How to Reignite Intimacy After Baby – Expert Jo Robertson’s Advice for Parents
Bringing a baby into the world is life-changing in many beautiful ways, but it can also shake up your relationship and sex life. Suddenly, intimacy can feel like an afterthought, and for many new parents, body confidence, exhaustion, and shifting relationship dynamics create roadblocks to reconnecting.
In a recent episode of the We Got This Podcast, sex therapist Jo Robertson shared expert insights into navigating intimacy post-baby, overcoming body image struggles, and reigniting passion in long-term relationships. If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, over-touched from looking after little ones, or simply wondering when you’ll ever feel in the mood again—this is for you!
Why Does Intimacy Feel Different After a Baby?
Whether you had a vaginal birth or a C-section, your hormones shift drastically postpartum. Robertson explains that estrogen levels drop, which can cause decreased libido, vaginal dryness, and even discomfort during sex. Additionally, new mothers experience an oxytocin surge from breastfeeding, creating a deep emotional bond with their baby—which can sometimes lessen the need for physical intimacy with a partner.
“Our bodies are doing exactly what they are designed to do,” says Robertson. “A new mother’s instinct is to focus on protecting and nurturing her baby. This means her brain isn’t prioritizing sex in the same way it once did.”
On top of that, sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and stress all play a role in dampening libido. If you’re feeling more inclined to cuddle your pillow than your partner, you’re not alone!
What can help? Robertson recommends a shift in expectations. Instead of pressuring yourself to "get back to normal" quickly, approach intimacy with patience, curiosity, and a willingness to experiment with new ways of connecting.
Feeling ‘Over’ Your Partner? You’re Not Alone.
Many parents experience what Robertson calls "the roommate phase," where the relationship becomes task-oriented rather than connection-focused. The magic and excitement of early romance get replaced by discussions about nappies, sleep schedules, and whose turn it is to clean the kitchen.
This can lead to feelings of being "over" your partner—not because the love is gone, but because **the connection is buried under the weight of daily responsibilities**.
How to Reignite Connection:
Robertson suggests three key ingredients to keep love and attraction alive:
- Quality Time – Fully present moments together, free from distractions like phones or household chores. Watching Netflix together can count, but only if you're truly engaged with each other!
- Quality Conversation – Talking about more than just parenting logistics. Share dreams, desires, and reflections. Ask questions that spark curiosity about each other.
- Non-Sexual Touch – Small, affectionate gestures like holding hands, back scratches, or a warm hug to maintain physical closeness without pressure.
Shift your mindset by focusing on what you love about your partner, rather than dwelling on the small annoyances. “What would you miss about them if they weren’t around?” Robertson asks. This simple shift in perspective can help bring back feelings of appreciation and desire.
Boosting Confidence in Your Post-Baby Body
One of the biggest barriers to intimacy after having a baby is body confidence. Many women feel self-conscious about their postpartum body, leading to avoidance of intimacy altogether.
Robertson emphasizes that **body confidence starts with mindset**. Instead of fixating on “getting your body back,” she encourages new mums to appreciate their bodies for what they have done.
Practical Tips to Rebuild Confidence:
✔ Reframe self-talk: Swap self-criticism for affirmations like "My body is strong and powerful." What you repeatedly say to yourself matters.
✔ Use touch to build confidence: Moisturizing or massaging your body helps reconnect with it in a positive way. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would a friend.
✔ Take sensual selfies: Not to send, but to see yourself through a different lens—just as your partner does. Often, we are our own worst critics. Seeing yourself in a softer, more playful light can help change that.
✔ Get active for you: Exercise isn’t just about aesthetics—it’s about how you feel. Moving your body in a way that brings you joy, whether it’s walking, dancing, or yoga, can help rebuild confidence and improve mood. ---
Making Sex Fun Again: The Power of Novelty
For couples stuck in a rut, Robertson suggests introducing small changes.
- Try a new setting — such as undressing each other in the shower.
- Switch up foreplay — start with a massage, a game, or even ban penetration for a while to explore new types of pleasure.
- Play the Three-Minute Game — where partners take turns asking:
- "How would you like me to touch you?"
- "How would you like to touch me?"
This encourages open communication, deepens connection, and often sparks unexpected passion.
The Science of Desire: Why You’re Not ‘Broken’
Robertson reassures parents that loss of libido after having a baby is completely normal. But if you want to want sex again, there are ways to kickstart desire.
- Lower stress levels: Chronic stress is a libido killer. Find small ways to unwind—whether it's a bath, a short walk, or deep breathing exercises.
- Get enough sleep: Easier said than done, but even prioritizing a short nap or an early night can help regulate hormones and energy levels.
- Engage in small, affectionate moments throughout the day: A kiss, a lingering hug, or a cheeky text can help reignite the spark over time.
Need More Help? Try Jo Robertson’s Postpartum Sex Course
For couples wanting deeper guidance, Robertson’s Postpartum Sex Course provides expert-led insights and exercises to navigate intimacy challenges in the early parenting years.
Find out more at jorobertson.org
Want to hear the full conversation?
Listen to the We Got This Podcast with Jo Robertson now!
