the kids at yours. How are you getting on with the housework? Would it help if you got help with that? Are you getting time to do things you enjoy, as well as caring for your kids? If that's hard, can you find something you can do with them that is fun for you too? Perhaps bundle them up warm and take a walk down the beach looking for shells? Go to the pools together? Visit a farm and play with some lambs? I often take DD to visit the piglets cos we both feel happier after playing with them - they are just so happy 
I don't know if any of that helps. Hang in there ok? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 3:11pm
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i think you need a night away - by yourself... Leave the kids and hubby for the night and have a night to yourself. soak in the bath, eat chocs, drink what you want, read a book or just sleep! failing that you know elle can come over here anytime and if you want/need me to i can have both the girls for a bit.
not all your friends have deserted you!  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: coopersmum
Date Posted: 01 July 2010 at 6:46pm
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Hi FionaS, from what you have said I would say you have PND. For each person the experience is different, but anger was a big part of it for me. Prior to seeking help, once I realised I had PND, I thought to be depressed was to be wishing to leep off a bridge, but this isn't the case. I have never wished anything bad for myself or my kids. Do you have a local family centre you can visit? Have a read of this website www.mothersmatter.co.nz
Another good thing to do is split your days in half and mark on a calander if avo or morning was good or bad.. Sometimes we forget how bad the bad times are when things are good. Hope that helps, having a crap day here so post prob bit jumbled!?! |
Posted By: Richie
Date Posted: 06 July 2010 at 10:56pm
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Yea I agree that it is most likely PND..... the way you describe how you are feeling reminds me very much of how I am feeling a lot of the time. I too doubt myself as a mother at times, even tho I know I'm a great Mum but iIf my daughter cries.... I straight away start blaming myself - telling myself I MUST be doing something wrong. It is a really hard space to be in, and can be very tiring. I agree that maybe a night away to just be you and to relax would do you wonders. It's amazing what a good sleep can do.
Thanks coopersmum for the idea of splitting days in half on the calender....... that is brilliant! Cause yea sometimes PND can really make you feel like everything is going pear shaped so doing something like that to make you realise that good days do actually exist has gotta be a booster for anyone. Good luck hun, you are not alone. There are plenty of us on here who understand and are hear to listen whenever you need to talk xo Chin up  -------------  
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 24 July 2010 at 10:12pm
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A lot of the symptoms you have described are common to PND. The feelings of not coping, the feelings of low self-esteem and inadequacy, feeling low, feeling angry, feeling tired. Very very common. I would imagine if you talked to your GP about it they would probably diagnose you with PND. However, some Drs are not good at mental health or diagnosing so if your GP thinks this is just sleep deprivation I would seek another opinion. PND can show up 2yrs after your baby's birth and the longer it goes untreated the worse it gets and the longer it takes to recover.
I would also suggest some counselling and finding some practical support so that you can get a break. Your GP can actually refer you to WINZ for Domestic help with housework and childcare. Sounds to me like you could do with some help in those two areas to ease the load. Can you ask family to help in the meantime and call in Parent Port/Parent Aid if you are in Auckland in the meantime? |
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 27 July 2010 at 8:28pm
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fiona. Hope things improve soon.
Can i ask nathansmummy what is parent port/ parent aid? and how do you get it? -------------  
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 7:31am
it sounds like you need to be kinder to yourself and maybe put some surport in place like respite care for your girl so you can get some sleep here in dunedin we have accessability and thur them james gets 12 days a year of respite its great when i relly need down time. from your post i can tell you are agreat mum please be kind to yourself you are doing a great job many people couldnt handle the no sleep thing big hugs ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 11:08am
just bumped up the thread about it in the first baby section ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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yummymummy2 wrote:Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 11:50pm
| Thanks Bizzy. Parent Aid/Parent Port will help you in emergency or stress or illness with housework and/or childcare temporarily until things are resolved. This is if you live in Auckland. So if you find their website and give them a call they will help you with really no questions asked! |
Posted By: coopersmum
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 7:54am
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Wow thats great to hear there is that sort of help out there!
Hope everyones having a good week. Busy one here so keeping me occupied, but am coping with it well, Yay! |
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 01 August 2010 at 6:10pm
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I've often wondered about thsi question too Fiona.....and I absolutely thought I had PND there for a while BUT most of my 'symptoms' disappear on the very rare occasions I get enough sleep...so am thinking it's extreme sleep deprivation. However, it's a chicken or egg situation in some ways as I'm sure one can lead to the other IYKIWM.... I would also totally try to get a night away and see if a good sleep helps you come to some sort of conclusion -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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