Am I over reacting?

My partner & I had an argument about this woman about 4 months ago (I think) because he was telling her that he would drop everything for her and how she was beautiful.
I personally know exactly how she feels about my man and she would take him from me if she could.
She is a long time friend of his too.
Anyway I was really upset and asked him not to talk to her as the things they had said to each other were what I considered to be beyond the "friendship" level.
He agreed and I stayed with him.
It was a huge relief off my mind and our relationship has been great.
Then this afternoon I found out he had been talking to her all along and had just put her number under a different name!
I confronted him and then told him I was leaving.
I was crying so hard I threw up. This woman is the only sore point of our relationship.
He has begged me to stay, promising that he won't talk to her anymore because I mean far more to him. I agreed but now I am having second thoughts.

I'm sorry to share all my personal stuff but there really is no one else. I have just moved to Matamata from Auckland with my partner and I don't have any friends down here yet.
I'm feeling pretty lonely and this has really hit me hard. I trusted him and he has completely blown that trust away.

That really Sucks Toni. Only you can decide if you think your relationship is worth saving. If you are going to be happy and all those other questions. You can get free relationship counsilling through the family courts if you decide that is the route you want to take. Sometimes it helps to have a neutral thrid party that both of you can talk to.

Hey Toni man do i feel for you it really sucks when things are going bad in your relationship.  All i can say is at the end of the day do you want to be with him and try and make things works or not think its worth it at all.  If you think you will be happier without him then leave but also you have a little baby to think about.

Good luck and i hope things start working out for you, i know what you mean by not having any friends i have just moved to Te Puke its hard leaving your friends behind but i guess we both just have to get out there and make new friends.

OH Toni...I am so sorry to hear about your problems.

Have you ever asked him why he said those things to her? And exactly what he meant with that? (My hubby tells me I should have been a lawyer and not an accountant)....

I have been with my hubby for 9 years and we fight all the time....I even had a fight with him this morning

I always tell him, that I can tolerate every thing but not cheating or lies. If I can’t trust him, I won’t be with him. Baby or no baby.

So I guess the question is, deep down do you trust him? Do you believe that he is capable of leaving you and your baby? If not, then talk to him..tell him that you feel uncomfortable about all this and you guys need to come to a solution.

Sorry to blabber on and on. I do hope that you work it out.....Best of Luck.

Thanks Roksana
I have said to him this is the last chance he gets. If he hides anything from me again & I find out about it then that is it.
He knows I mean it.
It has definitely broken the trust but we have been through hell together and we don't fight very often and 99% of the time it is just little tiffs that are over before they begin.
When we had Alex it brought us a lot closer and we have been together for nearly 4 years now since I was 17.
Sorry if this sounds really soppy or just one of those things that "young" people say but I believe we are soulmates, two sides to the same coin I suppose.

He said he only said those things to cheer her up as she has had a lot of problems with depression. I think she is just acting a part to keep his attention now.
I'm not ready to break up my relationship over some stupid girl. Not yet anyway.

Oh Toni, how awful for you. You really need to talk to him I think, because if you don't trust him, it will eat yu up inside. My husband is the biggest flirt in the world, but he knows the line and he knows that I trust him. He also knows that one indiscretion would have to be the end of our relationship. Even if he doesn't wanna talk about stuff, i really think you need to. What about a family friend or something to act as a mediator? (although presonally I would rather just talk the two of you, ifI were you)

hope everything goes well for you

I am glad you at least started the "healing" process....

Its amazing how much power a cuddle has ..huh??

Wow, that was a good idea letting him read everything. It is often easier to write thoughts down to get them all out and leaving him to read it meant no interruptions. Well done! It was a brave thing to do. I hope it was the starting point for you to really sort everything out because although cuddles are the best thing, it alone won't make you trust more or fix everything. But the best kind of start!! Hugs from me too!   

We're proud of you, Toni, for being that brave and confronting this all head-on! You go girl!

Hey, I live in Hamilton and I'm 24 (so only a little older than you). PM me for my contact details if you're ever over this way and want a cup of coffee!

My goodness I only just came on here and checked this. I have been through the exact same thing with Mike only a few weeks before i found out i was pregnant with Paris. He met some chick over the net and became great friends with her, went to see her all the time, spent all his time there, and even lent her a huge sum of cash from his inheritance (over $400).She was all over him, one of those skanky types. In the end, he left me because he wasn't sure of his feelings for either of us and didn't want to be the guy who cheated. it was only then that she decided that she didn't really feel that way inclined towards him any more. once we got back together after i found out i was pregnant, she said she was pregnant to some guy she had been seeing. even asking mike to be the godfather (oh please!!) she moved away when I was 4 months pregnant..she would have been about the same.. aparently she says she miscarried a few weeks later.. it sounds terrible for me to say, but i think she may have made the whole thing up. she kept texting him and messaging him for ages, until about year ago made him get rid of everything related to her.. in front me.. after i found out he still had her number on his phone. he said he never realised it bothered me. she tried to contact us again a few weeks ago.. to find out the bank account number so she could pay back the cash.. it never happened.

Mike sounds like your hubby.. he gets on better with women than men, and while he doesn't outwardly flirt.. he is quite cheeky and fun-loving.

I hope you can work through it.. sounds like you have made the first step.. i know it is hard to get through this sort of thing. For the most part, we have put the whole thing behind us, but every once and a while i still get a doubt if he makes friends with a new girl at his work or whatever.. I think it will be a long time before i don't. Sometimes you can give yourself 99% but still need that 1% that you won't give up, just in case you get hurt again.

make sure he knows how much it bothers you, talk about it.. not agrumentatively.. but in a way that puts both of your thoughts on the table.

good luck. sorry this has been so long. I really hope things turn out for you.

Where in Matamata do you live.. my sister lives there.