Behaviuor around forbidden foods

Isla is no longer allergic to anything, but we now have quite a substantial list of 'no go' foods that cause an array of nasty reactions.

My problem is, now she is older she is very aware of what shes missing out on when at parties, mainly music each week when they give each kid 2 biscuits, etc. She screams and throws a tantrum,...I gave in on sun and gave her the jelly lollies the other kids were eating- but she reacted to the presevatives/colour/sugar and was up screaming loads in the night, and not herslef at all yeaterday either. Today at music I had her own food ready but she wouldnt have it, so I had to grab this screaming stiff child off the floor and leave,...spent the rest of the morning bawling,..again

So how have u taught your child what they can and cant have? Its easier to give in now that she is not allergic to anything, but her poor little body still gets reactions form heaps of stuff, so I have to be a good parent and not give those things to her, I am the one that know whats best for her,..but its soo hard. And I am so self conscious and embarrased, just imaging everyone is thinking Im a terrible mother when shes screaming,..or being over protective etc -"oh just give the poor child a buisuit and shut her up already"!

Sorry for the big moan

My little brother was similar. My parents dealt with is partly by not letting any of us eat the yummy things he couldn't have (we were still allowed the boring foods - which we thought was horribly unfair at the time, but I can understand it now). So i've not been a parent, but I've witnessed the screaming and the tantrums! I recall my mum giving him mashed potato in a cone because we were having icecream (vanilla so he wouldn't notice his was different) on my other brother's birthday.
My mum would explain to him when there was forbidden food around that he wasn't allowed it because it made him sick. He didn't accept this for a long time and would try and sneak the food when no one was looking. But eventually, he started to stop eating it. And even got to the point where when offered food he wasn't allowed, he'd refuse and explain to the person that he wasn't allowed it (often followed by the little kid who'd just offered him some cake looking at my mum like she was pure evil - not letting her son have cake ). I think he was about 5-6 by that stage though. I think part of that was him beginning to recognise the association between the food and feeling sick, which younger kids don't quite understand.
He was allergic to lactose, sucrose and fibre, so not an easy kid to feed! These days though, he eats all of the above in fairly large quantities, and has pretty much completely outgrown his allergies.
So no real solutions for you, sorry, but I thought it might help to know that you'll only have to do this for a finite period and eventually she'll understand the consequences and stop fighting you on it. It was no fun to be the sister of such a kid, so I feel for you as the mother

We have had really strict rules for her from day dot, so she has just gotten used to it. It breaks my heart to watch her looking at other kids eating stuff she cant have, but I usually try and make up for it with special treats we take places. I usually go to music late so we miss the morning tea part. I went to a birthday party on the weekend and took along a pink iced cupcake for Hannah just like all the other kids got, and hers went on the tray with the others.

Is there anyway you could arrange to have her foods added to the table without her knowing so that when she has it she thinks it the same as what everyone else is getting. (sorry not sure that makes much sense)