insensitive co-worker rant
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Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42754
Printed Date: 18 December 2024 at 10:12am
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Topic: insensitive co-worker rant
Posted By: n00b_mum
Subject: insensitive co-worker rant
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 7:16pm
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Just had a co-worker look at the photos on my desk and say "Oh my god you WERE so skinny, what happened?" Then she proceeded to tell me how she didn't want to have kids if this (being my size - 12/14) is the effect. I told her with a smile that I am fine, and your body changes when you have a baby, maybe I'll be skinny again, but maybe not. The human body changes a lot with pregnancy and it is a wonderful thing. I was so pleased at my reaction, 'cause all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk and cry. She then asked why I wasn't UTD with #2 as my toddler needs a sibling.We have been TTC#2 for almost 10 months now and we are waiting to hear from FA! I feel awful. I want to be SUPER body positive so DD knows that all bodies are amazing and a gift, yet when I hear stuff like that I just feel like my chubby teenage self who has no self esteem. I would go out for a walk, but it's just me and DD tonight so I need to stay in. Will have to get big cuddles from DH when he gets home tonight after his boys night out. Sorry about the rant, I just wanted to vent. n00b ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3872c1" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Replies:
Posted By: sem
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 7:33pm
Wow what an insensitive cow!!!  Well done on your reply, I think I would have been so shocked I couldn't have had said anything! Big massive hugs  ------------- Here we go again, another baby on it's way! 
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Posted By: tan73
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 7:36pm
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What did you say when she asked about #2? I hope you put her in her place! Size 12/14 is NOT large at all! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  2 Angels - Aug '12 & Mar '13 Always in our hearts. |
Posted By: n00b_mum
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 7:44pm
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When she asked about #2 I smiled and said "well I have to get back to work now...." I would have liked to shout "F*CK YOU! I don't care enough about you to explain my fertility situation! Get the hell away from my desk and don't come back unless you can act civil...ass-hat" She then walked around me and continued to comment on all the photos I had up around my desk, she was SURE my wedding photo wasn't me.  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3872c1" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: tan73
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 9:05pm
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OMG!!! What an insensitive cow! I liked your imaginary answer. Wouldn't be good if we could really say things like that? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 2 Angels - Aug '12 & Mar '13 Always in our hearts. |
Posted By: Séraphine
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 9:12pm
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Wow! That's horrible! Please try to remember people that say s$&t like that normally have really low self esteem themselves and try to prop themselves up by putting others down. I'm really impressed by your reply though! I would've just burst into tears (or thrown something at her!) I'm with you on the "needs a sibling" comments, I've been told that I'm selfish and also that DD will be a spoilt b$&%h if we don't have another kid, I don't have to explain my TTC issues to my workmates My bets are you'll fin her crying in the bathroom at the Christmas party over how crap her life is  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: blondie23
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 9:31pm
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Noob I'm sorry you have such an incentive cow at work. You handled it so well. I had a work mate say to me that I must be pregnant as I have a tummy and I'm too old not to have kids! I have been trying for almost a year and I have lost lots of weight and a size 14/16, and quite tall. I was fuming. Why are people so incentive?! I just walked away I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything. Positive baby making vibes to you all. Lets ignore toxic people. They must be unhappy ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 07 November 2012 at 10:20pm
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OMG what a bitch.....do you have issues with her normally? I mean is she like that with work things as well? ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: epictraveller
Date Posted: 08 November 2012 at 8:57am
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What a complete cow!! I agree, definitely insecure! ------------- #1  Angel babies April 2013, Nov 2013 IVF #1 Nov 2013-CP IVF #2 May 2014-BFN IVF #3 Feb 2015-BFN DS Jun 2015-BFN Oct 16 -Natural BFP! TTC #2 |
Posted By: n00b_mum
Date Posted: 08 November 2012 at 10:21am
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Thanks ladies. It is so nice to hear all of your kind (and nasty, but not targeted at me) words. Blondie - Oh my goodness, what a horrible thing for your co-worker to say! I just have no idea why someone would say that? I send you HUGE hugs The weird thing with this co-worker is: 1) She is new to the team 2) She is kinda young 3) I had just spent the whole morning with her, helping her. Then when we get back to the office she starts commenting on my photos. The more I think about it, the more I think that perhaps she thought she was complementing me. As though she was saying "wow those photos of you are stunning, you look amazing!" But maybe she had no bloody idea how to say that without implying (or as she did, just flat our stating) that I am now fat and no longer stunning. Tiger Lilly - yeah I do think she has a HUGE fat fear. She said her mum was big and you could see that she is terrified of becoming "fat" I am her fear personified! Hugs to all, N00b ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3872c1" rel="nofollow - My Ovulation Chart |
Posted By: DzinerGirl
Date Posted: 08 November 2012 at 9:12pm
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Wow, you handled that well! I always think of responses long after the fact when people say bad things to me. I think it's terrible that people even think it's ok to make comments about people's weight, number of children/lack of children...it's none of their frickin business is it?! Well done on how you dealt with it though And Blondie, wow...I'm speechless, again WTH are these people thinking?! |
Posted By: Leanabh
Date Posted: 26 January 2013 at 10:02am
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Hi girls, I totally feel your pain. I am gobsmacked by the personal questions people, that don't know me very well, feel entitled to ask. Recently a colleague come over to my desk and - out load - asked me 'so when are you going to start having kids'... (we have been ttc for 2 and a half years...) I just smiled and said 'who knows?' The she continued... 'I bet you're sick of people asking you that question' to which I just kept smiling... Then she suggested... 'You should just say what I used to say before I had my family and tell them that you're not able to have children - that shuts them up' Honestly. ------------- TTC since Aug 2010 Male fertility issues |
Posted By: vineyardhoney
Date Posted: 27 January 2013 at 4:54pm
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wowsers...some people have no idea do they? you handled that really well noob. don't know how I would have reacted to that! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: kelzie_rose
Date Posted: 28 January 2013 at 10:29pm
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OMG what a b!tch!! I hate that how the second you get UTD with your first, everyone is all about the second baby. -------------  Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3 |
Posted By: Mrs Mac
Date Posted: 06 February 2013 at 10:54am
My mum miscarried when I was 1, then took 18 months to conceive again. I was always taught that commenting on someone's lack/number of children was the height of rudeness. It took my breath away to have three people ask when I was having a second child within two weeks of miscarrying!  -------------   Jan '13
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