Pregnant and single

Yup,I did,around the 10 weeks before I had my daughter I got a wave of "what the heck am I doing? I can't do this!Im a kid myself"

....thing is,every mother,no matter how old or experienced they are,is a mother for the first time at some stage and noone is born a perfect mother,you learn that as you go.We all make our mistakes and we all learn different lessons.
I know how overwhelming it can all feel,being responsible for another little person,but you'll be amazed at what you can cope with,especially when you're a single mum,you will discover resilience and strength you might not have known existed before now,but just because you are going to be a single mum,doesn't mean you have to be supermum,and you should always feel like you have the right to ask for help.

I do think you need to talk to your MW,because there may be a bit of depression happening here as well

Im pretty sure there are ADs you can take when pregnant,im sure a few girls on OhBaby have...maybe ask in the PND support thread,they're probably the most knowlegable in that area

I had thoughts like that all the way through my pregnancy and kind of went into shock a little bit afterwards. Not PND just overwhelmed and sleep deprived and anxious. I totally get where you are coming from.

I went to a councellor when my marriage broke up and she pointed out that I spend a lot of time and energy worrying about things that may or may not happen in the future and I needed to focus on taking one day at a time. Break it down if that seems too much - even if its in to steps like get out of bed, eat breakfast, go to work. The other thing that she said that stuck with me is what will be will be. Sometimes you just need to float down the river ie accept that there are some things you can not change and just go with it. I think its something like the AA mantra - accept the things you can not change and change those things that you can.

The other thing that helped for me was to write down how far I'd come and the things that I was proud of. For you that might be getting this far by yourself, going to appointments, talking to various professionals, organising stuff for the birth, antenatal classes etc. For me that was stuff like telling people we had split, dealing with DD's appointments, doing things we both enjoyed. Stuff that you deal with on a daily basis but we forget to pat ourselves on the back for.

I hope things get better for you.

hey shelt - Thank you so much for the inspiring words that's exactly what I needed to hear and its sure put a different perspective on things..I constantly feel exhausted and I think its because I'm putting so much energy into constantly thinking negative thoughts and freaking out about the future,but it is true one day at a time ! I think im just totally caught up with having this baby and having a sh*t time for the rest of my life ! its totally true I just need to float down the river and accept there are some things that I cannot change.. and that Is true, pat myself on the back for how far Ive come and commend myself for how strong I am.I hope things get better too thanks :-)

and newbie I totally knwo what you mean about balling your eyes out except I have a tendancy to do it ona daily basis at the moment.. I hope my friends and family will be there 100% - I do feel slightly let down by some "so called" friends though , I have tried to tell them how I feel and they just say things will be fine and this is all part of pregnancy but is it really?? & its hard because when It comes to the weekend I don't even hear from them - which makes me feel even more isolated ! They seem too busy partying or being "hung over " to catch up ! & I know its reality I'm obviously going down a different path as them, but its hurtful, particularly when I feel like Im relying on my friends so much at the moment ! Arggghh I really hate feeling like this

No worries. And just remember that those pregnancy hormones do strange things. Stuff that seems like a massive deal now might feel a bit different when you are holding your wee baby in your arms.

Re friends, I know its hard but when you have the baby you will probably make new ones who are at a similar stage in their lives. Even if you don't do antenatal classes or click with the women in it you can still go to Plunket coffee groups or music & movement and find friends or at least people to talk to about stuff. And there may be a single parent support group near you - there is one here in Tauranga so I'd imagine there would be one in Auckland.

And yes, there is no doubt that having a baby is hard work. But it doesn't have to be the end of life as you know it. You will work out what works for you and the baby and go from there. Its times like this that you can find strength that you wouldn't have otherwise known you had. I think (and you can tell I've been reading lots of self help books recently ) that believing in yourself is important. Positive self talk does help - it comes back to faking it till you make it. If you tell yourself that you can do this and you are going to enjoy your baby then you will eventually start beleiving that. Chin up, its hard but you can do it (make a great cheerleader wouldn't I ).

I know what you mean about "so called" friends, except some of mine have babies of their own and they are still constantly hungover and just casting their children off on their other friends or parents, and I have found that even though it took my parents a while to come around to the fact I was pregnant that they eventually understood I thought about it alot before I made the life changing decision, and they know that I will love my boy more than anything. At the end of the day you will have a wee baby that will love you unconditionally, and you will be an amazing Mum Im sure! As for the father, it may end up being the best thing not to have the father in babies life if that ends up being the case. And baby may even thank you for it when he/she finally meets Dad one day. But forget all the false friends and what people think of you, because its what you think of yourself that is most important

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Edited by Looey85