Termination for medical reasons

Crikey life has been crazy.

Today should have been my last day of work as I had planned a few weeks before due date. Not sure how I feel.about the pending due date.
Mostly feeling ok about things

How are you BC? Where are you at with ivf?

Oh BC. My heart goes out to you both. We get thrown the curve balls one after the other after the other! Time for a break now universe come on!

Rental is ok. Plenty good enough for short term. Got to check out a finished model of our new house yesterday which was great

Collected Micah's casts yesterday and was a complete mess. Love looking at them now though. Hubby saw them but didn't touch. He said I'll have a look later and I thought it was because DS was there and just wanted to play with them so I got them out when he was a asleep thinking he'll have a touch but he just looked at me and said "I will in my own time"
I was so desperately wanting them I never stopped to think that hubby wouldn't be ready. I talked to him later on and he said he wants to be alone when he looks at them. That hurt my heart a little thinking about him being alone while doing that. But I understood.

Edited by LP pka Rainyday - 22 August 2016 at 6:19am

Oh hun. I so get how you're feeling. I was a wreck when I got the photos of Paige. DH hasn't even looked at them - that I'm aware of. He's happier just putting that in it's place and that's it. Although after his wee meltdown I'm wondering how he is actually coping. Hard to see them hurting as much as us huh. Everyone worries about the mother a lot of the time but then it's also the bloke who has to deal with it too.

My cousin-in-law and I caught up last week. She and my cousin have lost 4 pregnancies - 3 at the 16-20wks mark and one later on. I can't begin to imgaine......but my point is that she said their grief worked out quite well as she would cry every day for 3-4 months and then start to feel better and once that happened he would have his moment. Timing worked that she was a lot stronger to be there for him when he wasn't ok any more. If that makes sense.
They ended up not having children. All 4 were unrelated issues with those 1 in 100,000 type statistics.

Anywho..I'm stoked you got to see your house model. That's super exciting.

Things are better in our house this week. Still haven't had a conversation about anything major but we'll have to soon. Quite nice just to 'be'. I have moments where I think I can handle this no kids thing and then others where I just get so gutted about what my life is going to look like. Stupid thing is I worry most about what life will be like when I'm old and have no kids to look after me. And people look at you in a different light if you don't have children...like you're weird or something.
Gah - thinking about it does my head in!

So we're on the otherside of all that now (at least what I last posted about).
A really tough week full of emotion. We were not told anything new about Micah's condition, it was "bad luck".
Feeling good with the start of a new week and focusing on the future now.

Hi ya. Sorry I went awol. Would PM but where the heck has that gone since I was last on here?

Glad you've had that appt over with and can think about the future. It's amazing how that gives closure even if no answers as to why.

So we had our conversation. It sucked. Was very very hard. DH basically said that he felt he should 'set me free' because he didn't want to do another ivf and didn't want to be the one holding me back. I refused that offer lol. I'm not about to chuck 12 years out the door over having a baby. So we've ceased ttc. He's open to trying foster care but for now we're just being us. For me that means remembering what it was like to live a normal life. I won't say it's a walk in the park and I hold onto some hope that one day the universe will bless us with a child somehow. I still grieve every day for Paige. I wish things didn't end like they did. And it makes me angry. Anywho due to us not ttc anymore I ceased the forum. Just checked in here because I'd been thinking of you.
Hope you're doing ok hun xx Will lurk around and check in here but if you want to keep in touch my email is stackyb@hotmail.com seeing as we can't seem to do the PM thing any more.