Do you ever feel unappreciated?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39279
Printed Date: 21 December 2024 at 1:19pm
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Topic: Do you ever feel unappreciated?
Posted By: escadachic
Subject: Do you ever feel unappreciated?
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:12am
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Do you ever feel unappreciated?
Undervalued? Like what you do for your baby/toddler/child or children doesn't seem to mean anything to your DP/DF/DH? -------------   
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Replies:
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:27am
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I find this is one thing, that most certainly doesn't help with PND or depression.
We need to be appreciated! We need to be told what a good job we are doing and how important our job as a mother is. This, does not happen enough sadly, with many of us. So often, I hear women talking who I know, with PND, about their S.O(significant other) and what little they do, if anything to help or support them. The S.O's seem to have this attitude, that our job is SO easy, that anyone could do it. And they totally downplay our importance and role in raising our/their child. I was nearly in tears the other day, hearing of what a friend of mine with PND is going through at the moment with her DH. I just hate what she is going through! He does NOTHING! And has done nothing since their boy was born, he is now 13 months old. Even when she's at her wits end, begging for him to help in any way, he just says "I'm busy", when clearly he's not, he's just doing crap on the computer. He expects her to do everything, on very little sleep and of course still expects sex. Not surprising she's not keen! I'd kick him in the balls to be honest, if I were her! She's tried to get him to go to relationship counselling, but his reply is "we don't need that, all you need to do is give me more sex". Argh! That just grinds my gears hearing that! I must say, my DP is very helpful and quite supportive. But he does lack in the acknowledging and appreciating department. I not heard once, in 15 months, that I am doing a good job or that what I do matters, or that it's significant or important. And I have told him, in a calm, non-threatening or nagging way, how much this bothers me and how much I need this, but nothing changes 
I will, on the odd occasion, just have enough of this and just yell, trying to get some help or attention and if no result, just slam some doors, get in the car and piss off for a few hours. 6 hrs in fact one night. I do my very best though, to try and get some 'me' time. Whether that be, just mucking around on the computer when Annabelle is asleep, instead of doing housework. As, I know that I am important and I matter and I have to give something back to myself. As I've learnt that I can't trust others to give me that. Which is sad. So, so glad we have a bath! Nothing better then soaking in the bath and ignoring everything and just chilling out. So how do you all feel about this subject? What are you getting? What aren't you getting? What do you feel you need? And by the way, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU ARE APPRECIATED, YOUR JOB AS A MUM DOES MATTER AND IS SO SIGNIFICANT AND YOUR BUBS/KIDS THINK THE WORLD OF YOU!  -------------
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 6:58am
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I think this is probably how a lot of mum's feel whether they have PND or not.
Interesting topic though as I had a discussion with DH yesterday about feeling sort of worthless or undervalued. I'm lucky my DH does do a lot around the house, in fact I would say more than I do, but I do care for our child who is always sick and babysit two other children part time. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 8:10am
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Agree with Kazper, I don't have PND but the title caught my eye.
I feel underappreciated at times so it's not just limited to those with PND. Then after I read, I thought sh*t do we tell our S.O's how much we appreciate them working hard so we can stay at home???  I'm extremely guilty of that! ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 11:26am
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Yes I definitely feel this. Because my DH does help but he tends to only think about things from his point of view ie. his tiredness, his lack of free time etc etc which makes me feel like he doesn't consider mine as being important.
But the other day I asked him how I was going as a mother and he said the loveliest thing to me that I think I will remember forever: "I always thought you were going to be a good Mum, but you have exceeded even my expectations, you are a total and complete natural" it made my day and I just have to think of it to smile. So perhaps if they don't say it often (he doesn't) you never know what they are thinking inside. But I often get frustrated about this subject as it's easy to plod along getting angry inside. So true A and C I don't think Ive ever thanked my DH for going to work each day and making all the money for us, that's an eye opening thought! ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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