I love him sooo much but...
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Category: Support
Forum Name: Single parenting
Forum Description: Share tips, trials and tribulations about parenting alone
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42382
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Topic: I love him sooo much but...
Posted By: Dophy
Subject: I love him sooo much but...
Date Posted: 29 July 2012 at 6:40pm
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he's never around! How can I keep asking him to be a better husband and father when he doesn't seem to want to even be with us on the weekends, most weekends he goes away for the whole weekend and if he doesn't go away hes either fishing or hunting or something like that. I don't want to nag him constantly, but I just want him to WANT to be with us. I know he loves me and our daughter (18 months) very much but he has a crap way of showing it. I've tried to talking to him so many times he'll either say he'll improve (and he does...for at the very most a month)or tells me I'm being unfair to him. sooo frustrated this is the third weekend by myself in a row.
I'm considering leaving him as well I'm pretty much single as it is, he doesn't really support me and its all too stressful for me. Does anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation? I don't really want to leave him but I feel I've tried everything. |
Replies:
Posted By: Shelt
Date Posted: 29 July 2012 at 7:44pm
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I felt like this a lot when I was married (I am divorced - I split up with my husband about 2.5 years ago). I didn't have a lot of sucess solving it but that's only part of the reason we are no longer together. One thing I did do was instead of telling him I wanted us to spend more time together I told him an exact time/day/event. So said I would like us to go to the movies together this week, or I would like us to go out as a family to the park on Sunday morning. The theory was that then he didn't feel I was nagging and he knew exactly what I wanted. I know exactly what you mean though about wanting him to want to spend time with you. I read a book about love languages and different people express love in different ways. Perhaps your love language is quality time and his is something else - he may think he is expressing the way he feels but its just not in a way that means love to you. Here is the link to the website that explains it . http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/ - 5 love languages
One thing I will say is that though I felt completely alone in my relationship it is still alot different to actually being a single parent. Think very very carefully before you leave, especially if there is still love in your relationship. Being a solo parent means doing every single thing in your house (housework, groceries, cooking, lawnmowing, bill paying etc) and making every decision. It can be very exhausting and lonely. No matter how alone you may feel, being actually phyisically alone means very little emotional or real support and an increased amount of stress. I don't regret leaving my husband but there were alot of other reasons that went into my decision. Good luck, and I hope some of that helps. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Dophy
Date Posted: 29 July 2012 at 8:12pm
| thanks heaps Shelt. Thanks heaps for your advice, I've had a look at the 'five love languages' website and done the assessment/quiz and will get hubby to do it tonight, see if we can understand each other a bit more. I don't want to leave him but I already feel so lonely and frustrated at him. |
Posted By: fillynz
Date Posted: 29 August 2012 at 10:44pm
| I'm probably a few months ahead of you, husband was doing the same as yours and he felt that I never let him do anything... he also blamed me for his unhappiness and then as I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child (accidently) he decided that he didn't sign up for all this and it was all too much and me needed some space. so he shifted out and he was much much happier, of course because he could go do whatever he wanted when he wanted.. some men will never grow up and step up to husband father. He only thought of what would make him happy, I'm still pretty hurt that he has left me but I was alone anyway, now I don't have the stress of being marreid but feeling alone, nearly 30 weeks preg so just hoping that it all goes well for the birth. Good luck it is hard but sometimes men need to realise their part in the break down of a marraige and if they don't accept that it was 50% their fault then that is never going to change. stay strong. |