SMBC - Single Mother By Choice
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Single parenting
Forum Description: Share tips, trials and tribulations about parenting alone
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39161
Printed Date: 24 November 2024 at 2:41am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: SMBC - Single Mother By Choice
Posted By: choco69
Subject: SMBC - Single Mother By Choice
Date Posted: 13 May 2011 at 7:26pm
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Hi Ladies
My situation is abit different from most so just putting it out there to see if there are any other mums on Oh Baby who are in the same space as me. Essentially I got to that age where I was at the point where if i didn't try to have a child on my own then I would be too old when Mr Right came along. So here I am 19 weeks pregnant at 41 years old. Basically I am pregnant without the normal male input, ie using donor sperm rather than thru relationship or even sex. As I like to tease my catholic sis-in-law it was an immaculate conception (thanks to the fertility clinic). I know it's not a decision that everyone would choose to make, and it's not a decision that some people are comfortable with however it was the right decision for me. SMBC's like me seem to be a hidden element in society, there are no support groups, little information available (and certainly none in NZ), and yet there are dozens of single women having fertility treatment each year in Auckland alone. It just doesn't seem to be something that's talked about. Don't get me wrong I have lots of family/friend support, just curious if there are any here, and if they want to get in touch to share experiences. 
Janine ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Replies:
Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 13 May 2011 at 7:32pm
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Hi Janine,
I'm not a SMBC, but I just wanted to say good on you! Being a mum is awesome! And it can be rather nice doing it alone 
All the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you. |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 13 May 2011 at 8:58pm
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Hah, this might turn out to be very long and a bit confusing BUT:
When i met my babys dad i was researching buying sperm or using a sperm donar. I thought i was in the right space for a baby and had no interest in a relationship. I had planned to start the process in 6 months time to time with the quiet season of work and i was all planned out! My ex suggested that rather then go to the trouble and expense of a sperm donar and fertility clinic we could father my child with no strings attatched. We'd been friends for years at this point. So i agreed! Brilliant, i thought, firstly its free, secondly there was no medical process and thirdly he would be around (though not as traditional father). Soon after which i got exceedingly drunk and we had sex and despite my depo shot only having expired a few days previously i was up the spout! This is where all this i will donate the sperm we won't have a relationship crap really came unravelled - he was stoked to be fathering a child and i became all emotional and decided we should get together and raise baby as a couple. After all we'd been friends for so long and why not? Of course within the first trimester it all went to crap (obviously it was going to happen, we were a jeremy kyle case) and most of my pregnancy was spent me screeching "you're just a sperm donor you have no rights" and him saying "thats not what i'd agreed THAT time we had sex!". In the end we worked things out, he's a genuinely nice guy and cares for me and loves his son. He doesnt want me in a relationship i don't want and he loves his son enough that he agrees he stays with me because thats whats best for him. He sees him occasionally and we have visited him a few times and he will always be 'dad' and in his life but the day to day parenting is all mine. So long story condensed - i fully intended to be a single mom by choice but accidentally got knocked up by my inteded sperm donor before it could happen officially! Good luck with your pregnancy and your new baby - though its a hard slog being a single mom has its benefits, all the smiles and cuddles are all yours! |
Posted By: HuntersMama
Date Posted: 14 May 2011 at 4:33pm
Good on you! I am not a SMBC but I can fully understand why people would make that choice. Being a mum (single or not) is the best  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:21am
good that some people can... i think it is a bit selfish myself. I dont know if there are any others on here though so good luck in finding a SMBC community. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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HuntersMama wrote:Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:29pm
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Why is it selfish Bizzy? -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:29pm
 That's a bit harsh!
Why is it selfish? ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: BeLoved
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:31pm
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Good on you, I am sure there are a few other Mums on here in the same kind of position and in no way think that its selfish at all! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:36pm
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Every person who decides to have a child whether single or as a couple is making a selfish choice.THEY are choosing to create a life for themselves not for the child.
Choco, its awesome to see you are pg!!!! (I may have the wrong person) I am pretty sure I remember you from the charting thread so great to see you found a donor and had a successful implant!!!!!! I am not a SMBC but I am a mum by choice so if you ever want to catch up for a coffee just send me a pm -------------   
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Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:36pm
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Hope you get some support, I hate to see people that come in and have to say something negative about what you are doing, good for you hun! And Bizzy I'm sorry but didn't anyone ever teach you if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?
Oh Janine totally been stalking and congrats on a wee girl  ------------- 
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Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:42pm
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Thanks for all the lovely support ladies
Don't be too hard on Bizzy, she's entitled to a decision just like we all are. And yes having a child is a selfish choice, it's one every mother chooses whether the pregnancy is planned or not. I knew when I posted that not everyone would agree with my choice, however I know from conversations with the staff at the fertility clinic that there are alot of women out there making the same choice. Was just hoping that by putting my hand up that they would realise that they are not alone. I am very fortunate in that my family and friends are incredibly supportive of me and my baby. As my mother said to me when I told her what I was intending to do .. There is no such thing as a single parent, every parent has someone to lean on and support them whether they realise it or not. Guess it's the old it takes a village to raise a child.
eta: just wanted to say was really open with my due date group from the beginning and they were all so lovely and welcoming (it was a real relief!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:45pm
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Janine you are an amazing lady! -------------
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Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:51pm
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I'm not a SMBC but I definitely have thought about the possibility pre-child. I always thought if I was still single at a certain age I would consider the possibility of going ahead and having one before it was too late. I admire your courage in putting your hand up for having made the decision. Being a single mum isn't easy but its worth it. I love my daughter with all my heart and I don't regret the hard yards at all.
And yes - it does take a village to raise a child. I couldn't be a single parent without the support of my family ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 9:41pm
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I say well done to you, it must of been a tough decision but it will totally be worth it! I have always thought that if things dont work out with DD's dad then I would use a donor to have another child, Im totally not having an only child! ------------- 
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Posted By: julz85
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:33pm
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i think what your doing is fantatsic , good on you . you obviously really want a child and why shouldnt you have one ? i dont see a reason why you have to be married or in a relationship to have a baby and why YOU should miss out on the joys of a child just because you arent in a relationship , i dont see it as being selfish at all . If you can support a child emotionally , physically and financially on your own and your at a stage in your life where time may be an issue in finding the perfect man to settle down with than why not go for it ? whats seflish about bringing a new life into this world and loving it and caring for it ? my daughter isnt bought up by her biological father at all and she is no worse for it , she is happy and healthy and i give her plenty of attention and love ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:38pm
why is stating my opinion harsh? I think its selfish to purposely deny a child a parent. Once again though that is just my opinion, and as we all on OB know we dont all have to share the same opinions. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:44pm
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I think because there seemed to be no real point in you needing to say it? Janine didn't start the thread to get peoples opinions on what she is doing she is looking for other people in her same situation to talk to? -------------
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:46pm
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And yes Lexiesmumma i have heard that - i didnt say anything nasty or mean... in fact i wished her luck in finding a support group and even said i dont think there are any other mothers in the same situation on OB.
But this isnt about me or my opinions its about choco69 looking for a support network. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:53pm
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You know what Choco69? the world is a messed up,cruel,unfair place.
One of the biggest injustices is that people who would be fantastic parents,can not be...and people who get given the gift of a child to love,treat it little better than a worm. By the sounds of it,this is something you have longed for for ages,you sound over the moon about this baby... but also realistic,nervous just like any new mum whether single or parenting with a partner,and it sounds to me like your baby is going to be very well loved. Being a single parent is hard,yes...but its not impossible. I think its great news for you,and I wish you all the best in the rest of your pregnancy and congratulations! ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:54pm
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Lexiesmum we posted at the same time... well at least i said i didnt think there were any other mothers on here in the same situation.
i dont see why i cant state an opinion on this thread but its alright on others. The OP has probably heard a lot worse than that and no doubt will again. Oh and i was responding to what Huntersmama said, thats why i quoted her. and if you want clarification on why i think it is selfish it is because i have met many people over the years who have been adopted or lost parents and heard the pain when they talk of the "parent" they dont have, and in the case of adoptees quite often a parent they will never know. edited to clarify who i was talking to... ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:56pm
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You mean you and me posted at the same time? I is confuseddddd
-------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:59pm
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no sorry kelly - meant lexiesmum and i just amended that - was going to go and delete it all cause i have never been a single mum and what i say has ... guess its all too late now. will have to stand as is! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:11pm
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ahh sorry...I can delete my comment above if you like? -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:17pm
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no its alright - i dont really believe in deleting things, its just makes a threat sound silly if it doesnt make sense... but i thought seeing as its the single parenting board it was none of my business essentially. Anyhoo i dont think it will hurt my rep any! LOL!
sorry choco69 for the slight thread jack! all this rambling must mean time for bed!------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:01am
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Choco69 good for you, doing it all by yourself won't be easy I'm sure you'll manage and find support.
I'm friends with a couple of SMBC and they're amazingly fantastic Mothers and they're babies are adorable. I think it does take a community to raise a baby that community comes in all forms. Children don't miss what they never had, I was adopted at birth and will never know who my biological father is - does this bother me not at all, I have such a loving family this one small detail doesn't matter. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:06am
| I really really hope my son doesnt turn around one day and call me selfish for denying him a father. I like to think he'd high five me for picking up the slack instead. |
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:44am
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He might but don't take it to heart, I told my Mother that I wanted to go back to Social Welfare when I was a kid. Such a mean thing to say, kids can be cruel especially to their mothers. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: Whateversville
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:54am
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I have never stopped my son from seeing his dad..His dad chooses not to see him.
I'm adopted too and I still have no interest in finding my birth parents. My parents that raised me did an awesome job and I am as happy as can be. I (personally of course) see no need in looking for parents who, could quite possibly not want to be found. I still say good on you choco, and if oneday when I don't find that some one and want to give my son a sibling, I may be asking you for advise
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Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 9:22am
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I am a single mum its not by chosie its properly the hardest thing i have done in my life but also the most fun exicting loving thing aswell ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: bubalys
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:00am
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Choco go you! I have two friends in the same situation and they are both fantastic mothers and their babies are just the most happy wee things. Having two parents isnt necessarily a blessing either!! Having one great parent would be much better then 2 average ones!
------------- http://alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: P&E'S Mum
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:04am
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Agreed Bubalys, there are plenty of people out there not worthy of being a parent, why shouldn't someone deserving be given the opportunity to have a child?
Choco, I think it is an incredibly brave decision, but it will also be the best one you have ever made. Being a mother is AMAZING! -------------   |
Posted By: themummy
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:22am
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hi choco, i'm a single mum by choice, my little girl xanthe is 6 months old now, and is such a happy thing :)
it's an awesome choice, i dont have much time right now to post properly, but i'll come back and do it later. i am in the auckland area, and know two more mums who are SMBC, so we're definitely out there :D congrats on the pregnancy, i bet you're going to be an awesome mum! ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:06pm
| caliandjack - i totally expect it when hes a teen of course. Along with the i hate you i didnt ask to be born thing. But when he's all grown up and adult, i hope he appreciates it! |
Posted By: tictacjunkie
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:17pm
| To give a bit of a different perspective, I wish my mum had been a SMBC, her first husband was a monster, physically, emotionally & mentally abusive, yet she stuck with him so my siblings wouldn't be without a father, IMO it was the wrong decision, & the day she kicked him out permanently is a day I celebrate. As long as a child is in a loving & safe home I don't care whether there's one parent or two, by choice or not. We love our SMBC very muchly, they do a wonderful job, =). |
Posted By: linda
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:50pm
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Choco, I was so going to be a SMBC. I worked really hard so that I could be financial to have a child by myself. In hindsight I probably worked to hard and that made me a bit of a social hermit but to me, I could not contemplate not having a child (and needed some financial security behind me) and needed to have a back up plan should Mr right not come along. For me, he came along which was great but if he hadn't, I'd have been doing what you did. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Alex 6 and Harry 8 |
Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 6:50pm
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Thanks for all the encouragement ladies. I know it's not the right decision for everyone, however it was for me - especially as I will be 42 before baby is born - so time was certainly a factor.
As for baby not knowing her genetic relatives that is not an issue. I recruited my own donor for the clinic. In fact his wife is now one of my dear friends, they are such a lovely generous couple. They have had there own fertility issues so they wanted to 'pay back' and give someone else an opportunity to become a parent, which I will forever be grateful for. In fact I call them the sperm parents, as it was such a joint effort. And because they are know my daughter will always know who they are, and about their family/children etc. And as life permits we will travel to catchup with them. That way their children will also have a connection with their genetic half-siblings. It was important to me to know my donor as I didn't want it to be a mystery for my child, I wanted her to be aware just how much she was wanted and loved even before she was conceived. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 11:01pm
Bizzy it is all about how you say something. You can say that you don't think you agree with the choice that she has made without calling her selfish. Calling someone selfish is very judgmental. I sit on the fence because I can see both sides to the situation. I only sit on the fence because I don't know if I could do it myself. In saying that I have just written in one of the other threads my longing to have a 2nd baby. And to be honest even if my husband and I were to get back together again I'm not sure that he wants to have another baby. That's a whole other story. The point is, I understand that deep longing. I also believe that babies need to have a father (ideally). So that's why I sit on the fence - but I would certainly not accuse someone of being selfish or judging another person's decision. I have a friend who has chosen this (who happens to live on the Shore Coco actually!) and she is the first person I've ever met who chose to a sperm donor etc. She is a wonderful person and a good mother. Part of her reason for going ahead with it was to give a sibling to her child whose father wasn't interested in having any involvement. I understand that because I want that for my son too. |
Posted By: LateStarterLorna
Date Posted: 17 May 2011 at 11:31pm
Im another SMBC I was the same Choco, got to around 37 and decided it was time to start thinking about a baby, no man in sight, so set about finding a donor, had lovely Alex in Oct aged 40 and Im now thinking about another, Id prefer Alex not to be an only child
I was totally selfish in wanting to have a baby, it was all about me and what I wanted, kinda still is but Im hoping the father will be around a little at least but if not, no major, I have enough love for her and hopefully no2
The fact that theres such a high divorce rate and god knows about partners separation, having a father in the picture at the start, doesnt mean hes going to be there later, how many have a baby to help their marriage and it doesnt work or stay together and totally unhappy because of the kids? For me, its all about being honest with the child from the start, she'll know that she was wanted and loved and that you dont need anybody to make you happy, you make you happy and the rest comes along
Oh and Im never shy about telling people that it was a sperm donor not a partner, Im proud of my choice ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/weIHiFu/" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: nicolariley
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 7:49am
| SMBC should be congratulated for their brave decision to do it alone!!! They are hero's in my books! |
Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 10:01am
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families come in all shapes and sizes these days... go you!
------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 3:45pm
| I think your decision is brave and totally understandable. However, I think it is extremely important for children to have a strong male role model in their lives - it doesn't have to be 'Dad', it can be an Uncle/Grandfather/family friend. I just think men can offer something different to a child. |
Posted By: bubalys
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 3:52pm
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Definitely, my nephew has a single mum and his two uncles and his grandfather are great male role models for him, they have helped create a very balanced boy, whos now aged 12. I think it is just as important for girls to have a male role model in their lives too. ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: YODA18-
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 5:11pm
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My Mum was a SMBC.
She had three kids me and two older brothers, My dad was a drunk! and she made the decision to tell him where to go as she didnt want him influencing our lives... We got given the option to see our dad but the three of us declined... I sometimes see him at the local shops off his face drunk but just ignore him! She had a very good mum (my nana) who passed away 9 years ago, she would look after us while my mum worked two jobs to give us everything that she didnt have growing up as she came from a family of 13. Since being able to work I have helped my mum with anything I possibly can, little treats here and there whether its to get her hair done etc... she doesn't like it but I soon put her in her place... Shes just gone 60 and has some lady issues after having her tubes tied, and her rent has just gone up so me and DH have just purchased a house with a studio/granny flat out the back where she will move in and live there.. She also currently looks after my DD while I work full time and cant wait the arrival of her grandson in August! So good on you chocco, its not easy but as My mum says she wouldn't change it for the world! -------------   
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Posted By: YODA18-
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 5:13pm
I dont agree with this, but as others have said each to their own, I grew up with no grandad (he passed away before I was born) my uncles didnt live close so only saw them when they visited.... My mum never dated again, she lived for her kids and looking after her own mum and I turned out perfectly fine and dont believe I missed out on anything. In fact, my mum was applauded at my wedding by all of my uncles on how great of a job she had done with her kids and how well they turned out! -------------
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Posted By: bubalys
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 5:17pm
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Yoda your mum sounds like shes a pretty amazing woman! ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: YODA18-
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 5:21pm
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She is very amazing....
Pretty much lives for her kids and now grandkids... But she gets so annoyed with me when I try and do things for her like shout her things etc since me and hubby are lucky enough to be on good wages etc.... Its so funny, always tells me Im the Mum remember, and I say yeah but Im the daughter and I like to get you things too remember! DH is more closer with My mum then he is his own lol! -------------
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Posted By: mizpix
Date Posted: 19 May 2011 at 10:57pm
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Choco, I fully understand and support your position.
I was in a similar situation, in that I had no partner and in my mid 30's had decided that if I hadnt found a partner in a year I would look at a donor, then I met someone I thought was a long term partner and got pregnant. Unfortunately things werent to be, and in reality A's dad plays no more part in his life than a sperm donor would. I am now considering my options as I would love another child by the time Im 40, and would definately look at a donor this time round. it would be so much less hassle than all the stuff i've had to put up with from A's dad. I need to get myself financially more stable though and that is my immediate goal. I know that plenty of people will say I'm selfish if I do have another baby, but it's something that is very important to me, and why should I miss out just because no man wants to be with me. I'm sick of dating losers, so would rather be alone. I have friends that are single mums and the general consensus is that you dont need a dad in their life, just some male role model such as grandfather or uncle. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2920e5" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 20 May 2011 at 1:37am
| How much does it cost (to get a donor)? |
Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 20 May 2011 at 8:27am
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unfortunately getting a donor can be the hard part. alot of the clinic donors don't wish to donate to single women, they prefer to donate to couples (both hetrosexual and homosexual). the wait in auckland is about 2-3 years for a clinic donor, unless you are like me and find your own.
i found my donor online at a site which has many people with different fertility issues (if anyone wants the website just PM me) having found my donor they have counselling (with their partner/wife) and so do I, plus testing and storage fees, then I had 4 x unmedicated IUI cycles (cost $850 each), so all up to get pregnant it has cost me about $10000. That said i now 'own' sperm which is sitting in the 'bank' if I choose to have another child. the benefits of through the clinic is that with IUI the sperm is putting right in the line of where the egg releases so you have at least the same or sometimes a higher chance of pregnancy than having sex. understandably that is not something everyone can afford (i sold my house to help finance myself). the alternative is to find a donor and do at home insemination - although would highly recommend doing some counselling first and get testing on both sides. i did try this myself however found getting a reliable donor (who could 'provide' the goods at short notice was difficult and often they were wanting to donate so they could be a parent), so a legal agreement stating there will be no sex and that the donor has no rights to the child is really important to get done prior to at home insemination hope that helps :) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 20 May 2011 at 8:28am
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regarding the male role model thing ... I am very lucky in that i have some great male friends and family who will be part of my daughter's life ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: bubalys
Date Posted: 20 May 2011 at 10:16am
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Nathansmummy the two friends of mine did it the free way, one the old fashioned way and the other did it the DIY way ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 20 May 2011 at 8:00pm
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Yes I think if things don't work out with the ex then I might ask him to donate since he's already dad to my son!! And pretty good at it I guess. I guess it just doesn't feel quite right to me. I will probably put my name down to foster a baby rather than older children (because I worry about how it will affect Nathan) but who knows how that will go!
Definitely want a brother/sister for Nathan. |
Posted By: jsoc
Date Posted: 25 May 2011 at 3:17pm
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Hi there,
I'm a single mother by choice (well will be at the end of August!) and yes it's scary & a really hard choice to make.. I am now 43yrs old and have been thinking about going ahead since I was 35yrs old.. Though I did try to find the right bloke, nothing seemed to work out, so 2 years ago I contacted the Fertility clinic in Welly and have been through the process, eventually with it all working out with IVF.. I am stoked, though I know it will be tough, but I believe that kids born to Mothers by choice have a great foundation, as they are truly wanted & very much become the whole of their Mum's life and many of us are older and have a huge amount of life experience to draw from. I have had a career which has been long hours and just never matched with getting into the right relationship. Yup, it may be selfish to go ahead on my own, but that is my right & as long as I bring up my girl to the best of my capability with the support of all those around me I think that she will be just great! Well done for going ahead & yes I would love it if there was more of a network for those of us who have made this very, very difficult life changing decision here in NZ..
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Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 27 May 2011 at 1:29pm
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congrats Jsoc on your little one, things are getting really close for you , hope you are staying well
have sent you a PM, will have to keep in touch ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 27 May 2011 at 2:03pm
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I say good on you!
I do think it is important for kids to have some sort of male figure in their lives. To look up to and for a different perspective on things (if that makes sense). I'm not a single mama but my mum was, although she was with my dad for about 1 year after I was born and they split. I always had my granddad growing up so always assumed he was my 'dad' if that makes sense. That's how I viewed him. Like someone said, kids don't miss what they never had! Wishing you all the best! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Missyvee
Date Posted: 01 June 2011 at 12:15am
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Hi there,
Was excited to read this post. I just found out this week I am pregnant via donor insemination and was curious to find others in NZ. I'm currently living in Australia but plan to move back to NZ later in the year. Janine - be great to connect via PM Victoria |
Posted By: Missyvee
Date Posted: 01 June 2011 at 8:21am
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I thought I'd share my donor story which is a little different. I bought sperm online through one of the big donor clinics in Denmark, which is as easy as buying a toaster on ebay. The only requirement is that it ships to a clinic/medical practitioner and not a private address.
I'm not sure how the laws work in nz but in australia I understand that in certain states, including Canberra, they will allow insemination by foreign sperm, so if you can't ship to nz one option for nz women could be to fly to Australia. In my case I was going to be in europe anyway, so I chose to go instead to a clinic run by midwives in Denmark who specialize in donor insem. The clinic is called Diers Klinik, and there are several others in Denmark. They see a lot of single and lesbian women there and are incredibly open, friendly and were really genuinely excited for me. I had such a nice experience with them, plus spent a few days exploring a pretty Danish town. It's sad that in nz there seems to be a strong bias against single women receiving donor sperm. But, ladies, the good news is that if you can find a way to Denmark, the process is much easier and cheaper than you might think. |
Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 01 June 2011 at 2:36pm
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Hi Victoria
Congrats on your pregnancy! Unfortunately NZ law states that you can't import sperm, so if it's not sourced here we can't have it! Know a lady in Melbourne who now has 2 children via donor IVF, both her treatments were in Sydney with sperm from the US. Will send you a PM.
Janine ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: rgillespie
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 1:48pm
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Hi ladies,
I'm popping up this post on behalf of Emma Keeling who's a reporter for 20/20. She would love to talk to women who've decided to be a single mother by choice. You may be looking for a donor, be pregnant or already have a little nipper of your own. Either way, she's keen to talk to you with a view to doing a story for the show. If you wish to, please drop her a line at emma.keeling@tvnz.co.nz or phone her direct 09-916-7086/021-555-305 Cheers, Rochelle. |
Posted By: LateStarterLorna
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 3:31pm
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Ive sent Emma an email ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/weIHiFu/" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: bubalys
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 3:34pm
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Yay Lorna exciting ------------- http://alterna-tickers.com">
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Posted By: choco69
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 11:26pm
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have emailed Emma too :) will let you know if anything comes of it!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: smc
Date Posted: 16 March 2013 at 10:31pm
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This is a really old thread but I to am now a SMC!!! My son is 8 weeks old. Yay - love my new life as a mumma. Anyone out there keen to get in touch? |
Posted By: adventuressjo
Date Posted: 17 March 2013 at 9:49pm
| Hi- me too! bubs is 7 months. Congrats |
Posted By: LateStarterLorna
Date Posted: 18 March 2013 at 8:34am
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Im still around, have two kids now :) ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/weIHiFu/" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: smc
Date Posted: 18 March 2013 at 9:27pm
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Awesome that's at least 4 of us on here! Wow two babies LateStarterLorna that's great. I want Cooper to have a sibling too! When are you moving to Christchurch adventuressjo? Did anything ever come of the 20/20 show? |
Posted By: LateStarterLorna
Date Posted: 18 March 2013 at 10:02pm
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I was pretty lucky to have another using the same donor :) I spoke to Emma but decided not to go ahead with being involved as I didnt want to appear on tv lol Hows life with a 8 week old, mines 8 months and just started crawling, it seems so long ago that he was just a little baby(not that little thou lol) ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/weIHiFu/" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: smc
Date Posted: 18 March 2013 at 10:19pm
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I have used a known donor and have some sperm stored for when I am ready. Gosh strange to think I am even talking about number 2 already. Life is more amazing than I imagined... I have been in the childcare industry for years and heard so many stories good and bad about parenthood so am lucky enough to appreciate my happy settled baby. So have you found any support groups for SMCs? Met up with anyone else? |
Posted By: LateStarterLorna
Date Posted: 19 March 2013 at 11:04am
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I just have the normal due date groups, great friends and I did join single parents trust but have yet to go to a meet, its only been about 2 years lol ------------- http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/weIHiFu/" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: jsoc
Date Posted: 03 April 2013 at 10:49am
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Hi, my wee girl is now 19 months and a terror of a toddler (gorgeous though).If anyone is in Wellington & would like to meet up I would love to catch up for a chat. All my family is in Europe, so it would be great to meet others who have done the same as me. I'm working full time as well, so life is pretty full on. I do still have 1 embryo in frozen storage, but I'm still trying to make that decision to give it a go or not. I'm now 45, so need to make that call pretty soon I guess. Anyway, good to know that everything is going well for you all. :) |
Posted By: Free2BeMe
Date Posted: 07 April 2013 at 12:47pm
| You possibly already know, but there is an online forum dedicated to SMBC, it is Australian based though. |
Posted By: Joanne131686
Date Posted: 24 October 2013 at 7:25pm
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Hello I have just taken the first step to becoming a smbc! Exciting but wondering if anyone out there is willing to met up and fill me in on all the real ins and outs of it? I'm in Wellington! By the way- congrats to everyone who has done it! So amazing! |
Posted By: Mel158282
Date Posted: 08 November 2014 at 3:32pm
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Hi there, I know that I'm replying to an old post but I'd be really interested in knowing where you advertised for a donor. My situation sounds very similar. Thanks
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Posted By: Aims1992
Date Posted: 27 July 2015 at 10:05pm
| Hey. It was fascinating to read this thread. I am hoping that there is someone on here from Christchurch who is thinking about becoming or who is already a single mother by choice. I am still young, but want to prepare myself to go it alone. With no partner in sight, I'm quickly losing hope! I had always wanted to have kids young (in my early 20's) while I still have the energy. So here I am, 23 years old, wanting to chat with others about how you went about becoming a parent without a partner. |
Posted By: Symbiote207920
Date Posted: 15 May 2016 at 11:00am
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Hi guys I have just started this SMBC journey too! I am in my mid-late 30s, and just thought it was time to get going with kids (I have always known I was going to have them). After being on the FA sperm waiting list for 2 years, I am now starting my first cycle of IUI - so excited! I had a look for a NZ-based blog/detailed personal story about the experience of doing this alone, but couldn't find anything. So I have started a blog, which I am hoping helps give information to anyone wanting to do this themselves, and who might want a bit more information about what the day-to-day experience of this journey is like. The blog address is https://choicesymbiotenz.wordpress.com/ I hope it is useful to someone out there... |