3 year olds

Let me start by saying my 3 year old is amazing. She is outgoing, extroverted (unlike her mum & dad) and loves life.

She is however....mad.

2 was a pretty good age for us but 3 is such hard work! Here is a summary:

The kid never sits still unless totally and utterly exhausted.   She has no interest in constructive activity of any sort...she is 100% about imaginary play or running.

She barely eats...we've tried every trick in the book and yet she lives on fresh air. Meals with the family is near on impossible as she won't eat and can't sit still.

She shouts at the top of her lungs and carries on gleefully in her own imaginary world each night before going to sleep...no amount of asking her to keep her noise down works. She is awake hours in the night, either doing more excited yelling whilst rocking her body back and forth OR more recently, chatting quietly to herself. As a result she is tired from the moment she gets up. By midday her behaviour is horrid from exhaustion and a good 3 hour nap is needed to refresh her. She seems incapable of sleeping much in the night.

Her favourite words are "I want" and "I don't want" and we hear them a zillion times a day. Manners don't come easily. DH and I use manners at all times even when alone together...it is just part of who we are.

She shouts at us and refuses when we ask her to do something, even if we make it fun, or a game, or give her choices....She just likes to be contrary I think. We certainly never shout, not at her, not even at each other.

So....is this just 3 year old girls?

I love her with all my being and I love that she is so different from me but BOY it is hard work! I almost feel like I am drowning in the mess of it all. It feels like it is so hard to make progress. I know it is about enjoying the good and picking the battles but it often feels like there are soooooo many things that need to change behaviourally and yet it *feels* like nothing works. The sleeping issue is probably at the core but no professional seems to be able to help.

Fiona, yes, I would say its fairly normal 3 year old behaviour. I have found this year the hardest yet, the terrible 2's were nothing compared to this threenager behaviour! We have the some of the same problems, can't sit still, won't do constructive activity (if she sits down to draw, it lasts about 30 seconds then turns into massive scribbles and finally gets up and runs away - after about a minute). She can't tidy up, she literally doesn't know where to start even if its simply putting her pens away. She will eat but usually only on her terms, of what she wants and she won't stay in her seat to do it (drives me batty, food EVERYWHERE).

Charlotte is also an I want or I don't want girl. We have to constantly remind her to use her manners but praise her when she does it by herself. She yells and screams at us when she is frustrated or angry. She won't go to bed by herself, its an uphill battle each night. She also won't sleep through. While we don't have the noisy yelling, she keeps coming out of her room and driving us bonkers to the point of threatening her with being put outside or more recently, a smack (which never happens because I actually don't believe in it but I get to the end of my teather - this threat usually works).

I am fairly sure most of this is totally normal. But I hear you on it, its blimmin hard work and sometimes, while I love her to bits, I really don't like her much.

I have seen it in friends of ours kids too, their boy who is now 6 was very similar until he turned 5 and started school. I am hoping we have some success around that time too. One can only hope!

Jaycee (and anyone else with the TT issues) your not alone. When Rhyley first showed signs (at least a year ago) I was thrilled and keen as - unfortuantley rhyley didn't share the same 'passion' as me and so we decided to put it off. Now we have started again and well as long as i keep reminding him and sometimes 'threatening/bribingg' him he just doesn't go on the potty (he had a choice and he picked the potty) but if I keep remembering he is dry all day.

I also think I stress about the TT cause I think he's too big for nappies (even pull ups during the day) Hes 3 years and 2 months. I compare (I know naughty) to the older 2 that they were fully TT by now and i also in an ideal world wanted him out of nappies/pull ups by the time Elodie arrived - obviously it didn't happen!

We have now started a sticker chart but once again he doesn't tell me he needs the TT

Anyhow not a TT thread i understand...

Oh and I don't think its just a GIRL thing....

Where as I love his personality at this age - hes such a character and a joker - hes got a 1000 and 1 expressions and sayings.....

he is also been trying with the 'NO' and the yelling... like a real grunty yell.. espec at his older sister (although must admit she does wind him up on occassions so 'deserves' some of it)

Meal times - yuck - I hate it - its a constant battle telling him he has to eat so much more or else hes in the naughty corner (which most meals he spends some time in it) We sit down to have a meal as a family so its important he does the 'rule' as well and it drives us mad - when will it end? tell us it ends?! (note first older 2 do not remember meal time drama being so much of a drama - although it could be selective memory as well)



Edited by Chickaboo

Bizzy...what do you do if they wiggle & jiggle and get up and down and twist around and hang upside down (lol) constantly at the table?

deb - when i say he has to eat so much more i mean something - I should just let him go hungry but feel he should eat something... some times he just has to eat carrots.

also would you keep them a the table for the duration of the meal? or just till they had enough?(and you ha enough for that matter!)

aH I see BAsically what we do here as well Debs.

ETA: Never force him to eat just make sure he tries some out rather than mucking around not eating

Edited by Chickaboo

Elle barely eats nowadays. She literally lives on fresh air which would be fine except she is tired from the moment she gets up and really isn't coping with life at all. She needs food but won't eat.

If you are worried about behaviours an interesting book to read is Sue Dengates "Fed up with ADHD" not saying your girl is ADHD, but she sounds more hypo like my daughter was. She has a website, with this booklet. linky

"The Failsafe Booklet is intended for parents who would like to reduce additives or try a 3 week additive-free diet for children with behaviour problems. For symptoms severe enough to see a doctor, or conditions with a diagnosis such as ADHD, we recommend a three week trial of the RPAH (Royal Prince Alfred Hospital) elimination diet - free of additives, low in salicylates and amines, dairy free and/or gluten free if indicated - to find out exactly which food chemicals are contributing to problems. In our experience, this is the most effective elimination diet in the world"

I found certain foods triggered her & if I cut them out then she is much calmer. Also sorted Alia's sleeping problems.

But totally understand how you can love them so much & yet hate them in the same breath!

Does she just graze away all day? or just not eat?

Can you ask her how she feels? I never thought to do this before I cut out food, but now we do & she can tell me the ones that make her feel funny.

Sakata rice crackers or Salada cracker & Pam chips are staples around here! Pancakes daily for breakfast tempt her as well.

I know I've said this a few times already in the past, but I have a memory like a sieve and I can't recall what your answer was.... But her dislike of food, inabilitly to keep still, rocking and making loud noises are all quite pointed indicators of Autism. Has she been seen by anyone like a psychologist? Someone who could figure out if there were things you could be doing to combat these things?