What would you do?

Hi
I know this is a decision I need to make for myself, but I'd really appreciate your thoughts.
At some point in the next few months 'I' have to decide whether to try another IVF cycle. Some of you might remember my history; if so feel free to skip the next paragraph

DH & I are very old in fertility terms. We ttc'd for 8 years when I was in my late 30s and early 40s, including several clomid & IUI cycles, then decided to give up. Last year we decided to have one more go: I was 45, DH about to turn 50 so we thought 'now or never' and had an IVF cycle (we'd been reluctant as some friends broke up due to the IVF stress, so that was our only IVF). Anyway, we had a miracle result, but it didn't last. Only got 2 eggs, but both fertilised "perfectly", so both were transferred, and got pregnant despite less than 10% chance - and twins too! However, one died a few days before my first scan, and the other died between my first and second scans. As you can imagine we were devastated.

DH found it all extremely stressful and had lots of second thoughts during the process, but finally, two days before we found out one had died, he decided he was past stressing and could relax and enjoy. So now his mixed feelings are even worse - to get so far, finally relax, only two lose both our boys. On top of all of that, the week after I lost our second twin, my mother-in-law died suddenly, then a month after that, my mum died after a few days illness. In addition, my father-in-law has terminal cancer. So, it's been the year from hell.

Sorry about the novel, now I'll get to the point. DH can't make up his mind whether to try again, but we both know that the chances of us getting pregnant the first time were very small, to get pregnant a second time is even more remote, and to actually end up with a baby at the end is almost impossible. So, he has left it up to me to decide. The logical part of me says that it's time to give up and also isn't fair to put both of us through so much stress after the year we've had (though we'd wait until after the summer holidays so hopefully be more or less back to normal), not to mention the expense. but I can't quite seem to accept that it's all over.
So, girls, if you were me, what would you do???

Hi Catie, I've been thinking of you and was wondering where you're at... Have you thought about joining the FB group-it's completely private. I'll PM you.

thanks guys

Hi Catie

Oh you have been thru a very tough time My heart goes out to you and your DH over your losses...

Im 40 and DH is 47 (mfi) - been ivfing for 3 years now and still no baby! I just cannot give up and as time marches on it gets worse!!!

What i would do - well, if $ was available I would look at another ivf cycle sooner than later - maybe get a 2nd opinion from another clinic? we have done that. My thinking is if you still have "eggs" their must be a chance!

Also have you asked about DHEA? heard that may boost old eggs? also maybe changes in lifestyle etc - limit coffee/alcahol etc?

Doesnt getting older sux! particularly in fertility!!grrhhh.... doesnt seem fair..

Yep, this is such an emotional roller coaster and DH and I have had our fair share of up and downs and to be honest been quite testing at times for our relationship.

If you have exhausted all avenues here then Im sure you will have no regrets...

Good luck and do keep us posted x

Hi Catie, so sorry to read about your year from hell! to you and your DH. It must of been so tough and your relationship must be much stronger because of it all. If you have the $$ I would try one more time, that's only if you think your relationship can handle it again. I would always think "what if" we had tried again.
IVF and infertility is such a hard & long journey. I wish you and your DH well in whatever you decide xo

If you think you can handle it - do it. As you mention, if you don't you might always wonder what if. If the cycle is not successful, then at least you will hopefully be able to have some peace with the whole thing, which it seems you don't' have yet??

I'm sorry that your year has been so awful hun, you deserve a break xxx

Hi Catie,

So sorry you have had such a difficult time, sending you lots of

Personally I think I would give it another try. I was so surprised to get pregnant first time and thought it couldn't possible happen again, especially with a frostie, but it did and now here I am almost 30 weeks pregnant.

I think if you can manage to get the $ for the treatment and you can manage emotionally you should do it. At least you will know you gave it your best shot.

All the best, I really hope it all works out for you

awww catie just want to send you the hugest hugs chick! You sure have had a heart breaking and such an unfair journey, my heart really goes out to you! good luck with making your decision xx

Thanks so much everyone for all your wisdom and kind words - I really appreciate it.

DH and I had a brief chat about it in the weekend - we went to a festival that had lots of young families and decided that yes, we'd have a try early next year, depending on when some expected $ comes thru. It was DH who started the conversation and said we should, which I'm really pleased about, becuase in my heart of hearts that's what I want to do (I'm not ready to give up) but I needed him to say it. I still got the sense though, that he was saying it to make me happy, rather than because he actually wants to. I so wish he really wanted to do it too, rather than doing it for me, if that makes sense. aaarrrgh!
The $ is also an issue, unfortunately, so TradeMe, here I come

So pleased you are trying again Catie and I really hope it all works out for you - you so deserve this.

Good luck Tiff also for your upcoming cycle.

Sending you lots of baby dust :-)

xxxx