WWYD - Dinner time

Yeah the dinner thing was just an example of a behaviour we get in a variety of situations. Dinner time is a disaster and I know that hence why I find ways around it. I don't see the point in fighting over dinner, hence why I give her a good variety of food during the day. It was just the clearest example I could use to demonstrate the behaviour in question.

I have read Diane Levy's book and several others so am very well educated on the variety of methods available for me to use and DH and I are both clear on the direction we want to take (and have been taking).

I think part of the problem is her night wakings. She is awake for hours at night, then wants to sleep in, then wants to nap late etc etc. I've decided that from now on she gets woken at 7.30am even if she's been awake from 2am to 6.30am. We need order back in our day (within reason of course) as days like today she gets up at 9, naps at 3 and the evening will be horrendous. I've let things slide a bit to see if her body clock will sort itself out but it clearly won't. If I can get her back into a clear cut routine it will help her know what to expect next at each stage of the day. Our routine used to be fabulously consistent until the extended night wakings started!

Hmmm, so what am I saying...I'm saying that I know academically what we need to do, I just like to check in with the experts (you lot) as several brains are better than one (especially when the one brain is sleep deprived!)

ETA - my first example was better than my subsequent explanations. DH and I sit down to eat lunch on the weekend, we offer for her to join us and she refuses but then doesn't want us to sit and eat, she wants us to read to her so screams and pulls at us. I don't think it is unreasonable for DH and I to be able to sit and eat our lunch and hence that if she won't sit with us or play on her own for those brief 5 or 10mins, time out is the best option.   Despite all the confusions in this thread I think we all agree on that! That'll teach me for posting from work!

Edited by FionaS

Thanks for the feedback Katie. I do in part post as I do believe there are others other there going through the same things. When you have a strong willed kid it is easy to feel isolated and like your doing a bad job as a parent when in fact you're doing a great job. So glad this thread helped :)

I like bouncing ideas of others and getting input...it's so valuable to hear what others think.

I agree with having family meals too and it will be an important value in hour home but so far in our parenting journey we've found that Elle won't always like the same things as us (yet although I am sure she will eventually enjoy family meals). We've found we have to make some concessions while she is young when things are clearly not working.

We eat breakfast and lunch together during the week but dinner is just so hard, and she gets so upset so it seems easier to have it separately (esp since DH doesn't get home until nearer to 7pm).

Are you suggesting that DH and I never sit down for a drink or snack when Elle is up? We ALWAYS, always include her, make her a fluffy, chat with her etc, but most of the time she doesn't want to know. I got a lot of effort to present her meal in a really special way etc but she just throws a wobbly if all 3 of us sit together (she is ok with just me). We tried consistently for several weeks but it wasn't improving so we stick with having dinner separately until she is old enough to not be exhausted by the time DH gets home.

It's not really about meals...it's about the general behaviour of crying hysterically everytime she wants something.

All I can say Hun and comes from my own experience as Mum and Nanny to quite a few by now...

You really have to be strict and let her know who is boss...how life will be..when she is going to sleep..what she is going to eat and if she is not going to participate...well she can miss out or learn what happens when she doesnt

.....Blake frequently goes to bed after eating two peas or a piece of apple for dinner cause he just wont even try what we are all having...I know he wont starve so doesnt bother me anymore.
As far as sleeping...if either of them have even bothered to try the whole night waking business..they got tucked in..not looked at and told "Its night time...go back to sleep"

They soon learn if they know there are boundaries etc....Being strict and assertive with little people is the best thing you can do at this age else you will have something worse to deal with when they are older.


Have you checked out any of the Baby and Toddler books or maybe the other Parenting websites...they have great information!

He He! So many books out there aren't there!
We also do dinner at seven once Ollie is in bed. We will start family evening meals a bit later on when he is older. We always ate as a family growing up and I love that idea. However for now we have decided that it works better for him and his routine to have his dinner at five, then bath, stories and tucked in bed by six thirty. We'll do the same as you Kellz and later all eat at 6.00 too. I think sometimes you just have to do what works.

Yeah she is really funny when DH is home. She gets much more demanding and grumpy and "possessive" of me. Dunno why as she is very very much included when we are both home...in cuddles, meals, conversations, games. When he gets home she gets full-on and is constantly asking for me and insisting I do the things DH used to do e.g. the bath. It's been this way for 3 weeks.

I thought it was separation anxiety but apparently it is highly uncommon at this age. She just wants me all the time. She was fine with him one night then the next didn't want to know him. I'm sure it is just a phase. But yeah, she is definately more unsettled when he is home ATM.

(and this is probably not necessary to say but he is a wonderful gentle man so it's definately nothing to do with him as such).

She is hungry busymum but is stubborn. We cut out all snacks except some fruit for a couple of weeks and yet she would still refuse to eat any dinner and would go to bed hungry so I have reverted to giving a variety of healthy snacks during the day. She has just decided she won't try anything that resembles a savory meal i.e. she won't let it near her mouth and if we get it that far she spits it out. Yes we've tried offering the veges etc at various times of the day, yes we've tried finger foods, mashed foods, everything. She has just made up her mind she won't eat it.

Elle and I eat b'fast and lunch together every day and I sit with her when she has something at dinner time (I often eat my dinner with her).   She is too tired by 7pm to have dinner then....we have far less meltdowns if she eats before 6.

She has been great today, back to being really happy with very few tantrums.

FionaS wrote: would still refuse to eat any dinner and would go to bed hungry

i have a 4 year old who refuses most dinners i put on the table.

we had sausages tonight and he ate none of it, the night before pasta, nothing, the night before that pork chops, pasta and peas, and he ate nearly all of it and i nearly fell off my chair in shock. My IL's complain every time we have tea there that the kids dont eat...

Edited by Bizzy