How do you cope?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Single parenting
Forum Description: Share tips, trials and tribulations about parenting alone
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=37977
Printed Date: 27 November 2024 at 11:07pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: How do you cope?
Posted By: SBM
Subject: How do you cope?
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 7:17pm
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J and I have been separated a week now. I have a 20mo daughter and though I have survived the first week, I am very very tired, and feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the housework that needs doing. I think it's mostly me not prioritising properly (like now, being online when I have a spare moment, instead of tackling the laundry/dishes/vacuuming), but some strategies for getting everything done would be helpful!
Would love to get some advice from those of you who have been doing this for a while - any tips on coping both with things like housework, and also keeping yourself sane! |
Replies:
Posted By: happymumma
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 8:32pm
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SBM I spent the first year of separation trying to do everything. What I've realised now is that I really have to work at giving myself some time where I allow myself to stop and do something that is just for me and is something I enjoy - rather than one of the seemingly endless jobs that I could do instead! One potential strategy (although I find it a little hard to stick to!) is to just focus on one area of the house per day. Then you have at least one area that you can feel good in. I think I decided that housework has to stay on my list of priorities because I feel much better when I look around at a clean and semi tidy house. I try and have my living area and my own bedroom tidy at the end of each day so that I can relax and pretend I can't see the rest of it! But...remember also that part of your tiredness might well be the fact that this is all new for you guys. Being in a funny head space (I don't know your story so not sure how you're feeling) makes me really tired and out of sorts which in turn makes the whole world seem like it's in the too hard basket. My number one suggestion is that you continue to take time for yourself and your DD - find the fun / happy / special moments and really savour them - it makes the housework and things seem less important. Sorry - I'm not sure that that is any help at all! |
Posted By: BerryBliss
Date Posted: 11 February 2011 at 9:54pm
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It really hard going for me but i did try what happymumma said about tackling one area per day, tho for me it didn't work to well, so my main focus is the washing and the kitchen during the week and in the weekend do my best to catch up on other things. I do try to get the lawns done during the week when my little one is asleep. Today i did have a free few minutes so i mopped the floors. Really don't know if that helps and for me when i have all the kids settled in bed its me time and i don't do housework, i think if i did i would go nuts. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 1999 DS 2003 DS 2006 DD 2009 |
Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 8:33am
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I was EXHAUSTED for probably the first month. I would go to work, come home, get DS settled fed etc then be asleep by about 8pm where I would sleep all night until about 6.30ish. I was just soooo tired all the time! Ive moved back home now, so I do have some help which is great. It is hard going, and probably always will be but is getting easier. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 11:42am
| I know mine is not even two weeks old yet but i'm finding it a bit of a puzzle - i can't just hand him off to someone to hold for 10min while i make his bed or get someone to comfort him while i quickly express a bit of milk off before i b/f, or change him while i steralise the pump stuff, its a serious puzzle the logical order in which to do all these things. /Confused ramble. |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 6:11pm
Hey Bowie iv been your situation . i was completly on my own up until DD was 4 months old , Those early days are hard and esspecially without much help . Take any help thats offerd , even 10minutes just to sit and relax and not have to worry about bubs is nice . thinking of ya chick . Youl get through it , it does get easier ... well kind of easier  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 7:12pm
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I find the best thing to do is just relax. I know it's hard and I'm in a slightly different boat as I've been solo mama the whole time but try not to let things get on top of you. You will get the hang of it. Stay strong love. I'd say shout out if you need anything but we're in different towns lol.
Take a deeeep breath. And bowie, get a carrier lol. Or a baby swing. Or just a bouncenette. Pop him in there while you dash off to the loo or put your pump in the steriliser. Like the others have said. It's hard. Real hard but it does get better. I'm not sure if it gets easier or we just get used to it lol
xx |
Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 9:13pm
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DS is still having two naps (although only both are only an hour if I'm lucky) so I guess that really helps me.
I have kind of sorted out a bit of routine for myself now: I make sure I get as much done in his morning nap as possible, so tidy up breaky dishes, have a shower, clean the bathroom and mop the floors. Then when he wakes up we do the vacumming together (he loves to "help"). I'll often have a nap with DS during his afternoon sleep, but if not, I'll prep for dinner, do any other odd bits and pieces or have time to myself. Things like washing I'll do with DS, he loves playing with the pegs. Once he's in bed for the night I'll do dinner dishes and tidy the lounge up from toys etc. I just can't handle mess around the house and feel terrible until everything is nice and tidy. But, I've also had to balance that with getting enough rest. It is an emotional time and that is incredibly stressful and exhausting. At the end of the day, you have to take time for yourself and look after you. Hope that helps somewhat. -------------  
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 12 February 2011 at 10:15pm
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I do stuff while DD is having her sleep, but she also now follows me around and plays while I do housework. She has her own bucket and cloth and "helps" me clean while I am cleaning. She likes to hand me clothes when I peg them out and can now unload the dishwasher with help.
I also do a lot of stuff at night, but I set myself a time limit. So I do half and hour (or an hour depending on what needs to be done) of housework/washing/dishes etc and then relax and watch TV or go on the net etc. I write lists of what needs to be done and prioritise. I've had to drop my standards in some areas but the important stuff gets done. Also I agree with several other people - it does get easier. I got better at multitasking and figuring out what needed to be done. It is tiring in the begining partly coz its all new and very stressful. Hope things get better for you soon. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: mizpix
Date Posted: 14 February 2011 at 12:32pm
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Bowie, I have been alone (no family or anything) since A was born. A spent a lot of time as a newborn on the floor or couch with the tripillow around him to stop him going anywhere. It worked for me!
Soy based mama - house work is not that important, just do the necessary like dishes and washing, but who cares if the floors are dirty or the showers a bit grubby. You would be feeling tired, any breakup is totally emotionally draining, you will adapt and get into a routine, and you will catch up on all your jobs then. Make sure you eat well and get as much quality sleep as you can! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2920e5" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: SBM
Date Posted: 14 February 2011 at 4:32pm
Thanks for the replies everyone. Had a bit of a rest on the weekend and was able to catch up on most of the housework, feeling a lot better! Hopefully I can stay on top of everything this week... 
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