Money worries about going solo

Hiya, I'm a single mum to a 20 month old. Was on DPB for 3 months then went back to full time work when DS was 5 months old.

I don't know the answer to all your questions, but when your on the DPB, you don't see any of the child support money, you only get this if you are working.

As far as I am aware, the amount of child support you get is based on his annual income. (unless you come to a personal agreement) And i believe this has to be done through IRD if u are on the DPB.

Hope that helps.

As a single mum you would be entitled to DPB, accommodation supplement, Working for Families (but not the in work tax credit part of it) PLUS any amount of child support (CS) that he pays that is above the amount of DPB you are paid per month. Which usually means none LOL

His CS payments would be calculated based on the last financial year, and they do an adjustment at the end of the current financial year. Whether or not you work is irrelevant when it comes to assessing CS. I work full time, now have a partner and it doesn't affect how much CS he has to pay - that is calculated on HIS earnings alone. The things that DO affect it, are if he has a new partner and there are children (even if they aren't his). You have no say in how much he pays - it is set by IRD and paid to WINZ when you are on a benefit, otherwise if you do a private arrangement between you it is classed as income and your benefit has deductions made to balance it out.

As for the relationship property - no you wouldn't be entitled to half of that payment, if you left before the end of the financial year.

I moved out of our home, and got a rental. It was just easier. My girls had just turned 1. He stayed and paid half of the mortgage (as did I) until such time as we sold it (approx 8 months after we separated). He couldn't afford the mortgage on his own, and I definitely couldn't. With the lump sum payment, I think they give you a period in which you have to spend the money (on whatever, though usually a new property) before they penalise you for having it. I'm not 100% sure on this one though - we sold our house at a lost, so I haven't been in that position.

As for the possessions....I had the girls' stuff (cots, highchairs etc) and very little else. He wouldn't let me take anything else. However, this was taken into account in our relationship property settlement, and he had to pay me out for my share of the contents. The only reason I got the girls' stuff though is because I had moved it before he found out. I also had a dresser (family heirloom so not relationship property), a couch which was a sofa bed, and so I slept on that, a TV and a stereo. Everything else that I had came from TradeMe or family/friends.

Being on the DPB you would likely be entitled to Legal Aid, however they would likely require repayment out of any settlement that you received, or you would make other payments (I pay $10 a fortnight).

Good luck - it's a phenomenally hard decision, but I wouldn't change it for the world. My ex has the girls every weekend (long story, and very hard when I work full-time) and has done since the weekend after we separated. I have a new partner who is amazing, and all of us are so much happier these days.

I don't know anything about WINZ entitlements coz I was working when my husband and I split (DD was 11 months old) but we just finalised our relationship property settlement in November, nearly 2 years after we split. In our case we both moved out of the house and rented it out to tenants, although this did not cover the mortgage. My ex refused to pay anything towards the house and expenses (he threw a hissy fit because I was the one who asked to separate) so I moved in with my parents so I could pay the difference between the rent we were receiving and the mortgage repayments, plus the rates, insurance, maintenance etc.

We settled the contents relatively amicably - I wrote a list of every thing in the house and emailed it to him and asked him what he wanted. We did have a couple of disagreements over the major items but in the end he took the TV, stereo and DVD player in return for me keeping the washing machine and fridge and the things like kitchen stuff and towels etc we sat down together and sorted through in person.

We had major arguments over DD's stuff - her cot, car seat, stroller, clothes and toys. He thought I should give him half of all her stuff plus either the stroller or the cot because he wanted 50/50 custody. I fought him over the custody and thought her things were hers so should be where she was living. In the end I gave him half her clothes and toys (which upset me greatly as he had never brought her anything and most of the things were things I had specially picked out for her myself) and kept the cot, car seat and stroller (which pissed him off no end but I already had them so he couldn't take them from me).

Good luck with your decision. It was hard but more than 2 years on and I don't regret it at all. It was such a weight off my shoulders when we split.

I just met with a lawyer for some advice (free consultation) and I felt judged for wanting to leave a marriage where I was financially provided for, 'just' because of lack of emotional connection/support/love/affection. I know I shouldn't let some stranger's comments affect me, but it's got me doubting it all again. Argh!

Thanks KirstyO, you're right. Feeling a better about it all today. Yes at least I got some answers eh.

Hey Kalias1, how are things going for you?  Been thinking of ya.

 

Some days are better than others, some days I cope ok, others I have to fight tears several times...

But the main thing I've learned is that it doesn't matter how much I fret, how much I doubt myself sometimes, how much I worry - the day will continue, and this will pass. I can look back and remember several times when I simply didn't think I'd make it through - the problem was too big, I was too tired, I didn't know what to do, there was too much to do - but here I am, and I got through each of those situations.  If I have to face those same things again I have the confidence that I've done it before & I can do it again.

One of the keys is prioritizing.  I've learned that it does not matter if my house is a tip (which it is!), so long as it is reasonably hygenic and safe it is not a biggie. It is more important for me to play ball with my son than to clear the table sometimes.  I've given up caring what other people think of the mess they encounter when they walk through the door - so they have to move a pile of clothes outta the way so they can sit down ... who cares?!

Life is busy, theres always a backlog of stuff to do, but I'll tell you what: my son is way happier, more settled, sleeping better than when he was while DH was here.  You simply do not know how much tension surrounds you and your precious kiddies when you're in a difficult situation like this, until you get away from it.  As hard as it gets sometimes, I would absolutely make the same decision again, for my son's mental and emotional health ... and mine too, I guess!

Do not make your decision based on fear of the future, fear of being alone, fear of not being able to cope.  The fact that you even have to consider the option of leaving says there is a reason for it.  Make your decision based on your current circumstances.  You will surprise yourself at how well you can deal with stuff you never imagined you could deal with before!

Hugs