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aers270191 
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Joined: 23 May 2011
Location: Auckland
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 Topic: Pregnant and single
Posted: 25 August 2011 at 8:19pm |
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Hi there,
After a sudden pregnancy in a new relationship, my partner has decided to leave me as he doesnt want to be with me or our child. I am 18 weeks pregnant and he announced that he never wanted this, even when he was presented with the opportunity of alternate options and never said no. Just looking out there for anyone who has been through this, and hoping to get some insight as to where I go from here.
Thank you
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TheKelly
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Joined: 30 March 2010
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Posted: 25 August 2011 at 10:13pm |
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I broke up with my first daughter's dad when I was about 7 weeks pregnant,we had only been together about 8 or 9 weeks.
Happy to answer any questions for you :-)
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ange221
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Christchurch
Points: 498
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 8:25am |
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I broke up with DS's father when I was about 10 weeks pregnant and moved from the north to the south island to be closer to family. I lived back with my parents until DS was about 6 months old then went out on my own. It was hard but we made it. Also happy to answer any questions.
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aers270191
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Location: Auckland
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 8:56am |
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Thanks guys! Im looking at moving back to Auckland to be closer to family once I finish up at work, and see where I go from here. Have made Chch my home over the past 2 1/2 years which has been fantastic, but being closer to my family will be alot easier. How did you go with with those last few months coping with say grocery shopping, or anything like in my case, looking after my 8 month old kitten too!?!
Edited by aers270191
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....
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Joined: 28 October 2010
Location: Timaru
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 10:45am |
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I was 10 weeks when I moved back to my mums, at about 20 weeks he decided he wasn't keen on baby anymore (even though he'd also been presented with other options and said nonono).
You can still do that stuff, it just takes a bit longer, and the shopping cart might have more choccie biscuits hehe.
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Plushie
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 1:29pm |
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I left my sons dad when i was around 9 weeks, moved home to my parents when i was 32 weeks to set up and prepare. Am still here (DS is 6 months) but am actively looking to move out. I would move back to your folks if you can manage it, my mom doesnt look after DS at all but she looks after me. Just having someone to help with the little thing like get your clean clothes of the line before it rains when DS is crying and won't be put down or bring you a cup of tea in the morning when you've been up all night....really makes the diference.
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aers270191
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 2:44pm |
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Yeah looking at moving back to my Dads (my younger sister still lives in Mums apartment) around December, just have to move the cat too as he was my first "baby" and I wouldnt give him up for anything. I also have grandma who is ga-ga for Great Grandchild #1 so she will be bending over backwards to help! Glad to hear Im not the only one that would return home for support
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KAC09
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 3:54pm |
Hey I moved back to my mums when my marriage split at 12 weeks pregnant. Child was planned but even then aparently wanting a child and a child are 2 different things. But unforunitly when my son was 4 months both my parents left the country. and I have done it all on my own since & my 2 cats who have been with me every step of the way. I wont tell you it was easy cause its not & still not but its worth it every time ya kid does something amazing! Like walking over to you and giving you a big sloppy kiss. and a massive hug.  So proud of my little boy.
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mizpix
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Joined: 30 July 2009
Location: morrinsville
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 10:12pm |
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I split with A's dad at 6months pregnant. I live 4 hours from my family and he and his family have no contact. I worked till 38 1/2weeks, took 14 weeks maternity leave then back to work. I have a few good friends who babysit and are good support.I found my birth support person off this website ( she was a child birth educator in training and needed to do a few births). To be honest I never found it hard to carry on normally while pregnant,and no matter what you always seem to manage just take one day at a time. Oh and I got bad depression at the time of the break up but got that sorted (maternal mental health were great).
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aers270191
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Posted: 27 August 2011 at 8:13am |
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Thanks KAC09 and Mixpix! People try to make it seem like everything will be ok and that you will be fine, but at the end of the day the only people that are there 24/7 are you and the baby, and I hate the thought of becoming dependant on my family for their constant support. At this stage Im looking at moving to Auckland for the first 6 months but I want to finish a degree I started in 2009, which is at Lincoln University, and if that means moving down here with baby then Im happy with that!
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Flutterby
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Posted: 27 August 2011 at 1:31pm |
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Been there done that as well. The kids dad called it quits when I was 8 wks preg with DD. So had to move my sons and my things back to Auckland while dealing with MS.
I lived at mums till I was 35wks then finally found us a little unit to move into.
Don't be scared of asking your family for help whenever you need a break. You need to look after yourself so that you can look after your baby. I don't know how I would manage if mum didn't have DS one night a week.
Where abouts will you be moving to in Auckland?
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aers270191
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Posted: 27 August 2011 at 4:53pm |
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At this stage probably my Dads place in Hillsborough, as at least then I dont have to worry about rent or cleaning too often at first and I can be a bit more relaxed... Right now Im in a one bedroom in Chch and Ill be glad to have someone to talk to in the evenings that isnt fluffy with four legs!
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TheKelly
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Posted: 02 September 2011 at 5:26pm |
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I lived with just my baby when I was first a single mum,moved back with my parents when she was a year and a bit old.
Was hard,was lonely...but I managed.Only reason I moved back was because I was helping them out with the rent and they were helping me with babysitting
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#2onthewayxx
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Posted: 11 September 2011 at 10:17am |
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Anyone have any tips on telling people that youve split? I'm 32weeks and my partner had decided he needs a break. The idea of doing this on my own is terrifying enough without all the judgement I'm bound to get now. Help anyone?!
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HuntersMama
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Posted: 12 September 2011 at 1:17pm |
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Aww, sorry to hear that. I found it hard aswell, and people automatically assume that you have a partner so I hated having to go round correcting them.
So no real advice sorry!
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mizpix
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Posted: 12 September 2011 at 9:56pm |
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people will always judge... Does it really matter? I'm quite open about the fact that I'm a solo parent, say it with pride.Its not something that a lot of people could manage!
The only times I felt awkward were at antenatal classes, where I was the only one without a partner, and when I told my parents A's dad was not going to be around. To be honest I think a lot of people just assume that A's dad was more of a sperm donor as I am a late thirties professional woman
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KAC09
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Posted: 14 September 2011 at 3:14pm |
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I tell people I am Hunters only parent & its great because he is 100% my parenting and I am the sole reason hes the perfect children (well as close to perfect as he can get). But I am so proud of the fact.
It was hard during pregnancy though. Espically in the antenatal classes. That was the worse. I took my mum & sister in law with me, we had a lot of fun and people were really nice about it. Plus I realised that I should stop caring and that helped!
Fake it till you make it. It becomes easier as you go along. Just keep thinking I am awesome, I am going to be a great parent. Better then any 2 parent family, I am super mum. Just think it till you belive it.
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#2onthewayxx
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Posted: 14 September 2011 at 11:41pm |
Thanks for the advice  its the parents that I'm not looking forward to telling...but I'm going with the fake it till you make it dictum at the mo and that seems to be working...even starting to believe myself! And I know u shouldn't care what ppl think but that's easier said than done!
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Shelt
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Posted: 15 September 2011 at 8:08am |
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There's lots of benefits to being a single parent too. Your child will get 100% of your time and attention and my DD certainly shows the benefits of that kind of input. She's always been way above her age in speech and her play is probably more advanced than it would otherwise be because her and I play together all the time.
Just like KAC said - fake it till you make it. It will be easier when you have the baby in some ways, you just do what is best for them and believe in yourself. I've become a much stronger person, simply because my little one was relying on me and I was the only person she had.
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Hannahemily
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Posted: 17 September 2011 at 7:01pm |
Hey guys please help or talk some sense into me. I'm due to have my baby in 10 weeks, but I'm just feeling so overwhelmed,and stressed and lonely and depressed and anxious all these things going through my mind.I don't want to spend the next 10 weeks being an absolute wreck, but I just feel so swamped with emotions I'm not even worried about the birth ! Im worried about bringing the baby home and how on earth Im going to cope.Im livign with my mum and step father at the moment , but eventually Im going to have to move out and when I think how on earth Im going to pay rent and work and everythign financially its just so overwhelming & I think to myself what the F have I got myself Into ???????! I hate feeling like this Did you guys feel the same way at all??
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Pregnant and single
