In Memory
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Category: General Chat
Forum Name: General Chat
Forum Description: For mums, dads, parents-to-be, grandparents, friends -- you name it! And you name the topic you want to chat about!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=829
Printed Date: 19 December 2024 at 6:25am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: In Memory
Posted By: nuttymama
Subject: In Memory
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 6:23am
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I don't want to put a downer on things as there are lots of lovely ladies expecting, but this time of year is still hard for me and I wanted to share with people who won't tell me to "get over it already" Five years ago we watched our beautiful baby die in my womb at 9 weeks. It took two weeks of scans and seeing the heartbeat slowly stop to nothing once a problem was picked up. The date was August the 4th 2000. A day that is forever ingrained in my mind, when my little fighter who was given a day by specialists to die, tried to hang on and lost. I have found it the hardest when I have had babies, like this year abby, and wonder what my cherub would have looked like. This is a poem I wrote in hospital half and hour after my D&C, I hope others will also share their stories. Sorry but I'm not much of a poet, but here it is.
You were a little gift from god above A baby we so dearly loved We have seen your little heart beat But you're a baby we can not keep And sadly one we can never meet But when we look upon a star We'll remember you are never far And although we'll miss you everyday We know we'll meet somewhere along the way Alex August 4th 2000 Sorry for the bummer girls I just had to share with someone. Everyone else has moved on and forgotten my little angel. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Replies:
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 7:39am
Big Hugs Vicky . Maybe Alex is your other kids guardian angel.------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 7:52am
I went through the same thing last year.  I will never forget either. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: toniellis
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 10:14am
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I have two Angel babies as well. My first baby died July 25th 2002. My second died September 25th 2003. Ironic really that my son was born October 25th 2004. Love him soooooo much!!! ------------- Mum to Alex (11), Blaire (10) & Erika (8) and Damien (6) Successful HWB VBA2Cs! Soon to be surrogate |
Posted By: mumstheword
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 11:48am
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Its something you will never forget, I have lost 4 of my precoius babies between 2000 and now, I am now preg and had trouble already and it brings my memorys flooding back so clearly, they will always be in your heart no matter what or where ever you, for people that havnt been through this it is hard for them to understand, i have a friend that has never had a m/c but thinks abortion is a form of contraeption its so terribly sad she thinks its not your child till your over 14weeks no matter how muh pain she has seen me gothrough she sill dosnt understand because her babies werent loved or wanted like ours were, which we all sadly miss and wonder wat if.... people like her do make me mad, im not anti abortion theres a time and a place for everything but people like her that just dont care and think its contraception mae me terribly sad,
Any way my thoughts are with you... and your angel  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kbushnz
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 1:09pm
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My heart goes out to you........ Big hugs ------------- http://www.baby-gaga.com/"> 
http://www.tickercentral.com"> 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 1:26pm
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Thinking of you Vick! Last March was 10 years since I lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks 6 days, and I still think about it. Its hard when everyone else moves on, and seems to forget, but your baby will live on in your heart forever. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 1:42pm
| Ladies, I've never had a m/c, but my heart goes out to those who have. One question, what do you say to someone who has just had a m/c? And what do you NOT say? |
Posted By: mumstheword
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 2:35pm
um its hrd to say wat to say and wat not to say, i didnt want to talk about mine to start with it wasnt for a few days that i could speak about it, just be there and listen try not to question on what may have caused it, if theres anything just be friend and an open ear, even try to talk about things that arnt pregnancy, baby related.------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 3:53pm
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I don't really know, when I had my miscarriage I was only 14 and contemplating having a termination, so I really didn't expect to grieve for my baby since it wasn't 'wanted' in the first place. I went into a complete spiral of depression which didn't really lift until I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression four years later.
I didn't tell my parents (Mum found out when she was reading my post-delivery notes after I had Maya 8 years later and Dad still doesn't know) and only a couple of friends knew, and it wasn't something they knew how to deal with. I guess avoiding talk of babies etc. is a good idea, also the whole "it was meant to be" or "there must have been something wrong with the baby" is not helpful. I guess just listening when they are ready to talk, and being there for support is just as important as what you actually say. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 4:04pm
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I agree. The worst thing that was said to me was "Oh well these things happen for a reason" In your heart you know they do but it's not something you want to hear at the time. My mother brought me a lovely big plant to remember, and it is all about just having a shoulder to cry on if needed. If it has affected them deeply the worst thing to do I think is pretend it never happened. I had a lot of people saying well it wasn't a baby yet. It was and it's not so much what it was or what stage your at, it's what should, anmd could have been. So yeh just letting them know you feel for them and are there if they need you is a great comfort espacially if they aren't ready to talk yet. You guys are great it's comforting to know that other people know where you are comming from and understand. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 4:22pm
I agree with you guys, the worst thing was when people said to us "these things happen", "so many people m/c", "better luck next time"... It made me so mad because it was and still is such a big deal for me, I didn't care that it happens lots, all I knew was that it had happened to ME and it was so, so hard. I actually had the m/c on my birthday would you believe! I couldn't talk about it for a while afterwards, not even to Peter, and then one day I just cracked and let out all the grief. I can talk about it now, no problems, but I think it is definitely something I will carry with me forever and it made me so nervous with this pregnancy!  This ones a fighter though! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Xander&Harmony
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 4:25pm
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A really close friend of mine didnt miscarry but did lose her wee girl at 20 weeks (Feb 1st 20030.baby had a few abnormalities (brain began formiong outside the skull,longer limbs than norm,a couple of other things i cant remember).She is such a strong woman because all of this happened to her and her partner aged 18 & 17 respectivly.I was a bit apprehensive at first to talk to her about it all because we were due about 5-6 days apart.even now i still feel bad that i have Xander and Harmony and her angel Sivannah is an angel baby.I have been with her to Sivannahs grave a few times bt feel guilty i havent been more often now with 2 tykes.I no she understands but still doesnt change how I feel.So sorry for your losses ladies ------------- BECS http://www.sparklee.com"> 
Angel Baby 10/07/09 (10wks4days) |
Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 6:53pm
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Okay you guys are great so ill ask you what to do about this. A friend of mine was due to have a baby oct 2004 but miscarried at 12 weeks(has since gone on to have twins march this year). So oct 2004 i phoned her just to say i was thinking about her and asking her how she was. Shher. I felt like such a dick. Dont know if she had remembered and was just trying to be tough. So this year i dont know if i let her know i remember or just to let it go and be here if she mentions it. Dont want to make her feel e said she had forgotten about it and id just reminded like ive forgotten, cause i havent........ ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 8:00pm
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That's a tough one Maria. She definitely won't have 'forgotten' but you could be right, she might just being trying to be tough. She'll probably be really stoked if you give her a call tho, just to let her know that you haven't forgotten. I still go to church every March and light a candle for my angel baby and it's been more than ten years, so I don't think we ever forget. You know your friend best, but if it were me I would probably call just for a chat and see if she brings it up, and go from there. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 8:00pm
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I assume you mean the baby was due October 03? ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 02 August 2005 at 8:57pm
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Thanks. No it was due oct 04. She got preg pretty soon after MC ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 10:34am
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I never m/c but can only imagine what it would feel like. I had a friend who was pregnant 12 weeks, came to our house for a BBQ...3 days later we found out she lost the baby. I found out I was Pregnant a week before that. I did not know what to say to her.....I never told her I was pregnant till much later.
When I had my bleeding at 8 weeks I panicked thinking that I was having a m/c. I tell you what I never felt so horrible...I thought I was going to die, if I lost this baby....So my heart goes out to all who actually went thru this nightmare. Big ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 11:42am
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3 march 1997, was my second miscarriage and this one ended up being so poignant. For some a miscarriage brings about many changes. That is why mine has remained so strong in my memory. For those here who have miscarried, you too will underatnd why I chose to bring my youngest into this world as a single mum with four kids, instead of termination, not that it had not crossed my mind, it had, but the memories of the miscarriage were too close to home. I always say those who do know someone who has had a miscarriage, it is always remembered, it is great if another acknowledges it because a miscarriage is often brushed over because there wasn't a visible child to mourn. |
Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 11:44am
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Just Those First Few Weeks By |
Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 11:47am
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To Lost Children In a baby castle just beyond my eye, My baby plays with angel toys that money can not buy, Who am I to wish them back? Into this world of strife, No, play on my baby, You have eternal life. At night when all is silent and sleep forsakes my eyes I hear their tiny footsteps coming running to my side, Their little hands caress me, so tenderly and sweet, I’ll breathe a prayer and close my eyes, And embrace them in my sleep Now I have a treasure that I rate above all other, I have known true glory, I am still their Mother! |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 11:51am
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There were two positive things that came out of my miscarriage. One Troy and I had actually split up a week before and we ended up getting back together. When I lost the baby I realised how much he meant to me and now we have added two beautiful children since then to our family. And then two weeks after we lost the baby troy's aunty died. We travelled up to Levin for the funeral and another one of his aunties came over to see how I was doing, she then told me about her miscarriage and said it was the first time she had ever spoken about it, and she finally felt she could grieve for the baby she had lost some 15 years earlier. It felt good to know that in my loss I had helped someone else deal with theirs. Back then it wasn't treated and acknowleged with the respect it is now. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: Donna.I
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 11:52am
| These two poems are my favs, the first one explains soo much, the second was given to me by a lady through the treasures mag, who supported me after the miscarriage. Some people need to reach out and find comfort from one who has been there. I must admit miscarriage is more talked about now. I guess the net is making it more acknowledged, like many things. |
Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 12:48pm
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They are beautiful, especially the first one. This is one I found on a babyloss website and it makes me cry everytime I read it, however it also gives me great comfort.
WHAT MAKES A MOTHER I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to god today I asked what makes a mother And I know I heard him say A mother has a baby This we know is true But god can you be a mother When your baby's not with you? Yes, you can he replied With confidence in his voice I give many women babies When they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime And others for a day And some I send to feel your womb But there's no need to stay I just don't understand this, god I want my baby here He took a breath and cleared his throat And then I saw a tear I wish I could show you What your child is doing today If you could see your child smile With other children and say We go the earth to learn our lessons Of love and life and fear My mummy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mum Who had so much love for me I learned my lessons very quickly My mummy set me free I miss my mummy oh so much But I visit her each day When she goes to sleep On her pillows where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek And whisper in her ear Mummy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here So you see my dear sweet one Your children are OK Your babies are here in my home And this is where they'll stay They'll wait for you with me Until your lesson there is through And on the day that you come home They'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a mother It's the feeling in your heart It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start Though some on earth may not realise Until there time is done Remember all the love you have And know that you are a special Mum! Author Unknown ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: mumstheword
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 1:24pm
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holy moly that made me cry like a baby.. Ive had a m/c and i have never read anything so beautiful.. thank you so much, I loved it, i will share this with my friends that grieve a loss to.. thanks again its amazing. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kbushnz
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 1:29pm
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That is beautiful. ------------- http://www.baby-gaga.com/">
http://www.tickercentral.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 03 August 2005 at 1:36pm
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It sure is..... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 12:06pm
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I am in a state of shock! One of the ladies I had met over the internet here in wellington lost her baby yesterday. The thing is she was already overdue, EDD was 29th July, and went into labour finally on Sunday night. Somehow her little daughters heart stopped beating yesterday during the delivery - they are not sure what happened! How can stuff like this happen!?? It is so unfair and scary - she is the 2nd mum in our little group to have lost a child - the other mum had 3 weeks to go until due date. I am so sad and scared. I never thought about the possibility of losing a baby this far along... Just wanted to share that with someone! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 12:13pm
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Ana.....my heart just stopped for a moment...dont tell me this please....now I cant stop thinking about it...oh my god! Do they know the cause?
Oh my GOD.....oh my GOD!  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 12:17pm
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Obviously she didn't write much but she said they don't know what happened at this stage. Her little daughter was over 8 pounds and perfect she said. I hope they find out what went wrong, maybe they should have induced her earlier? Maybe Amelia (that is what they named their little girl) was tired out and had been in there too long? I don't know, I will keep you posted. I will talk to my m/w today also, ask her what she knows. It is so tragic, the mum is 38 and it was their first baby after trying for sooooo long ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 12:17pm
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It's something to lose a child early on but it must be absolutely devestating to lose a child so late. My heart goes out to them.
As scary as it is for you, you have to stay positive, and keep thinking everything will be ok. I'm afraid to say you spend your whole life worring about your kids, first it's pregnancy, then cot death, then as they grow the list becomes huge. It's always in the back of your mind and that's the best place for it. Otherwise it would just comsume you. It would be nice to be able to wrap them up in cotton wool though. Thinking about you. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 12:23pm
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Yah I think I am going to talk to my M/Wife....OH MY GOD...I am so scared. I am so attached to my baby now...I cant imagine loosing her....I think I will die!
I feel like some one just placed a huge rock on my chest! I can hardly breath....I feel so sorry for both Mum's...and am scared to death! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nuttymama
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 12:28pm
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I have just spent the last hour trying to get abby to go to sleep and was getting so frustrated. I will never again complian about being sleep deprived. I guess you take for granted that once you pass the miscarriage danger stage your home free as far as pregnancy goes. That makes me so sad. I really really feel for you guys. ------------- Abigail 06/01/2005 Jayden 21/11/2001 Micheal 03/04/1997 |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 09 August 2005 at 1:07pm
| I agree vick, we go from worrying about miscarriage, to worrying about birth to worrying about cot deat, to worrying about traffic accidents etc. That poor mother, my heart goes out to her. How sad,but Ana and Roksana, you Have to relax!!! Stress is not good. I klnow it's easier said than done, but stillbirth chnaces are tragical but low. Chances are both your babies will be fine! |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 10 August 2005 at 11:56am
Thanks for your comments guys, I think I was just really shocked yesterday. I went out in the afternoon to visit Peter at work for a big hug and that made me feel better  I also had a m/w appointment yesterday and our baby is fine. I knew it was but it is always nice to hear the heartbeat I can't doubt baby is fine the amount it moves around anyway!! LOL
It is like you said Vick - although I had a m/c it was very early on and although I was really worried this pregnancy, once we got to about 5 months I stopped being so scared, I suppose I never thought that it can happen this late on. Don't freak out Roksana, I am sure it will be fine. I didn't want to scare you! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 10 August 2005 at 12:24pm
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I know. but like you, I never thought that any thing could happen so late in pregnancy...It just freaked me out a bit. I know my baby is fine....and is kicking and punching...but still.....
Here is hoping that all of us on here have healthy and happy babies!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 10 August 2005 at 12:29pm
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I will second that! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 10 August 2005 at 10:10pm
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It is a bit scary when you hear stories like that. Hannah had the cord around her neck and her heart rate started sropping... it wasn't as if she almost died, but it did get to the point where the M/W called in the obstetrician. It just scares me to think that there was the possibility that if Hannah hadn't decided to make an entrance at that point, then it could have ended right there I don't know what I would have done if anything had happened to her.
Mmmm... very sad now. I really feel for your friend Ana 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 August 2005 at 3:10pm
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Unfortunately because I spend so much time researching pregnancy and parenting for my job I hear far too many stories of still birth and late term complications, it is so heartbreaking. I was so paranoid when I was pregnant with Maya, I know that now she is here she is exposed to many other dangers, but I feel like I can protect her better out here than I could when she was still inside. I used to look at her cot and pram set up in my room and pray that she would be ok, because I would never have been able to cope if anything had happened to her.
However, from all my research I also know that babies carried past 28 weeks have a 75% survival rate, carried past 30 weeks the survival rate is 95% and carried to term the survival rate is over 99%. So the chances of anything going wrong at that late stage are very very slim. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Xander&Harmony
Date Posted: 11 August 2005 at 3:16pm
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Emmas right altho........ a lady i had been talking to on anothr forum had her baby at term but stillborn.shes quite angry with her midwife as she had mentioned bubs hadnt moved at all on the 1st Aug but m/w disregarded it due to overwork and underslept???? babe was born 2nd Aug.anyway babe managed to get cord knotted cutting of oxygen and wrapped round his neck.babe was a healthy 6pd smthing.I feel so sad for mum n dad to go thru tis. ------------- BECS http://www.sparklee.com">
Angel Baby 10/07/09 (10wks4days) |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 11 August 2005 at 3:18pm
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Ok! so my baby now has a 75% survival rate...another 1.5 weeks and it goes to 95%....I like that!
I think I will feel much better then.
I am glad tho that I have reached 28 weeks with out any more trouble (bleeding)...But just like you Emma, I dont know what I would do if any thing happened to her now! I am totally in love with this kicking/punching bub inside me! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: AlyAyde
Date Posted: 11 August 2005 at 8:56pm
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Sorry to hear of your friends loss! ------------- Jayde 25/12/04 Alyssa 08/04/03 http://Alyayde.bebo.com |