Is it normal .......
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Forum Name: General Chat
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URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=782
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Topic: Is it normal .......
Posted By: Roksana
Subject: Is it normal .......
Date Posted: 07 July 2005 at 3:12pm
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Hi Ladies,
I have been feeling a bit down recently...almost depressed. Hubby and I argue/fight/make up/argue...... The thing is...we argue/fight about small petty things....It seems pathetic later. But I cant seems to help it...I feel down and take it out on him.  
Every one says it is my hormones that are making me feel like this....any one else go thru this?? Or should I get some help? ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 07 July 2005 at 10:36pm
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While it could be the hormones it's still good to talk to someone.. even if it is just us. get good supports in place now.. it sounds scary but having achild can test even the strongest relationship.. you both need to learn what makes the other one "go off" and figure out ways to avoid it.. mike now knows the signs when i am getting stressed, and will take over with the kids. I know his cues and do the same. also.. I found this time around.. i apologised to mike in advance.. I would tell him i was having a bad day and i was sorry for anything in advance. that way he knew that it wasn't him if anything did blow up.
a good thing to try is never go to bed on an arguement. we either talk it out or agree to forget about it if it was something silly. I have been through what you are going through, I came through post-natal depression after having Paris and am still pretty afraid that i will get it again this time.. some things test me - like ayja falling off the bed and the guilt from that. i spose whati am trying to say is try and work things out together and figure out solutions so you aren't strung out, he isn't feeling like it's all his fault. once i told mike exactly what i was going through.. he wasn't only more understanding, he actually felt bad that he didn't pick it up himself. I remember when i was pregnant with paris, at about the same stage as you, going bonkers at mike and absolutely hating him cos he hadn't gotten round to getting a new battery for our car even though he knew it was gonna die. well, the car broke down on the way to our antenatal class on the night when we were going through breathing and positions for labour.. i was hysterical.. thinking he had ruined my whole labour already cos i wouldn't know what to do. sounds crazy now.. but at the time, i felt like i was completely justified in makinghim feel bad. talk to someone, and do something nice for yourself.. sometimes it can get a bit depressing in the middle trimester ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja 
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 8:36am
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Pregnancy hormones huh, I have a scar on my wrist from going losing the plot when i was pregnant with ALyssa.
Rob and i had a fight because he wouldnt come to puppy training with me (dumb aye) anyway i was washing the dishes and was slamming things on to the bench and i had glass bowl in my hands and it just smashed and because of the force i sliced my wrist really deep just missing my main vein. I felt like such a nong and have never gotten that mad since, I knew it was my hormones. Needless to say he came to puppy training. did you know chocolate is a antidepressent, hmmm yum chocolate. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 8:54am
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Thanks Janine and Maria...
I agree you do need to talk about things, but when I get mad I talk talk talk and Hubby keeps quiet ...in turn that makes me even more mad....aahhh the vicious cycle!!! I told him yesterday that I think it is a phase I am going thru and he understands...I feel a bit better today!! I think too much is happening...we just bought a house, having MIL problems...having a baby... I can’t really talk about all this with many people; I usually talk to my mum…but feel uncomfortable talking about this. Thanks again for reading about my emotional roller coaster....and for your advice. I think I go and stack up on those chocolates.....  .
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Teenmummy
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 9:37am
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Sorry to hear your going through all this,i went through it aswell my baby is now 6days old and it was like we never argued at all,it just takes time and more time but in the end its worth it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 12:34pm
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Hi Roksana,
Funny you say that because this week me and my hubby have been going through a bit of a rough patch too. I felt like he was totally ignoring the whole baby nearly here thing. He hasn't even organised leave from work yet for when the baby comes!!! He is working sooooo much and anytime want to talk to him he just says he is too tired but on the other hand stayed up until 3am playing playstation last friday night!! He didn't even ssem interested in seeing or feeling the baby move anymore. I felt really bad and was scared that I was going to have to do "it all" by myself!! Then yesterday after being miserable all week, thanks to hormones I cry a everything!, I finally just sat him down and told him what I was feeling and that I was really scared! It was so good. He said he was sorry and that he is excited about baby too, it is just really stressful at work and he didn't really realise that it is getting sooo close!! 
Anyway, we went to bed early and just talked and it was great! I feel so much better now!! I am sure talking is the answer to almost every problem there is!! 
OMG, I have discovered hot chocolate drinks this week, I never used to drink them at all but man, I could take a bath in them now!! lol------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 12:44pm
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I know Ana.....My hubby seems to be least interested about the baby....He watches sports all the time and only time asks what's wrong? is when I jump up (when the baby kicks really hard).....I feel like..I am doing this alone!
Mind you he always comes to the scans and appointments with me but....I dont know???!!! I need to have a really good talk with him...... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 12:55pm
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Do that Roksana. Peter said to me that it isn't as "real" for him as it is for me... He thinks he will be more into it when baby is actually here!
I suppose because being pregnant is just soooo huge for our hormones and bodies and for the guys all they see is that our tummy gets bigger and that we act weird sometimes! Peter has been really sweet the last few days though because my legs are as swollen and painful as anything and he made me a great footrest for in bed last night!! I slept with my feet up all night, very comfy, I felt like a queen, lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 1:48pm
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yep that's exactly right!! .. some guys just don't get the whole baby thing.. actually, i think MOST guys don't. not until this baby is in his arms will he be interested. with paris, I tried to get mike to read things, feel baby kick, come to antenatal classes (which he fell asleep in) and all that.. and it didn't work, he watched sports etc. this time he did all those things because he knew it was important to me and he knew it was part of the process. lol. what you have to remember is that he is like an outsider.. and probably feels that way.. YOU are the one experiencing this, and try as he might, he will NEVER understand what you are feeling.. for the simple fact, this baby is already inside you, a part of you.. until he can hold it he may feel quite detatched.
oh yeah, with the chocolate - dark energy chocolate is also a really great source of iron!! geez, who ever said chocolate was bad for you??!!  ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 1:49pm
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I know it is hard for him to understand what I am going thru, as he cant really feel the baby properly yet. But I feel that he should be more interested on what I am feeling.
My hubby is the kind of guy who is not good in expressing his feelings.. He will tell me every day that he loves me but all other feeling stay in! I actually have to annoy him till we fight so that he can tell me what is on his mind. And he hardly ever gets mad! I am the opposite...I say what I feel. And don’t like unresolved issues...it eats me from inside out!! Wish me luck ….I will talk to him and tell him how I feel and hopefully he understands. I never knew how much my hormones, controls my feelings….its amazing! Is there any other surprises I should expect with pregnancy? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 1:57pm
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hhhmm, here you go.. i have bumped a post up that i started ages ago about all the things no-one tells you about after you have baby.. i think it has some things about pregnancy in there too. it's called "after the birth?" hope it helps ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 4:28pm
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Janine, it is so good to have you say those things about mike. Peter seems exactly the same, although he did enjoy the antenatal classes once we go there - he just complained before hand every week!
It is good to know that our men are just going through normal "first time dad" things!! Right Roksana?? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 5:15pm
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Yah ...I guess so.....
He said to me the other day that we should have the next baby soon because the first would be bored!!??? For the last few days I was like...I think not...not after how you are reacting about this one......But reading Janine's post, I feel that may be the next one would be better. I havent started my antenatal classes yet...I would love to see his reaction...I dont know if they show video's about the birth and all...he gets a bit weird when he sees that...he hates blood....and he will never have sex with me again.....LOL
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 9:57pm
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hahahaha!! They definitely show videos of births but I found it really good actually. All of the couples in the group looked as stunned as we were after the videos but we all agreed that it is good to know kind of what to expect... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 10:13pm
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those videos crack me up - they either show women that cough and the baby falls out, or they show women completely hysterical and crazy.. never something in the middle. Mike wasn't too worried about the whole birth video thing, he was more worried about seeing the epidural needle - he was petrified - i'm sure the only reason he didn't want me to have an epidural was because he didn't want to see that needle. lol.
the only problem i have found with mike being more involved this time is that it affects him the way it would a mother. ie - after paris was born, he was better, but still had no idea about baby care and all that.. i never took over - i let him make his own mistakes with clothing and nappy and all that.. so that he got the confidence to do it himself and not ask me all the time. now, with ayja, he hasn't yet changed a nappy but is more involved, he will take her when she is screaming etc.. but it upsets him more now. he reckons paris was never this bad.. lol (i can tell you paris WAS!!) still, at least he remembers the good parts - i spose thats a plus.. me on the other hand.. i can remember every sleepless night.
funny how you reckon after a guy sees all the blood etc he won't ever want sex again.. cos, thay do. and sooner than you think.. would actually be nice if it DID phase them. i do wonder what mike was thinking this time around.. last time he sat in the corner all white, and only came to give me sips of water - this time there was only 1 midwife.. so he was there to help deliver baby.. and got rather a large amount of baby fluid all over his jeans and sweater as she was born. i asked him what it was like to watch.. he just said "i dunno, haven't really thought about it" men... go figure.------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 08 July 2005 at 11:06pm
| Lewis was exactly thae csame with Jake. He seemed disinterested and there were times I would cry at ngiht, thinking i was two steps away fgrom being a solo mum, now, jake and Lewis are best of friends andthey are extremely close. It's hard for hubbys to understand and...generally men are pretty dense when it comes to any kind of hinting or subtlity, or reading feelings.... |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 10 July 2005 at 8:27am
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Troy was mr Insensitive during all my pregnanacys, he couldn't understand the tiredness or the hormones and I think we fought on a daily basis, to the point that several times I considered leaving him. Luckily sanity prevailed and I realised it was hormones as once the kids were born he was totally different.
Especially after the ceaser, he was , "do you want a drink, are you hungry have a sleep you look tired" He almost turned into a smother mother, even now abby is 6 months and he works really long hours during the week he geets really involved with the kids when he gets home and helps out. On weekends he keeps saying to me "you look really drained go for a sleep" He also jokes that I'm a physco when I'm pregnant. So once baby arrives they do get better and more involved. Troy lives for his kids now, and at the time of preganancy I thought he wouldn't be involved with baby at all as he just wasn't interested. Hang in there guys. And hey what a great excuse to eat chocolate! ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 10 July 2005 at 11:35am
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I think also before you start showing, they kinda forget you are pregnant and don't realise that you are GROWING A CHILD and therefore tired and kinda run down. You can'r necessarily do the tthings you could before.
By the way, when i was pregnant with Jake I found a newspaper article saying that if pregnant women eat chocolate their child will be happier and easier to comfort. I cut it out and laminated it. Will try and find a copy on the net!! (of course I've lost it now) |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 10 July 2005 at 8:38pm
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yeah doesn't it make you realase endorphins etc.. lol. oh, i love chocolate. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 11 July 2005 at 10:46am
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My hubby is worried about every small change in me...when I told him that my breasts were all tender..he was afraid to even come close to them....
I cant imagine how he would react, if he actually saw what happens "down there" when a baby comes out....LOL
I guess we just wait and see!!! By the way I finishes 1 whole chocolate mud cake this weekend...I feel like a  today!!!!------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 11 July 2005 at 12:49pm
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My best friend and hubby threw a surprise baby shower for me yesterday!!!! After me thinking he didn't care all last week.... It was so lovely, even if it was small as we don't know that many people here yet.
Just goes to show he is a great guy! (and I have a fantastic best friend too!) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 July 2005 at 7:10pm
| that's really neat!! I love baby showers!! Even if they do force you to eat some disgusting babyfood and guess what it is. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 11 July 2005 at 9:52pm
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yeah, but the best thing about being a mum already, is, second time around you know exactly what's what! ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 11 July 2005 at 9:53pm
| Oh no, I refuse to taste jake's baby food. It smells icky and looks foul. No thnak you!!! Luckily he just eats anything. I gave him some curry one ay to see if he would like it...turns out he's a wee bit too young. Loves garlic though! |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 12 July 2005 at 7:54am
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Thats awesome, Newmum. ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 12 July 2005 at 9:37am
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lol, how did you know we had to try the gross babyfood!! I can't believe people feed that stuff to humans!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 12 July 2005 at 2:25pm
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classic baby shower game.
did it at mine too. it was all i could do not to vomit |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 15 July 2005 at 2:09pm
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ew no - would never taste it - just know by smell and how it looks. lol. apart from the robinsons summer fruits baby rice... lol THAT is yummy ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 July 2005 at 10:35pm
| even hannah won't eat the baby food. i don't blame her at all.. makes me want to spew! |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 15 July 2005 at 10:38pm
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and about the fighting thing. i don't exactly have a husband to get angry with but i remember getting reeeeeeeeeeally pissed off with my flatmate in dunedin quite a lot about the stupidest things. and it was weird because he is the coolest guy in the world!!!!!
i'm actually quite devastated that i didn't get to live with him when i wasn't pregnant, then maybe he'd understand that i'm not a complete nutter!!! (altho we are still good mates, so i can't have been that bad!) 
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 15 July 2005 at 11:09pm
| oooh, baby apples are good when you have pork roast...i think all of Jake's apples were eaten by us. |
Posted By: mum2paris
Date Posted: 18 July 2005 at 9:03am
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yep, we do that too. ------------- Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 July 2005 at 10:00am
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Us too. LOL tho - Maya used to love pureed apple, now when I make stewed apple for pancakes she tells me "Don't cook it Mama, is yucky!" -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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