Adoption?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Coping with infertility
Forum Description: Have you been trying to conceive unsuccessfully? Dealing with primary or secondary infertility? Get support, advice, and help coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38496
Printed Date: 11 December 2024 at 11:58pm
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Topic: Adoption?
Posted By: Carnelian
Subject: Adoption?
Date Posted: 22 March 2011 at 10:00am
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Hi
Just wondered if anyone on here was looking into adoption or had adopted a child recently? My husband was adopted and we have had two children by IVF. We want to have a third but both our boys were premature and I came close to having a stroke after our second son was born so am feeling reluctant to become pregnant again although I feel like our family isn't quite complete yet. I always wanted to have three children. We have two embryo's left to use but we are considering donating these to a family who have had infertility issues like us and looking at adoption for ourselves. Just wondered if anyone was in a similar position?  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: trouble06
Date Posted: 23 March 2011 at 11:21pm
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Hi - I have some info on open adoption in NZ. Do you wasnt to PM and I can pass on what info I know. ------------- Me 35 DH 40 IVF ISCI Nov BFN FET Jan 2011 Chem FET April 2011 M/C 7 weeks |
Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 26 March 2011 at 8:42am
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Congrats Carnelian on your 2 wee miracles. I am just starting my 2nd IVF round - but while waiting to do this DH and I have looked into adopting - we want to keep our options open. We have been to the seminars you need to go to before you can adopt, have also done all the paper work. Just waiting now to get assessed by the social workers. We met a lovely couple on the seminar that had been through IVF and had adopted a baby, is was just such and awesome story.
All adoptions in New Zealand are now open adoptions. My thoughts are the chances of getting pregnant and the chances of getting a baby to adopt are very similar, so good to have some options out there cause at the end of the day you never know what might happen. Good luck with your decission. ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C  ,
[url=http://lilypie.com]  [
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 26 March 2011 at 6:58pm
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That is very exciting carnelian. We would love to adopt some day to.
We are not sure yet what road to take. We would like to do another ivf cycle one day, but figure we would look in to adoption in about a year's time anyway. Good luck ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: Carnelian
Date Posted: 28 March 2011 at 3:33pm
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Hi girls
Rosiefarmer - good luck on your up and coming cycle and well done you guys going to the meetings etc already. It's definitely a good idea to keep your options open. IVF is an emotionally, financially and physically draining process. Fingers crossed for you. :-) Kazper - thanks. Adoption is looking like the best option for us but we are still taking it fairly slow. Our little one is still breastfeeding so can't go to meetings etc yet but as soon as he's less attached to me then we'll get a baby sitter in and look at getting things started. All the best in your decision making too. :-) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: luluu
Date Posted: 08 April 2011 at 11:34am
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Hi, my husband and I started fertility treatments at the age of 24, and after years of failed treatments including IVF and a donated embryo we looked at adoption.
It took us over a year to do the courses and then complete our profile (which is shown to the birth mother. The birth mother selects the parents she wants to raise her child. We were chosen after 10months of being in the adoption pool, and now have our beautiful daughter. Our adoption is open, and we adore our daughters birthmother and include her in birthdays and christmas etc.. Our daughter is just the absolute light of our lives, every day with her is sooo precious because we waited so long for her, she is now almost 4 and we have been hoping to adopt again...but there is just not many babies being adopted, its something to be aware of if you are thinking of adopting..you may not get a child. We were just so blessed getting our daughter, but we know now that she may just be an only child. International adoptions just never happen, and the only other option for you to consider is permanent placement, which is a foster child which is permanently placed in your home.. something that they will discuss in the adoption classes. They often have babies as well as small children up for permanant placement. All the best to you and your family :) |
Posted By: sharpie
Date Posted: 12 April 2011 at 8:45pm
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Luluu, that is great that you got chosen so quickly. I had heard that the wait can be many years for some.
We are going to begin the journey to adoption on Thursday when we attend the first seminar. Why did it take a year to complete your profile? What does it involve? |
Posted By: rachb
Date Posted: 13 April 2011 at 8:41pm
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Sharpie - you wil have to let us know how you find it, I have been thinking about adoption lately as well ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 9:59am
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Sharpie - we have been to the adoption seminars. Hope you enjoy them.
After the 2nd one we dropped off our expression of interest to CYPS and still havent herd from them. Good luck, let us know how you get on today. ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
[url=http://lilypie.com] [
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 14 April 2011 at 8:29pm
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I would love to hear how it goes to Sharpie. We would like to start the seminar process next year.
ETA Lulu so awesome you got your little girl after all that.  ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 15 April 2011 at 5:05pm
| Is there an age limit for adoption? Im only 22 and DP is 25- we thinking of looking into adoption if IVF doesnt work for us next year |
Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 16 April 2011 at 8:25am
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Halted - not sure re the age limit - I am 39 and DH is 42, you do have to do a medical though.
Found out why we hadnt heard from CYPS - apparently one of our referees hasnt sent her info back, so I have had to nominate someone else.  . I did ask her and she said she has sent it, but I also know she did have alot going on at the time and she was also finding some of the questions difficult to answer.
Halted - maybe you could start the process of adoption before you start your IVF, gives you something else to think about.  . Good luck with your IVF ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
[url=http://lilypie.com] [
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Posted By: Parki
Date Posted: 18 April 2011 at 7:32pm
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Hi Ladies,
We have looked into adoption also late last year. We attended one seminar and had a talk to one of the Social Workers one on one too. The age starts at 25 for both female & male and I can't remember if there is a 'cut off' but for older parents there is a limit of age gap between parent & child. So if you are on the older side, very unlikely to get a newborn baby. We have done one ICSI & one FET both unsuccessful, we are on the waiting list for next round in June, we told this to the S/Worker and she said she would advise waiting until after IVF to proceed with the adption, I don't know if it's compulsary but strongly recommended. We are waiting to see what happens in June and then if need be, re-starting the adoption process. To be honest DH & I felt a little out of place at the seminars, we were the youngest (by far) and felt a little out of our depth, but I think that was a little more to do with our own lack of adoption knowledge etc than anything. I left there feeling a little sad though. Hope that answers some Q's. Good luck to all! 
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Posted By: Carnelian
Date Posted: 21 April 2011 at 9:08am
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Hi everyone
How is everyone going in their possible adoption journey? Well I'm pretty annoyed as I've rung and rung and left messages and talked to people who say they'll call me back but no-one seems to know when the next Christchurch info evening will be so they are totally holding the process up for us. It's so frustrating. I understand with the earthquake and things but surely someone could just say they're on hold or something but no-one seems to know.... :-( ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 22 April 2011 at 4:50pm
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just curious Carnelian have you thought of using a gestational surrogate for your frozen embryos? you can always look at that avenue whilst still doing the adoption path particularly as there can be long waits for adoption especially with infants and toddlers and you have to do the same course to adopt your surrogate baby as you do for a normal adoption
just eta ... if any of your are looking into adoption it is best not to tell CYPS that you are or may continue IVF or other fertility treatment, their line is that you must choose either one path or the other ... at any time you can ask for your portfolio to be placed on hold whilst you have treatment however if you wait until all other options are exhausted then it may be some time before you are on the waitlist ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 22 April 2011 at 6:15pm
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choco69 - Re CYPS and telling them, it usually comes up with the medical info that you have or are doing IVF.
They told us that we could start the process, but would have to put portfolio on hold till after round. ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
[url=http://lilypie.com] [
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Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 22 April 2011 at 9:53pm
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it depends on the social worker, some will not allow couples on the waitlist if they are contemplating fertility treatment (IVF or otherwise), whilst others are happy for your portfolio to be active and then you can put it on hold whilst undergoing treatment
like alot of things with CYPS it depends on the social worker and the office ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 23 April 2011 at 6:23am
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We sent all our forms in before xmas, and did the 2 day course in March - we dropped off our intention of wanting to adopt, a month later we hadnt heard anything. So I emailed them and they then informed me that one our referees hadnt sent here forms back in (she told me she had) "did we want to nominate someone else?"
Probably just like other govt places, unless you chase them they dont do for you. IYKWIM We are still waiting to be assessed, we were sort of hoping that we could get that done while we were doing this round of IVF - so that it would give me something else to think about. And to start doing up our portfolio. Ohhhh well hasnt happened. Good things come to those that are patient ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
[url=http://lilypie.com] [
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Posted By: bikershaz
Date Posted: 23 April 2011 at 2:55pm
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Hi all,
We have just recently been accepted for local adoption, although I think it's probably similar odds to winning the lottery unfortunately. We are also keen on home for life, but for a child not over 3 years old. We have had a lot of problems with the social workers and have had to push everything. My advice, if you are waiting for assessment, is to keep chasing until it happens. When we had our assessment our social worker said that they wouldn't be with us now had I not chased them!!!! Would love to hear positive adoption stories. We are also having FET next month but I'm also not too positive for that outcome. S xxxx ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://counters.families.com">
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Posted By: bubbles
Date Posted: 03 May 2011 at 4:42pm
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Just read this thread... heres my story.
My husband and I tried several rounds of Clomiphene, then IVF. We both found all the fert treatment very depressing for a number of reasons including dealing with Fert Assoc, the money it cost, the uncertainty at my age, and the toll it took on my body. We took a break from IVF and went through the adoption seminars and after our final frozen embryo was installed(?) then failed, we said adios to IVF and made and submitted our profile (you cannot and should not be doing IVF and be in the 'pool' of potential adoptive parents at the same time). While in the pool, I tried to forget about it, and get on with my life - which is much easier to do while waiting to adopt than it is while doing fert treatment. This was a massive relief; once that profile is submitted, there's nothing you can do to speed the process up nor is there any guaranatee you'll get a child - so you really have to be in a quite resigned place I think - sort of ok about being childless, but ready to be very glad if you're chosen! And then we were contacted out of the blue a few months ago and told that there was a baby for us. We dropped everything and went and met her and she is now our daughter (well, not all the paper work is done yet, but its pretty much a done deal). From submitting our profile to being chosen as parents, we had to wait 18 months give or take. We feel lucky and blessed, there were only 4 adoptions in our city last year (and how many abortions?!?) and we were the first to adopt in 2011. We know that some adoption stories are grisslier than ours, but we cannot speak highly enough of the CYFS social workers we dealt with nor of the birth mum who selected us - everyone involved with us has been wonderful, and I can fervently say adoption is a wonderful and completely positive experience. PS: if anyone wants to ask me any questions, please do - either here or PM me. |
Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 03 May 2011 at 4:58pm
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Congrats Bubbles - I love hearing success stories. ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
[url=http://lilypie.com] [
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Posted By: Carnelian
Date Posted: 06 May 2011 at 10:07am
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Wow Bubbles Congrats on getting your miracle wee daughter. Must have been the best news ever.
I definitely might have a few ?'s for you so will pm you. I managed to finally get hold of the adoption team and *fingers crossed* should have our first seminar on 31 May. The last one got cancelled as the venue fell through at the last minute. Hoping that doesn't happen again. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 07 May 2011 at 7:30pm
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Love the success stories ladies. We are going to book in for the seminar at the beginning of next year. We decided to have this year to just enjoy our little girl and sort ourselves out with moving or not. I'm really excited about the adoption process, even though I know there is no guarantee. We have made up our minds that we will not do IVF again, but both adamant we want more children. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: susieq
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 7:23am
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I feel for you, I want to foster babies later cant adopt probably because of our ages, I am a trained Karitane/nanny and love babies, which is why I would love to foster babies who are in need at some stage hope you get the right family for your wee girl ------------- susie |
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 10:03am
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I just private messaged you Gina154643 ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: Luckymama23
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 11:55am
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Gina, have you been in touch with CYFS? they will be the best people to help you find the right family for your baby good luck xx ------------- 2 superstars too many miscarriages 2009-2014 |
Posted By: rosiefarmer
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 1:36pm
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Bit sad that there are people out there scamming when it comes to babies!! ------------- IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN TER - Oct 2010 BFN IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011 BFP
31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
[url=http://lilypie.com] [
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 1:42pm
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Everyone needs to be aware that this Gina person is a scammer. Starts out seeming very legit, with photos and all. Please be careful everyone. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 2:19pm
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Thank you so much to Admin for removing the scammer from here. I hope none of you lovely ladies got caught up in it xo ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: babycrazy
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 3:09pm
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Grr that makes me so mad! My heart aches for a baby so badly and that clown comes on here and abuses good will. Not cool at all. Luckily I figured something was up. ------------- TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks |
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 4:29pm
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babcrazy I feel your pain. Did she email you to? Worst part was sending photos. Feels like she was making a fool of us, but we are not stupid. But it hurts. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: babycrazy
Date Posted: 15 September 2014 at 7:41pm
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No didn't email I just had a hunch this morning when I read her msg in her that it was a bit dodge. ------------- TTC since Oct 2009 4 x DI's failed IVF1 CP & MC IVF2 CP IVF3 Angel baby born 22.3wks |
Posted By: pagerlvy33237502
Date Posted: 19 April 2019 at 5:45am
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why not consider surrogacy? you can use both of the embryos and have the babies carried and born via surrogacy. this is what we are doing right now. minus the embryo part. it is a magic process. and I was really surprised to find out that it could be that easy. |