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TheKelly
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Joined: 30 March 2010
Points: 12728
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:56pm |
You mean you and me posted at the same time? I is confuseddddd
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Bizzy
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 10974
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 10:59pm |
no sorry kelly - meant lexiesmum and i just amended that - was going to go and delete it all cause i have never been a single mum and what i say has ... guess its all too late now. will have to stand as is!
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TheKelly
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Joined: 30 March 2010
Points: 12728
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:11pm |
ahh sorry...I can delete my comment above if you like?
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Bizzy
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 10974
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 11:17pm |
no its alright - i dont really believe in deleting things, its just makes a threat sound silly if it doesnt make sense... but i thought seeing as its the single parenting board it was none of my business essentially. Anyhoo i dont think it will hurt my rep any! LOL!
sorry choco69 for the slight thread jack! all this rambling must mean time for bed!
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caliandjack
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Joined: 10 March 2007
Location: West Auckland
Points: 12487
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:01am |
Choco69 good for you, doing it all by yourself won't be easy I'm sure you'll manage and find support.
I'm friends with a couple of SMBC and they're amazingly fantastic Mothers and they're babies are adorable.
I think it does take a community to raise a baby that community comes in all forms.
Children don't miss what they never had, I was adopted at birth and will never know who my biological father is - does this bother me not at all, I have such a loving family this one small detail doesn't matter.
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[/url] Angel June 2012
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Plushie
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Joined: 21 May 2008
Points: 3796
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:06am |
I really really hope my son doesnt turn around one day and call me selfish for denying him a father. I like to think he'd high five me for picking up the slack instead.
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caliandjack
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Joined: 10 March 2007
Location: West Auckland
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:44am |
He might but don't take it to heart, I told my Mother that I wanted to go back to Social Welfare when I was a kid. Such a mean thing to say, kids can be cruel especially to their mothers.
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[/url] Angel June 2012
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Whateversville
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Joined: 18 October 2009
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 8:54am |
I have never stopped my son from seeing his dad..His dad chooses not to see him.
I'm adopted too and I still have no interest in finding my birth parents. My parents that raised me did an awesome job and I am as happy as can be. I (personally of course) see no need in looking for parents who, could quite possibly not want to be found.
I still say good on you choco, and if oneday when I don't find that some one and want to give my son a sibling, I may be asking you for advise
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james
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
Points: 7255
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 9:22am |
I am a single mum its not by chosie its properly the hardest thing i have done in my life but also the most fun exicting loving thing aswell
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<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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bubalys
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Joined: 09 March 2010
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:00am |
Choco go you! I have two friends in the same situation and they are both fantastic mothers and their babies are just the most happy wee things.
Having two parents isnt necessarily a blessing either!! Having one great parent would be much better then 2 average ones!
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P&E'S Mum
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Joined: 09 March 2010
Location: Napier
Points: 1436
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:04am |
Agreed Bubalys, there are plenty of people out there not worthy of being a parent, why shouldn't someone deserving be given the opportunity to have a child?
Choco, I think it is an incredibly brave decision, but it will also be the best one you have ever made. Being a mother is AMAZING!
Edited by PeytonsMum
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themummy
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Joined: 15 June 2010
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:22am |
hi choco, i'm a single mum by choice, my little girl xanthe is 6 months old now, and is such a happy thing :)
it's an awesome choice, i dont have much time right now to post properly, but i'll come back and do it later.
i am in the auckland area, and know two more mums who are SMBC, so we're definitely out there :D
congrats on the pregnancy, i bet you're going to be an awesome mum!
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Plushie
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Joined: 21 May 2008
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:06pm |
caliandjack - i totally expect it when hes a teen of course. Along with the i hate you i didnt ask to be born thing. But when he's all grown up and adult, i hope he appreciates it!
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tictacjunkie
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Joined: 30 April 2010
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:17pm |
To give a bit of a different perspective, I wish my mum had been a SMBC, her first husband was a monster, physically, emotionally & mentally abusive, yet she stuck with him so my siblings wouldn't be without a father, IMO it was the wrong decision, & the day she kicked him out permanently is a day I celebrate. As long as a child is in a loving & safe home I don't care whether there's one parent or two, by choice or not. We love our SMBC very muchly, they do a wonderful job, =).
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linda
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Joined: 02 September 2003
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 1:50pm |
Choco, I was so going to be a SMBC. I worked really hard so that I could be financial to have a child by myself. In hindsight I probably worked to hard and that made me a bit of a social hermit but to me, I could not contemplate not having a child (and needed some financial security behind me) and needed to have a back up plan should Mr right not come along. For me, he came along which was great but if he hadn't, I'd have been doing what you did.
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Alex 6 and Harry 8
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choco69
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Joined: 30 August 2008
Location: North Shore, Auckland
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 6:50pm |
Thanks for all the encouragement ladies. I know it's not the right decision for everyone, however it was for me - especially as I will be 42 before baby is born - so time was certainly a factor.
As for baby not knowing her genetic relatives that is not an issue. I recruited my own donor for the clinic. In fact his wife is now one of my dear friends, they are such a lovely generous couple. They have had there own fertility issues so they wanted to 'pay back' and give someone else an opportunity to become a parent, which I will forever be grateful for. In fact I call them the sperm parents, as it was such a joint effort.
And because they are know my daughter will always know who they are, and about their family/children etc. And as life permits we will travel to catchup with them. That way their children will also have a connection with their genetic half-siblings.
It was important to me to know my donor as I didn't want it to be a mystery for my child, I wanted her to be aware just how much she was wanted and loved even before she was conceived.
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nathansmummy
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Joined: 20 July 2010
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 11:01pm |
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LateStarterLorna
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Joined: 12 March 2010
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 17 May 2011 at 11:31pm |
Im another SMBC I was the same Choco, got to around 37 and decided it was time to start thinking about a baby, no man in sight, so set about finding a donor, had lovely Alex in Oct aged 40 and Im now thinking about another, Id prefer Alex not to be an only child
I was totally selfish in wanting to have a baby, it was all about me and what I wanted, kinda still is but Im hoping the father will be around a little at least but if not, no major, I have enough love for her and hopefully no2
The fact that theres such a high divorce rate and god knows about partners separation, having a father in the picture at the start, doesnt mean hes going to be there later, how many have a baby to help their marriage and it doesnt work or stay together and totally unhappy because of the kids?
For me, its all about being honest with the child from the start, she'll know that she was wanted and loved and that you dont need anybody to make you happy, you make you happy and the rest comes along
Oh and Im never shy about telling people that it was a sperm donor not a partner, Im proud of my choice
Edited by LateStarterLorna
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nicolariley
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Joined: 22 August 2010
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Posted: 18 May 2011 at 7:49am |
SMBC should be congratulated for their brave decision to do it alone!!! They are hero's in my books!
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freckle
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Joined: 03 December 2008
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Posted: 18 May 2011 at 10:01am |
families come in all shapes and sizes these days... go you!
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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