What would you do?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Coping with infertility
Forum Description: Have you been trying to conceive unsuccessfully? Dealing with primary or secondary infertility? Get support, advice, and help coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40895
Printed Date: 15 February 2025 at 2:22pm
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Topic: What would you do?
Posted By: catie
Subject: What would you do?
Date Posted: 31 October 2011 at 1:15pm
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Hi
I know this is a decision I need to make for myself, but I'd really appreciate your thoughts. At some point in the next few months 'I' have to decide whether to try another IVF cycle. Some of you might remember my history; if so feel free to skip the next paragraph 
DH & I are very old in fertility terms. We ttc'd for 8 years when I was in my late 30s and early 40s, including several clomid & IUI cycles, then decided to give up. Last year we decided to have one more go: I was 45, DH about to turn 50 so we thought 'now or never' and had an IVF cycle (we'd been reluctant as some friends broke up due to the IVF stress, so that was our only IVF). Anyway, we had a miracle result, but it didn't last. Only got 2 eggs, but both fertilised "perfectly", so both were transferred, and got pregnant despite less than 10% chance - and twins too! However, one died a few days before my first scan, and the other died between my first and second scans. As you can imagine we were devastated. DH found it all extremely stressful and had lots of second thoughts during the process, but finally, two days before we found out one had died, he decided he was past stressing and could relax and enjoy. So now his mixed feelings are even worse - to get so far, finally relax, only two lose both our boys. On top of all of that, the week after I lost our second twin, my mother-in-law died suddenly, then a month after that, my mum died after a few days illness. In addition, my father-in-law has terminal cancer. So, it's been the year from hell. Sorry about the novel, now I'll get to the point. DH can't make up his mind whether to try again, but we both know that the chances of us getting pregnant the first time were very small, to get pregnant a second time is even more remote, and to actually end up with a baby at the end is almost impossible. So, he has left it up to me to decide. The logical part of me says that it's time to give up and also isn't fair to put both of us through so much stress after the year we've had (though we'd wait until after the summer holidays so hopefully be more or less back to normal), not to mention the expense. but I can't quite seem to accept that it's all over. So, girls, if you were me, what would you do??? |
Replies:
Posted By: Caronz
Date Posted: 31 October 2011 at 7:45pm
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Dont want to just read and run, but really dont know what to say. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Sorry I cant add any more than that ------------- TTC since 06 with MFI IVF with ICSI 2007 BFN DI Sept 08=BFP DS 06/09 TTC #2 since June 2010 DI#2 Aug10=BFP MC@10weeks 2011= 10 rounds of DI 4 with clomid- all neg May 2012- IVF |
Posted By: SweetP
Date Posted: 31 October 2011 at 8:55pm
| Hi Catie, I've been thinking of you and was wondering where you're at... Have you thought about joining the FB group-it's completely private. I'll PM you. |
Posted By: ScaredyCat
Date Posted: 01 November 2011 at 5:55pm
Oh Catie, what a year you have had, my heart goes out to you, no advice to give, only hugs  ------------- TTC # 1 - 7.5 years 2 x IVF - 4 x Trf 3 x BFP's 3 x M/c  Feb 09June 10Sept 11
2 Blasties on Ice
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Posted By: catie
Date Posted: 02 November 2011 at 12:38pm
thanks guys 
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Posted By: OctoberDip
Date Posted: 05 November 2011 at 9:52am
I know what you mean, when to give it up? I am not as old as you -in fertility terms only of course  but still am wondering whether it is worth continuing putting my life on hold, geting my hopes high and getting my heart broken, spending all my $ on treatments... but then I would regret it all my life if I wasn't doing all that I can to get there. So in a way, there is no choice. Personnaly I need to try until you know you have done all you can, you have explored all avenues, until you are in peace with the decision to give it up.
Yes there is the risk of failure and heart break, but also therisk of happiness. Failing shouldn't stop us from trying. Now someone I know who is near 45 has gone for treatment in the US (not too sure why, how, etc) but she is now expecting twins! I am not sure whether they have different protocols for older patients but might be worth investing? Good luck with your decision. Not an easy one! |
Posted By: mtjt
Date Posted: 05 November 2011 at 2:13pm
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Hi Catie
Oh you have been thru a very tough time  My heart goes out to you and your DH over your losses...
Im 40 and DH is 47 (mfi) - been ivfing for 3 years now and still no baby! I just cannot give up and as time marches on it gets worse!!! What i would do - well, if $ was available I would look at another ivf cycle sooner than later - maybe get a 2nd opinion from another clinic? we have done that. My thinking is if you still have "eggs" their must be a chance! Also have you asked about DHEA? heard that may boost old eggs? also maybe changes in lifestyle etc - limit coffee/alcahol etc? Doesnt getting older sux! particularly in fertility!!grrhhh.... doesnt seem fair.. Yep, this is such an emotional roller coaster and DH and I have had our fair share of up and downs and to be honest been quite testing at times for our relationship. If you have exhausted all avenues here then Im sure you will have no regrets... Good luck and do keep us posted x ------------- TTC 5 years Me 39 & DH 47 (antibodies and DNA frag issue) 1st/2nd/3rd ivf/icsi - Jan,Sept, Dec 09 4th ivf/icsi - May 10 bfn 5th ivf/icsi/tesa Dec 10 6th ivf/icsi/tesa. June 11 |
Posted By: catie
Date Posted: 09 November 2011 at 5:00pm
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Thanks for your good wishes.
mtjt, I hadn't heard about DHEA, but already doing everything else - diet, caffeine, acupuncture, etc. Of course, there's also the issue of saving up the $! good luck with your journeys. |
Posted By: Tiff8ny
Date Posted: 10 November 2011 at 3:20pm
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Hi Catie, so sorry to read about your year from hell! to you and your DH. It must of been so tough and your relationship must be much stronger because of it all. If you have the $$ I would try one more time, that's only if you think your relationship can handle it again. I would always think "what if" we had tried again.
IVF and infertility is such a hard & long journey. I wish you and your DH well in whatever you decide xo ------------- Me 32, DH 30 TTC 4+ years Unexplained Infertility IVF#1 - Chem Pregnancy,no frosties IVF#2 - BFP!!!! Plus 1 frostie 
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Posted By: catie
Date Posted: 15 November 2011 at 3:32pm
| Thanks Tiff8ny. Yep, it's the 'what if' that gets you. I know the 'sensible' thing to do would be to recognise that the odds are so bad it's time to give up, but... |
Posted By: gannet
Date Posted: 18 November 2011 at 9:08pm
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If you think you can handle it - do it. As you mention, if you don't you might always wonder what if. If the cycle is not successful, then at least you will hopefully be able to have some peace with the whole thing, which it seems you don't' have yet??
I'm sorry that your year has been so awful hun, you deserve a break xxx ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Mumma2be
Date Posted: 21 November 2011 at 9:07pm
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I have no experience with IVF personally and only popped into the Infertility section as we have been TTC #2 for the best part of the year and no luck. I saw your post and it really tore at my heart strings.
As I dont have personal experience (but 2 good friends who have gone through numerous IVF rounds for years) I can see both sides of things. I think if i were you, i would always have that nagging "what if?" at the back of my mind if i didnt do it. Although I can totally see how the stress etc really does take its toll and why you wouldnt want to go through it again. I guess only you truely can know what you think is best for you but i do send all my positive vibes and best wishes to you. Take care x |
Posted By: bikershaz
Date Posted: 22 November 2011 at 1:29pm
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Hi Catie,
So sorry you have had such a difficult time, sending you lots of
Personally I think I would give it another try. I was so surprised to get pregnant first time and thought it couldn't possible happen again, especially with a frostie, but it did and now here I am almost 30 weeks pregnant. I think if you can manage to get the $ for the treatment and you can manage emotionally you should do it. At least you will know you gave it your best shot. All the best, I really hope it all works out for you  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://counters.families.com">
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Posted By: Tiff8ny
Date Posted: 22 November 2011 at 1:37pm
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Have you made a decision yet Catie? ------------- Me 32, DH 30 TTC 4+ years Unexplained Infertility IVF#1 - Chem Pregnancy,no frosties IVF#2 - BFP!!!! Plus 1 frostie
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Posted By: noodle
Date Posted: 22 November 2011 at 2:20pm
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awww catie just want to send you the hugest hugs chick! You sure have had a heart breaking and such an unfair journey, my heart really goes out to you! good luck with making your decision xx ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: hotleo
Date Posted: 23 November 2011 at 11:09am
Hi Catie I can surely understand where you are coming from. I had been following your posts and was very saddened by your news.  I have been down the IVF ICSI road to have my son. I know the rollercoaster of emotions involved, One minute you can't believe it's true that your pregnant and then you start to drop your guard and enjoy just a little. Then you have a scan and no heartbeat.......utter devastation. But please don't give up just yet, if you can afford it and if your relationship is strong enough give it another go. I live by the motto....Failure is Not an Option! I now have a beautiful 15 month old son (IVF ICSI) I had him at 40. Big Surprise I now also have a 3 month old naturally conceived daughter!!! Still trying to work out how that happened...LOL I think so is my specialist. If you feel you have the strength Go For It! Age is only a number, it's how you feel that counts. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your DH. All the best.
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Posted By: catie
Date Posted: 24 November 2011 at 10:20am
Thanks so much everyone for all your wisdom and kind words - I really appreciate it. 
DH and I had a brief chat about it in the weekend - we went to a festival that had lots of young families and decided that yes, we'd have a try early next year, depending on when some expected $ comes thru. It was DH who started the conversation and said we should, which I'm really pleased about, becuase in my heart of hearts that's what I want to do (I'm not ready to give up) but I needed him to say it. I still got the sense though, that he was saying it to make me happy, rather than because he actually wants to. I so wish he really wanted to do it too, rather than doing it for me, if that makes sense. aaarrrgh!
The $ is also an issue, unfortunately, so TradeMe, here I come 
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Posted By: Tiff8ny
Date Posted: 24 November 2011 at 10:36am
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Yay Catie glad you have made the decision to do another round!! I will be doing IVF#2 in Feb. Really hope this round is the one for you. if you want to join our private IVF facebook group let me know, there might be a few of the IVF girls you recognise in there ------------- Me 32, DH 30 TTC 4+ years Unexplained Infertility IVF#1 - Chem Pregnancy,no frosties IVF#2 - BFP!!!! Plus 1 frostie
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Posted By: bikershaz
Date Posted: 25 November 2011 at 11:10am
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So pleased you are trying again Catie and I really hope it all works out for you - you so deserve this.
Good luck Tiff also for your upcoming cycle. Sending you lots of baby dust :-) xxxx ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://counters.families.com">
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Posted By: Tiff8ny
Date Posted: 25 November 2011 at 11:19am
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Thanks Bikershaz can't beleive your 30 weeks!! How awesome is that ------------- Me 32, DH 30 TTC 4+ years Unexplained Infertility IVF#1 - Chem Pregnancy,no frosties IVF#2 - BFP!!!! Plus 1 frostie
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Posted By: catie
Date Posted: 29 November 2011 at 4:14pm
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Wow bikershaz - that's amazing. I remember that we did our IVF cycles at almost the same time. I'm so pleased it's obviously worked out for you. I'd have been just coming up to 34 weeks.
Tiffany, we might be IVF buddies. Though assuming DH doesn't chicken out (which feels like a possibility) I think I'll be doing microdose flare, which I think takes longer?
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Posted By: Tiff8ny
Date Posted: 29 November 2011 at 4:20pm
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Yay for possibly being IVF buddies catie! and even better we can be BFP buddies too I will be on the down regulation long protocol, start the pill on CD1 end of Jan. ------------- Me 32, DH 30 TTC 4+ years Unexplained Infertility IVF#1 - Chem Pregnancy,no frosties IVF#2 - BFP!!!! Plus 1 frostie
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Posted By: bikershaz
Date Posted: 30 November 2011 at 10:32am
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Thanks Tiff and Catie,
I'm surprised also and the time is flying by. I do remember Catie, I felt so sad for you. I keep checking up on you all to see if there is any good news. Sending lots of positive vibes to you both :-) S xxx ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://counters.families.com">
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Posted By: tischler
Date Posted: 19 December 2011 at 5:18pm
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Hi girls, just saw this post and wanted to say YAY Catie that you're giving it another try. I think if it's still nagging in your mind then you have to go for it. You don't want to be left wondering 'what if'.
Since we did 3 private rounds before public funding I think it's been easier in some ways that we have our definitive 'end' to IVF after our second public cycle (if we need it - still have one frostie to try from cycle 4). If we aren't successful by the end of cycle 5 and public funding then we are out, full stop. Won't/can't fund any more. In some ways I am hanging out for the end of next year as at least we will know one way or the other whether we're having a bubba or we move on. If that makes sense. Bikershaz - wow, so pleased you're doing well - not long to go - wahhooO! Do feel free to join us on the facebook page Catie. You can PM me or Tiff8ny as we're "in the know" of how to add people - lol ------------- 5 IVF/ICSI Cycles - 10 embryo's, 8 transfers, all BFN's. Our journey to parenthood is over, and we join the unfortunate many for whom IVF does not work. |
Posted By: Tiff8ny
Date Posted: 19 December 2011 at 9:35pm
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Yes you should join the FB Catie! The ladies in there are my rock & family now! Could not do this IVF journey without them by my side for support & experience ------------- Me 32, DH 30 TTC 4+ years Unexplained Infertility IVF#1 - Chem Pregnancy,no frosties IVF#2 - BFP!!!! Plus 1 frostie
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