Becoming pregnant after a loss

We lost our little boy Ryan at 23 and a half weeks gest on Oct 15th 2008... it was discovered at your 20 week scan that he had a very bad heart defect, so we had to make the hardest decision of your lives to terminate the pregnancy (which might I add was concieved after a 4 year battle of becoming preganat and then finally IVF!)

Im due to have another embryo transferred early Feb and Im sooooo scared....I desperatly want to give my angel Ryan a brother or sister but Im petrified that this may happen again!! I dont know how I would coap if it did... my hands start to shake every time I think about it! Every night when we go to bed the last thing on my mind is Ryan and the whole ordeal we went through before we lost him, including the birth and the heartbreaking days and weeks after.....I dont know what makes me start to think about it but ido! everynight!! can anyone let me know is this normal? I dont want to stop thinking about Ryan but I feel like Im ready to move on and give him a sibling. We also have his EDD coming up on the 6th of Feb, we are having his headstone put up that day and Im not looking forward to that at all.....do you think Im doing this too soon?? I dont know, I guess I just would like to know if anyone else has gone through a similar feeling??

I have no advice but just wanted to say to you for the coming months.

Sarahluo, I can totally relate, we found out at our 19 weeks scan a)we were having twins and b) they were con-joined (siamese), we also had to make the same decision, never a day goes by when I don't think of my boys.
I got preg 5 months after and found the whole thing hit me again, I will pretty laid back with my first preg but with Lachie I was a nervous wreck, especially the first 20 weeks. I think I found the initial bonding with him a little hard because I was so sure something would be wrong. But now he is the most important thing in my life, and I often talk to him about his brothers. i also often mention the boys in conversation - they are after all my first borns!
I am now preg again and still have major anxiety, and will probably be like that till a least my 19 week scan. The staff are fantastic in Oamaru and I have had extra scans etc just to make me feel better.
Sorry this is really long, thinking of you and feel freee to PM me if you want to talk about anything

Sarahlou,

Massive hugs coming your way. I don't like thinking about families who have been through heartache.

I have been through something similar we lost our daughter in May 08. I fell pregnant 2 months after (very soon I know). I found that fallng pregnant again so soon after was part of the healing but at the same time. When I did my wee on that stick an overwealming sadness came across me.

There is no right & wrong way to deal with the loss of a baby.
When we had Anika's EDD I asked all my family overseas to get a pink balloon and let it go for you. This is somethin I will do every year.

I am currently 25 weeks pregnant (almost) and not a day goes by when I don't freak out and just wish to god the next 15 week would fly by. I won't rest until my wee man is in my arms.

If you feel February is the right time to try again then go for it hun. You know in your heart of hearts when its time.

I wish you all the very best for February & I will be thinking of you on February 6th. Take the day minute by minute remember wee Ryan as your beautiful little boy.

Hi Sarahlou.

Sorry no advice but I didn't want to read and run.

Big hugs for you and your family and best wishes for what ever the big man throws at you.