The tears have arrived

Thanks for asking about me, it's nice knowing people here really do care about each other. TBH, I'm really struggling with life right now. I am wondering what is the point. I just feel like giving up. I lost all my zest for everything. I haven't even been on here since last week. I don't seem to do or care about anything anymore.

I just realised that I must sound so depressed. I'm not. Just fed up with everything and TBH, quite worried and stressed and TTC again. I am scared that it might take ages to conceive again, and when I do, I might loose it again.

The one good thing I am doing is focusing on getting myself as healthy as possible to give myself the best chance. I have a medical condition and have just faced the fact that that could have been the reason I was so sick while pg and could have been the reason I mc. It's hard facing that truth, that it could have been my body that did it. What I have is nothing compared to some, and mostly I cruise through life without it causing too many problems so it's easy to ignore. Well now I have finally accepted that it's time to put in the hard work and I have to deal with it. Having a healthy baby is my ultimate goal, so that is my motivation to get myself as healthy as possible and to maintain that and not slip backwards again. That has been my life for the last 10 years, a cycle of health crashes, healthy patches after working to fix myself up, but then once I feel better letting it slip and then over time crashing again. So it's time to face the music and make a permanent change to sort myself out. My dad has the same problems as me so he is there and understands what I am going through. He's really happy that I am finally deciding to face things properly. He's even researching into the fertility side of the condition and finding out what things may make it hard to carry a baby or could cause defects in the baby. I'm really lucky to have my dad and never dreamed we would be talking about fertility together!

Wow, I never meant to write that much. Once again I guess I have been bottling things up.

I'm sorry everything is so sucky hun and hope things are looking up for you soon. Thinking of you

Oh mate, I could have written the first part of your post a while back. Its such a sh*te feeling isn't it. If there was no mc attached, we would put it down to depression or something, but having the loss kinda made me go 'is it grief or hormones or something else'
The listless feeling is a shocker, it permeates everything. I wrote somewhere else on here, I pretty much gave up going out, doing any socialising, unless strictly necessary, as I was just so conscious that I felt so crap and thought I'd just put a downer on everyone else, plus I was on edge of tears at any given time too.
This isn't about me I know, I just want to give you the idea that you're not alone with feeling like that. And its hard doing the things you know you loved doing, when they all feel so empty and pointless and you wonder if the passion and fire for it all will EVER come back (it will)

Completely understand your worries about ttc and losing again, I think any of us that have lost a baby in anyway will always have that as a real possibility not just something you read about or that happens to other people, as we also know what the loss entails on all the levels.
Whats the best way through it? I don't know. Keep on keeping on sounds kinda trite doesn't it, but I think its along that sense. (Anyone that told me that 'time is a great healer' I ended up wanting to ram a grandfather clock up their ar5e).
Its just a bloody long path, and it sounds like you're doing the best thing, taking care of yourself, taking back some control over your health and self, venting and acknowledging the crappy feelings.
Its good that your dad can understand the health issues you have, and support you from the perspective of someone who has experienced (not the mc of course) it rather than not. Always helps, feels a bit more solid.

Be good to yourself hon

Hello all,

I've been lurking around and reading the posts. I had an MC in April at 10 weeks.

DH and I aren't spring chickens but still expected to get PG easily. It took two years. We were so excited and had just started telling everyone.

I'm finding it very hard to get over. I still cry when I'm either talking about it or thinking about it and it's beginning to get annoying, which is probably a good sign!

At the moment I'm waiting for AF. It's a lot late now and I'm not PG. How cruel is that?

Thanks everyone. Thanks Heaf for your msg on FB, its what made me pop in here as I haven't been in for awhile.

Spanky yeah not much else to do but plod on with life. Nothing really excites me anymore but trying to stay positive about life as don't want to sink down any further than I am already. I'm just focusing on going to work each day to be honest.

Victoria so sorry to hear you had mc. Yeah no AF yet that is mean. I hope it comes soon and it happens for you again soon. 2 years is a long time so I really hope next time is a bit quicker for you. Sending you all my baby dust considering I'm not using it right now , although maybe you need AF dust!

I gave my baby clothes to my sister which was a big step for me letting those go. I'm glad I did though, although I almost had a tear or two when I did but I kept it together. I knew she knew how hard that was for me. She was visiting and it was so amazing to feel her baby kicking. My hands were almost permanently glued to her belly. Well actually that was one thing that made me really happy this past week, having her stay with us a few days.