Fathers name on birth cert
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Category: Support
Forum Name: Single parenting
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37161
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Topic: Fathers name on birth cert
Posted By: fallen
Subject: Fathers name on birth cert
Date Posted: 17 December 2010 at 2:45pm
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I have a 12 year old daughter who I had before I met my current partner. Her father and I weren't in a relationship, we were associates/friends in the vaguest sense. He has known about her since she was a few months old but has chosen to not be involved. Which is a good thing as he became a heroin user and has been in and out of jail.
When she was younger I went though the courts, did the whole parternity testing, custody thing. So thats all been done. My lawyer at the time told me that I can get her birth cert changed to include his name using the parternity documents. I didn't see any point to doing this. I mentioned it to my Dad at the time and he was of the opinion that I should get it done. Which I didn't. Now, quite a few years later my Dad asked me if I had done it. He seems to think its right that a kid should have both parents name on their birth cert. Obviously I haven't told him about the drug use etc. I have the paperwork here to put his name on her certificate but am unsure if its a good idea. I've spoken to my daughter who isn't really fussed. My partner is dead set against it but he actually doesn't get a vote. So pros and cons? ------------- |
Replies:
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 17 December 2010 at 5:08pm
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The only pro i can think off for having his name on is for her sake, if she wants that connection to him. Or simply because she'll soon be at an age where she'll apply for uni, student loans etc all of which will want a copy of her birth certificate and she might want a name other then "father unknown" or "Undeclared" or whatever her certificate says.
I assume as custody etc etc has already been sorted then there would be no consequence to adding his name on now for you (by which i mean he wouldnt suddenly gain any extra rights or anything). I know for issuing birth certs now you have to name the dad if you know them or it affects your benefits etc - if you're getting child support or a benefit do you know if not declaring her father is affecting your payments - making it worthwhile to name him? Just re-read and saw she isnt really fussed. IMO its only your and her opinion that matters and its awesome your partner is respecting that. Could you maybe tell your daughter that its an option and if she wants to have his name there in a few years then she can and you'll do the forms for her then? No idea if that made any sense or was any help - i didnt want your post to be lonely 
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Posted By: happymumma
Date Posted: 17 December 2010 at 7:03pm
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I have no experience to draw from so this is simply my opinion. Pros: There are two parents listed on the birth certificate if that is important to your daughter or if this effects the supports you or she can receive financially or otherwise. Cons: My big question would be does having his name there effect his ability to have a say in what she does or does your custody mean this is not an issue. Personally I wouldn't do it if it changed you rights as the parent. Other: It sounds like you have involved your daughter in the decision making process and I think that's brilliant. I think that if it was something really important to her that would sway my decision. I think that if it is not important to her for emotional reasons, and neither of you gain any benefit from it then having his name added bears no real purpose. If you / she are able to change that decision in the future then you could say no for now and review it if you need / want to later on. If you add it now you can't remove it later on down the track. |
Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 21 December 2010 at 7:46am
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Thank you for your replies ladies. Putting his name on her birth certificate wouldn't effect child support. He is already being chased for it.
I think the thing I'm afraid of is that by putting his name on her birth certificate it will give him more say or in some ways me not total say in decisions relating to Nicole. The idea that I would have to get his input into schooling matters and the like is horrible. I know when we eventually move to Australia I'm supposed to get his permission. But in reality if things are as they are now all I will be doing is telling him its happening. So I will keep things as they are for now but know if she feels strongly about it in the future we can always add his name. Thank you. ------------- |
Posted By: Anthony104910
Date Posted: 02 February 2013 at 6:05pm
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hey i was just wanting to know how do i put my name on my two girls birth certificates as the mother didnt put them on there an i didnt know an we have just broken up but i wanna be there for my kids an make sure i have rights to see them and that she cant leave the contry as she has treaten me that she is going over sea's for 3 months an i want to be able to see my two girls as i have been there for them since they were born.. how do i apply to put my name on their certificates??? can someone help me please ? |
Posted By: Anthony104910
Date Posted: 02 February 2013 at 6:26pm
| can you help me i want to put my name on my girls brith certificates do you know how i go about it ?? |
Posted By: TeacherLady
Date Posted: 02 February 2013 at 6:48pm
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Hmmm contact births, deaths, and marriages? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Anthony104910
Date Posted: 02 February 2013 at 7:12pm
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yeah i was gonna try ring and ask them on monday just thought someone here might be able to help me.. coz i really dont want to lose my kids and i always want to be there for them no matter what and i dnt want my ex to run away with them  
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 February 2013 at 8:03am
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you could also get information from CAB citizens advice bureau. You should think about contacting her & ask if she will amend the birth cert with you as you want to be involved in your girls life. Do it in an email so you have a record of conversations. As a father you have rights but just keep in mind this is 4 lives involved & it is for life what ever the out come will be. How old are your girls? How long were you with their mother? If she did not put your name on their cert's then it looks like she does not want you involved. You may be best to get a lawyer & you may need to go for joint custody. You may also need to do a paternity test to prove you are the father. What ever happens be prepared for the cost of things like lawyers, courts, paternity test, child support & back payments of child support & kids items, clothing, sports, medical etc. |
Posted By: Anthony104910
Date Posted: 03 February 2013 at 8:16am
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One is just turned 1 an my other is 3years old we had been together for 5years an i have been giving her money for them since we have broken up $100 aweek as im on the sickness benifit thank you so much ill be doing that 1st thing tomorrow She didnt put my name on them cost she thouht that it would stuff up my benifit an now shes getting a bemifit |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 February 2013 at 8:38am
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So have you just split up & just found out your name was not on the birth certs? Why would she not put your name on them? It just sounds odd to me unless you were living together & getting benefits, & if that's the case she is not going to willingly change the certs as she has committed benefit fraud. I would stop paying the $100 a week, you won't be getting much more than that. She could just add your name if she wanted |
Posted By: Anthony104910
Date Posted: 03 February 2013 at 8:54am
| Yeah we have been living together and i honestly dont know wots happening with us she said that she didnt want to be with me anymore an till i change my ways an i have start to change my ways im going to counselling for wot happened to me when i was 6years old up to i was 19 i was sexual abused by a uncle an i i took my hate for what happened on everyone an im doing my best to change an prove to her that im gonna be a better bf an father we aint all prefect an i honestly love her more then anyone an anything this whole world i have always been there for her an the girls i always got up to them always had them ready for day care an mmade sure they had everything in.their bags for daycare an she would still be asleep till like 8:30 i was always up at 6:00am sorting them out spent everyday cleaning up after her an the kids but yeah just doesnt feel fair i hardly sleep coz of my illness but yeahe |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 03 February 2013 at 9:15am
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very sorry to hear that & good on you for making an effort to get things back on track for you & your family. I am wondering if you can get into some kind of couple/family counseling & support. She needs to step up as a mother as well & there are people & places out there that can help & support you both. Try CAB they will be able to put you in touch with people that can help, they also have lawyers that can give you free advise. |