The evil green monster

double post

Edited by caitlynsmygirl

ok , so long as I haven't upset anyone in the past by not being sensitive enough , I would hate that !

I think its good you guys have this thread, sometimes I imagine you just need to vent and offload , I imagine it must be a very frustrating and at times, lonely journey to be on :-(

Kelly i read your post before but didnt have time to reply back. i think what hope said is right- its not the person that gets the BFPs problems it the person that feels bad

i think the best thing a person can do when they get a BFP is tell us but if someone doesnt post or reply to it straight away to understand (which i think most people do) We are here to support each other and just asking what you can do shows that you are doing that. In saying all that i hope that i can speak for the TTC ladies in saying that when someone gets their BFP we will support them

oh and kelly you can also be yourself! reading your cheeky posts makes me smile (even if im having a bad day!)

It's not that I'm not happy for those I know IRL or here on OB because I really am. It's more a "I want my version of what you have and I feel ripped off that I don't" kind of emotion. Jealously is a super yuck feeling and I don't like it when I'm having those days but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this particular personal demon.

hey ladies

reading this post has been like reading my own thoughts at times!!!

Im new here (but TTC for 11 months) but am still jealous when I see a BFP posted, happy but jealous.

IRL I have been sooo frustrated with girls I know...my cousin had a whoops baby last year and three other girls I know got their BFPs after less than 3 months... grrr then I heard a girl I work with got her BFP after 18 months TTC and it made me feel better... weird right??

It made me realise that when I see new mums and mums to be IRL that I dont know their story, it may be a miracle after years or a happy accident...

still a bit jealous though...

kelzie_rose wrote: In other news, I found out that my ex (my first ever boyfriend, a real a$$hole who cheated on me the whole two years we were together - a big deal when you're 16-18!!

A big deal when you're any age under the sun! What a loser!

__H__ wrote: I think the point of my original post has been missed by some. It wasn’t to say that people cant post and enjoy their BFPs or that we didn’t want to hear about them. It was to state how some of us feel and the best ways for us to deal with it. it was posted so I could find support and work through it. as this is a TTC website as well (not just for pregnancy or people with children) I thought that there would have support for us in our journey, as we support others in theirs

Thanks so much for creating this post H. I can relate so much to what you've said. It's nice to have a place where those of us who are TTC and having a hard time with it can admit to being (at times) irrational, p*ssed off and consumed with jealousy, even though we try so hard not to be and feel guilty about it later. I'd rather be honest about it and get it out there rather than pretending we're all fine, which we are so definitely NOT some days!

DH and I have been TTC for over 2 years and have unexplained infertility (ie all tests are completely normal). In the meantime it seems like everyone around me is having babies, sometimes 1st time they try, sometimes without trying at all! I am happy for them but as others have said here, jealous that it's them not me. That's pretty much what it comes down to - it's not about them, it's about me and how I can find ways to deal with this and get support from others in the same boat.

In my most irrational green eyed monster times I feel like starting a thread for people just like me, who have never been UTD, don't even know if they can, are 35+ and have been TTC for at least a year. It does get hard when people complain it's taking too long after only a couple of months, when they already have kids and just want one more. I don't mean to offend anyone in that situation, this is me being irrational and fed up!

So please feel free to rant, vent, be irrational and generally monstrous, you are not evil or crazy for feeling this way. Please know you have my support and understanding

Hi H, I'm glad you started this post, My DH and I have been ttc 13 months now but are on a waiting list for ICSI next year. It actually took me a while to feel really envious of people because I was just holding on to the hope that I would be next, now that I have found out we have major fertility problems I do find myself getting jealous and a whole range of other emotions.

And to anyone who is thinking we should learn to 'deal' with it because it's a pregnancy forum (as quoted a few posts back) this is a ttc forum and there are a lot of women who are long term ttc'ers but still have a place here and I think this was a good idea H as it is so hard to find support and understanding.

So yup I do get super jealous sometimes....but I am also happy for people who get their BFP's, it's more the emotion of 'I wish it was me', and it eventually passes. One of my workmates got her BFP within her first cycle of ttc and after initially feeling a bit resentful I got over it and starting chatting to her about it, I even told her we were having trouble and I think that made it easier for me to deal with too, and when she had her baby a month ago I absolutely loved holding her wee girl and had no ill feelings at all anymore....so yes eventually you do learn to 'deal with it' but when you've just gotten AF for the 14th time since starting to ttc #1, it can actually be quite difficult, but we will all get our much longed for babies in the end...and it will be well worth the wait!

kiwikt wrote: So lets keep this thread for the irrational, completely unjustified, but no less real, little green monsters in all of us. We can all be slight green with envy and crazy together.

I've only just noticed this thread (thanks to Ruby who made it jump up the list!) and I love this comment from kiwikt.

A friend of mine once said that although we all hear/know of other people’s hardships, the only thing we have to base our own on is our own history. For one woman, waiting three months is excruciating because, for her, it is the longest she’s ever had to wait and it’s been the hardest thing for her to bear. So I always try to bear that in mind when people who have been ttc for shorter than me are complaining, and also when I’m doing my own complaining, because I haven’t been ttc for anywhere near as long as some people on here.

As time goes on, I definitely feel more jealous when I see random babies and pregnant people in the street, but what gets me most is that first time you find out someone you know is pregnant. It’s not that I’m not really happy for them, it’s just that their being pregnant has highlighted the fact that I’m not, and my own happiness has gone down. Like others have said, after a couple of days I’m usually fine and later on, throughly enjoy all the baby cuddles.

Anyway, that's enough of a rant from me, baby dusk to all!

Edited as I realised that I didn't say, that of course I'm jealous - I want my own baby so much - when that green eyed monster does rear it's ugly head I just try to take a couple of days and shove him back down!

Edited by ArielAngel

spanky77 wrote: I'm also all for this thread existing, and have been following new posts. Its exactly these type of feelings, that we keep to ourselves cos they're "not nice" yet very real and valid, that ensures the big silence around infertility and/or difficulty conceiving.

Spanky, I totally agree that there is a big silence around infertility or trouble conceiving. As I said earlier, my friends IRL don't really understand how I'm feeling because they haven't been here, so they just tell me to stop worrying and relax, and that it will happen when I stop thinking about it. Which makes me feel like there is something wrong with me for being so resentful and for feeling like I have been cheated because I haven't fallen pregnant yet, particularly when I see it happening so much more easily for everyone else. And I don't want to talk to much about how I feel to my friends who are pregnant or new mothers, cos I don't want them to feel guilty about getting their bfps so easily. I feel like I'm spending a lot of time smiling and being positive on the surface while inside I'm a mass of frustration and resentment. Finding this thread was such a relief because it helped me to see there were others who had all the same sorts of feelings and I wasn't a nasty freak for feeling that way.

While they are not nice feelings and none of us like feeling that way, and it's perfectly valid and natural to feel cheated and angry when you want something so badly, and it seems to be happening for everyone but you!