Depression v. extreme tiredness

if after a night in a hotel by yourself you still feel the same then it aint just tired..

i dont know really... but i imagine a good sleep would help you make a decision.

A couple of my close friends thought I had PND. They actually said outright that they needed people around them who were "easy" and hence no longer wanted to continue being friends. Thing is as far as I could tell the friendships were 90% light and happy. I certainly did vent about my struggles with sleep more than I would've liked but that is my reality and if I can't talk about it with my friends then I think it is a pretty sad state of affairs. I understand that friends have no obligation to be supportive but true friendships are naturally give and take through the good and the bad.

Anyway, I spoke with my doc about it a few times in the past and her conclusion was that I was simply extremely sleep deprived. She stated that sleep deprivation invades every facet of life and is equal to a form of torture. We really do try to get sleep and I'm sure it often sounds like we are making excuses for not getting it but it really is a tough thing to get in our house! Combine 1 kid with a sleep disorder with 1 kid who is 11 months and still not sleeping through or napping for more than 40 mins at a time + a mother who developed a sleep disorder of her own due to stress a few years ago etc etc and it just isn't easy to get good sleep, especially on subsequent nights and hence the "sleep debt" is never overcome.

However now I'm not sure. Much of the time I'm very happy. I feel very blessed and feel that I have no right to struggle as in many ways we have it all. However, I'm finding that when things hit the fan (which they do a lot at the moment as my baby is being very tricky with her sleep). I feel absolutely overwhelmed with feelings of uselessness. In those moments I really feel that I'm a hopeless mother and that I should give my kids to their grandparents or something. I should clarify here that I don't WANT to give them away and I KNOW that I am a perfectly adequate mother. However, I've always been very hard on myself and it is really manifesting itself at the moment.

Worst of all, I'm feeling angry a lot of the time. This isn't the sort of anger that would lead me to harm myself or anyone else but makes me so furious with myself. I feel that if I was doing things right my kids wouldn't have sleeping issues etc. It seems that no matter how much I try to focus on facts I drown in these emotions. I feel overwhelmed with stress and sadness quite often at the moment...emotions that I KNOW to be irrational as I am so very blessed in my life but nonetheless they keep popping back in.

I'm so so tired and am well and truely over feeling drained and headachy all the time. I am constantly sick, getting one cold after another and that is aweful for me as health is a passion of mine and prior to kids I was super healthy in every way.

So yeah...often everything is just perfect but a lot of the time I feel like I'm drowning. Not sure if I need a swift kick up the pants and an attitude adjustment or some kind of help or what. GAH! I honestly hate admitting to weakness. Feels like I've spent my whole life trying to prove that I'm good enough and living with a perfectionist streak so admitting this is really tough!

Yeap I scored 18. However,all those things could be because of tiredness too.

i think you need a night away - by yourself...   Leave the kids and hubby for the night and have a night to yourself. soak in the bath, eat chocs, drink what you want, read a book or just sleep! failing that you know elle can come over here anytime and if you want/need me to i can have both the girls for a bit.

not all your friends have deserted you!

Edited by Bizzy

Yea I agree that it is most likely PND..... the way you describe how you are feeling reminds me very much of how I am feeling a lot of the time. I too doubt myself as a mother at times, even tho I know I'm a great Mum but iIf my daughter cries.... I straight away start blaming myself - telling myself I MUST be doing something wrong. It is a really hard space to be in, and can be very tiring. I agree that maybe a night away to just be you and to relax would do you wonders. It's amazing what a good sleep can do.
Thanks coopersmum for the idea of splitting days in half on the calender....... that is brilliant! Cause yea sometimes PND can really make you feel like everything is going pear shaped so doing something like that to make you realise that good days do actually exist has gotta be a booster for anyone.
Good luck hun, you are not alone. There are plenty of us on here who understand and are hear to listen whenever you need to talk xo
Chin up

fiona. Hope things improve soon.

Can i ask nathansmummy what is parent port/ parent aid? and how do you get it?

yummymummy2 wrote: fiona. Hope things improve soon. Can i ask nathansmummy what is parent port/ parent aid? and how do you get it?

just bumped up the thread about it in the first baby section

Wow thats great to hear there is that sort of help out there!

Hope everyones having a good week. Busy one here so keeping me occupied, but am coping with it well, Yay!