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Emmi_ 
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 Topic: Your night routine
Posted: 14 May 2011 at 3:20pm |
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Ok, so DD is 11.5 months now, and wakes every 2-3 hours on a good night. Ive been feeding her everytime she wakes, and Im starting to think very seriously about night weaning.
So I was wanting to know what you do when your LO wakes in the night? I am crossing everything that when she catches on shes not going ot be fed she will start sleeping better, but Im not sure waht to do instead? she screams bloody murder, so I was thinking of picking her up and giving her a cuddle till she stops screaming and then putting her back down again?
Do I offer her water? Change her nappy? (thinking if she doesnt like it too much then she might decide its not worth waking up for??)
ETA oh also, since DH isnt in the country, my mum was going to do a couple of nights a week for me.. Would it be better to start on 2 nights with grandma or for me to do a couple first?
Did you notice an improvement when you night weaned? or did you spend just as much time resettling as you did feeding?? Im petrified its going to get worse (And stay worse)
Edited by Emmi_
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MamaT
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 4:20pm |
My DS was much the same with feeding every couple of hours (hourly on a bad night), but around 12 months suddenly stopped looking for milk when he woke. Now days he will feed one or twice, but I'm sorry to say, still wakes at least 4 times.
Hopefully you don't have the same luck 
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notenufchaos
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 5:11pm |
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i am too night weaning my little girl although she is 15 1/2 months now and only waking once. She self settles for all sleeps even after her night feed she doesnt feed to sleep just until she is done.
whenever i put her down for her sleeps day and night when i am about to put her in her cot I sing twinkle little star. i havnt fed her at night for 4 nights now and one of those nights she has slept through two of them she has been awake for 2 hours and one she was awake for the day at 5.45 (normal is 6.30)on the nights when she wont resettle after the first cuddle i leave her to grizzle for a bit (5 - 10min) to see if she will settle then if not i go in and offer her water and give her a cuddle sing TLS and back in her cot, i repeat until she sleeps. sometimes i need to cuddle her for about 20 minutes before she will settle.
im hoping that over a week or two she will slowly start going back to sleep straight after first cuddle then not waking at all.
Sorry hope that makes sense im a little tired today lol
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Emmi_
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 8:55pm |
Thanks MamaT 
Yeah shes not fed to sleep, she doesnt have a feed before her nap during the day, she gets one last feed just before teeth when she goes down at night, but shes not fed to sleep. Its like she can self settle when she goes down but she doesnt know waht to do when she wakes during the night?
I hope your DD continues to improve NEC, its rough not getting enough sleep!
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High9
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 9:03pm |
Sounds like Lily! Perhaps they plan it together
As I'm having an operation on Monday we've been getting DP to put her down instead and I just make myself scarce... So you could get your mum to get her changed etc and try.
I like the gentle approach so I sit by her cot (can take up to an hour or more) and just gently shhh for 6 seconds pause for 2 and shh for 6 seconds again really softly the whole time and if she sits I say 'No, it's time for na-nais (never had to spell it but she knows that means bed time) lay down and go to sleep!' softly and she'll lay down and I will Shhh some more and say it's ok, mummy is still here, you're a big girl and can go to sleep, shhhhh etc. Sometimes I rub her back while she cries/gets really upset about it to calm her. I find picking her up gets her even more upset when I have to put her back down! It's taken about a week but she will go to sleep without me. Still wakes in the night though and monday will be really tough for MIL/DP and I fear they will probably just leave her to cry it out  . I can sometimes get her back to sleep without a feed but it takes longer than an hour. I don't really understand it and am rather confused as she'll happily sleep for ages in her pram laying flat but slightly elevated and go down happily without a feed but her cot/portacot is just a different story and she likes to wake anywhere from an hour to maybe 2.5 hours max!
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High9
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 9:04pm |
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Emma, Lily settles fine during the day but night is the same either doesn't know what to do or knows I'll feed her... I wondered if it was the dark but night light didn't work...
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Emmi_
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 9:42pm |
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no, ive tried the night light. I do the same thing, I dont shhh any more (i read somewhere that after 6 months it actually winds them up rather than soothes), and have been patting her back but have moved to rubbing it lightly.
She goes down fine, like shes wide awake (I stay in the room too cos her room (and mine) is downstairs so ages away to keep toing and froing if she cries) and say the same things you do, but generally I dont need to say anything (or pat her even) and shes asleep in 3-4 mins all by herself (why cant she do that when she wakes?!).
Gah mum leaving just woke her up (And I could settle her back down in 4 mins with no feeding) I picked her up for 30 seconds (but she didnt really like it, a couple of weeks ago she would settle in my arms and go to sleep after a bit, but Im scared of forming that habit too!) and then put her back down and just talked to her and rubbed her back.
I wonder if its cos Ive been woken up in the night that I dont have the patience/energy to try resettling her? hmm maybe I will try for 5 mins every time she wakes up and see if I can manage that? ugh still seems like a lot of effort
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Emmi_
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 9:44pm |
oh and Nicky, I hope your DP/MIL dont leave her to cry, I dont think they would get much sleep if they did tho! Maybe leave a list of things to try so they know what to do? Hopefuly it will just be the one night anyway and you will be home the next night
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High9
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Posted: 14 May 2011 at 10:53pm |
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I'm quite worried about it! I've got a list of things to do first... Try a warm bottle of milk, going for a drive (last resort), pram, wearing... Cuddles, my above technique, cosleeping... FX!
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bebebaby
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Posted: 15 May 2011 at 12:27am |
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Emmi, I night weaned my boy at about 9-10 months (I think)
But we also did VR with him as well.
Its not for everyone, but that was what was right for us.
Within 3 nights he was self settling to sleep and sleeping through the night. If your not keen on that, I would just stop bf'ing and tell her that its not feed time. Give her a wee cuddle and pop her back in bed. Let her grizle, but if she's crying get her up and another wee cuddle till she's calm and back down.
I soo get you on the no patience at night time. When you're tired its hard to stick with the harder routine than give in to the feeding.
Also, if your mum is coming I would try her getting up to DD it might help. But also make sure your mum is on the same page as you. Otherwise DD will get confused about what happens at night.
Good luck!!!
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sarasal
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Posted: 15 May 2011 at 8:59am |
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I tried night weaning but honestly, I got LESS sleep that way. If they're going to wake up, they wake up. If you feed them, they go quickly, easily back to sleep. If you don't, they wake up fully and it takes forever to get them back to sleep. What I did was gently refuse to feed but if he got agitated, I'd just feed him. It did make an improvement over time, and he slowly learned how to go back to sleep without help. But he's only started sleeping right through very recently, age almost 2.5. Some kids just need comfort at night for longer - it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.
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millymollymandy
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Posted: 15 May 2011 at 1:04pm |
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I night weaned at 9 months and did VR for about 3 days and she's slept great ever since. We have a very strict but peaceful bedtime routine and ignore requests for more stories etc once its 7pm. With a toddler you I have found that if you give in it makes bed time battles more diffcult.
If she wakes I mostly ignore it and she'll grizzle for about 30 seconds and go back to sleep. Sometimes she wakes up and talk to her teddies about random stuff for a while, and goes back to sleep.
If after 5 mins she's getting super wound up (3 times in 18 months), I give her a cuddle and tell her its night night time. She goes back to sleep. I think she generally knows if its night its time to sleep and that beds a nice cozy place to be.
I probably sound so harsh, but to be honest mucking around with shushing patting etc just made everything so much harder as it overstimulated and confused DD.
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Mum2ET
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Posted: 15 May 2011 at 1:24pm |
no advice here, but just wanted to say she sounds exactly the same as Tom. Can settle himself fine at daytime and going to sleep at night but till wakes 3x a night for a feed (and even then he doesn't fall asleep while i am feeding him, he goes back to bed wide awake and fall asleep by himself). I have been saying for the past 3 months that i need to night wean him but at the moment its just easier to feed him.
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Emmi_
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Posted: 15 May 2011 at 6:13pm |
 sarasal wrote:
it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. |
Thank you! This made me cry
Its tough as I always try to look at it from her perspective, and I know shes just not ready to STTN atm, (I didnt till I was 2.5, the first time I did my parents were too scared to check on me in the morning, they thought I had died!) but at the same time, I cant really continue how we are going, I just cant cope, so Im kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place...
I guess even if I ahd the option of someone else settling her then I wouldnt feel as stuck/desperate as I do
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High9
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Posted: 15 May 2011 at 7:37pm |
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Emma, that's been my issue too, that she'll do it on her own when she's ready etc... I didn't sleep through until I was about 2.5 yrs old as well and even now I still wake at least once or twice in the night but go back to sleep or I get up and get a drink, snack or go toilet sometimes. But even when I was 7 I still woke for something!
Tbh I have found/noticed that shhing, patting, picking her up, etc does confuse her sometimes...
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Nutella
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 12:44pm |
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What is VR?
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Emmi_
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:00pm |
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verbal reassurance, so you just go in every 5 or 10 mins or what ever and reassure them with out picking them up
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notenufchaos
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:06pm |
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oh i dont think i could do verbal reassurance i think Katie would get more upset. Last night she woke at 1am i gave her a cuddle on the couch turned the pages of a bokk(she looked at the pictures) sung TLS and put her down and she slept till 6.20 so not too bad i was only up for 5 minutes total (including a toilet stop)
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mumzrule
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:31pm |
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When my oldest was 11.5 months I did the following, it may sound hash(sp?) but it worked wonders and she is a great sleeper now.
Night routine was bath, book, feed to sleep. Changed to bath, feed, book, bed, leave for 5min go in lie her back down saying sometime short and sweet like 'its bed time ni-night', leave for 10min repeat, leave for 15min etc.
When she woke in the night wait for 3min(make sure you look at a clock for all of this) then repeat as before.
Its suppose to take 3 nights on average. But it worked for us.
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T_Rex
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:21pm |
I don't have any magic solutions (else I'd be sleeping all night myself ) but I think the best approach to improve her sleep depends on why she's waking.
I know it's a pain in the neck when you are so shattered, but try a sleep log as per Elizabeth Pantley's book.
It really helped me several times to nail down what was up with DD.
I think the 3 likely causes are:
1. pain/discomfort - for us this presents as erratic wakings, no real pattern to them, but usually very short sleeps and lots of wakings. Also a real giveaway is when I go to her, it doesn't cheer her up, she'd often continue to scream in my arms for hours too
2. Dependency on you to fall asleep (I think this is what people call *habit*). If this is the case, the wakings will be quite regular - she'll need you at the end of every sleep cycle, which was very close to 2-hourly for DD. And when you go to her, she'll follow quite a similar response every time that basically just involves her settling back to sleep whether it's via a feed or whatever. We had this problem once her ears were fixed - the pain was gone, but she'd never had to resettle before cos she'd never completed a sleep cycle. It was a fairly quick and painless process to wean off feeding to sleep at every waking, but it was a bit harder to wean off needing a cuddle at every waking. I found for DD, who is very much a mummy's girl, that sending DH in (could be your mum though) as she still got the comfort, but she wasn't nearly so clingy and would lie down in her cot as soon as he appeared. She's still often waking about 3 times a night though. I guess if this is the problem, a VR type approach might help, although I'd personally not advocate one. Night weaning and forcing her to find an alternative sleep cue should help, unless the alternative cue still involves you.
3. She misses you! This seems to present as she howls for you when she wakes up, settles very quickly once you are there, usually requires a cuddle for us, and then howls again the instant you try to leave, even if she's all but asleep. This is our problem now - she'll sleep happily in bed with us or with DH in the spare bed next to hers, but we don't really want to start co-sleeping cos we're expecting #2 soon and DD's a super light sleeper so I don't want her being disturbed every time #2 wakes. So I'm still working on a solution to this one!
Anyway, you aren't alone in all this and you are welcome to moan to me anytime  I wish there was more I could do!
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Your night routine
