dating
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Category: Support
Forum Name: Single parenting
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39019
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Topic: dating
Posted By: james
Subject: dating
Date Posted: 04 May 2011 at 1:23pm
help i am meeting a new guy on monday and i have been out of the dating game for about 6 years so i am relly nervours  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Replies:
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 May 2011 at 3:41pm
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oh dear james. i dont know much about dating sorry but i do know you should just relax and be yourself. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 04 May 2011 at 7:31pm
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You'll rock it hun, i'm sure of it! I don't know anything about dating either so no advice but good wishes all around!
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 05 May 2011 at 7:43am
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thanks guys am trying to not panic lol but if i dont take the chache aye will let you know how it went ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 05 May 2011 at 8:16am
oh james I am so excited for you have fun be yourself & I bet he is as nervous as you 
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 05 May 2011 at 9:20am
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yep i think so aye thanks jazzy ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: BerryBliss
Date Posted: 06 May 2011 at 8:52pm
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Exciting!!!! I know how you feel as i went out on a date yesterday (first one in a hugely long time) and the guy did say he was very nervous as well, so i'm sure he will be feeling just like you.
Have fun and i hope it goes well!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 1999 DS 2003 DS 2006 DD 2009 |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 06 May 2011 at 9:00pm
| Sooooo...? Update?? |
Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 06 May 2011 at 9:21pm
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Not till Monday Bowie ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 07 May 2011 at 8:30am
| Ah crap, i have no idea what day of the week it is anymore. Zooooombie. |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 2:35pm
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Hey this is an old message thread. How's the dating going ladies???
Any tips on where best to find men hehehe I am on the internet and find "FindSomeone" good as well as "Plentyoffish" I'm kind of keen to give speed dating a go, too but it's hard on a limited income - they have a party this month that is $45. Not sure if it's my thing but a friend said she would accompany me if I do want to go. When I can ever get some childcare I might go back to doing Ceroc classes. Has anyone been? What about others? |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 3:31pm
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I had a nosey on an online dating site the other day, every profile within an hour of me was like "watup i lookn 4 chix 2 hng owt wif, lookn 4 a gd tym!!" and i'm like bro, your profile says you're 35....learn to type!
But my criteria is pretty strict...Hey, theres a fun topic...what do you we want in a future partner? Are you specifically looking for someone with kids? Without? doesnt matter? Older/younger? Or, for example my ex is a hunter/fisher...not sure i'd date another one but i've dated car freaks too and i'm not keen on them either. And i dont like guys with no hobbies cuz that normally means they play playsation or drink too much. But i would like a climber/hiker/camper/traveller...picky much
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 4:22pm
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I have found that men with kids are more understanding of what is involved, and the commitment that you have with your own children. Men who have no kids have no clue and inevitably feel put out that THEY aren't the centre of your attention. By the same token, I've dated a couple of guys with kids, and the downfall of one of them is that he kept comparing my girls, to his daughter. It got right up my nose, as his daughter is 2 years older than my girls, so of course they're not doing the same thing, or have the same vocabulary etc!!!
I don't really care what they do though - would prefer employed though!! And hobbies are all good - I've gone out with hunters/speedway drivers/car freaks and I just make sure that the time is measured out, so I get my time, and they get theirs. Biggest thing for me though, is that they understand that MY children come first (and I would expect their children to come first for them). Everything else can be worked out - resentment towards children for taking up too much of my time is non-negotiable and will inevitably end up in them being shown the door. |
Posted By: cheekymouse
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 7:24pm
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So although i have a new partner, i will answer this anyway as we have only been together for 4 months and still fresh and new for us.
What do you we want in a future partner? Someone who respects my opinion, and point of view, a hard worker but outside of work laid back. Are you specifically looking for someone with kids? This doesn't matter to me, my current partner doesn't have kids,(had never really dealt with kids before) my ex had another kid. DP is amazing with my son, he comes round and plays with him cuddles him (love watching them together) Older/younger? Prefer similar age or older, im 25 so wouldn't be looking for someone older that 30. He understands that Max always comes first, this is very important. and is happy to have a night in watching dvds, we just tend to go out for nice lunches together, things where max can come with us. Now his dad lives closer, he has had a few overnighters with him. on these days we make it about ourselves and go out for dinner and drinks and enjoy each others company. Sorry for ramble. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 8:06pm
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It's funny how basically you just don't want someone like your ex.
For me I had a minimum of $50,000 on the internet dating thing because being broke all the time and struggling to make ends meet does really matter and puts a huge strain on a relationship and if I did have a baby to another man he'd need to be able to support me. I never would have in the past considered something like that because I'm not materialistic - it's more the impact it's had on my marriage. Also respect - really important to me but honestly that should go without saying!!! Ideally I'd love someone who had a great family because I don't and have no family support - but that's more of a preference than a must. Someone I'm attracted to, get along with and have things in common with otherwise. Tonight I spoke to this Italian guy on the phone and it was DREADFUL. Within a minute I couldn't WAIT to get off the phone. At one point he was talking for 10m minutes about tax. ARGH!!!! |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 8:18pm
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Yes - but was he talking about tax in an italian accent? Because...thats all good
Seriously though employed is a BIG bonus for me which is totally hypocritical as i'm on the DPB until my maternity leave forces me back to work. It sounds really sh*t because you love who you love regardless of money of course but there you go...also means i tend to disregard men at busstops at 2pm as in my head if they're on a bus at 2 they have no job and no car though of course that may not be true. Judgemental cow arent I! I'd almost prefer he didnt have kids, or if he did that him and his ex are on great friendly terms and been split a while. Last thing i want to do is get myself involved in a nasty breakup. And i really dislike big drinkers or the type that 'has' to have a 6 pack after work each night. Oh and a jem from my clubbing days - must be taller then me in high heels! Jesus...no wonder i'm single. |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 8:28pm
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Bowie you are NOT unemployed. You are looking after your little boy!!!! Gosh, he is only 4mths old!
Personally, being employed has got to be a basic requirement. P.S. His Italian accent was mixed with a British accent and was irritating not romantic ugh. |
Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 8:31pm
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I am picky too Bowie, but thats OK I think we are allowed to be
I havent really even thought of dating but I have been single for 8 months now so might think about doing something about it at some stage. Ive just been so busy with work, DS and study that I dont know how id fit something else in my life and living with my mum makes things a bit awkward too. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 9:22pm
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haha bowie theres nothing wrong with being picky . i was far pickier of men after i had amelia then i ever was before . i guess it was just me to worry about then but when Amelia came along it was her too and shes whats most important to me . I honestly beleive and know that the man im with now (since Amelia was 4motnhs old) is a million times better in every single way (attitude, personality, work ethic , looks , dress sense, even in the bedroom (sorry TMI lol ) ) than any other man i have ever dated or ever been in a relationship with and i know its because i was mighty picky and fussy so Bowie be picky because being picky will mean eventually you will get exactly what you want in a man !!! haha nathansmummy i have been in a situation similar to that before , i once agreed to meet a guy off nzdating .... BIG MISTAKE . he looked quite cute in his photos but when i met him and he opend his mouth he had NO TEETH AT ALL! im sorry if thats a bit snobby but i really do need a man to have teeth . i was pleasent to him but he was so weird around me and then asked if i wanted to go outside and have some weed with him ... hmmm ? i dont no where he got the idea that i smoke weed from but it was all very bizzaar and it also turned out he had no job or car and that he had lied to me telling me he worked (he had worked ...2 years prior!!!) i knew from the second i met him that it was a big mistake meeting up . i think that men that have children that are in their lives regulary have a much better understanding of how much my own child/children mean to me . In saying that there are men out there that have very little to do with their biological children yet still flaunt it like they have them all the time , these sorts of men have no real understanding but they think they do so they are the worst types! lol and Bowie i certinley prefer my men taller too but as im only 4ft11 i would have to be dating a dwarf for him to be shorter than me hehe , so i dont have to worry about that one . Even in heels i was upto my exes (amelias dads) chest as he is 6ft4 .... yes we did look very odd together but hopefully it means Amelia will be a perfect height!
------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 9:34pm
| Bahah! NO TEETH!? Poor bugger...but i should add that to the list - must have teeth. |
Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 9:35pm
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I would want a man who earnt enough money to support me and DD, and didnt work crazy long hours. Also someone that would understand me in my hippy crunchy way, and not ridicule my querks. I cant stand people who have to drink every night or a whole box of beer on the weekend. My ex used to do this- "its a social thing" he would say- yeah but what about me? I dont want to have to drive every single time we go out, I dont want to come home to you being drunk and getting all sad and depressed.
I had a look at the internet dating thing, the all look like losers, all try hard young guys, UGH! ------------- 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 9:48pm
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Wriggles where do you meet men then?
Since I paid on Find Someone it actually tells you whether you match in terms of criteria. There were loads of guys who did not want a woman who had a child. It's pretty depressing :( Or overweight I might add. And yet they're not exactly James Bond themselves.... |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 10:11pm
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I met the guys I have dated on NZD (I've removed myself from there, and did so months ago, as I have come to the conclusion that I'm really not ready for another relationship yet) or through friends.
I want someone who understands that I am not just a mother - I am also a woman, and a pretty cool one at that. I would prefer employed, but it doesn't bother me what they earn. I know that simply finding a job in today's environment is hard enough. I also don't expect them to financially support me staying at home. I'd just like someone who can accept me for me, and love me for who that person is, without expecting me to change. |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 10:18pm
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i agree Minik8e . i would never expect another man to support me and my child completly which is one reason i work .i only work part time but earn a fairly ok wage so dp does help out a bit financialy but i would not feel right relying on him 100% . ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 5:02am
| I wouldnt want someone to support me staying at home with MY child - but if we were to go on and have children together i would like him to be able to support me staying at home then. If that makes any sense. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 7:38am
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aww Minik8e hit the nail on the head for me i want a guy who is interested in getting to know me i cant stand it when u are talking to them and all you hear is about them 50/50 would be good a job and or study would be wicked nice person funny as i love to laugh understands that my son is number one and fam are the same and be kind and sweet and good with kids ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 8:20am
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I just want a guy lol
No, seriously..i'd like him to be employed, have his own car, i'd rather someone without their own children or if they do to be well broken up with their ex, i'd hate to be involved in drama. I'd actually like to find a nice christian guy, but thats pretty much impossible here lol. I'd like a similar age, and I want a guy who wants to get married and have kids one day. I don't want much do I
I have no idea where I will meet this joker, I NEVER go out. I highly doubt he'll be at mainly music, plunket, playgroup or chipmunks lol Ohwell.. |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 2:35pm
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This is a funny thread! This is what I have been thinking I want in a man:
Employed Good looking Financially stable Great personality Good with my kids and understands they will always come first His mother must be nice (I DO NOT want anymore MIL dramas!) Obviously he must like staying in, as I can't afford to go out much, plus I need to be around to look after my baby at night! But I agree with you pillow fight...this guy hasn't turned up to any or my usual haunts - preschool, la leche league etc! |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 3:43pm
I do kind of live at hope i'll be at playcentre one day and some perfect man will come waltzing in and sit down next to us and be like oh hi 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 4:08pm
| Yep - I'm enjoying this thread too lol |
Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 5:30pm
Yeah I dont meet guys either, in fact the last guy that I spoke to that wasnt a family member or my ex was an old work mate, and before that probably some store person! I think the only one that would come to your house is a courier or delivery guy and down here they are all old men  -------------
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 8:29pm
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I met my BF on the internet and I am really lucky.
What I was looking for when I was looking: - employed - someone with similar interests. I am right into long distance/marathon running and triathlon (have done ironman) and I wanted someone who understood why I liked those things as its a large part of who I am. - someone who was open to the idea of having kids together. - someone who understood my DD will always come first. - a man who had a good relationship with his family and understood how important mine is to me. And I am so lucky I found him Its not all roses though, its hard being in a relationship with someone who doesn't have kids of his own.
------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 9:42pm
| I have a date this weekend! Quite pleased because I quite like him but have a few misgivings so I don't know....!! |
Posted By: Flutterby
Date Posted: 11 June 2011 at 4:01pm
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Good luck with your date Nathansmummy.
This is what I would like - be a chef, cause I am sick of cooking dinner. - happy to stay at home and vege on the couch and watch movies. - ideally a single dad or at least be good with kids and understand that they are my number one. - have a good stable job - non smoker, and know when he has had enough to drink. - and would be handy if he had a nice big house that he would be happy to share
- and doesn't need s$x to know he is loved and doesn't need it every night. - and preferably vegeterain as well cause I don't like kissing someone who has just eaten meat. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: BerryBliss
Date Posted: 11 June 2011 at 8:33pm
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Great reading through this.
I've started seeing a guy (like for the last 6wks) a met at a local pub, who doesn't have kids and so far seems ok with me having 4 (i'm not really holding out much hope that this will turn serious as me having 4 is a alot to deaal with) So far he is doing great ticks all the right boxes, like has a great job, his own car, dresses well, doesn't smoke, do drugs and knows when to stop drinking (all things my ex was crap at) gets on well with the kids, i kinda sometimes don't believe he is so nice oh and he is hot as well. I met him when i wasn't looking for anyone, the bar tender introduced us as said we looked great together  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 1999 DS 2003 DS 2006 DD 2009 |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 11 June 2011 at 8:52pm
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Good luck with your date, Nathansmummy! And Berrybliss (Dammit i wish i could remember your old UN,its on the tip of my tounge..) sounds like a good guy, even if its not a long term thing at least you've gotten back out there, right?
Flutterby, hate to say it but chefs rarely if ever cook at home. And if they do they'll make a hell of a mess.
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Posted By: mizpix
Date Posted: 11 June 2011 at 9:59pm
Hah, went on a date (well a coffee meet up) with yet another internet man today. Ticks plenty of boxes, but looks wise not my cup of tea. Hmmm do I go out with him again and hope that he grows on me or say NEXT!  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2920e5" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 11 June 2011 at 11:00pm
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mizpix who says you have to make up your mind after one date? That's what dating is all about - but keep your options open and date others that come up too.
In saying that, I have to admit that if I'm not attracted to someone that's pretty much it for me. It's important. It's not everything but it's still important for sure and who knows if he will grow on you or not? |
Posted By: cheekymouse
Date Posted: 12 June 2011 at 9:38am
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just thought i would share a story and give you all some hope that there are still some decent men out there (DP and i have only been together 5 months now). I was totally not expecting to meet someone and i wasn't even really looking.
DP is not my sons father, but treats him like he is Max and i have picked up a stomach bug of some sorts so we spent last night at home in bed. Needless to say i was vomiting, max was vomiting and it was messy. DP was out at the pub function and i text him, next thing i know he walking in the door, telling me to go to bed and that he look after max and clean up the mess. I couldn't believe it. He sacraficed his much awaited night out with his best friend who had come down from auckland to come look after me and Max. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 12 June 2011 at 11:41am
I can tell you from experience - you don't want a chef! For a start, they NEVER want to cook at home cos it is what they do all day at work, secondly, they are never be happy with your cooking, thirdly, they won't be a vegetarian, and fourthly, they will most likely smoke, and fifthly, won't be staying home watching tv cos he will be working every evening!!! |
Flutterby wrote:Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 12 June 2011 at 11:42am
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And cheekymouse - yay!!
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 12 June 2011 at 6:58pm
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Bahaha Newme thats what i was going to say. I'm a chef so know many chef-men and they're all nasty. Do you really want to date a guy who puts cornflour on his balls to absorb the sweat
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Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 12 June 2011 at 7:15pm
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 13 June 2011 at 1:36am
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Ewwwww
I had a lovely time on my date (date #2) however he is 9mths out of a marriage (same as me) and not ready for anything serious and said he wasn't sure about the whole thing of dating a woman with a child. So I said I'd be happy to just be friends so I guess we'll see whether he's interested in that or not. I'm not really ready for anything serious yet. I'd much prefer to get to know someone and take things very slowly but I definitely don't want to waste my time or get hurt again and I quite liked him - he is a lovely guy!!! So I'm glad I made that decision. My son comes first. |
Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 13 June 2011 at 8:24pm
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Sounds like it went well then nathansmummy. Its so different with kids involved, isnt it?
My cousin has it in her head that she wants me to go to the movies with her, her man and his cousin who is also single. Might be a good way to get back into dating, but I will still be nervous!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 13 June 2011 at 10:26pm
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It is definitely a brave thing to do. But I have to say that I am enjoying it.
I still like my guy (above) but he probably "isn't that into me" and so I'm not going to waste my time or get myself hurt again. I have another date on Friday night. Probably not my type but I'll give it a go. For me after my marriage, it's nice just having a social time out with someone who treats me well, is genuinely interested in me and attracted to me. It's as simple as that. And some adult company where I'm forced to think about who *I* am rather than me as a mummy - I have to stop myself rambling on about Nathan!! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:25am
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well done nathenmummy its harder to date with kids aye
------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 11:28am
| Yeah it is. Very different I must say... |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 11:34am
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i wouldnt know i never relly dated before james and have been single for so long i am so out of date with what goes on lol ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 3:09pm
| nathansmummy - out of interest sake, where are you meeting these men? I just don't know where to start. I had a look on the internet but don't know if it is my thing. |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 6:28pm
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Internet newme.
However - my ex has decided to sabotage it all and refuses to look after Nathan in the evenings which means that 1) I can't go on my date Friday night and 2) I can't go to a party for singles that I was planning on going to with a friend (and there was at least one guy I wanted to meet there). He knows I am dating so it's just a total control thing. Unfortunately I have literally no one (no famiy to ask) to babysit for me. My au pair left recently and I haven't been able to replace her (I give them free board and accommodation so they never stay very long - it's all I can afford!) It's so hard. You know, I cancelled my plans on Friday night to stay home with ex-H because he is having some kind of mental breakdown (he has an anxiety disorder) and needed company apparently, and today he had no money so I paid for his Anti-D prescription (yes, ladies, he's a real catch!!) and he turns around and tells me "if you want me to look after Nathan so you can go and have an adulterous affair then you can shove it up your hair a#*se." I don't know what to do really. He holds all the power when it comes to me getting any kind of break or social life. |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 7:48pm
| Thats um...unbelieveably uncool. I'd tell him to go screw himself and hire a babysitter. I know they don't grow on trees and arent cheap but bet you can find someone who is happy to sit in your lounge and watch your TV and eat your cakes while Nathan is asleep. Are you in a uni town, perchance? When i was at uni we'd do babysitting for free for the chance to do our study in a warm house without our dickhead flatmates playing bad metal at full volume in the next room! |
Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 8:39pm
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Oh wow NM that must suck, does your ex have it in his head that you are still together in some way? I would do what Bowie said and hire a babysitter. -------------
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 14 June 2011 at 9:00pm
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NM - I know you must still care deeply about your ex, especially if you are spending time with him as he needs it etc, but it sounds a bit like he may be using his anxiety condition to control you.
I know it is hard as you have a child together, but you should try and distance yourself emotionally if you can. You shouldn't be the one he turns to for this support anymore, and you shouldn't offer, especially as he isn't giving you the support (ie helping to look after his own child) that you need. My husband (sort of in the process of becoming ex) also has an anxiety problem. So I know some of your struggles. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 9:05am
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NM that sounds horrable try to get a babysitter anyway your ex sounds like he is playing games with you and trying to controll you big hugs
i have decied that men sux and all the good ones or at least the ones that wont scwer you around have been taken  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:02pm
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You could be right James. I think the ones that are left have "issues" maybe
Yes, well now that he has his medication and help from his work for counselling and from his doctor - I'm not going to be supporting him anymore. He has been horrible to me every time he comes over so I'm reverting back to the drop off/pick up thing because he was looking after N. for me while I was having a rest and was so horrible to me - telling me to shut up for instance, that I had to ask him to leave!!! In terms of still having feelings for him. It's weird but since I started dating I feel like it's helped me to emotionally move on - and because he's been acting like such an a$$hole since then he's only made it easier for me to walk away and to know I've made the right decision. Of course I care about him - I don't want him to commit suicide or be admitted to hospital and that's why I stayed with him on Friday night but I do agree with you. Hopefully I will soon have an Au Pair again and won't have to rely on him for babysitting - I know it sounds crazy but I only work one day a week (on DPB) and so it's really impossible to afford a babysitter. I'm just not ready to go back to fulltime work either - when DS is 2yo I might look at 20hrs/wk or something. Just the cost of childcare just about takes all your earnings anyway and you have to wonder whether it's worth being off the DPB!!! Anyway a whole other topic! |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 6:07pm
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^^ agree, i am DESPERATE to be of the DPB and making proper money (for example after i pay rent, bills etc i have approx $50 left for me, not that i expect tax payers to give me more money for nice clothes etc but it'd be nice!) but at what cost, DS being in childcare 50 odd hours a week? The cost of which would leave us in the same position?
Anyway - i know what you mean about simply not being able to afford one
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 11:56pm
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I'm actually going back to working 32 hours a week from September and by my calculations, the childcare won't be too bad - about $100 a week for both girls, after my childcare subsidy is taken into account? So for me, that's worth it. At the moment I work between 19-28 hours a week, take the hit on my DPB and also pay secondary tax on my earnings. The increase in income, after childcare comes out, will be around $200 a week - a very very much needed $200 I can tell you that!!! I am going to be doing 9am-4pm Mon-Fri, but I can drop back to 9-3 if required. It's just become a necessity in order to maintain a decent standard of living (clothes for ever growing children, food to feed children with seemingly endless stomachs!!, clothes for me as required which has been a lot recently, as I have lost over 20kg, plus other incidental costs like doctor's visits etc).
And there are really good guys out there My ex (guy I was seeing after my marriage broke up) is a really really lovely guy - just the timing wasn't right and I wasn't ready for the whole hog, and he was.
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Posted By: cheekymouse
Date Posted: 16 June 2011 at 11:19am
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Off topic but..
Im the same as Minik8e, it was defiantely worth me going back to work. I work 8-5 Mon-Fri. DS is in day care this time and i don't actually pay anthing. Its fully subsidised with the amount that i am entitled to. The daycare that i send DS to has a weekely charge if they are in full time which works out a lot cheaper than the hourly rate. I am a lot better off with going back to work. I am actaully managing to pay off some of the debt i got into from going on the DPB. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 16 June 2011 at 12:23pm
| How do you get organised in the morning CM?? That's one thing I am freaking about a little...getting the girls up, bottle (they still have a bottle in the morning), breakfast, me showered, all of us packed up and them dropped off at daycare by 8.30am, so I can be at work by 9am. |
Posted By: cheekymouse
Date Posted: 16 June 2011 at 12:40pm
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I get up at 6.30- 7am, Let Max have a play on the floor while i sort out his breakfast and put some lunch together for him.
I feed him his weetbix then leave him with toast and bottle while i fluff around and get myself sorted (he is still in a highchair) I pack most of his daycare bag the night before, i.e spare clothes etc. I have a shower the night before, there is no way i would be able to have a shower in the morning. if i did i would have to get up before he wakes up! Once you have done it for a week or two you will be in a good routine and wont even have to think about it ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 16 June 2011 at 8:49pm
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DS starts daycare early, and they feed them breakfast if they are there by 8am. This works well most days, but if we are running a bit late we will feed him at home and get him there about 8.30.
I get up early and try to get ready before he wakes up, but ti doesnt always work. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 17 June 2011 at 10:11am
| I wonder if my daycare will do that....I NEED a shower in the morning, or I just don't function properly, plus I look like someone who has stuck their finger in a power socket... |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 June 2011 at 10:25am
haha i am the same ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 June 2011 at 10:27am
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I have two new date next week one is coffe and one is dinner am excited ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 17 June 2011 at 1:05pm
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I get up at 6am so I can have a shower before DD gets up. I usually manage to have us both fed and out the door by 7.30am and we are home by 5pm (I work 4 days a week). Its not easy but the money is worth it - I get the full childcare subsidy and still get family assistance as well.
Good luck for your dates james. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 17 June 2011 at 1:06pm
Shouldn't have said that last part - we broke up yesterday  Hopefully there is someone else out there for me when I'm ready again.------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 June 2011 at 1:21pm
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aww shelt big hugs hun dont worry there is someone for everyone ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 9:46pm
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I was a single mum for 5 years and despite my daughter trying to hook me up with guys from the park with promises of muffins (very quickly,went to a park,guy was there,C asked if he was her friend,he said yes,then she asked if he was my friend,he said "um,ok" she said,"good!you can be my mummies SPECIAL friend,shes very pretty and will make muffins for you" It was very embarrassing)
ANYWAY,I just wanted to share my story. 5 and a bit years ago,I was hanging out with a guy I knew from back when I was 16 and he had a flatmate who I thought was a pretty cool guy cos he shared my love for Harry Potter books,anyway,the guy I was originally hanging out with and I had a falling out and his flatmate took my side and started hanging out with me more,just as friends though,and I thought he was really great,as a friend though and nothing more,he wasn't my type physically but he was funny and kind and I enjoyed spending time with him. Anyway,one night,...I was,erm,horny is the only way to put it,and I wanted to see if he would kiss me cos I didn't know what his deal was,if he was gay,or not interested or what,and after an hour of sitting through Jeepers Creepers,he finally kissed me. And that was it,we were a couple and I knew that it would be forever,dont' know why I thought that,but I did,I especially thought that after he bought me GHDs.... I didn't introduce C to him till we'd been together a month and he was certain he was in it for the long haul. He won my respect by not being afraid to be firm with her in case I got upset,he was firm,but fair with her,after about 9months she started calling him daddy (confusing cos she is in contact with her biological dad but anyway) and he was ok with it,so that was that. Fast forward 5 and a bit years down the track and he is still my best friend and my husband and the father of my youngest two babies,and "dad" to all three kids and despite my earlier opinions that he wasn't brown eyed and brown haired like the guys I would usually go for,I think his olive skin and green eyes are beautiful ...so happy endings can happen,I never thought I would find anyone that would take on a child as well...but good guys do exist out there. ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 11:07pm
hehe i went on a date tonight  its been just over a mth since R and i broke up broke up . its far earlier than i ever anticipated but it was a AWESOME date . absolutley lovely guy , cute as , tall , has a gorgeous 3 year old son, very career driven , opened all the doors , paid , walked me to me car ... . then sent me the sweetest txt message on the way home . gosh its very weird dating again but it was so cool . we are going to see each other on the weekend :) hehe i have a big dumb grin on my face ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 03 August 2011 at 11:40pm
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.... oh and did i mention hes been playing guitar for over 11years and sings and writes his own songs . ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 04 August 2011 at 8:17am
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awww julz thats sounds wicked
all i ahve to say is arrgghhhhhhhhhh i give up ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 05 August 2011 at 8:25am
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He sounds really nice julz.
I'm with you james, dating sucks I met a really nice guy and had what I thought was a really nice date with him on Monday, turns out he didn't think quite the same way. Oh well onwards and upwards I guess.------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 05 August 2011 at 10:57am
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yep mine keep giving me the run around well quess what i ant runnning anymore ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 05 August 2011 at 10:17pm
| My ex came over and hung out with DS and I for the afternoon, does that count as a date? |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 8:25am
| I accidentally brushed up against a man on the street yesterday, does that count? Because its the closest i get haha. |
Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 8:56am
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^ LOL
I think the only male non family member I have spoken to lately is the farm worker and he is really odd and doesnt speak much. Oh well I really cant be bothered dating right now, I got far too much on my plate without throwing a silly man into it! -------------
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 3:00pm
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lmao Bowie and ber barrer well im out again tonight with the same guy, so i will update you all again tomorow lol . I babysat for my mate last night so shes returning the favour tonight which is pretty cool im sorry to hear about your date Shelt , men suck! my ex found out that i went on a date , he went all jelous and possesive and told me i shouldnt be dating this early until i pointed out that infact i had absolutly nothing to be guilty about as he made the decision to break up with me , i asked him if he just wanted me to sit in the corner and pine over him and he went very quiet lol . ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 06 August 2011 at 3:18pm
Good luck on your date and relly he tought u would pine after him lolhahahah ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 4:46pm
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well the second date when even better than the first :) hes very charming and after watching movies we ended up sitting and listening to music at his house for Hours and talking . i didnt get home untill 4am! I dont remember the last time i was out that late lol ,but i really dont think im ready to go into anything serious, its just all too fresh , i need time to heal from my last relationship , in saying that if i was he would be the perfect guy to get into a relationship with .... hmmmm confused much ? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 07 August 2011 at 6:21pm
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julz85 just go with the flow if it dont work it dont work but if it does ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 08 August 2011 at 4:28pm
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Mum watched the wee man this morning while I did some in-town stuff, managed lovely coffee with the ex, I think it counts as a date.
Was superb. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 10:58am
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How are the dates going, girls??
I have met a man, he is amazing and he makes me smile so much We're taking things easy, seeing what happens and spending time together as we can. He is away for work a lot, and then I have my trip to Aussie as well, so it looks like we might get 8 days together before October LOL I was not looking for anything at all - in fact I couldn't think of anything worse, but as soon as I saw him, and started talking to him, I couldn't think of anything better. Yes, I'm smitten LOL
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 11:03am
| Nwaah, smitten kitten! Where are you all meeting these men, the only one i see is the doctor and the ocassional male checkout operater. |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 11:35am
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Through friends, for me, bowie. It's slightly funny cos they never ever thought we would be good together and he was slightly nervous of meeting me (ermmmmm, I'm made out to be something of a maneater at times, which is so very not true, but still!!!), but I'm nothing like he thought I would be (he thought I would be loud and pushy and obnoxious LOL which I am so VERY not any of those things), and vice versa, and we are so very similar it's weird. It feels like I have known him forever.
ETA: Possibly didn't help that he had seen my photos on FB, and the only time I ever really let there be pics taken of me are when I'm errrr, slightly not sober... |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 6:17pm
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arghhh men are so confusing! well the guy iv been going on dates with is pretty lovely and all that but i have noticed he has cooled off slightly in the last few days so ill just leave him to it if thats what he wants , Im not sure , could just be a man thing! they are so hard to read at times lol . As for the ex tho , hes made indications at getting back together so now im well and truely confused . grrrr! Yay Minik8e- thats AWESOME!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 16 August 2011 at 7:20pm
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I've got a kind-of date on Saturday (I feel weird calling it a date, I've never been on a proper TV date.) with the ex, going to see some bands and have a few drinks, just hanging out for more than 20 minutes which is usually the most time I get when I go to his house as it's usually while mum is at the supermarket or something and she drops me off on the way.
My brother and his wife are coming to watch Bentley and I'm going down to the flat to hang out and have a few drinks and see some sweet bands, so should be good! He's a confusing boy, too, though. We were together for about six years, and lived together for about four of that, we broke up about two months before I became pregnant with Bentley (he's not his father) and now he does all the dad stuff and treats me like I'm his girlfriend and I never know what to think. But I figure he's the only person I want to be with, and if I'm not with him I'm happy to be alone as a second-best, so most of the time I try not to dwell on what we 'technically' are, it just gives me anxiety and makes me cry. ETA: I'm an idiot, I wrote "no" instead of "know". |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 10:59am
| How is everyone else going with their dating?? I am still with the guy I was talking about in August. He met the girls a couple of nights ago (now that he's back for more than just weekends) and they have taken to him immediately. He still makes me smile, and laugh, and feel special, and we think very much alike - all in all I'm pretty happy. We've both met the parents and seem to have the nod from them as well, which isn't vital but is still nice to have. We are spending a LOT of time together and it's magical...even just sitting watching TV. He's 29, no kids, never been married......so they do exist!!! He has been focussing on his business for the last 4 years (he is self employed) and never met anyone he wanted to settle down with....so yeah. |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 11:52am
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awww yay miniki i have given up i am foccssing ion me for now ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 9:06pm
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Oooh minik8e - that sounds great!!!! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 9:44pm
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Go you minik8e!
I'm with you james, given up on men for now. I've had 4 dates in the last couple of months and figured out what I don't want....but nothing on the horizon for now. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mizpix
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 10:27pm
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sounds promising minik8e... great news!
as for me had a couple of dates recently but none are right for me. Either i'm physically attracted but not suited personality/ situation wise, or the opposite, checks all the boxes ecxept physical attraction. oh man maybe i'm just expecting too much? maybe i need to lower my expectations ... ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2920e5" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: MamaLove
Date Posted: 05 October 2011 at 2:45pm
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Dating shmating -------------  
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Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 05 October 2011 at 10:23pm
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Joe had decided he's finished with me relationship-wise.
But, he still wants to be Bentley's 'dad'. Not sure what I'm going to do about that one. I've been match-making like mental, though! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: KAC09
Date Posted: 09 October 2011 at 9:26pm
| How do you girls find men to date? I am still waiting for my man to fall from the sky. Wouldn't that be nice? |
Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 10 October 2011 at 8:56pm
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well men are falling from the sky for me at the moment haha , well thats what it feels like anyway , I have been on a few dates with my friends brother in the last few weeks , hes Lovely but doenst have any kids which puts me off a little altho he did come over a couple of weeks ago and he made me the most amazing meal from scrath , He bought all the ingrediants and made this thai red curry chicken thing and WOW it was Beautiful! ..... i went out on sat night to see my friend play rollerderby and had to buy my ticket seperatly from my mates so i didnt get seated next to them and had to sit by myself (it was at the cbs arena so about 2500 people there) i was walking down the isle , noticed i was sitting in an isle seat , went to sit down then noticed that RIGHT SMACK BAM next to me is my ex (first love - together for 2 years and broke up really badly - havent spoken since , and ignore each other if we see each other on the street) And also his new wife .... Talk about awkward!!! she hates me and just glared at me , i just sucked it up and made small talk with the ex and his wife didnt say a thing haha . it was ok tho because one of my male mates saved me and i ended up sitting in a spare seat a few rows back , my mate was there with his flat mate that i have met twice about 18mths ago and he ended up buying me drinks all night and flirted like mad haha , even dropped me home and bought me KFC on way home ( i certinly didnt ask for any of this , he just bought it all without even asking haha) . On sunday i had a PM on FB from him saying that i made the night awsome and it would be boring without me there , he asked me if i wanted to go on a date and even started talking about taking me on his jetboat in summer haha . The ex has been spending a fare bit of time at my house too and doing alot for me for my dd ... i really need to sort it all out , im feeling like abit of a player at the moment which is not like me at all . haha think i need to work out who i like most and just go with that . i must admit the attention is quite nice for a change and im not skanking arounf or anything . ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 11 October 2011 at 1:38pm
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julz85 enjoy hun take your time and enjoy there is nothing wrong with dating
------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 11 October 2011 at 5:26pm
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Yay Julz it sounds like you are having a good time which is what matters the most! Just go with the flow and see who you like, you dont have to only see one unless you decide to be in an exclusive relationship, up until then you are a free woman and can see as many guys as you like (within reason of course!)
As for me I have joined an online dating site and have managed to find a semi decent guy, we havent met yet, however so far he sounds like a nice guy who can actually hold a conversation unlike the other drongo's out there! Will see how things go and might meet up one day soon. -------------
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 08 November 2011 at 8:07pm
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Julz...my husband didn't have any kids or any experience with kids when I met him,yet he and C quickly found their niche...now hes an awesome dad,to all three of the kids,C included -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mothershelpers
Date Posted: 06 December 2011 at 10:29pm
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Hey this is Nathansmummy just forgot my login it's been so long!!!
Just wanted to share this blog: http://www.54firstdates.blogspot.com/ - Blog Social experiment to find out whether it's possible to find "Mr Right" (or the equivalent) within 54 dates - live vicariously!!! |