The coffee group bully...

Ok, mid morning rant time. This has been bugging me for AGES, and I'm sure I'm not alone with this one.

Our Ante Natal group meets up for coffee probably about once a fortnight, and you guessed it, there is a "supermum" in it.
I understand we all want to be seen to be being great mums (and as far as I'm concerned, we are) but this woman takes the cake. The first meeting, (I had had coffee with her the week before, so I had already had this grilling) she asked everyone if they had pain relief during labour, are they b/feeding and are they using cloth nappies. Which is normal kind of questions, I guess, but she did it so condescendingly, and was very quick to tell about her drug free, all night sleeping cloth nappied b/fed baby, which is fine, like I said, it was just the condescending way it was done. She was very quick to announce it was ok for me to be using disposibles, because of the feeding problems I was having with Jacob, what was everyone elses excuse because it is just LAZY (!!!!!).
The other times it has been comments like "I plan to go straight from breast to cup, I want to bypass that whole formula poison and bottles" (there are bottle feeders in our group) and "I want to bypass farex completely" (we all have been using farex)and othrr such gems. Last time, as soon as I walked in the door, she asked if Jacob had found his toes yet (he's one of the older babies)I replied "No, but he's found his diddle and likes playing with that" She then freaked out totally when I put him down and he was rolling over all the time, because I hadn't told anyone he was rolling over! AAARRRGGGHHH!!! I have joined another coffee group which seems bully free, but I really enjoy the company of some of the other mums from ante natal, so we have been "meeting on the sly.." Feel free to post your bully rants, I would love to hear them!

Edited by jacobsmama

I so know what you mean. I have one mum in our antenatal coffee group that won't stop saying that Joey is "chubby" and "a little fatty" etc. aaaarrrgh, he isn't fat AT ALL, he just has chubby cheeks... and anyway, I find it really rude to say that....

And, heres the thing that I guess I was getting at in my "novel" - Not everyone wants to use cloth for whatever reasons, who cares? not everyone wants to or can breastfeed and the decision to bottle feed isn't made any easier when you come up against those opinions all the time, and not everyone wants to have a drug free birth becasue it HURTS!!!! I wouldn't get a tooth pulled with out pain relief, and yes, i had an epidural at 7cms, but it didn't work and it still bloody hurt!!! at the end of the day, you don't get a badge or a medal or anything for being "supermum" so don't dis on those you think aren't that great! (Am annoyed with her at mo, there is a bby photo comp on in town, $1 a vote and she got her hubby to put $100 on...) Phew! feel much better now after that rant!!!

Friends of ours (the good ones I talked about before) went over to Melbourne as Heidi's sis lives there and they entered Lauryn in a photo baby comp and she won!! She came home and told me and I was happy for her!! Arna hasn't won anything like that (I haven't put her in any!)

At antenatal I was the first to stop breastfeeding at 3 months (good effort i thought!) and me and Heidi were the only ones who used disposable - both had all good intentions to use cloth but that didnt happen!!

We are ALL mothers of our own cute little children - we do what WE think is best for them and 99% of the time we are right!! - the other 1% is keeping other ppl happy

hi there - ahhhh the coffe group bully or as i like to think of her the supermum!!!!   i used to find i would get drawn into having to explain myself to woman like that and would be thinking to myself who cares what they think. i cannot even guess at the amount of ppl who used to ask me why i only b/f jaidyn (i expressed for keegs and topped up with formula as he refused to b/f from the get go) and usally looking down their noses at me so i used to tell them that i liked jaidyn better so thats why i b/f him!!!! that shocked a few ppl. i mean come on doesnt take much to figure out that there was obviously a valid reason to my decision which wasnt actuallu mine but rather keegans decision. and the comments ppl make on my boys hair (and not always nice comments say things like oh your kids a carrot tops or gingas)- always asking where did thay get it from?? sometimes it makes me so mad i feel like asking where they got their ugly nose from? no one asks where blonde kids or brown haired kids get their hair from. anyway back to the coffee group mum. i used to get frustrated with the comments like oh arent your kids rolling yet?? ummm does it look like it!!!! and espeacially with the boys being so prem i was like give them a break. so yeah jacobsmama i fully understand those feelings. i have just put it down to insecurity of other mums who want to be the best and thoughtlessness of other ppl who make silly comments about your kids. well that wasnt too bad of a rant aye lol

I'm hearing ya on the red hair thing, Marlene, Jacob has red hair too, and man people are rude about it, asking me if I was gutted? As if! I love his hair, i think it's beautiful! Also, I get sick of peopel saying "ooh hes a bonny boy, you must feed him up"
You're right Lena, just people trying to make themselves feel bettr by belittleing you! Just good to have a rant, its been annoying me for a bit, I even had to catch myself the other day by thinking, I'm 30. successful and happy. I have a wonderful partner and baby, so what if a silly 25 year old thinks shes better than me. boo ya for her!

Edited by jacobsmama

Yeah, not everyone can have beautiful red hair, most hae to pay good coin to get what our boys have naturally. Your boys are so cute, I love the pic!

Yeah, we have group today, and I have decided that I am going to speak up if she starts up aboutsometing today. AND, (naughty me) I'm gonna go "oh my god, you'll never guess! the lady at the photo shop told me that someone put $100 on their baby in the competition! how sad!" and see what reaction I get. I have contemplated stopping going, but I really like some of the other mums, and I think no way am i going ot let this little tart get the better of me!
Janine, I can't believe your mum!! How rude!!! I bet you have some great rows!

go gently on the bully - you may be her only friends hence why she had to put $100 for her babys pic, she didnt think any one else would.   and dont forget we are all insecure when it comes to our babies and our skills as moms at some stage.

most people dont mean to be nasty, the mum saying your bub is chubby may be complimenting you, (after all we have been brought up to think a chubby baby is healthy) and the comments re the hair may just be genuine interest, after all it is not a common hair colour, or someones attempt to start up a conversation and get to know you better.

Yeah, i guess you are right, about the only friends thing, and maybe shes so "competitve" because she has nothing else she is comfrtable talking to us about? She wasn't there today, she had visitors (she must have some other friends after all!).
Most people are nice about Jakes hair, but you do get the odd one who asks if you are gutted about him being a carrot or a ginga, I do hate that. I always say it comes from my dad (a redhead) but that sounds a little dodge, too!!
I call Jakey my chubb bubb as well, i do think its healthy, like we were brought up to think, but some have been a little nasty, asking if I am over feeding etc, oh well, their prob, not mine, I guess. Just gets me down a little when people make comments like that, because like you said , Deborah, we all get a little insecure about being a mum at times.